So I finally finished losing everything

[Mike]

Some of you are aware of my general situation. About five years ago I moved out here for work with my best and last remaining friend. Great success on the finding work, but not much else is working out.

Anyways the first couple years after I moved here I was living on my own. I was struggling, my friend was struggling, so me and him and his family started renting a house together. We've been doing that for three years now. Well some shit popped off and I ended up moving out. I find the way shit played out pretty unforgivable. His wife is a cunt, and her family are the only people I really associate with other than my friend. So my entire small social circle is gone now.

My pseudo family that I've spent every holiday and special occasion with for the last 5 years. And my best friend since 2007. The only thing that's really been a consistent and stable part of my life for the last 15 years. Gone. I've been through so much loss, abandonment, and betrayal that it's basically no big deal now. Never trust anyone or get particularly close to anyone anymore. But this shit stilll stings. I thought I'd already lost everything I could lose. I didn't think I could really lose the last person that gives a shit about me. I'm more mad at myself for ever thinking I can trust anyone or rely on them in any way. Shoulda known better by now.

 

[bandicoot]

I've been there before, bud. I don't have any encouraging quotes or solutions, but I just hope you hang in there.

 

[mozfonky]

Some of you are aware of my general situation. About five years ago I moved out here for work with my best and last remaining friend. Great success on the finding work, but not much else is working out.

Anyways the first couple years after I moved here I was living on my own. I was struggling, my friend was struggling, so me and him and his family started renting a house together. We've been doing that for three years now. Well some shit popped off and I ended up moving out. I find the way shit played out pretty unforgivable. His wife is a cunt, and her family are the only people I really associate with other than my friend. So my entire small social circle is gone now.

My pseudo family that I've spent every holiday and special occasion with for the last 5 years. And my best friend since 2007. The only thing that's really been a consistent and stable part of my life for the last 15 years. Gone. I've been through so much loss, abandonment, and betrayal that it's basically no big deal now. Never trust anyone or get particularly close to anyone anymore. But this shit stilll stings. I thought I'd already lost everything I could lose. I didn't think I could really lose the last person that gives a shit about me. I'm more mad at myself for ever thinking I can trust anyone or rely on them in any way. Shoulda known better by now.

I was there, definitely can do things to your head, i found my mind going towards dark shit for maybe only the second time in my life. But I got through it, hopefully, you do to. humans suck, I stay away from humans as much as humanly possible, turn everything into conflict and drama, and the reason is simple, they are miserable.

 

[Mike]

I'm in my 40s now and haven't formed any sort of new meaningful relationship in over a decade now. I live somewhere strange, that I have no personal connection too. I'm too burned out and fucked up mentally and physically to even do the work I moved out here to do anymore. I'm sick AF and injured and mentally fucking unwell.

I dunno. I just don't know anymore. Whatever I decide to do next, I'm sure it'll be wrong.

 

[Mike]

I was there, definitely can do things to your head, i found my mind going towards dark shit for maybe only the second time in my life. But I got through it, hopefully, you do to. humans suck, I stay away from humans as much as humanly possible, turn everything into conflict and drama, and the reason is simple, they are miserable.

People are cunts. Friends, family, girlfriends, bosses, coworkers, random hobos I meet outside my shitty apartment.

Every relationship I ever have, regardless of the type, ends because the other person just won't fucking stop treating me in fucked up disrespectful ways. And one day I just get sick of it or outlive my usefulness.

I dunno. Nobody ever seems to give a fuck about me other than as an expendable resource to be used.

 

[Mike]

I've been there before, bud. I don't have any encouraging quotes or solutions, but I just hope you hang in there.

Thanks bud. You've always been one of the real ones on here. I know you're walking down a similar path in life.

 

[Plutoburn]

Reading the post, I feel like you don't really hold yourself much accountable for how the situation in your life get to the way it is now. Not trying to play the blame game, I just think if you have some introspection and understand that maybe the change you need have to start with yourself. I think you'd be happier knowing you have more control of your life than you think.

 

[mozfonky]

People are cunts. Friends, family, girlfriends, bosses, coworkers, random hobos I meet outside my shitty apartment.

Every relationship I ever have, regardless of the type, ends because the other person just won't fucking stop treating me in fucked up disrespectful ways. And one day I just get sick of it or outlive my usefulness.

I dunno. Nobody ever seems to give a fuck about me other than as an expendable resource to be used.

