Wanting an opinion on getting back w/ ex after 6 years + new kid in picture

[Der Eisbär]

Wanting some genuine opinion on this as I'm pretty conflicted.

Some brief backstory:

I dated this chick for a little over 2 years starting our senior year in high school and then about a year and a half into college. She was my prom date and I'm a pretty sentimental guy so stuff like that means a lot to me. She was also my first quote unquote "serious" relationship; take that for what it's worth. We ended up going our separate ways.

Fast forward 5/6 years and we've started talking again, quite unexpectedly. She came up on tinder and I swiped right just to see what would happen. Hilariously I got a notice we matched. I say hilariously because things ended really badly between us and she absolutely hated my guts for a long time. So right off the bat we exchange numbers and start talking again. Turns out she has a son now. We're planning on getting together soon and I imagine it could all escalate real quickly.

So here's the dilemma - I have always stated that I would never raise another dude's kid. That it's beta male shit (and from a biology standpoint it basically is...) and that it's degrading. At the same time, I do realize that mindset is fucked up. Somebody is going to have to be the kid's dad. Or do I just say fuck it, it's not my problem, and disregard my feelings for her?

I realize I'm getting a little ahead of myself here but I'm trying to make up my mind on this shit ahead of time. Because if I'm not willing to commit to the kid then I need to not get involved to begin with. I think of myself as a good guy and I don't want to mess with her or her kid's feelings by getting in then cutting and running.

Another thing to mention here to give you an idea of my mindset is this: The last 2 years I've been dating really hot, young, DUMB girls. All 19-20. While the sex is great holy fuck I can't stand being around these chicks anymore. It's soul crushing how dumb they can be. I'm feeling it would be nice to be with a girl my own age again, that has grown wiser and more mature from motherhood. Especially one I have history with (I'm not someone that automatically will never date an ex again. I like having history with someone instead of having to build it all from scratch again. A process I'm getting tired of).

Girl in question is a 5'10 red head with D's. Has a good job and a wealthy family.

Thoughts?

 

[ClubFoot]

I was in exactly the same situation, minus the kid.

I went back for the 'love of my life' who I met at uni. Spent 2 amazing years with, the fucking sex was unreal, but ultimately came to an end. Diggity. She dumped me, something you don't forget.

Had other relationships with crazy hot sex chicks until one day I got an email out of the blue. She got my work email through Google.

I went back for more, the sex was great but it wasnt the same - 5 Years had past by. Sex was still great but it was something from the past (if that makes sense), she was still firm as you like, a Dr, still horny as fuck but my mind was elsewhere.

I then met another chick with a kid, but was cool as fuck (and a millionaire).

Anyway, after a few years of dating, affairs, hot sex I ultimately decided to stay with my new girl with a kid. It didn't bother me raising someone else's child, esp when I knew I couldn't have children of my own (don't take it for granted).

I'm now engaged and ready for my new life with my partner.

Don't get me wrong I still miss the amazing sex with my pert titted, awesomely anal sexed ex gfriend but long term it wouldn't work.

Things end for a reason and there is always something better out there.

It's good to go back, things may work out, without trying you'll never know but in my experience it didn't.

But don't let raising another dudes child put you off anything, it ain't beta, not many men out there would do it. If the kid doesn't have a dad (hers got shot whilst on service in Iraq) then what male role model will she turn to? She loves me to bits and vice versa.

Don't turn to stereotypes or worry about other people, do what feels right.

You only have one life, you'll know what's right.

Just do what feels right until it doesn't then carry on elsewhere.

 

[FinalFight]

An ex is usually an ex for a reason.

 

[Primitivo]

You might get a second iPad.

 

[TheRuthlessOne]

Run to the hills

Run for your life

 

[sub_thug]

Good topic. Sounds like you've got some questions to answer for yourself before we can help though. Are YOU ready to commit to raising a kid? This is in no way a challenge, but it's something worth asking yourself. I get that you don't want a fling with the mom, and that's really respectable. But are you ready to put a child's needs before your own?

Also, why didn't things work out the first time? What has changed that makes you think that things wil be different? Are you sure that nostalgia isn't clouding your judgment, leading you down a path of regret?

You should probably also consider the environmentals. Things like her family situation, the baby daddy, and your own family are all factors in your potential relationship. Just think these things through before doing something to potentially hurt yourself, her, and her child. I'll be looking forward to seeing where this thread goes.

In before someone mentions "cuck" or "beta."

 

[Brampton_Boy]

While I'm not principally opposed to rekindling a romance after a prolonged period, it doesn't sound like your initial relationship was all that serious (few highschool romances ever are). Your nostalgia may be clouding your better judgement.

Nothing wrong with going on a date with the girl, but I would treat it as if I was meeting the person again for the first time. The "foundation" your relationship once had is long gone.

 

[Der Eisbär]

Good topic. Sounds like you've got some questions to answer for yourself before we can help though. Are YOU ready to commit to raising a kid? This is in no way a challenge, but it's something worth asking yourself. I get that you don't want a fling with the mom, and that's really respectable. But are you ready to put a child's needs before your own?

Also, why didn't things work out the first time? What has changed that makes you think that things wil be different? Are you sure that nostalgia isn't clouding your judgment, leading you down a path of regret?

You should probably also consider the environmentals. Things like her family situation, the baby daddy, and your own family are all factors in your potential relationship. Just think these things through before doing something to potentially hurt yourself, her, and her child. I'll be looking forward to seeing where this thread goes.

In before someone mentions "cuck" or "beta."

Thanks for the input thug. I appreciate it. You're right, I do have questions I need to answer for myself. @Brampton_Boy has got me thinking; maybe I should go on a few dates with her and see how I feel about it. I think maybe if it was really still 'there' I might be willing to commit all the way. I don't know.

