When you're a grown man, do your parents care to see you very often?

[Home_Slice]

I never had much of an adult relationship with my parents, mostly as I was not living near them or was busy or pre-occupied with other things.

Last 6 months or so, it's really occurred to me they're getting old, mid-70's, I can see some signs of age related decline happening, and I've really tried to be more engaging and spend more time with them.

What I've found is, they're not really that interested.

They kind of humored me initially, then just lost patience and kind of told me to quit bothering them.

They're happy enough to have me around for dinner once a week; well, my mother is. I'm pretty sure the old man is largely indifferent.

But I was trying to bring them for nice walks, encouraging some gentle activities we could do together....... so we could spend that time, before they die, basically.

They just end up seeming exasperated and not bothered.

........

Seems kind of weird as when I was younger, they always complained I didn't stay in contact enough.

I'm not sure if it's aging that makes them lack motivation to engage with me, or in actual fact they were never really super enthusiastic about spending time with me or having me around much in the first place.

Looking back, as a kid and teenager, young adult etc., my father talked a good game and always provided, but yeah I mean he used to actively dodge me or avoid having to do activities with me during those years.

Who knows.

Just feels like of lame my parents are going to die without me ever having really known them or had a proper adult relationship with them, spending quality time together etc.
I never imagined that would happened; i.e. I always thought it would happen eventually, that we'd form that kind of communicative bond.

But as prior, they really don't seem to be bothered.

 

[nonoob]

Dad's been missing forever and mom's visiting hours are warden set.

 

[Bathwater]

I got a pretty adult relationship with your mom.

 

[Cole train]

Visit as often as i can

 

[Long Dark Blues]

Yeah, I see my dad and sister a couple times a week.

 

[Home_Slice]

Yeah, I see my dad and sister a couple times a week.

They're happy to see you?

What do ya'll do, and how long do you hang out for on visits?

 

[Thepaintbucket]

Of course. Everything revolves around my family. I want my dad, mom and sisters to always be in my life. My dad used to visit his parents at least once a week.

 

[Contempt]

I never had much of an adult relationship with my parents, mostly as I was not living near them or was busy or pre-occupied with other things.

Last 6 months or so, it's really occurred to me they're getting old, mid-70's, I can see some signs of age related decline happening, and I've really tried to be more engaging and spend more time with them.

What I've found is, they're not really that interested.

They kind of humored me initially, then just lost patience and kind of told me to quit bothering them.

They're happy enough to have me around for dinner once a week; well, my mother is. I'm pretty sure the old man is largely indifferent.

But I was trying to bring them for nice walks, encouraging some gentle activities we could do together....... so we could spend that time, before they die, basically.

They just end up seeming exasperated and not bothered.

........

Seems kind of weird as when I was younger, they always complained I didn't stay in contact enough.

I'm not sure if it's aging that makes them lack motivation to engage with me, or in actual fact they were never really super enthusiastic about spending time with me or having me around much in the first place.

Looking back, as a kid and teenager, young adult etc., my father talked a good game and always provided, but yeah I mean he used to actively dodge me or avoid having to do activities with me during those years.

Who knows.

Just feels like of lame my parents are going to die without me ever having really known them or had a proper adult relationship with them, spending quality time together etc.
I never imagined that would happened; i.e. I always thought it would happen eventually, that we'd form that kind of communicative bond.

But as prior, they really don't seem to be bothered.

Dude, they are in their mid 70's, they are probably tired ALL the time. People in that age range aren't exactly known for their high levels of activity.

My parents of a similar age range live down stairs in my house. My mum sleeps A LOT and I was just discussing with my dad, he wants to exercise more but he's always too damn tired.

It is what it is. Getting old sucks ...but it beats the alternative.

 

[Flower2dPeople]

I get to see them every couple of years. I'm about to fly back home actually. Pops don't really care much. So I just basically visit my siblings and nephews.

 

[Long Dark Blues]

They're happy to see you?

What do ya'll do, and how long do you hang out for on visits?

Absolutely. We usually drink beers, have dinner, talk shit, party with friends and whatnot over there (or my house), etc.

I'm 42 and my dad is 60, my sister is 37. It's always been like this, but after my mom passed away in 2021 we ramped it up for a while.

I -- and like 98% of my close and extended family -- live within the 8ish mile radius that we all grew up in. I see them all a lot, even if not planned. Can't go out on a Friday or Saturday night without bumping into at least one family member.

 

[Fishmonger]

did not read, but get more friends, ts, even if invisible

 

[TheTickG]

I never had much of an adult relationship with my parents, mostly as I was not living near them or was busy or pre-occupied with other things.

Last 6 months or so, it's really occurred to me they're getting old, mid-70's, I can see some signs of age related decline happening, and I've really tried to be more engaging and spend more time with them.

What I've found is, they're not really that interested.

They kind of humored me initially, then just lost patience and kind of told me to quit bothering them.

They're happy enough to have me around for dinner once a week; well, my mother is. I'm pretty sure the old man is largely indifferent.

But I was trying to bring them for nice walks, encouraging some gentle activities we could do together....... so we could spend that time, before they die, basically.

They just end up seeming exasperated and not bothered.

........

