Relationships Amicably divorced couples

[90 50]

The concept of people who are divorced who remain friendly with each other is just so weird to me. I don't mean the "we have kids together so I'll tolerate you" types, but the types that still seem happy and there is no resentment, sometimes are close friends.

Breaking what was intended to be a life-long commitment doesn't seem like something to take lightly so I imagine divorces are generally nasty due to things like infidelity, abuse, disrespect, financial strife, or otherwise people just getting sick and tired of each other. It's hard to imagine people who don't hate each other's guts deciding "let's not do this anymore."

I was watching 90 Day Fiance, there's this rich guy who married some young Brazilian model. He and his ex-wife are like best buds and talk all the time. I thought it would've been impossible to see your ex-husband with a new woman and not get at least a little bit resentful; it's female nature... hell, it's human nature even. But nope! The ex-wife was so cool with the new girl, treated her like a little sister... EVEN OFFICIATED THEIR WEDDING!

I'm noticing more shows and movies with this theme, like Ant Man for example (and others I can't think of). I can't complain though it beats the same cliche story that's been written a million times of a fuck up dad, bitchy ex-wife with custody of the kids who marries some Gary Stu lawyer/doctor who the main character hates.

Do you know anyone who is very friendly with their ex? Are you? What's the situaton?

I’m friendly with my ex as much as can be for the kids. But at times she’s been” too friendly” and has mentioned wanting to get back together.

I nope the fuck out of those convo’s. The last one in hind sight I should have said ok and let her kick out my recent ex like she wanted(but we were still happy at the time. ) I didn’t know she was gonna the into a crazy crackhead.

 

[fingercuffs]

Just like Kevin Arnold and Winnie Cooper.

Would have been a bit weird if they were screwing around at word. I really wanted him to be the what is now Kelly and Ryan after Strahan left, he was really good.

 

[Alphaboy]

I actually imagine this becoming more of the norm in the age of people getting married more just to have a wedding rather than an actual deep, loving connection

Good point. I also really wonder how much pressure social media places on it. When you're on Facebook, it seems like everyday a new friend is getting engaged or married... I wonder how many people look at that and say "shit, I'm the only one not doing anything with my life." Or "I'm the only one of my friend group that's single"

 

[RollSonnenRoll]

Good point. I also really wonder how much pressure social media places on it. When you're on Facebook, it seems like everyday a new friend is getting engaged or married... I wonder how many people look at that and say "shit, I'm the only one not doing anything with my life." Or "I'm the only one of my friend group that's single"

100%. Our society is still very old fashioned with both men and women that marriage is “success” so there’s pressure just to do it. I’ve been on the streak the last 4-5 years where I’m in at least 1 wedding per year. Hell, sometimes two. In my little group of friends, I’m the last man standing. I was at a wedding just last Friday(not in it this time thankfully) and I kept getting the questions all night. “When is it gonna be you?” Or “you’re next!”. I politely tell them in no uncertain terms to fuck off.

 

[Alphaboy]

I think it’s conceptually a very refreshing thing. Most situations I can think of among friends and relatives is, essentially a complete cutting out of an ex from one’s life- these are of course more like break ups of long term relationships sans kids or ring rather than marriages but still.

I think the notion that two people couldn’t quite make it work as a couple but still care for one another and have some degree of a friendship is not a bad thing at all.

The tough part is the way that it comes across to subsequent intimate partners. From their perspective, a close connection with a former girlfriend or boyfriend is a red flag and might justifiably be considered problematic or unusual.

But I’m all for it in the right circumstances. Not every break up should have to be characterized by perpetual ill will or by initial ill will followed by indifference and distance.

But what's the catalyst? Are 2 people just sitting on the couch and one says "we're fuckin over aren't we?"

"Yea, we had a good run" (old Dane Cook joke, but still). Why isn't it more tragic if it was someone you really loved?

From their perspective, a close connection with a former girlfriend or boyfriend is a red flag and might justifiably be considered problematic or unusual.

Definitely problematic. Being amicable is okay but within reason... no spending alone time together and crap.

 

[Alphaboy]

My ex wife and I get along just fine. We don't hang out or anything but we talk sometimes and we can count on each other if needed.

If I may ask, why did y'all separate if you get along so well still?

 

[dc007]

If I may ask, why did y'all separate if you get along so well still?

We were great except we didn't want to fuck each other. I figured if I stayed married, I was going to cheat so I asked for a divorce.

 

[Alphaboy]

100%. Our society is still very old fashioned with both men and women that marriage is “success” so there’s pressure just to do it. I’ve been on the streak the last 4-5 years where I’m in at least 1 wedding per year. Hell, sometimes two. In my little group of friends, I’m the last man standing. I was at a wedding just last Friday(not in it this time thankfully) and I kept getting the questions all night. “When is it gonna be you?” Or “you’re next!”. I politely tell them in no uncertain terms to fuck off.

