Protecting Egos

P

Pugilistic

Guest
I was hanging with some people this past weekend and one of the guys in the group started to ask me for tips regarding working out and dieting. He's a chubby, nerdy looking guy. He says he knows he's fat and wants to get a better physique. I'm not an expert so just told him, "I don't know, I just lift weights." He says he looks fat but he's strong and he can lift. He says he can lift his girlfriend whom I know, and she's pretty small so it's not exactly a feat of strength. I'm standing there wondering why this guy is telling me he's strong and why he thinks lifting up his tiny girlfriend is evidence of that. Can't all guys pick up their girlfriends unless they're dating whales? Seems like to me he wanted to convince himself and others that despite his garbage physique, he's "strong" so he can feel better about himself.

This other guy I know one time talked about his time in a US Army special operations unit. I think it was the Green Berets or something. But he quit because it was really hard. I appreciated his honesty because it seemed like something he had a bit of remorse over. But then at the end, he hastily adds, "I'm not a pussy though." I didn't think you were dude.

Is this a reflection of frail egos? Why do some guys add a footnote to their moment of vulnerability? It only makes them look like a tool. Like a guy who asks for advice in the gym but adds that he used to bench so and so but he's just out of practice now. Or a guy who says he's not good with women with the added caveat of these days trying to imply that he's usually good so that other dudes don't think less of him. I'm usually self-deprecating so I don't understand this.
 
In my day!

I'm guilty of this myself I suppose. True story, one time I went to pick up my girlfriend and couldn't. She didn't even budge off the floor.
 
Probably protecting their egos, bc they care about what you think of them.

That is most people. Most people are unsatisfied with their existance, and when they open up and become vulnerable they will do the kinds of things you stated as a defense mechanism.

You probably have the same issues, but in different ways. It isn't uncommon.
 
Last edited:
Bobby Boulders said:
Probably protecting their egos, bc they care about what you think of them.

That is most people. Most people are unsatisfied with their existance, and when they open and up become vulnerable they will do the kinds of things you stated as a defense mechanism.

You probably have the same issues, but in different ways. It isn't uncommon.
Click to expand...
Correct.

Even self deprecation is a form of defense mechanism. It's the protecting of ego without actively protecting the ego. It's a way to show others that you're "better than that".

It's a passive defense mechanism.
 
why would you care if other people talk about how strong they think they are...it seems to me like the one who has a problem with your ego is you TS... if you wouldnt have a problem with your own ego you wouldnt even care about what they say, but you do right....hell at least they only talk about it...you...you took all the time to even create a whole discussion about it.... this is actually a very illustrative case of how you can see your own insecurities reflected on other people, and hell it bothers you...of course it does... its your own issues you are looking at
 
I used to care more than I do, I used to be "fuck you" ready to throw hands over ego guy in middle/high school. I look back on that and feel so foolish for being that way.

Anymore, it's like "whatever" everyone has their opinions and you yourself know deep down if you're fronting. It only stings for real if you're really trying your best and someone still comes along to try and break you over it.
 
Ippy said:
Correct.

Even self deprecation is a form of defense mechanism. It's the protecting of ego without actively protecting the ego. It's a way to show others that you're "better than that".

It's a passive defense mechanism.
Click to expand...

Well said. The interesting element, of course, is that the people who are not afraid of being or appearing to be vulnerable are usually the ones who are most primed to succeed. Think about standup comments who will actively acknowledge and talk frankly about how badly they bombed night after night. They knew they were dying out there, but they didn't try to deny it or downplay it, they used it as feedback to improve their work. They used it as fuel and motivation. Same goes for athletes, actors, etc. The people who only want to appear to be highly competent are the ones who hit a ceiling really quick because you have to look ineffectual and tentative when you're learning something new or expanding beyond your current capacities.

