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- Jan 8, 2010
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Here's a scenario for you fellas. It'l be nice to get an unbiased view.
When I first started dating my current gf I enquired if she ever had a relationship with a guy she was still in contact with. She denied it.
She is still messaging the guy because he was her sports coach and they talk about sports/how she can get better/mundane shit. I later found out that they were flirting/sent pics before i was involved but thats all. (I know thats all it was becuase i suspected she was lying and snooped on her phone. Dick move). I confront her about it. She apologises, says it was wrong and discontinues any contact with the guy.
That leaves me feeling burnt that she was still speaking to him after we were official (even if it was in a professional manner) and gives me trust issues. Here's the scenario's that keep circulating in my mind where now I don't really know what to think.
Scenario 1# she shouldn't of spoke to him, lied about the flirting and I'm right to dump her.
Scenario 2# it was wrong, but nothing happened. It was never going to go anywhere and she was speaking to him about training. Let it be. Nobodies perfect. She loves me.
Scenario 3# she doesn't need to tell you anything about past flirting. It was OK for her to speak to her coach. I'm overreacting and making her feel like a pos for nothing.
Pick one or give me your opinion folks
You know her decently well I'm assuming?
I've always kind of gone by the 'do unto others as you'd have them do unto you' type of philosophy. So ask yourself this -if this situation were reversed, and she had asked you the same question only to come to find out you were lying in the same manner, would she be pissed about it?
Part of being in a good relationship is mutual respect along with trust. If your answer to my question is 'she'd be straight pissed' then I'd certainly want to know why she thinks it's ok for her to do it. If the answer is 'she most likely wouldn't care' -then I'd asses what you're willing to deal with and discuss it and lay out what you're cool with and not. Because to me, this at the very least comes across as something that bothers you.
Be aware that even tho you lay things out, you may not get the response you want tho, and you have to both deal with and accept that. Level of acceptance being within your control, her response not so much.
Bottom line is, know yourself, and use that to help figure out the person you're looking for. If this is a deal breaker for you and she couldn't care less? Walk. If not, accept it and move on.