Opinion 🔥 Democracy: The Two-Party Dumpster Fire Edition 🔥 (TL;DR Is Not Your Friend)

[MetalMilitia]

(Click here or scroll WAY THE FUCK DOWN TO POST #37 for the AI "readability" version)

Welcome to “Democracy: The Two-Party Dumpster Fire Edition -- Extended Cut with Director’s Commentary, Remastered for Idiocy & Total Lack of Awareness -- now streaming as Season 247 of Outrage! The Musical -- and soon to be a featured all-midgets-only Pornhub Special (members-only, limited edition, terms and conditions apply, one per customer) -- and introducing the never-ending DLC update Lobbyists Strike Back and the bonus spin-off Make Everyone Groan Again” -- Because democracy deserves the full parody treatment. (Brought to you by Carl’s Jr.)

(D) blames (R) for everything wrong with the world -- (R) return the favor -- and the rest of us get stuck footing the "bill" for their monthly therapy sessions -- Relax, hear me out...

Both sides call it democracy -- but it’s really pro wrestling with better actors and better "promo" work. The system feeds on division because peace doesn’t trend -- (Sorry.. I meant "sell") -- If you'd open your eyes past the blind party politics for 5 fuckin' seconds, you would clearly see that they don’t run anything on results -- they run on fear + outrage -- and the joy of making the other side the "enemy".

I do love that both parties swear they’re fighting evil -- and I completely agree with that logic! You know why? -- Because they’re fighting each other.

They sell us the fantasy that half the country is made of "villains". Pick your flavor -- you want some fuckin' "woke Marxists" or "fascist rednecks" -- Front and center! Meanwhile, behind the velvet curtain of "democracy" -- lobbyists hand politicians their scripts -- and the only thing getting proper screwed is the taxpayer. They even ghostwrite the outrage for both sides -- doing the "thinking" for you! (What should I be mad at today?) The very same corporations then bankroll both campaigns (lookin' at you ExxonMobil) -- and exploit tax loopholes. Funny -- we (almost) never close those no matter who wins... Ya ain't voting for leadership anymore -- you’re picking your preferred crooked salesman (Jeez, sorry again -- I mean "salesperson" -- gotta be politically correct) for the same broken system... and they have you actually cheering for it!

While these two cults scream at each other (yeah -- cults, I didn’t stutter) the rest of the country is rotting from the inside out. Housing? Un-affordable. Healthcare? A trench-warfare hostage taking punchline. Infrastructure? Well -- We climbed from a C-minus to a C recently -- fuck yeah, America! -- Gold star for mediocrity! Slowly becoming a 3rd world country in designer merch -- strutting around in (D) or (R) branded gear -- while wearing a hospital gown underneath and pretending it’s a cape. How's that for optics?

We're witnessing this in action right now -- Congress can’t pass basic legislation without treating it like hostage negotiations -- (well, unless it’s military funding, then it passes overnight -- keep that machine rolling!) -- The two-party system doesn’t "solve" problems anymore -- it fuckin' makes them -- then sells you the cure. Every issue is an excuse to keep that war going -- Left, right -- doesn’t matter. The middle and lower class bleeds while the billionaires buy a new yacht -- then rub their junk in your face as they park it in a tax haven -- but they ain't stopping there... they go and name the boat "Trickle Down" -- cute name -- brutal metaphor.

Being an independent-centrist isn’t "riding the fence" -- it’s standing midfield while both sides use trebuchets to launch literal shit at each other... It’s not indecision -- it’s perspective. My only function in this obviously self-aware rant, is to at least ask that people take a few minutes each day -- and think outside of party lines. That's it. There is no hidden narrative or agenda. If you can't go outside that simple parameter to explore lines of inquiry, reason, logic, or even just a quick subject "deep dive" -- then you need to ask yourself what you actually contribute to the overall functionality of this democracy. Also -- just a suggestion, look more into local community, city, and state facets. Not everything is federal level shit. (Well, the crimes the politicians commit might be)