That's one of those socially intrusive things people don't stfu about... expect it to keep happening. People were saying that to me and my gf all the time. Granted we were unmarried for quite a while as I was young and dumb... but still.

 

[Alphaboy]

We were great except we didn't want to fuck each other. I figured if I stayed married, I was going to cheat so I asked for a divorce.

Is it weird that I find this somewhat commendable? Though I would say spice up your sex life (if you didn't try already)

 

[RollSonnenRoll]

That's one of those socially intrusive things people don't stfu about... expect it to keep happening. People were saying that to me and my gf all the time. Granted we were unmarried for quite a while as I was young and dumb... but still.

Yeah that’s just part of life when you get into your thirties and are single. I don’t mind it and I’m good where I’m at at in life. That is the the weird thing though. I’m single as hell and haven’t been in a serious relationship in years so it’s not like I’m sitting there with a girlfriend and we’re close. So everyone is basically like “just go meet somebody and get married now!” I told one one my buddies unless Kate Upton walks out on Verlander and shows up on my doorstep tomorrow then don’t count on it anytime soon, pal lol

 

[Jkillah]

I think the best thing is to appreciate someone for the good times and try to move on peacefully. Neither hold on too tight nor hold a grudge.

 

[dc007]

Is it weird that I find this somewhat commendable? Though I would say spice up your sex life (if you didn't try already)

Yeah we just didn't have chemistry. And we were both stubborn so I would try to bang and she'd say shave your beard and then I'd grow it longer out of spite. I think it was just us both making excuses because we didn't want each other physically. Then when it came to finances, movies, humor, food, vacations, home decor, etc we were eye to eye.

 

[eternaldarkness]

I have banged plenty of Newly divorced chicks, and none liked their exes. Made the sex better.

"Newly divorced"

 

[steve38]

The concept of people who are divorced who remain friendly with each other is just so weird to me. I don't mean the "we have kids together so I'll tolerate you" types, but the types that still seem happy and there is no resentment, sometimes are close friends.

Breaking what was intended to be a life-long commitment doesn't seem like something to take lightly so I imagine divorces are generally nasty due to things like infidelity, abuse, disrespect, financial strife, or otherwise people just getting sick and tired of each other. It's hard to imagine people who don't hate each other's guts deciding "let's not do this anymore."

I was watching 90 Day Fiance, there's this rich guy who married some young Brazilian model. He and his ex-wife are like best buds and talk all the time. I thought it would've been impossible to see your ex-husband with a new woman and not get at least a little bit resentful; it's female nature... hell, it's human nature even. But nope! The ex-wife was so cool with the new girl, treated her like a little sister... EVEN OFFICIATED THEIR WEDDING!

I'm noticing more shows and movies with this theme, like Ant Man for example (and others I can't think of). I can't complain though it beats the same cliche story that's been written a million times of a fuck up dad, bitchy ex-wife with custody of the kids who marries some Gary Stu lawyer/doctor who the main character hates.

Do you know anyone who is very friendly with their ex? Are you? What's the situaton?

Was totally with you about amicable couples until you used 90 day fiance as your impetus. C'mon man...lol. Those characters are the worst they could find I still watch it tho....

With real couples, it's silly. IME if it was still friendly we were still banging.

 

[TheNinja]

I know someone. The 2 of them just didn't want to be married but they still like each other. They have a kid together. They didn't get lawyers involved or fight over anything. They just kind of split up but are still friends.....they just didn't love each other in the marriage type of way.

 

[Protectandserve]

I don't understand it. I have zero desire to ever deal with my ex wife again.

 

[POWER2]

Never been married, but it's probably easier to love someone when you aren't obligated to deal with the minutiae of their day-to-day personality. Shit has to be draining if it's not someone you mesh near perfectly with.

This. Once you remove all the factors that create tension, you get to focus on the aspects of the person that you actually enjoy.

 

[kimocomplex]

it is very strange

but mostly because most people dont have that type of maturity, so its a bit unnormal

 

[RowdyLesnar]

Humans are weird, nothing new...

 

[MaxMMA]

It's weird and cringe IMO. You don't have to be an asshole, but hang out with them? Hell no lol.

That shit is for people that don't know how to let go or people that want to keep "options on the back burner." I know because I've done this myself.

Even if you are actually friends with an ex and have no desire to be intimate with them again, chances are they don't feel the same way. Even if they do you're only a few drinks away from rekindling that old flame. You know it, I know it, hell the whole world knows it.

You can lie to others but you shouldn't lie to yourself.