The following Raw review is dedicated to
@lakersfan45
What a Raw to follow up Mania!
This new announcer sucks...but I think he's better than Cole.
Riddle vs Lashley! Something new and exciting we haven't seen 50 times already in the last few months. Please stop these backstage bits with Riddle...they suck. This match was ok the first couple times we saw it...but I can't imagine anyone enjoying or caring about the 500th go around.
Rhea does her first promo as champ...and it's the same generic shit everyone says...but she gets loud for the last sentence so I know she's super serial!
The War Machine Raiders Viking Raiders Experience Raiders are ruined forever. There is no way to get the stink of sexy Ivar, turkey legs, and fattie shits himself off this team. They will forever be losers at the local renaissance fair at this point. The best part of the match was new guy announcer thinking Eric Ivar was one guy's name. Cedric is nothing without the Hurt Business. Hopefully they find something worthwhile to do with Shelton.
Turn Asuka back heel. You guys can't figure her out on the main roster as a face.
Charlotte Flair is back...and immediately back in the title hunt...and I'm sure she'll make Asuka and Rhea look stupid for the next few months until she gets title 13. Daddy's record here we come...just what we all want to see. Side note...did she spend the entire time she was at home the last few weeks with her head dipped in botox?
Rhea looks like a tranny. Look...I'm not saying you guys that are attracted to her are gay...I would however like to remind you however that
@GoldenAzazel is lonely right now. Food for thought...most likely sausage...nttawwt.
Asuka vs Rhea was decent...probably would have been better if we weren't all dreading the inevitable interference from Charles.
Morrison is dumb.
Alexa can't go away fast enough. I'd rather watch another 5 Charlotte promos that see any of her stupid Fattie the Clown wannabe shit. I hope Nia eats her.
The sexy muscle friends managed to barely push Snax into a pole...and she seemed angry I guess...or maybe hungry? Probably hungry.
Alexa can fuck off to AEW...the sooner the better. Either that or turn this into a dominatrix demon porn...I'd be ok with that.
Miz tv...bleck. I was really hoping Priest could move on to something better. He should be going after Sheamus. Instead...he's wearing purple. Apparently someone told Vince Cody Hall was a thing and Vince assumed Priest was him. I know they think it being a handicap match protected Priest...but it didn't. Real stars beat Miz and Morrison in handicap matches...so clearly Priest is nothing special. Bleck. Oh no! Miz lost his pants and was in undressed to the exact point of exposed skin he wrestles in on a weekly basis! How embarrassing...the writing, not the situation.
I don't know how she did it...but I'm positive Nia got fatter since the last segment.
Who is this discount Lord Alfred Hayes doing backstage interviews?
And now Nia is doing fake slips...ugh...get Shayna a decent manager and get her as far away from this blimp as possible. Mandy and Platypus get counted out because they'd rather laugh at Snax than beat the tag champs...clearly these titles are super prestigious. Pathetic. Let Asuka and Io be Triple tails again and have them win the belts so at least the matches won't suck.
MVP does a good job as a manager. They need more of them.
I have no interest in Drew vs Lashley again...MVP yelling Bobby is the dastardly heel cheat that's supposed to make me feel for Drew and want to see a rematch? Nope...Drew has been nerfed to dgaf land. Find someone else for Lashley. Braun...nope...he got Fattie the Clowned into dgaf land. Boreton...that doesn't work for me bruther.
Backlash is now Wrestlemania Backlash? The Business has changed forever!
Elias and Ryker are still a thing? Why? New Day have go away heat. Bring back El Vagabundo!
Big sweaty guys stand face to face and yell random stuff but don't fight! Exciting!
Why do the announcers keep talking about Charles' vengeance. Asuka and Rhea didn't do anything to her? I'll just chalk it up to their continuity being shit.
Elias doesn't play a song and New Day make stupid jokes. Good shit pal...minus the good. Somehow this angle is about Shane. The guy in video game tights asking someone else if they think this is a game...fucking hell. Nothing says you're a badass like standing there dumbstruck while New Day do their tired worn out spiel. This match was way too long for Dork Day to beat the 2 Man Jobber Band.
It's Randy Orton...I assume he did a promo because I fell asleep.
Fattie the Clown is the worst thing in wrestling! I will forever curse all of you that said this worthless sack of Nia Jax shit was good. Fuck all of you! I hope you all die of Rex aids! Choking to death on a bag of Foot dicks is too good for anyone who ever liked this God awful fucktard!
Triple threat...don't care...Drew wins...rematches...yay! Fuck.
This show should be thrown into a volcano.