Real center-independentism (comical syllables, right?) isn’t “duh, indecision” -- it’s looking at things saying “both sides sure as shit look dumb, and here's why...” -- It’s also the courage to say, “maybe compromise isn’t cowardice -- maybe it’s progress” (What a fuckin' concept!) The infrastructure bill? -- Bipartisan. Veteran care expansion? -- Bipartisan. Criminal justice reform? -- Bipartisan. Iraq War vote? -- Bipar... errr... whoops. PATRIOT Act.... (Ok, so we fuck up from time to time -- silly humans)

Almost every real "improvement" this country’s made in the past decade (keeping things positive) came from two sides shutting the fuck up long enough to work together --That’s not weakness -- That’s what adults do when the kids are done screaming. Funny thing is -- compromise used to be called "governing". Back when Congress still acted like a workplace instead of a reality show audition that is...

So yeah -- anyone can mock "centrist-independents" -- Keep calling them "fence sitters" while your “team” gives itself stroke jobs over "wins" -- Taking a step back and realizing how absurd both sides are ain't the fuckin' "fence sitting" you perceive it to be -- it’s the foundation -- and it’s cracking under "two-party" bullshit.

Intercenterpendentenism (good lord, the word salad never ends) ain't the problem -- or yer enemy -- they represent the poor bastard with the shovel cleaning the shit off the field from whatever left vs right trebuchet shit flinging fest is happening -- I call that a commendable effort so that the "game" can move forward. -- The enemy isn't fellow Americans -- it’s the system that bullshitted you into thinking division and hatred were "patriotic" -- Try looking at it without party blinders -- just for a few minutes a day.

Ah yeah, what a rant indeed -- but where the fuck are the solutions!?! You want “solutions”?!? Fine -- they’re not fuckin’ complicated. I have to rapid fire this -- because they're quasi-impossible... but I think using your imagination outside of the party is the real first obstacle that isn't easily cleared.

Start by locking lobbyists out of the goddamn building (that should go over quite well). Make campaigns run on public money instead of billionaire sugar daddies (Can hear them agreeing with me now, can't you?) and throw ranked choice voting into the mix so we’re not stuck picking between "Tweedle(D)umb" and "Tweedleco(R)rupt" every couple years (If everything comes down to two dipshits -- is that "really" the "best we can do") Tax loopholes? -- Fuckin torch ’em! Congressional term limits? Hell yes! Slap that shit on there! It’s not rocket science -- it’s just honesty -- which is why it’ll never pass the House (alternate reality not included)

We could start fixing it all tomorrow -- Imagine the wonders of possibility if the left and right stopped jerking off to outrage long enough to build something together that actually fuckin' works. -- Now get your ass back to your regularly scheduled outrage programming...

 

[syct23]

The World is Salivating, waiting to fill the Vacuum…

MUAHAHAHA!!

 

[TriangleMonkey]

The new civilization on Mars will fix this over there when they start from scratch


Elon is shipping supplies to Mars as early as March with more shipments every two years

Humans will go within the 2nd or 3rd trip

 

[WhitestKidU’Know]

 

[UberHere]

I like the idea of multiple parties with ranked choice voting. The two party system is beyond corrupted

 

[Prefect]

I like how the message is two party voting is bad when one party literally has a gestopo running around kidnapping people.

 

[Unknown Pleasures]

I like how the message is two party voting is bad when one party literally has a gestopo running around kidnapping people.

Do you view it as impossible that a two party system could facilitate this?

 

[Prefect]

Do you view it as impossible that a two party system could facilitate this?

Hitler came to power in a three way run off. I don't view more parties securing things when a third to quarter of the population is retarded and a large voting block.

 

[Unknown Pleasures]

Hitler came to power in a three way run off. I don't view more parties securing things when a third to quarter of the population is retarded and a large voting block.

That seems too reductive to me given considerably bigger differences and forces at play between Germany then and USA now, but appreciate the input.

