"Start a fight and lose" the Self own thread.

[jeff7b9]

The assignment of this thread is to tell a "self own" story.

Somewhat inspired by the poster who accidently quoted himself and talked shit about his own post.
(Or at least it appeared that way)

I'm talking miserable failure here. ... got it?

_____________________

I want your stories. Don't be shy.
Hit me with your best shot.
Your most glorious failure.

in the spirit, I will lead by example.
But the spoilers will remain until several other people share so as to at least attempt avoid this being a thread about me or my story,
that is not my objective here.

____________________

Spoiler

I was 21 years old and drunk in New Zealand.

At the time of this story I had been drunk every day for the last 5 months* On semester aboard at Hamilton University in Waikato NZ .
*I took precisely 1 day off during that 5 month stretch from early July to the end of November, and only because I had woken up that morning throwing up blood. Felt like that was a sign that a day off might be in order.






Anyway, on this particular day I went to a Cambodian restaurant for take out dinner.
I picked something out and the hostess said something along the lines of:

"are you sure you want that? It's really spicy."

To which I responded:

"I'm drunk and I smoke. My taste buds are charred.
Tell the chef- hit me with your best shot. You cant hurt me."


well... my oh my... how very very wrong I was about that.

I put that entree away no problem.

"That wasn't even THAT spicy." I thought to myself

I love spicy food. My stomach is used to it.


My asshole.... totally differnt story.
I had no idea food could turn my asshole into a fire breathing dragon.
Apparently there are levels to the game and "ring of fire asshole" was a level I had never even contemplated the existence of prior to this humbling experience. Lesson learned.

When I tell you I was shitting fire... I had to stay at the hostel I was at (private suite) for an extra day because I could not risk being out in town and encounter a fire situation that I was not able to extinguish properly.

It turned out the Cambodian restaurant chef could indeed hurt me.

"No one is the bad guy in their version of the story"

We live in a world where everyone is selectively editing out the portions of their lives they share to create this bullshit image that life is a bunch of maragaritas and vacations and everyone is always happy and everything always goes perfectly.

 

[Fedorgasm]

When I was young and thought I was smarter than everyone, I pointed out something that was spelled wrong in a PowerPoint. The lady argued with me and I very arrogantly stuck to my guns until she looked it up and proved me wrong in front of a bunch of people.

I felt so stupid afterwards. Like why did I even need to correct her? Even if it was spelled wrong, who cares? Why point out her mistake in front of everyone?

 

[Bob Gray]

When I was young and thought I was smarter than everyone, I pointed out something that was spelled wrong in a PowerPoint. The lady argued with me and I very arrogantly stuck to my guns until she looked it up and proved me wrong in front of a bunch of people.

I felt so stupid afterwards. Like why did I even need to correct her? Even if it was spelled wrong, who cares? Why point out her mistake in front of everyone?

Was the word Restaurant?

 

[Lycandroid]

one time I told a girl about my feelings, don't do that

 

[billiam]

When I was a kid I always dunked on the fat kids during sports so I severely underestimated their fighting abilities until I got my ass kicked one time and learned my lesson. Fight happened at school so all the girlies saw me take an L... hell, I got suspended so even my parents were informed and I had a black eye for two weeks.

 

[Fury]

Somewhat inspired by the poster who accidently quoted himself and talked shit about his own post.
(Or at least it appeared that way)]

Is that when I hit reply instead of edit and didn't really care to correct it?

Then some retards proved the necessity of my tl;dr of my own post by not reading the post where I said what happened and having a little suck off convo with each other.

that one?

 

[Fury]

Is that when I hit reply instead of edit and didn't really care to correct it?

Then some retards proved the necessity of my tl;dr of my own post by not reading the post where I said what happened and having a little suck off convo with each other.

that one?

Just for you lol

 

[Kung Fu Kowboy]

Look at this guy thinking he logged into Reddit...

