Thinking of Starting All Over Again After 8 Years.

[kpoz12]

Hey Sherbros.

So, I'm at a cross roads in my life, and in Jiu Jitsu.

I feel really stuck- I basically ended up taking over my club after my coach of 8 years basically went AWOL/MIA with his own personal issues. It was basically either I take it over, or it would be the end of the club: all my memories, my friends, my home for the last 8 years.

(For some context, I live out in a tiny town in the middle of nowhere, with no other Jiu Jitsu for several hundred Kilometeres.)

I really did not want to do it- in fact I had always said how I would never be a coach or gym owner. But, I couldn't stand to see our great club go down, so I did it.
People tell me I'm a good coach, and our competition team is better than ever, but, I don't think it's for me. I usually feel very anxious and stressed about having to coach and run the whole show. The kids love me, and the parents enjoy the classes, but I just feel like I barely survive each time.

I really miss just being a student and compeitior, and helping the team out by working with new people as a training partner.

Now, about a year later, I'm thinking of maybe closing down, changing my whole life, and maybe moving to the other side of the country, maybe to a big city.
And maybe, start Jiu Jitsu all over again as a day 1 white belt at some random club somewhere where no one knows me.

Has anyone ever done something like this? Any tips?
My goal totally wouldn't be "smash a bunch of white belts as an undercover advanced guy", but, just to start the journey over from scratch, and just have fun again.

Loves,
-Kenny Kenmura Alucard VI

 

[1PBCE1]

You're at least a purple belt, right? Sticking a white belt on and training somewhere else is disrespectful to both your current lineage and the new people you'll be training with. It will be obvious in seconds you're not a white belt. What will you answer when people question you on it?

Fresh starts are good, lying is bad. Take your current belt with you.

 

[kpoz12]

Yeah I'm a 4 stripe Purple.

Maybe find a NoGi class. Maybe say I did some kind of training before. Maybe just, not respond to questions about it...be the Tommy Wiseau of jiu jitsu, lol. Just, try to be as newbie-ish as possible.

 

[PointyShinyBurn]

I understand moving somewhere the jiu jitsu is better, if that's important to you. I don't understand why you'd want to un-rank yourself as well?

 

[1PBCE1]

Yeah I'm a 4 stripe Purple.

Maybe find a NoGi class. Maybe say I did some kind of training before. Maybe just, not respond to questions about it...be the Tommy Wiseau of jiu jitsu, lol. Just, try to be as newbie-ish as possible.

I almost want to encourage it to see if you can pull it off. But seriously, you're almost brown belt. The gap between you and a new white belt is infinity.

I don't understand why you'd want to do it?

I'm sure you've seen this video. Even though he messes around in warm up, when rolling they figure him out straight away.

 

[kpoz12]

^^Lol, yeah, I've seen that one.

I can't explain it exactly. I just feel as if I need to reboot my whole life. Start everything over. I want to be new again.
My favourite students to work with are brand new beginners.

I definitely wouldn't do this for too long, but maybe just like 6 months or so to find myself again.

 

[PointyShinyBurn]

You're not gonna forget your jiu jitsu though, right? Maybe start something you genuinely haven't done before if you want to be a beginner all over again, ballroom dance or playing the flugelhorn or something?

 

[1PBCE1]

^^Lol, yeah, I've seen that one.

I can't explain it exactly. I just feel as if I need to reboot my whole life. Start everything over. I want to be new again.
My favourite students to work with are brand new beginners.

I definitely wouldn't do this for too long, but maybe just like 6 months or so to find myself again.

Yeah that's fair enough but like the bro said above, you're not going to forget your BJJ.

Why not start Judo or something. It's a fresh martial art, but still similar, and you can wear that white belt with no guilt (unless you're already a black belt in that, in which case this is getting ridiculous!)

 

[The Apostle]

I can't explain it exactly. I just feel as if I need to reboot my whole life. Start everything over. I want to be new again.

Do you think the issue is deeper than jiu-jitsu? You wrote that you feel as though you need to reboot your whole life. Are you resetting your whole life or just the bjj aspect? Let's imagine you do pull the trigger on this and move across the country, starting over. Will everything be better? If so, go for it. If you're only feeling like running a club isn't for you, then don't do that. Perhaps simply the pressure of being the one guy day in and day out is wearing you down too much.

 

[Gambledub]

Do you think the issue is deeper than jiu-jitsu? You wrote that you feel as though you need to reboot your whole life. Are you resetting your whole life or just the bjj aspect? Let's imagine you do pull the trigger on this and move across the country, starting over. Will everything be better? If so, go for it. If you're only feeling like running a club isn't for you, then don't do that. Perhaps simply the pressure of being the one guy day in and day out is wearing you down too much.