 

[avenue94]

That seems too reductive to me given considerably bigger differences and forces at play between Germany then and USA now, but appreciate the input.

A better example is a lot of modern PR system democracies. You end up with kingmaker minority parties that have disproportionate power.

People tend to be far too reductive in blaming "two party" systems.

 

[Unknown Pleasures]

A better example is a lot of modern PR system democracies. You end up with kingmaker minority parties that have disproportionate power.

People tend to be far too reductive in blaming "two party" systems.

I agree, most every situation is considerably unique.

 

[Cajun]

I like the idea of multiple parties with ranked choice voting. The two party system is beyond corrupted

Agreed. I've always liked the UK parliamentary system from the standpoint of having numerous parties and not just two juggernauts. Its just that here you cant have just 3 bc it will split the vote. Got to have more than that

 

[whocares]

On the bright side, we all eventually get to die out of the system. Then comes Heaven (not existing forever), or Hell (reincarnation). I'm being an extra good boy to make sure I don't have to do this again.

 

[N13]

The new civilization on Mars will fix this over there when they start from scratch


Elon is shipping supplies to Mars as early as March with more shipments every two years

Humans will go within the 2nd or 3rd trip

Humans are already there.

 

[MetalMilitia]

Now that it's sat here the whole day -- Appreciate those who read, and didn't skim (and for not slinging poop) -- It's just like, "my opinion, man"...

I like the idea of multiple parties with ranked choice voting. The two party system is beyond corrupted

Agreed. The two-party system is corrupted beyond repair, and ranked choice voting is one of the few realistic steps toward breaking that monopoly. It gives voters real options, weakens corporate chokeholds -- and forces politicians to earn support instead of inheriting it. -- Often only two choices for 330 million people? -- That’s not democracy -- that’s a hostage negotiation with better lighting. (R) and (D) literally go out of their way during elections to tell independents, centrists, free thinkers, beer drinkers (Anyone but them) -- that if they don't adhere to voting for one or the other -- it is a "wasted" vote. I think that spotlights the red flags without saying much else.

I like how the message is two party voting is bad when one party literally has a gestopo running around kidnapping people.

You’re literally proving the point of the article, my friend -- the second someone says “both sides are broken” -- a die-hard from one camp screams “but their evil is worse!” -- You willingly (and comically I may add) just walked straight into the logic trap. Authoritarian behavior isn’t exclusive merch -- both parties sell it -- just in different packaging. If you can’t admit that, you’re not fighting tyranny -- you’re endorsing your favorite flavor of it. Tell me you didn't read the whole thing without telling me you didn't read the whole thing...

A better example is a lot of modern PR system democracies. You end up with kingmaker minority parties that have disproportionate power.

People tend to be far too reductive in blaming "two party" systems.

You also missed the point here. The article wasn’t just blaming the "two-party system" -- it was calling out the deeper bullshit beneath it - bullshit that keeps everyone (apparently very easily) hypnotized (prefer hypno-toaded) and hating each other on fuckin' command. On the surface -- sure -- I torch the (D) vs (R) duopoly, and yeah -- that was blatant and intentional (make no mistake about that)

... but I don’t think you actually read the whole thing, sir -- because if you did, you’d know the rant wasn’t just about the “two-party system” -- That was the stage prop -- not the villain(s). The real target was the machinery behind it -- the lobbyists, corporations, and outrage economy that profit from keeping people angry, divided, and distracted. Your comment focuses on the surface when the article was literally about the filth underneath it and behind it -- which kind of proves the point in real time.

The two-party system isn’t the disease -- it’s the rash that sells the illusion of choice. The real infection -- is money, outrage, and power replacing civic responsibility. My (satirical) cure isn’t “kill the two-party system” -- it’s starve the fuckin’ machine that rewards division and calls it "democracy..."

I agree, most every situation is considerably unique.

Well -- Exactly -- Every situation is unique -- which makes it more fuckin' hilarious that our political system still runs like a busted ass nintendo cartridge -- if it glitches you just blow (on it you sick bastards) and pretend it’s fixed.