Same goes for relationships as well. People who want to appear to be cool, calm, confident all the time are the ones who have cursory relationships with people. If you want something deeper, you show the vulnerable side along with the strong.
 
ufcfan4 said:
Well said. The interesting element, of course, is that the people who are not afraid of being or appearing to be vulnerable are usually the ones who are most primed to succeed. Think about standup comments who will actively acknowledge and talk frankly about how badly they bombed night after night. They knew they were dying out there, but they didn't try to deny it or downplay it, they used it as feedback to improve their work. They used it as fuel and motivation. Same goes for athletes, actors, etc. The people who only want to appear to be highly competent are the ones who hit a ceiling really quick because you have to look ineffectual and tentative when you're learning something new or expanding beyond your current capacities.

Same goes for relationships as well. People who want to appear to be cool, calm, confident all the time are the ones who have cursory relationships with people. If you want something deeper, you show the vulnerable side along with the strong.
Click to expand...
Agreed.

The people who are more focused on appearances, and less on actual truth (either by design or without even realizing it) tend to be less successful in any given endeavor than those who are able to sit back and take an honest look at themselves.

The people who are able to sit back and take an honest look at themselves also tend to be integrative complex thinkers.
 
People on Facebook have ego problems.



btw, here's a new term for the decade.
Old saying: You have daddy issues
New saying: You have ego problems
 
By the way, there's a word we have for people who truly don't care what other people think about them. We call them sociopaths.
 
I used to not have ego issues, but I'm just out of practice, bro.
 
Sounds like they're compensating for a perceived deficit of some kind.
 
I've always found it best to be understated, rather than one of those guys who feels a need to promote themselves. That why I rarely rarely speak of my younger days as a navy seal, presidential bodyguard, and astronaut.
 
Pugilistic said:
I was hanging with some people this past weekend and one of the guys in the group started to ask me for tips regarding working out and dieting. He's a chubby, nerdy looking guy. He says he knows he's fat and wants to get a better physique. I'm not an expert so just told him, "I don't know, I just lift weights." He says he looks fat but he's strong and he can lift. He says he can lift his girlfriend whom I know, and she's pretty small so it's not exactly a feat of strength. I'm standing there wondering why this guy is telling me he's strong and why he thinks lifting up his tiny girlfriend is evidence of that. Can't all guys pick up their girlfriends unless they're dating whales? Seems like to me he wanted to convince himself and others that despite his garbage physique, he's "strong" so he can feel better about himself.

This other guy I know one time talked about his time in a US Army special operations unit. I think it was the Green Berets or something. But he quit because it was really hard. I appreciated his honesty because it seemed like something he had a bit of remorse over. But then at the end, he hastily adds, "I'm not a pussy though." I didn't think you were dude.

Is this a reflection of frail egos? Why do some guys add a footnote to their moment of vulnerability? It only makes them look like a tool. Like a guy who asks for advice in the gym but adds that he used to bench so and so but he's just out of practice now. Or a guy who says he's not good with women with the added caveat of these days trying to imply that he's usually good so that other dudes don't think less of him. I'm usually self-deprecating so I don't understand this.
Click to expand...
Male insecurity and status seeking. Entire industries and many a Ho make a lot of $$ off of this! Confident men don't need to brag or flash their bling to feel good about themselves.
 
Sharon Peters said:
You're not very good at making threads these days.
Click to expand...

Not my best work I have to admit.

thetruth2709 said:
why would you care if other people talk about how strong they think they are...it seems to me like the one who has a problem with your ego is you TS... if you wouldnt have a problem with your own ego you wouldnt even care about what they say, but you do right....hell at least they only talk about it...you...you took all the time to even create a whole discussion about it.... this is actually a very illustrative case of how you can see your own insecurities reflected on other people, and hell it bothers you...of course it does... its your own issues you are looking at
Click to expand...

I thought it'd be a change of pace from the million comic book threads or women bashing threads out there. Sorry for trying to contribute to the forum brah
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

pugilistico
Social Is this an Invite?
2
Replies
32
Views
924
Gene Tunney
Gene Tunney

Latest posts

Forum statistics

Threads
1,254,430
Messages
56,646,514
Members
175,331
Latest member
psykro

Share this page

Back
Top