As for why it didn't work out before is really pretty simple; we were kids. What happened is what always happens with young couples. I graduated high school at 17. She was 18, it ended when we were 19/20. Now I'm about to turn 25 and she's 26. We've had no contact for 5/6 years up until very recently. My hope is that she is considerably more mature and wise than she was before. I know I'm a much better person than when I was 19.

 

[Ikuza]

I was about to be all "don't put the pussy on a pedestal", but rich redhead with D's swayed me.

Real talk. 5-6 years is a long time at that age. You two are nowhere near the same people. Interests have changed. Responsibilities have changed. Having a kid is a monumental change in lifestyle. If you had a really strong connection before based on deep shared interests and wanting the best for each other, go for it. If you were together because the sex was great, then smash (she was on Tinder), talk about the old days and get the fuck out. Be honest about why you were together and why you broke up and you'll know the correct answer.

Either way, don't meet the kid, unless it's an infant/toddler, right away. If it is a infant/toddler, walk the fuck away.

 

[KONG-D'SNT-TAP]

So she has more baggage now than 6 years ago.

Broom her like an old dust bunny hiding on your internet computer wires.

 

[HomeRun916]

Don't do it.

 

[spin]

She's raising a child, and uses tinder.

Sounds like she doesn't have time for dating and just wants some D

 

[TheTimeIsNotNow]

Is she a boise dime?

 

[Der Eisbär]

I was in exactly the same situation, minus the kid.

I went back for the 'love of my life' who I met at uni. Spent 2 amazing years with, the fucking sex was unreal, but ultimately came to an end. Diggity. She dumped me, something you don't forget.

Had other relationships with crazy hot sex chicks until one day I got an email out of the blue. She got my work email through Google.

I went back for more, the sex was great but it wasnt the same - 5 Years had past by. Sex was still great but it was something from the past (if that makes sense), she was still firm as you like, a Dr, still horny as fuck but my mind was elsewhere.

I then met another chick with a kid, but was cool as fuck (and a millionaire).

Anyway, after a few years of dating, affairs, hot sex I ultimately decided to stay with my new girl with a kid. It didn't bother me raising someone else's child, esp when I knew I couldn't have children of my own (don't take it for granted).

I'm now engaged and ready for my new life with my partner.

Don't get me wrong I still miss the amazing sex with my pert titted, awesomely anal sexed ex gfriend but long term it wouldn't work.

Things end for a reason and there is always something better out there.

It's good to go back, things may work out, without trying you'll never know but in my experience it didn't.

But don't let raising another dudes child put you off anything, it ain't beta, not many men out there would do it. If the kid doesn't have a dad (hers got shot whilst on service in Iraq) then what male role model will she turn to? She loves me to bits and vice versa.

Don't turn to stereotypes or worry about other people, do what feels right.

You only have one life, you'll know what's right.

Just do what feels right until it doesn't then carry on elsewhere.

Yeah that is pretty similar, but almost somewhat of an inverse of my situation haha. Sorry to hear about the kid's dad being killed in Iraq :/ That's awful man.

You're right I shouldn't care what other people think and honestly I don't. It's what I think of myself. I've always resented the thought of raising someone else's kid, while at the same time I realize that mindset isn't right and it's been starting to fade this last year or so.

Sounds like you've got a good thing going on man. I'm happy for ya. Best of luck!

 

[Der Eisbär]

She's raising a child, and uses tinder.

Sounds like she doesn't have time for dating and just wants some D

If she's thinking it might be a good idea to get some quick D from her ex boyfriend like it will all be super casual, then she's out of her fuckin' mind and I do not want.

 

[Mike]

This sounds like a pretty bad idea to me. I would stay far away.

 

[ClubFoot]

Yeah that is pretty similar, but almost somewhat of an inverse of my situation haha. Sorry to hear about the kid's dad being killed in Iraq :/ That's awful man.

You're right I shouldn't care what other people think and honestly I don't. It's what I think of myself. I've always resented the thought of raising someone else's kid, while at the same time I realize that mindset isn't right and it's been starting to fade this last year or so.

Sounds like you've got a good thing going on man. I'm happy for ya. Best of luck!

It's like FinalFight said they're an ex for a reason, a very good point.

As for bringing up a child, who's going to feel more shitty? You or the biological father?

Don't let a child hold you back, jeez, it could be the best thing to ever happen to you.

 

[sub_thug]

Thanks for the input thug. I appreciate it. You're right, I do have questions I need to answer for myself. @Brampton_Boy has got me thinking; maybe I should go on a few dates with her and see how I feel about it. I think maybe if it was really still 'there' I might be willing to commit all the way. I don't know.

As for why it didn't work out before is really pretty simple; we were kids. What happened is what always happens with young couples. I graduated high school at 17. She was 18, it ended when we were 19/20. Now I'm about to turn 25 and she's 26. We've had no contact for 5/6 years up until very recently. My hope is that she is considerably more mature and wise than she was before. I know I'm a much better person than when I was 19.

Definitely test the waters. Who knows? She may end up being the love of your life. Just don't let nostalgia cloud otherwise good judgment. I ended up going back to a high school sweetheart, and we got married. Now, we are divorced, and we can't stand one another. There wasn't anything crazy like infidelity or domestic abuse, but we just aren't who the other thought we were. I think part of our years of dating were clouded with this thought that we were just somehow meant to be, you know? Don't make my mistake, especially if a kid is involved.

 

[BJ@LW&WW]

Girl in question is a 5'10 red head with D's. Has a good job and a wealthy family.

this is all i read. get back with her

 

[Der Eisbär]

If anyone cares enough ill keep this thread updated as things progress. It could take some time. It's hard to plan a set time because she's working full time and taking care of the kid herself.