We got 330 million different lives, perspectives, and problems -- and somehow we keep letting two corporate mascots argue over who gets to hold the remote --Rational people can think outside the “left” and “right” stage props -- the real sick joke is what is backstage. A lot of people don't want to hear about the real shit show, pull back the curtains, see the wizard -- or just outright ignore what part it plays.

Keep focusing on surface-level shit, never address the systemic problem -- I don't love how it plays out.

On the bright side, we all eventually get to die out of the system. Then comes Heaven (not existing forever), or Hell (reincarnation). I'm being an extra good boy to make sure I don't have to do this again.

Fair take -- escaping the system through death is the ultimate "loophole" -- But until then, I think I'd rather keep kicking the machine in the nuts for a few decades. If we’re all stuck in the simulation -- might as well rip up the code and see if the next patch finally removes the human stupidity bug... I suspect it won't.

 

[William Huggins]

The new civilization on Mars will fix this over there when they start from scratch


Elon is shipping supplies to Mars as early as March with more shipments every two years

Humans will go within the 2nd or 3rd trip

Then our future is going to be like "The Expanse" series????

Fuck

 

[IanEdwards]

Agreed. I've always liked the UK parliamentary system from the standpoint of having numerous parties and not just two juggernauts.

eh? those two parties have formed every gov't in this century and the last with only a 4 year period where one was in coalition with a 3rd party. outsider parties almost never have any influence in the UK

UK is a perfect example of a 2 party system meaning voters who vote for 3/4th parties- often in the millions- get massively disenfranchised and those parties can have like 15-20% of the vote and like 1% of the parliament seats

 

[Cajun]

eh? those two parties have formed every gov't in this century and the last with only a 4 year period where one was in coalition with a 3rd party. outsider parties almost never have any influence in the UK

UK is a perfect example of a 2 party system meaning voters who vote for 3/4th parties- often in the millions- get massively disenfranchised and those parties can have like 15-20% of the vote and like 1% of the parliament seats

Ah, didnt know. Thanks for the clarification. Guess there is no perfect system and there will always be dominance by a few.

 

[Prefect]

That seems too reductive to me given considerably bigger differences and forces at play between Germany then and USA now, but appreciate the input.

I don't think it is reductive as you have a large voting block that is will to destroy the democracy, which is exactly what happened in Germany, where around 1/3rd of the voting public chose the former painter. Fracturing up parties only makes it easier for this group to gain power as they are fervent single block voters. It is why you have had politicians like environmentalist Jill Stein taking money from Russia to fund her campaigns.

 

[avenue94]

You also missed the point here. The article wasn’t just blaming the "two-party system" -- it was calling out the deeper bullshit beneath it - bullshit that keeps everyone (apparently very easily) hypnotized (prefer hypno-toaded) and hating each other on fuckin' command. On the surface -- sure -- I torch the (D) vs (R) duopoly, and yeah -- that was blatant and intentional (make no mistake about that)

... but I don’t think you actually read the whole thing, sir -- because if you did, you’d know the rant wasn’t just about the “two-party system” -- That was the stage prop -- not the villain(s). The real target was the machinery behind it -- the lobbyists, corporations, and outrage economy that profit from keeping people angry, divided, and distracted. Your comment focuses on the surface when the article was literally about the filth underneath it and behind it -- which kind of proves the point in real time.

The two-party system isn’t the disease -- it’s the rash that sells the illusion of choice. The real infection -- is money, outrage, and power replacing civic responsibility. My (satirical) cure isn’t “kill the two-party system” -- it’s starve the fuckin’ machine that rewards division and calls it "democracy..."

1. Of course I didn't read your essay, feel free to provide bullet points sinc eno one will read that shit.
2. I didn't miss the point, I was responding to another poster who mentioned PR systems, not you.

Lobbyists and corporations exist in every democracy, if you want to crack down on them, feel free to. You would just have to get the Supreme Court to reverse Citizens United.