Yup, I know, i feel like a doormat, I changed my cell a few months ago. I do feel like I give more than I take these days, wasn't always like that. But I know for a fact that people wouldn't interrupt their lives to do for me what I do for them, I just have to stop being so kind, I'm (we're) here now, have to try to make the best of it.

I really think a lot of that "expendable resource" feeling is just really not conscious on people's parts, we're taught to see everything as a infinite resource, even people. It's not all our faults.

 

[Tone C]

*hugs*

All I got but seems like you need one.

 

[fingercuffs]

I'm in my 40s now and haven't formed any sort of new meaningful relationship in over a decade now. I live somewhere strange, that I have no personal connection too. I'm too burned out and fucked up mentally and physically to even do the work I moved out here to do anymore. I'm sick AF and injured and mentally fucking unwell.

I dunno. I just don't know anymore. Whatever I decide to do next, I'm sure it'll be wrong.

Oh, Mikey.
I'm not jinxing but it can't get much worse. What is your living situation after this nightmare? Like, right now? If you CAN go to work after a couple of days will you be welcomed back? Your belongings in a dwelling rather than your car?

 

[mozfonky]

Reading the post, I feel like you don't really hold yourself much accountable for how the situation in your life get to the way it is now. Not trying to play the blame game, I just think if you have some introspection and understand that maybe the change you need have to start with yourself. I think you'd be happier knowing you have more control of your life than you think.

One thing many people need to hold themselves accountable for is what they tolerate. Most people tolerate a lot of ridiculous shit, enough people do that and it's hard to be the odd man out who doesn't, that much I know.

 

[mozfonky]

I'm in my 40s now and haven't formed any sort of new meaningful relationship in over a decade now. I live somewhere strange, that I have no personal connection too. I'm too burned out and fucked up mentally and physically to even do the work I moved out here to do anymore. I'm sick AF and injured and mentally fucking unwell.

I dunno. I just don't know anymore. Whatever I decide to do next, I'm sure it'll be wrong.

how do you work though? Surely you still work?

 

[fingercuffs]

Reading the post, I feel like you don't really hold yourself much accountable for how the situation in your life get to the way it is now. Not trying to play the blame game, I just think if you have some introspection and understand that maybe the change you need have to start with yourself. I think you'd be happier knowing you have more control of your life than you think.

Oh bugger off.In the long term definitely, but this isn't possible right now is it?

 

[no fat chicks]

Keep pushing forward man. Join a gym. Go sauna. Find a hobby.

Things suck now, but if you can just save up enough to go somewhere warm and bang some hookers it will all be worth it

 

[fingercuffs]

Keep pushing forward man. Join a gym. Go sauna. Find a hobby.

Things suck now, but if you can just save up enough to go somewhere warm and bang some hookers it will all be worth it

Of which all cost money. Heaps. Way to cheer him up, unless you're willing to pony up..

 

[Mike]

Reading the post, I feel like you don't really hold yourself much accountable for how the situation in your life get to the way it is now. Not trying to play the blame game, I just think if you have some introspection and understand that maybe the change you need have to start with yourself. I think you'd be happier knowing you have more control of your life than you think.

Haha ok. Actually I tend to blame myself for everything that ever goes wrong. But there's always another chance to feel like shit, so thanks.

 

[mozfonky]

not telling you what to do but I always pray.

 

[no fat chicks]

I'd probably scour facebook marketplace for a almost free camper or travel trailer. They pop up quite a bit. Live in that bad boy.

 

[Mike]

how do you work though? Surely you still work?

Yeah I just got off work a couple hours ago. I was doing warehouse work which was better paying, but last November I got fed up and quit. Bounced thru 2 more warehouse jobs I hated, then ended up at the shitty job I'm at now. It pays (barely) enough to get by.

Oh, Mikey.
I'm not jinxing but it can't get much worse. What is your living situation after this nightmare? Like, right now? If you CAN go to work after a couple of days will you be welcomed back? Your belongings in a dwelling rather than your car?

I got basically thrown out. They weren't really in a position to throw me out, but I'm exhausted and I don't want to fight anymore so I let it happen. I'm living in a tiny apartment downtown that I got about a week ago.

 

[Plutoburn]

Haha ok. Actually I tend to blame myself for everything that ever goes wrong. But there's always another chance to feel like shit, so thanks.

There is a difference between blaming yourself and holding yourself accountable. If what you're saying is true, then you're doing too much of the former and not enough of the latter.

Oh bugger off.In the long term definitely, but this isn't possible right now is it?

Why not?