Raising a child from the get go with 50/50 custody

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Blackdanger***

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Who has experienced this here? Tips? Pointers?

How fucked up will the child be being raised by parents who are not together right from start?
 
My only experience is that you need to get it in writing and do it fast. Generally, joint custody still awards 1 parent as the primary, and the other still pays child support. A common schedule is every Wed, and alternating weekends. "Professionals" believe that having 1 primary home is more stable for the child, which is absolute bullshit. Joint is a fucking slap in the face especially if the other half decides to complicate things. If you can get 50/50 go for it and for fucks sake do it before she changes her mind. Kids are durable, they'll be fine...just do what you can to be in their lives as much as possible.

Yes, you could figure out a lot about how my divorce went down from this post. Trust me, I'm not a happy person today.
 
Blackdanger said:
i will try to get 100%. she's an unfit mother and i'm a total idiot
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If she works and has a home she is a fit parent and you're going to lose. If you can get 50/50...essentially a custom agreement, at least in Ohio, do it. Don't piss her off.
 
she smokes alot of weed but she says she is clean since finding out she's pregnant. I'm still not sure the kid is mine, but it could be.

If i can find a way to prove she's on drugs i wonder if i could get full custody.
 
Just whatever you do, realize that as parents of the child you both will need to work together in the best interests of your kid. Do not ever use the kid as a weapon in fights against one another.
 
1st try to keep the state out of it.
2nd document every visit and keep receipts.

If you have to go to court. You will not get full custody.
She will get full physical custody and you both will split joint legal custody.
 
Count Zero said:
Just whatever you do, realize that as parents of the child you both will need to work together in the best interests of your kid. Do not ever use the kid as a weapon in fights against one another.
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this

Do not pick a fight you can't win
 
I think a lot of people have this false idea about children of divorced parents growing up "Fucked up".
It's a fallacy.

Either you have good parents or you don't. If you have shitty parents, you will be fucked up, and there are a lot of shitty couples out there.

Just raise your kid with principles, empathy and love and it will be okay. Make sure you're on the same page with the other parent at all times, no matter how hard that may be.
 
Blackdanger said:
she smokes alot of weed but she says she is clean since finding out she's pregnant. I'm still not sure the kid is mine, but it could be.

If i can find a way to prove she's on drugs i wonder if i could get full custody.
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The judge won't give a shit. Trust me. Go for 50/50. I make no reservations about being a pothead, but that's the most questionable thing I do. I'm a fucking saint compared to the X, and shedding her in a bad light worked against me when she went back on what we agreed to. I lost everything, in what should have been a landslide in my favor. Get 50/50. Get a DNA test. No exceptions. Court gives 0 fucks about pot in something like this and even if they did she has time to change all of that. You want both parents in the child's life as much as possible, regardless what you think about the other half.

P.S. Pregnancy can make women crazy....I mean that literally. Their biological make up can get all fucked up. I'd give it some time dude. Their hormonal changes don't stop the instant the child pops out either.
 
Not a problem. Doing it that way from the get go is a heck of a lot better than doing it during their formative years.
 
Yompton said:
Big YES. This is done by growing up and being civil. It may work, it may not. It's worth a try though.
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Yes Sir, my daughter was born one month after I turned 21.

We stayed together till she was 2. After we broke I paid child support directly to her mother(no state involved), 300$ a month based on a 11$ hr job. I got a better job and she wanted more $$.

I stupidly said take me to court, I already pay, how much more can they take (her new husband made 100k a yr)

678$ a month that's what.


fffuuuccckkk
 
Jacket time said:
Yes Sir, my daughter was born one month after I turned 21.

We stayed together till she was 2. After we broke I paid child support directly to her mother(no state involved), 300$ a month based on a 11$ hr job. I got a better job and she wanted more $$.

I stupidly said take me to court, I already pay, how much more can they take (her new husband made 100k a yr)

678$ a month that's what.


fffuuuccckkk
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Yep, that's 300+ you don't get to spend on your kid. Mommy gets those kudos. In reality, you should only have to pay half the difference between a single apt from a two bed, half of the child's food, and a little extra for hygenial/living necessities. Instead you get stuck with a rent payment plus cable. It's bullshit, and it's unfair to males. You should be entitled to have a fair amount of cash for you, so you can have things for the kids. It is what it is though.
 
Yompton said:
Yep, that's 300+ you don't get to spend on your kid. Mommy gets those kudos. In reality, you should only have to pay half the difference between a single apt from a two bed, half of the child's food, and a little extra for hygenial/living necessities. Instead you get stuck with a rent payment plus cable. It's bullshit, and it's unfair to males. You should be entitled to have a fair amount of cash for you, so you can have things for the kids. It is what it is though.
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Yep....totally unfair

678 a month plus, 50% custody (includes food, the movies, going out to eat, food for sleepovers, cable in her room, 5$ nick nacks @ the store, spending $$ for the ice rick, etc)

that 678$ really turned into over 1k a month

And I don't even get to claim her on my taxes....that's 3,500$ a yr.... I don't see any of that $$,
I should...imo
 
I have a 6 year old that I share custody with since the day he was born. His mom and I were just fuck buddies and she got pregnant. The first 3 years were really hard because she always threatened to take me to court if I didnt do everything she said. I payed for everything for him since day 1.