This is Sherdog bro... We win... like Trump

 

[ricc505]

Freshman year hs I tried to look tough with a "tough guy" walk. I was immediately called out for it by a older kid I respected. He proceeded to take me apart on the size of my chest and arms and politely told me I couldn't pull off the walk. In front of a few other kids.

I got in a fight senior year in hs and got separated by the wrestling coach. I tried to pull away from him and fight. He embarrassingly man handled me across the entire lunch room and wouldn't let me go until I calmed down. I had NO chance against an Olympic level wrestler, and I was a bunch bigger then him

 

[650lb Sumo]

Does this qualify? I once drove ~235 miles to look at a car, only to find out it had been sold while I was on the road. So I got back into my (rented) car and just drove back lol.

 

[Sonny Qc]

You're gonna like this one...

First need to explain that I'm barely on any social media, Have Facebook and Instagram.
But my Facebook have barely 150 friends
And my Instagram is even more reserved to my closest friends. Don't think I have 30 followers who can see my stories.

Happened last February,
A stripper I used to date dm'd me on Instagram to tell me she founded the video we made a few months prior, saying she didn't remember she was on her period that day.

( I know, it's gross )

Thought it was funny,
Screenshoted the conversation and posted as a Story with the caption like
I'll be really fucking anything when I'm drunk.

Just forgot that...
I had allowed the stripper to follow me.

Here's the Screenshot.

 

[philcrow]

I took karate at a mcdojo as a kid. Got in a fight with another kid at lunch in 7th grade. I threw a spinning back kick to the stomach and dropped him right on the spot. The class did the "ooooohhhh" and thought I was a badass after that. Now confession time. Most of them were behind me and didn't see it, but the kick hit him square in the balls. I lied and told everyone I hit him in the solar plexus. Lunch lady was nowhere to be found so I got away with that one. I tell this story to set up the following.

Was dating a girl in my class a year later. She was a ho. Apparently she was dating a high schooler too at the school a block away and who knows who else. He showed up at lunch, and I saw them together and shit started. So the class was saying how I was gonna kick this dude's ass. So we square up, went with the back kick of course, but next thing I know dude is beside me and blasted me with hands. Got knocked on my ass and back of my head hit the pavement hard. Flawless victory for him. Next thing I remember is waking up with lunch lady over me asking if I'm ok.

Turns out he took boxing. To add insult to injury, the school called my mom because of what happened. She made me go to the karate school with her that night, and she screamed at the receptionist and senseis how "all this money to teach this kid karate, and he just got his ass kicked! I'm not paying you to have my kid get beat up. I could probably kick half of your asses with this bullshit you teach!" They were all laughing at her and at me too. I just wanted the world to end that day. Lol

 

[ezikel315]

You're gonna like this one...

First need to explain that I'm barely on any social media, Have Facebook and Instagram.
But my Facebook have barely 150 friends
And my Instagram is even more reserved to my closest friends. Don't think I have 30 followers who can see my stories.

Happened last February,
A stripper I used to date dm'd me on Instagram to tell me she founded the video we made a few months prior, saying she didn't remember she was on her period that day.

( I know, it's gross )

Thought it was funny,
Screenshoted the conversation and posted as a Story with the caption like
I'll be really fucking anything when I'm drunk.

Just forgot that...
I had allowed the stripper to follow me.

Here's the Screenshot.
View attachment 1107652

You gotta translate the messages man. Not everybody here speaks French.

 

[Stoic1]

In HS I thought I was billy bad ass.

One night my dad and I got into an argument over some bullshit. Like listening to music while doing homework. Anyways it got loud and stupid. He walked away. And I had to say something stupid. He came back.

Now keep in mind I had scrapped in school and always either held my own or won. We're talking 3 years of Karate here and some wrestling. I was LEEEEEGIT.

Dad was pissed. Raging. Didn't matter. I squared up and gave him the overhand right. It was usually my opener and usually guaranteed my victory if I got the first punch in.

