another relationship thread: the distance

Spoken

Spoken

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So I've been seeing the same gal now for 10 months. Good relationship, everything I'd want in a lady-friend for the most part. We're really committed to our future and making it work. We met in BC but I was always planning on moving to Minnesota to transfer grad programs, so I left BC 3 weeks ago. The ironic thing is that she's from minnesota... so that's kind of cool.

What I've been pondering is this: what keeps the relationship alive from a distance? We're not in each other's daily lives anymore, we don't have the same friends right now, and there isn't sexual engagement to help keep the spark alive.
I'm not concerned with cheating or anything like that... I'm just a little concerned that after a certain amount of time, I'll just kind of get used to not having her around. I'll make new habits without her.
Any advice on how to keep my head in the game?
 
also, in before comments pertaining to the following: Distances never works, she's a typical woman and will cheat, cut my loses and fuck other women.
 
You're an intelligent guy, this should be relatively easy for you. Find something y'all can both do together from the distance, like read a book or watch some show. Skype like crazy. Trust is going to exercised here, so be prepared for that.
 
What he said man. pick a show to follow closely and call during or after episodes "did you see that!?" etc etc
Pick a book see where you both are on it. if your a head and know something she doesn't it works like "ohhh keep reading you'll be surprised" or vice versa. play truth or dare on the phone? some dumb shit man. and anything that puts a smile on her face when shes on that phone hearing your voice man. You said shes near everything you'd like in a lady friend so you know what makes her laugh and what makes her smile man. keep it going. And compliments from afar "Wish i could kiss your sexy lips" something like that you know keep it around. Woman are fucking crazy animals but you got to have one. I've been recently (December 6th I REMEMBER THE FUCKING DAY) left by the love of my life. I'm dealing with it really well. only because I am dealing with what i did and she did wrong. so I know what i need to step up. and what i need to look for from now on. So to start with someone else is a really exciting thought but one thing man. compliments man, they love em. Especially sparingly. Like a plant man do not give it too much water.
 
I'm not going to give you shitty advices because I'm also in an optimistic distance situation. Not so much like yours because I still see her every other weekend, but whatever brah.

I think of my favourite things I liked about living together and try to do things to keep them going despite the distance. My girl and I talk a lot for example, not just about what we're doing but how we're feeling, cool things we've read lately and stuff like that. Now we schedule Skype times for that a few times a week, or just whenever one of us really wants to. We also text all the time, but that's not the same and gets tedious quickly when it starts to become too frequent.

My gf adores mail, so I write her letters. She often includes food with her letters to me, which makes me happy too. We also surprise each other with small gifts sent to each others addresses and things like that.

A few points on what NOT to do: don't expect the communication to be as constant or as intimate as it was if you were previously seeing her very often face to face. Be realistic. The things I mentioned above we do a couple times a week at most. Also try to align your expectations in general and don't be afraid to address issues that might come up.

DON'T become insecure about what she's doing or who she's talking to. This even happened to me and I thought I was immune from that shit. Trust her, if you want to probe for information about what she's doing be subtle about it. A big shift in one person's security can be fatal for an otherwise great relationship.

Make sure to keep telling her she's sexy and request nudes once in a while so she knows you're still interested. Learn to text in a sexy way too. Keeping physical excitement from a distance is key and can be difficult.
 
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Skype a burpee challenge. Winner gets to have sex with a local.
 
Sorry man, 10 months isn't that long. How long do you anticipate having to do the long distance thing. If you say 6 months or more, I'm betting against you.
 
Lots and lots of Skype.
 
I've had experience in this area. There is only way a long-distance relationship can work, ultimately: You need to set a specific timeframe for the transition to a "no-distance" relationship.
 
If you want it enough, you'll make it happen. If it doesn't work out, you didn't want it enough. Not a huge deal. Don't fret over waning desire. Stick with your instincts.

Unless your instincts led you to that av, in which case I'd suggest do the motherfucking opposite.
 
You didn't have to say "in before" as the first response to your own thread but it sounds like you already know how it's going to be. I have never heard of a distance relationship that worked but best of luck. I guess it's a bonus that you won't be paying for regular dates for a while and you can still make trips to see each other but keeping it exclusive really is just a game of chicken when you live far apart.
 
If you are asking she probably isn't the one for you.....intense attraction and or love has a way of taking care of itself despite distance.....
 
Spoken said:
So I've been seeing the same gal now for 10 months. Good relationship, everything I'd want in a lady-friend for the most part. We're really committed to our future and making it work. We met in BC but I was always planning on moving to Minnesota to transfer grad programs, so I left BC 3 weeks ago. The ironic thing is that she's from minnesota... so that's kind of cool.

What I've been pondering is this: what keeps the relationship alive from a distance? We're not in each other's daily lives anymore, we don't have the same friends right now, and there isn't sexual engagement to help keep the spark alive.
I'm not concerned with cheating or anything like that... I'm just a little concerned that after a certain amount of time, I'll just kind of get used to not having her around. I'll make new habits without her.
Any advice on how to keep my head in the game?
Click to expand...



No one cares TS.
 
Don't be a dick MS. Spoken is like a top 10 maybe even a top 5 poster on this site.
 
The distance is what keeps it alive.

You care for one another because you sincerely like the other person, not because it's convenient, which is the basis to most relationships at a young age.
 
Sorry man, 10 months isn't that long. How long do you anticipate having to do the long distance thing. If you say 6 months or more, I'm betting against you.
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Any other time I'd agree with you. We've been lucky with cheap tickets; we'll see each other pretty often. We've also gotten lucky that we have speaking engagements at the same conferences in the next 7 months. So that'll bring us together as well.

The distance is what keeps it alive.

You care for one another because you sincerely like the other person, not because it's convenient, which is the basis to most relationships at a young age.
Click to expand...

This is good. We did a couple of months of off/on distance while I was in alaska working this last summer. We found the distance helped us focus on ourselves in a positive way, while at the same time learning about each other... kept us grounded.

Anywho, lot of common motifs that are helpful. Skype, conversation, finding things to enjoy together despite the distance, burpee challenge (lol), be intentional with the things that make her smile, and the realization that the emotional dynamic will simply be different.

appreciate the helpful (and funny) comments.
 
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I remember you posted in my poetry thread a few days ago. From what I can gather, you're quite the wordsmith. Use that. I've always found that short messages, and the occasional longer poem always show you care. Goes far when you can't see each other for a while.

But wtf am I posting this for, you probably already know this well heh
 
Spoken said:
lol, from a guy who collects anime toys.
Click to expand...

TcOsW.gif


Anyways, no clue. Anytime I went out of town I would skype with the then girlfriend.
 
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