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- Feb 22, 2005
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Okay, in all my years of working in the Supplement Industry I've never, EVER seen anything like this. I've seen a Company claim a liquid multi fights cancer, I've seen everything done by MuscleTech, and I've seen Xyience sell sugar water to people. But this, this shit takes the cake by a landslide.
www.muscleasylumproject.com
Never heard of it? That's because it hasn't hit any stores yet, but it's OBVIOUS how much money is going into advertising already, that website alone is worth a couple grand. Now MuscleTech is terrible with their junk science and their big words such as "psychoactive" when used to describe the NanoVapor, and their use of terms like "nanomolecular technology" without understanding that making a pill very small doesn't count as nanomolecular. But the blabitiflap on this shit has hit a new level of complete and total illiteracy. Knowing how to recite big words, but not understanding what they mean. This is an excerpt from an internal GNC memo, and I'm NOT making this shit up, this is word-for-word:
And get this, the "by any means necessary"...is TRADEMARKED. HA HA HA!!
I wish I were making that up.
Their product "Arson" is described as "A legally insane fat-burning serum." "Altered State" is described as "vaso-reactive nitric oxide shock therapy." "Freak Fix" is a molecularly enhanced muscle-synthesizing protein matrix." And last but certainly not least "Anabolic O.D." which is a hybridized muscle mutating post-workout composite (say that 3 times fast). This is a serious blow to English majors everywhere, who can actually comprehend putting words into context. Then they go on to profile the junk science, or straight up lies about their products.
They claim their wave-pulse technology (trademarked) dramatically enhances micronutrient transport by employing a precise portion of strategically scaled molecular compounds engineered to invade your contractile cells in rapid chemical priority.
WHAT?
And my personal favorite. Their claim that they uncovered "bleeding-edge" (whatever that means) human physiology research that revealed a critical anabolic compound that when used in a precise fashion, could actually activate satellite cells to create new muscle tissue.
Rj and I once had a discussion at-length about satellite cells. And so far the only substance that has been proven in long-term studies (and human studies to boot) that increases both the number and efficiency of satellite cells, is steroids.
Now that you're thoroughly confused, and are so amped about these products that you don't care if they're selling you Vitamin B12, you WANT IT. I'll give you one guess as to who is behind all this shit.
Yes, you guessed right. Iovate, the parent company of MuscleTech. Which means, both these dumb ass lines are going to compete with each other, Iovate is going to compete with itself.
Prepare yourselves. Many a meaning, lots of ground in real research, and millions of ignorant consumer dollars are going to be lost in this War.
www.muscleasylumproject.com
Never heard of it? That's because it hasn't hit any stores yet, but it's OBVIOUS how much money is going into advertising already, that website alone is worth a couple grand. Now MuscleTech is terrible with their junk science and their big words such as "psychoactive" when used to describe the NanoVapor, and their use of terms like "nanomolecular technology" without understanding that making a pill very small doesn't count as nanomolecular. But the blabitiflap on this shit has hit a new level of complete and total illiteracy. Knowing how to recite big words, but not understanding what they mean. This is an excerpt from an internal GNC memo, and I'm NOT making this shit up, this is word-for-word:
And get this, the "by any means necessary"...is TRADEMARKED. HA HA HA!!
I wish I were making that up.
Their product "Arson" is described as "A legally insane fat-burning serum." "Altered State" is described as "vaso-reactive nitric oxide shock therapy." "Freak Fix" is a molecularly enhanced muscle-synthesizing protein matrix." And last but certainly not least "Anabolic O.D." which is a hybridized muscle mutating post-workout composite (say that 3 times fast). This is a serious blow to English majors everywhere, who can actually comprehend putting words into context. Then they go on to profile the junk science, or straight up lies about their products.
They claim their wave-pulse technology (trademarked) dramatically enhances micronutrient transport by employing a precise portion of strategically scaled molecular compounds engineered to invade your contractile cells in rapid chemical priority.
WHAT?
And my personal favorite. Their claim that they uncovered "bleeding-edge" (whatever that means) human physiology research that revealed a critical anabolic compound that when used in a precise fashion, could actually activate satellite cells to create new muscle tissue.
Rj and I once had a discussion at-length about satellite cells. And so far the only substance that has been proven in long-term studies (and human studies to boot) that increases both the number and efficiency of satellite cells, is steroids.
Now that you're thoroughly confused, and are so amped about these products that you don't care if they're selling you Vitamin B12, you WANT IT. I'll give you one guess as to who is behind all this shit.
Yes, you guessed right. Iovate, the parent company of MuscleTech. Which means, both these dumb ass lines are going to compete with each other, Iovate is going to compete with itself.
Prepare yourselves. Many a meaning, lots of ground in real research, and millions of ignorant consumer dollars are going to be lost in this War.