This!

Kendawg, why not save for a bit and travel, take a bunch of privates. What about advertising for a new coach, I'm sure there's someone out there who would probably love to move as well and take over.

 

[Forceof1]

I was going to suggest doing another martial art as well. I have multiple black belts, taught for years- and completely understand the joy and relief of just being a student.

I would not wear a white belt in a style I already hold rank in. Raises to many questions and makes motive seem suspicious.

Try some Filipino stick and knife fighting (arnis, escrima, kali, etc). You can do that for 6 months, take 6 months off Bjj. See if it rekindles anything.

 

[Matsukaze]

Bro.... if you move and start with a new bjj club man for ever more don't go in wearing a white belt.... especially if you are a legit 4 stripe purple given to you from a legit instructor... nothing says douche bag like lying about your training/rank in bjj whether high rank or in your case pretending to be a low rank. Too many arts out there you can become involved in if all you want to be is a "white belt" again but going in as a high level purple and pretending to be a white belt is just a douche move... IMHO

 

[RJ Green]

i'd move to whistler or squamish. raft in the spring, climb summers, ride all winter. regret nothing.

i mean here there's fuck else to do besides grow corn and grapple, but you've got no excuses Kenny.

i was miserable from the second we landed in Vancouver because I knew I was eventually gonna have to go back to Iowa. literally the entire time i was thinking to myself "Wow, I'd be happy here. If i wanted to live a fulfilling and content life this is where i'd do it."

Highway 99 is the most beautiful place i've ever been.

 

[RJ Green]

but you're not allowed to quit until we get our vampire/wolfman superfight.

 

[Uchi Mata]

So this doesn't sound like a BJJ question. This sounds like a life advice question. Which is fine, but it seems like the BJJ part of it is secondary to everything else. If you feel like you're stagnating in life and you're not happy with where you're at, and presuming you don't have anything like wife/kids/sick parents holding you to your small town, then leave. Do you know anyone in any of Canada's major cities who could help you get on your feet somewhere new? I wouldn't worry about over-planning it, just have a place to stay and money for a month and leave. BJJ will take care of itself.

Don't waste your life because you're too scared or lazy to break the momentum of mundane existence. If you're not happy and you don't think it's temporary, make a change. The worst you'll be is unhappy somewhere else.

 

[mattemate]

If you need a reset. Find a girl that looks like Bjork, or acts like her. I assume there are lots of woods where you are. Walk into them with said gnome-like lady, eat a bunch of mushrooms. Just camp for a few days, stare into fires, walk around in creek beds, crap in the woods, cook your food in the open, let the fuck go.

Come back to reality, and figure it out from there. You're not a white belt, but I think you have a beginner's mind. That's important.

Hang in there, cuz!

 

[TheMood]

This sounds like it isn't just about your training. Others have said it and I agree with them. It sounds like you have the desire to see more of the world that is out there than just the town you are in. You may want to do some traveling, move to another country, or just leave your current situation. However, it all seems to point to you wanting to try something different. This is natural to feel this way at some point in your life. Just be smart about it and don't end up having to go begging from city to city.

Have you thought about living abroad somewhere and teaching English? That might be another option that pays you and lets you see more of the world. The good news is probably anywhere you end up you will be able to train some martial art.

 

[Pizdek]

I mixed kombucha with ginger ale today... not bad at all.. little too sugary for my taste but still helped after a heavy meal.

 

[eembach]

You may just need to accept responsibility of the club and embrace your leadership role there. Zoom out a little bit and consider the possibility your fickle personal preferences are not higher priority than your students and the collective journey you all are on together.

 

[anaconda]

Sounds like you're burning out a bit. There's nothing wrong with that - it happens to a lot of people.

But your decision isn't all or nothing. Don't make every choice either/or. Try to do both/and!

Your mentality of wanting to start over is ok - but use that as a mindset, not as an actual redo (i.e. being a white belt). Think about the old "empty your cup" story.

"One of my favorite stories concerns a Buddhist scholar and a Zen Master. The scholar had an extensive background in Buddhist Studies and was an expert on the Nirvana Sutra. He came to study with the master and after making the customary bows, asked her to teach him Zen. Then, he began to talk about his extensive doctrinal background and rambled on and on about the many sutras he had studied.

The master listened patiently and then began to make tea. When it was ready, she poured the tea into the scholar's cup until it began to overflow and run all over the floor. The scholar saw what was happening and shouted, "Stop, stop! The cup is full; you can't get anymore in."

The master stopped pouring and said: "You are like this cup; you are full of ideas about Buddha's Way. You come and ask for teaching, but your cup is full; I can't put anything in. Before I can teach you, you'll have to empty your cup.""​

So approach training like that. If you just need a break, take a break.