...let's pause a moment. I failed to remember this scene playing out years earlier with my step-brother. They went out to the front yard and my dad whooped his ass. Like face punches, monkey stomping, bodyslams. Everything. I'd also seen my dad whoop a guys ass (his girlfriends ex-husband) who jumped him in a parking lot. Dad did not fuck around...

So that punch landed. And nothing. He didn't move. We just looked at each other for a moment. Me being shocked he didn't go down and him being shocked that I punched him. So I did what any billy bad ass would do. I fuckin round kicked him right in his face. He blocked and caught my kick and threw me across the room. It appears that the 60# weight difference really meant something. I took some punches and went fetal. He kept hitting me in the body. I panicked and stood up to run out the door. I got body checked. Everything is fuzzy here. Because I got a concussion. And a cracked skull. He was smashing my head into the wall and hitting a stud. Lots of blood. I just went limp and slumped to the floor.

Suddenly I had a suitcase and we were in the car. It was almost midnight when he dropped me off at the bus station in downtown Dallas with a $20. My shirt was completely covered in blood. Hair was a sticky matted mess. I barely could get the words out for a ticket to Austin.

We don't talk about that.

 

[Sonny Qc]

You gotta translate the messages man. Not everybody here speaks French.

Basically

"I love you"
"I miss you"
"Hey Bae"
"I found the video we made last year, forgot I had my period that day"

 

[ezikel315]

Basically

"I love you"
"I miss you"
"Hey Bae"
"I found the video we made last year, forgot I had my period that day"

She knows how to get a man's attention

 

[High Test With da Best]

At least you were able to enjoy eating the meal fine!

Who's the poster caught talking to themself?

My story's pretty simple and slapstick.

Winter, rural college campus, paved path through campus and roughly 60ft long wooden bridge over stream, one side higher than the other so the bridge angles down from my side to the other.

Been having hard freezes and some ice is on the ground as well as a few inches of fresh snow. Basically zero traction condition. I tell my friend I can run and slide fast enough to make it all the way across the bridge. And then I do it, and I was right!

Then at the end where the bridge-top boards transition back to pavement there's a small lip and the forward edge of my front shoe catches it, fully stopping the movement of my lower body and suddenly I'm airborne like Superman or like sliding in to home plate.

Didn't get hurt too bad because of the fresh snow by remember scraping up my wrists badly in the gap between gloves and coat sleeves. Wish I had that one on video!

 

[Streeter]

Surfing Puerto Escondido. Thinking O could surf well then goung to tbe mexi pipeline and got instantly destroyed and had to helped in by life gaurds on jet skis when I was 20 ft from beach. Most painful hu.bling experience.

On my defense it wasnt supposed to 15 to 25 footers rather like 7 to 10 but I was there and I was going out. I figured tge bottom is sand anyway a wreck won't be that bad. I was wrong everywhere. I got lucky in the paddle out not going over and after forever made it out. First wave I nw er even made drop it was too steep bailed went over falls. Bottom may of been sand at 1 time but was like concrete. Then got hit by 3 more waves as I was caught in current in no mans land . 20 ft from beach and couldn't get there just moving sideways down the beach in the break zone. Then got rescued by life guards. My pride took a beating that day more than body

 

[lakersfan45]

I thought I was peeing in the urinal
But I had a Chicago bulls jacket on that went down to my p**n*s and forgot to pull it up

 

[Otto!]

When I started riding motorcycles I went out for a ride on my own, with just a few days’ worth of experience. I pulled up in this coffee shop for a break. The parking lot was empty.

Just as I was walking out a large group of middle aged riders arrived, about 12 bikes or so. I thought to myself “don’t stall the bike, don’t stall the bike, don’t stall the bike.”

I got on the bike, focused on not stalling it in front of that crowd. Then I accidentally pressed the horn instead of the starter button…. Lol