Relationships Need advice from divorced fellow sherbros

[fungi]

Thanks. Yeah I understand this is not a place to look for advice I'm not that naive but I you never know sometimes you can get good advice from really anybody, I don't like to underestimate people.

Sure, man. Forget about it.

I'll repeat though. I'm anal in that way, I am an analyst after all.

Invest some time, money, and effort, especially effort into family therapy.

Even if you end up divorcing, therapy may and most likely will help and facilitate the process. It may even make your, God forbid, divorce easier, less antagonistic, less traumatic to all the involved, less financially destructive, and more amicable.

That said, keeping the vows is better than breaking them.

The only exception is adultery. Anything is fixable/forgivable. Adultery should always be addressed and dealt with.

I truly wish to you and yours good luck and lotsa strength & patience!

Peace!

 

[migeru29]

Answer the question!

Sickness and in Health? For better, for worse?

What's your point? Yeah you know the answer already when I said that I'm married.

 

[HomeCheese]

Hey man I greatly appreciate taking the time to write this. My posted this because I knew there was at least one sherbro here with that kind of experience. The part that I don't get is that you mention that this change hurt you a little bit professionally? In which aspect and why? I feel that this marriage and busy life is actually what is hurting me professionally, after a divorce my professional life should be piece of cake in contrast to now.

Always made my kids the priority. Instead of staying late to work on a project I left to go t soccer practice. I was living in a city, sold my house when the kids were young and moved to a more rural location so i would not have a commute or mortgage. Made my life as flexible as possible so that I could spend as much time with them as I could. Stuff like this rather than focus on getting promoted or studieng at night to get an MBA.

 

[Law Talkin’ Guy]

Thank you. I'm in California, where are you located?

Alberta, Canada so some of what I could tell you may not be accurate to the way things are dealt with in your state. However, that being said the broad strokes of the law concerning custody, child support, alimony and matrimonial property division seem to be fairly uniform across most common law jurisdictions (ie the US, the UK, Canada, Australia, New Zealand etc)

 

[Dr brakestick]

Thanks for sharing, I'm glad you got 50/50. The name calling does not effect me, actually I feel sorry for her, what does literally "kill" me is when she does it in front of my kids.

I've had that to mate.... It was hard. my lad was 5 when we broke up and she got her war council of friends around her, some of them were pure bitches but the ones who knew us both tried to stay neutral. Kids recognise actions more than words, my ex shouts a lot and goes from 0-100 in a few seconds. My lad is 7 now and his mum's shouting has no effect on him because he just so used to it he ignores it. There is light at the end of the tunnel, try not to be too reactive to her being unreasonable and always ask the question " is this action going to get me what I want in the end" I've done a few things which have made me feel self righteous for a few days but ultimately set me back for my end goal. Good luck man.

 

[Rob Battisti]

Not even thinking about myself... I'm like a f* robot at this point.

focus on getting your mind right. For you and your kids and maybe even the relationship. A robot can’t handle this. Only you at your best can.

 

[Deleted member 506663]

Did you not vow till death do you part?

Congrats! Dumbest thing I have read this morning!
But, in your defense, it's still a little early.

 

[MMAGA]

Just curious..Are you going to hell? Have you always honored your mother and father? Ever coveted your neighbor's wife? Your neighbor's goods? Not honestly represented someone in a conversation?

Yes or no will suffice. The rules are black and white, so elaboration is unnecessary.

No, I'm not going to hell.

No, regarding Mom and Pop...
Yes, I've coveted Mrs. Jones...
No, not their goods, that I can recall...
Yes, I've talked smack about people...

Next question?

 

[MMAGA]

Congrats! Dumbest thing I have read this morning!
But, in your defense, it's still a little early.

Why's it dumb?

Unless your lady cheats on you, you've got no valid reason to call it off after vowing your life to her.

Maybe he should've picked up on the red flags when they started dating.

 

[SuperHoss]

No, I'm not going to hell.

No, regarding Mom and Pop...
Yes, I've coveted Mrs. Jones...
No, not their goods, that I can recall...
Yes, I've talked smack about people...

Next question?

So sorry!

It appears that based on your answers to the remaining questions, you will be going to hell.

Enjoy the rest of your life!

 

[rearnakedchoke]

Where do you live? I know a few people in Ontario who are diverosed. They all got 50/50 custody so that's good.

They all had messy financial isues though.

My kids are older. Going through mediation now. I don’t think finances would be difficult.

 

[MMAGA]

So sorry!

It appears that based on your answers to the remaining questions, you will be going to hell.

Enjoy the rest of your life!

Hate to break it to you, but you don’t get to decide that.

 

[TheHegemon1]

Even more helpful if you have kids.
I've in my marriage 100% for my kids (6 year old son and 4 year old daughter), I never imagine that this could be that fucking hard to just leave my kids just like that. I've living hell for the last 3 years, had to control myself almost on a daily basis to not discuss when my kids are around, but sometimes is nearly impossible and I know this is not healthy for them. I also don't feel at 100% and cannot even be myself when I'm at home, ironically my kids don't really know who his father is when I'm myself and happy camper.

Well I guess you get me by now I'm thinking about the divorce option, but still kills me the unknown of the well being of my kids. How hard was this process for you? How long it took you to deal with it ? Are your kids worse or better now? What were the biggest disadvantages (other than child support) and what were the biggest advantage?

Thanks

It was tough for me but I made it through. Theres no set time to get better, you just move on one day at a time. Probably took me a few years to fully get over it, I jumped pretty quick into dating(hooking up really) and while it was fun it wasn't a big catalyst in me moving on.
As far as my kids, they're great, they adjusted quickly, their mother and I have a very cordial relationship which is absolutely key.
The biggest disadvantage IS child support, it is financially a kick in the balls getting divorced. But it's a small price to pay for my freedom and sanity. I'd say the other hardest part is the time away from the kids, but it allows me to make the most of my time away from them pursuing my own things I enjoy doing, which is just as important. Overall I'm glad I got out, it was definitely the right decision.

 

[Jack Reacheround]

Well I guess you get me by now

No. I definitely do not. Did you read that first paragraph to yourself? I have almost no idea what you are saying. Are you saying you’re only in your marriage for your kids and that they don’t know who their real father is? But that you are a happy camper and also living in misery?