The last time I went to a UFC event in Vegas I spotted a street vendor a few paces from the arena selling UFC merchandise. When I approached him and looked over his offerings, I quickly realized he was a knockoff seller. But as I was ready to walk away in disgust something caught my eye. A stack of four brown boxes with a sign reading "UFC 1-180 DVDs". I asked the seller if the boxes actually contained all 180 UFC events on DVD to which he replied yes. He opened one of the boxes and pulled a few DVDs out. They were blank Maxwell DVDs, each numbered with a specific UFC event in black marker, adding up to 180 DVDs in total. I blurted out "fuck fight pass" and handed the tiny Indian man $200.
I walked back to my hotel feeling a way that only a good deal could make you feel. But suddenly I felt a little nauseous when my mind brought up an image of Dana saying "that's fucking illegal". The feeling died down when I reminded myself that I just got every UFC for a dollar and change each.
When got to my room I immediately opened the box and pulled out UFC 1. When I put the DVD in and hit play it went straight to a fight, there was no menu to choose specific content from. But something strange happened. The screen was showing Bigfoot vs Travis Browne. Bigfoot and Travis Browne never fought at UFC 1, in fact they were not even fighters when UFC 1 took place; they were likely still In high school just barely beyond the first stages of puberty.
My first assumption was that the little Indian fuck who sold me the DVDs misnumbered the events. But I quickly found out that might not have been his only mistake. When I tried to skip Bigfoot vs Browne nothing happened. After a few more attempts to skip to the next fight it became clear that Bigfoot vs Browne was the only fight on the DVD labeled as UFC 1.
In a pissed off rage I pulled UFC 1 from the DVD and replaced it with UFC 2. Again, there was no menu to pick from it just went straight to a fight. And to my shock Bigfoot vs Browne were fighting again, this time at UFC 2. I couldn't fucking believe it. And to make matters worse The UFC 2 DVD also only contained Bigfoot vs Browne, no other fight.
At that point I nearly went ballistic. But as I kept trying each DVD my anger gave way to a strange twilight-zone feeling. I tried UFC 1 - UFC 90 and all 90 DVDs had the same Bigfoot vs Browne fight but no other ones. I couldn't bring myself to try the remaining 90 DVDs.
After trying the 90th DVD I fell to the floor in exasperation, realizing I just paid 200 dollars for 180 copies of Bigfoot vs Browne. I then got up and pulled out the rest of the DVDs, and to my surprise at the bottom of the box were two t-shirts: a knockoff of Bigfoot and a knockoff of Browne.
I put all of the contents back in the box with the exception of the fake Bigfoot t-shirt (that shit was dope), and walked out of my room and out of the hotel with the box in hand. My intention was to find the short Indian fuck and make a curry soup out of his ass. But when I arrived to the location where I made the purchase he was no longer there. The little fuck got me and probably setup shop somewhere else. I wasn't in the mood for a chase. I handed the box to a Young UFC fan and told him "hey did you know Bigfoot fought at UFC 1?" Before he could answer I was back in my room staring at my new Bigfoot Silva t-shirt.
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