Seems kind of weird as when I was younger, they always complained I didn't stay in contact enough.

I'm not sure if it's aging that makes them lack motivation to engage with me, or in actual fact they were never really super enthusiastic about spending time with me or having me around much in the first place.

Looking back, as a kid and teenager, young adult etc., my father talked a good game and always provided, but yeah I mean he used to actively dodge me or avoid having to do activities with me during those years.

Who knows.

Just feels like of lame my parents are going to die without me ever having really known them or had a proper adult relationship with them, spending quality time together etc.
I never imagined that would happened; i.e. I always thought it would happen eventually, that we'd form that kind of communicative bond.

But as prior, they really don't seem to be bothered.

That sounds unfortunate.

My parents care to see me. It's not too often though since I'm far. My siblings see them much more often.

 

[khukurikoo]

My parents are happy when i come over with the family. But in your case, it sounds like you're trying to make them go on walks and do things they don't wanna do. Maybe you're over analyzing the situation and taking their rejections of the activites personally when it's just they're old and tired and wanna relax? I'm sure you mean well, but you have to respect their wishes. Enjoy the dinners and time together without suggesting the walks and stuff and see if that improves things.

 

[Sobek]

I never had much of an adult relationship with my parents, mostly as I was not living near them or was busy or pre-occupied with other things.

Last 6 months or so, it's really occurred to me they're getting old, mid-70's, I can see some signs of age related decline happening, and I've really tried to be more engaging and spend more time with them.

What I've found is, they're not really that interested.

They kind of humored me initially, then just lost patience and kind of told me to quit bothering them.

They're happy enough to have me around for dinner once a week; well, my mother is. I'm pretty sure the old man is largely indifferent.

But I was trying to bring them for nice walks, encouraging some gentle activities we could do together....... so we could spend that time, before they die, basically.

They just end up seeming exasperated and not bothered.

........

Seems kind of weird as when I was younger, they always complained I didn't stay in contact enough.

I'm not sure if it's aging that makes them lack motivation to engage with me, or in actual fact they were never really super enthusiastic about spending time with me or having me around much in the first place.

Looking back, as a kid and teenager, young adult etc., my father talked a good game and always provided, but yeah I mean he used to actively dodge me or avoid having to do activities with me during those years.

Who knows.

Just feels like of lame my parents are going to die without me ever having really known them or had a proper adult relationship with them, spending quality time together etc.
I never imagined that would happened; i.e. I always thought it would happen eventually, that we'd form that kind of communicative bond.

But as prior, they really don't seem to be bothered.

Well they are probably set in their ways now and enjoy peace. Aging looks to be no fun. Plus consider how much and how rapidly the world is changing, which they may not be happy about.

I'm sure they have their opinions about you by now. Best you can do is be there when needed and do your 'familial duty' as the samurai used to say. Just respect their boundaries.

One question though...did you give them grandkids?

 

[Jack Reacheround]

My mom does. But as I have said on here before, she was a really shitty mom to me when I was younger.
My dad has a bunch of kids, and he also has his own shit to do, so he doesn’t particularly care how often he sees me. But I see him enough.

 

[-Magua-]

Talk/facetime 3 /4 times a week.
See them about 3 times a year.
We are close.
They will be here after Christmas to spend about a month or so here with me.
They have their own condo in Makati/Manila close to my condo. They have a big social network with former classmates/friends & relatives here in PH, so they'll be busy.

Dad & I will be playing alotta golf south of the city in my neck of the woods in Tagatay.
I just saw them in September & October in US, but it'll be nice to be with them for New Years & January.

 

[Meatspin]

Dude, they are in their mid 70's, they are probably tired ALL the time. People in that age range aren't exactly known for their high levels of activity.

My parents of a similar age range live down stairs in my house. My mum sleeps A LOT and I was just discussing with my dad, he wants to exercise more but he's always too damn tired.

It is what it is. Getting old sucks ...but it beats the alternative.

Yeah its super hard to see them age

 

[Home_Slice]

My parents are happy when i come over with the family. But in your case, it sounds like you're trying to make them go on walks and do things they don't wanna do. Maybe you're over analyzing the situation and taking their rejections of the activites personally when it's just they're old and tired and wanna relax? I'm sure you mean well, but you have to respect their wishes. Enjoy the dinners and time together without suggesting the walks and stuff and see if that improves things.

Not even that.

Sometimes after dinner I clean up and do some chores to help, then maybe sit down to watch TV, hoping one of them would join me....... which they typically don't (it's happened once).

Then they typically suggest that leave or that I'm staying very late, even though it's only 8 pm.

My old man, you can basically sense that he loses his temper when I stay longer than 15 or 20 minutes after dinner.

 

[Home_Slice]

One question though...did you give them grandkids?

No, and I don't think that's an issue so much as, i don't lead a family lifestyle that would give them grandkids.

I've two siblings that have though, but they have their own lives.

Maybe they think I'm a bum, or certainly very different to what they ever expected me to become.

 

[Dogpound2020]

I see my fam at pretty large gatherings like tgiving and Christmas, and go home and spend the weekend at mom and dads every month or so? I get to see my niece and nephew and my bro as they live 25 feet away from mom and dad