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Food & Drink What instantly ruins a hamburger?

Not enough of it... Nobody wants to be packing a small burger.

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Hate burgers that're so big you can't comfortably pick them up and get them in your gob hole.

Fuck I want a burger that I need a knife and fucking fork to eat it, served on a chopping board with chips in a basket. fuck off you uppity cunts
 
I have two major gripes:

1. Overcooked, dry patty. A burger’s soul is its meat. Overcooking it into a hockey puck? Instant heartbreak.

2. Soggy bun. A once-golden, fluffy bun soaked in ketchup, mustard, or grease is a dealbreaker.
When American cheese is put on it.
 
Ketchup! I FUCKING HATE ketchup, that red shit has never tasted good on a burger or anything else and I can't believe every other human on this ball of mud we live on likes it.
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