The past 3 years he has been with me full time. He sees her every other weekend. We never went to court I just pretty much put my foot down and told her to take me to see what happens. The bitch is 28 and would still rather party then spend time with him so she likes the freedom she has not having to take care of him all the time.

TS its gonna be hard as fuck for the first few years but just keep your head up and be the best Dad you can be. Try to stay calm and rational when the broad is yelling and threatening you. Try to save all negative texts and voicemails from her. If she wants something certain make her text you the info or leave you a message. I did all this and last time she threatened me I showed her all the shit I had saved up and she realized not to fuck with me.

Also NEVER under any circumstance give her money. Write a check and note on the check its for your kid and what its for. Trust me if you do this it will make it much easier.
 
Squirting Gun said:
I have a 6 year old that I share custody with since the day he was born. His mom and I were just fuck buddies and she got pregnant. The first 3 years were really hard because she always threatened to take me to court if I didnt do everything she said. I payed for everything for him since day 1.

The past 3 years he has been with me full time. He sees her every other weekend. We never went to court I just pretty much put my foot down and told her to take me to see what happens. The bitch is 28 and would still rather party then spend time with him so she likes the freedom she has not having to take care of him all the time.

TS its gonna be hard as fuck for the first few years but just keep your head up and be the best Dad you can be. Try to stay calm and rational when the broad is yelling and threatening you. Try to save all negative texts and voicemails from her. If she wants something certain make her text you the info or leave you a message. I did all this and last time she threatened me I showed her all the shit I had saved up and she realized not to fuck with me.

Also NEVER under any circumstance give her money. Write a check and note on the check its for your kid and what its for. Trust me if you do this it will make it much easier.
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great advice exactly what i was looking for. I had already thought about saving emails/texts/voicemail. and will actually encourage her to communicate with me that way.

didnt think of checks. but its a great idea.

i really dont have a problem with keeping the child 100% of the time given its mine. I'm sure i would be a fit father even if i made a big mistake by getting her pregnant. At this point all i'm thinking about is the childs wellbeing.
 
Squirting Gun said:
I have a 6 year old that I share custody with since the day he was born. His mom and I were just fuck buddies and she got pregnant. The first 3 years were really hard because she always threatened to take me to court if I didnt do everything she said. I payed for everything for him since day 1.

The past 3 years he has been with me full time. He sees her every other weekend. We never went to court I just pretty much put my foot down and told her to take me to see what happens. The bitch is 28 and would still rather party then spend time with him so she likes the freedom she has not having to take care of him all the time.

TS its gonna be hard as fuck for the first few years but just keep your head up and be the best Dad you can be. Try to stay calm and rational when the broad is yelling and threatening you. Try to save all negative texts and voicemails from her. If she wants something certain make her text you the info or leave you a message. I did all this and last time she threatened me I showed her all the shit I had saved up and she realized not to fuck with me.

Also NEVER under any circumstance give her money. Write a check and note on the check its for your kid and what its for. Trust me if you do this it will make it much easier.
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Some good advise while waiting to get everything sorted out. Beyond that, don't play the threats game TS. You, like this gentleman, may think you have some real good dirt to cover your ass, and you'll get a rude awakening when its all said and done. Gun, you're extremely lucky she didnt call you on it.
 
You and I are in a seemingly same boat... Welcome aboard and enjoy my post , so I got this girl prego...
 
Blackdanger said:
great advice exactly what i was looking for. I had already thought about saving emails/texts/voicemail. and will actually encourage her to communicate with me that way.

didnt think of checks. but its a great idea.

i really dont have a problem with keeping the child 100% of the time given its mine. I'm sure i would be a fit father even if i made a big mistake by getting her pregnant. At this point all i'm thinking about is the childs wellbeing.
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You have a good mindset going into this but just make sure when it gets hard you keep positive. She is a women and will try to bring you down and use threats to get you to do what she wants. My sons mom was cool at first but as time went on and I started making more money she became a total lunatic. You just need to keep the communication with her open and calm. When you want to put your fist through her face for being a ****, just remember a drywall patch is much easier to fix.

If you have any other questions just ask. I have been through everything you can possibly think of with this.
Yompton said:
Some good advise while waiting to get everything sorted out. Beyond that, don't play the threats game TS. You, like this gentleman, may think you have some real good dirt to cover your ass, and you'll get a rude awakening when its all said and done. Gun, you're extremely lucky she didnt call you on it.
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The first 2 years yes I was lucky. Her parents actually told her not to take me to court because I was doing everything I needed to and then some. By the time he was 3 he had my last name, insurance through me and lived under my residence. The worst that would have happened would have been 50/50 at that point. I live in CA which is a huge pro mommy state so there is always a little doubt in my head that it would go bad if she really pushed it.
 
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