My first GF/first love recently died of an overdose

Sorry to hear that mate. I've often wondered how I would feel if my exs died before me (some bad blood with a couple).

I don't think you have any reason to feel guilty unless you introduced her to drugs.

It's pretty normal to remember the happy times and remember her at her best with fond memories of your time together.

These are all things and feelings other people and our ancestors have experienced many times as well.

You are fortunate to have had those enjoyable times with her and that's likely how she would like to be remembered.
 
I learned my ex of a 3 year relationship died of an od last year as well. It is a weird mindfuck. sorry for your loss
 
On the bright side of things, you were probably not even in the top ten worst things that ever happened to her given how tragic her life was.

Feelings come and go TS. This too shall pass. Condolences and RIP.
 
Very sorry for the loss. You have a kind heart to care after so long. It's never really easy saying goodbye permanently, no matter the time that has elapsed, if the memories are pleasant.
 
Sorry for your loss. I'm shocked you still had stuff from 15 years ago. You must be like my wife she does that kind of crazy stuff. I throw everything in the trash. My memories are in my head, in a digital photo, or they are gone.

Crazy that she went slipped again after having kids. This is why after breaking up with my ex I said to myself no more dating anyone who does any sort of drugs period. I did all kinds of drugs but I didn't want to be involved with women who did anything recreationally or not. Meet my wife and basically hid the fact that I did drugs for months from her. When I finally told her she was in shock and couldn't believe I was high like 99% of the time we hung out. Now my wife will smoke weed with me but that's it.
 
Now I’m sitting here in my office contemplating all the ladies I have smashed in my life and wondering if they are all still alive.

This is going to be a deep day.
 
Long ago now, but my High School sweetheart (roughly 2 years together) was diagnosed with Lymphoid cancer in her junior year (my senior). That actually prompted me to break up with my then gf (I did that girl wrong, and I regret it) because the now sick girl reached out to me when she found out she was ill. I spent the next few months with her through chemo, hospital stays, through hair loss, and erratic behavior. I broke up with her for good when I drove an hour and a half to see her in the hospital, bearing flowers and a copy of Romeo and Juliet (I'd written something sappy in the cover) and she spent the whole time I was there basically ignoring me and flirting on the phone with another cancer patient. This reminded me of why we had split up before and I stormed out after tossing the flowers and book in the nearest bin.
I graduated and joined the Navy, having acquired a new serious girlfriend in the following months. About a year later, I was home from boot camp when she contacted me to return my Letterman's jacket and talk. She was tearful and claimed to have no memory of the way she treated me. I didn't cave this time. Another few months go by and she passes. I am fully in love with my girlfriend now, but this hits me hard. I secretly put flowers on her grave whenever I go went back home for years. I've gone through several (I won't say many) girlfriends since then and am on my second wife, but thinking of her always saddens me.
Say what you will, sherbros, but I contend you never really stop loving someone you really loved.
 
Seahawks Fan said:
My first GF/first love died back in June from a heroin overdose. I didn't find out about it until September when my mother called me and gave me the news. Apparently they found her in her car at a local park after searching for her for 2 days. She had 2 sons and had recently been divorced. I lost contact with her more than 15 years ago so I was surprised how emotionally impacted I was when my mother told me the news. My mom was very fond of her and so attended her wake and funeral. She spoke to some of her family and said that according to them E had been battling addiction for many years, in and out of rehab, and arrested many times for drug possession, petty theft, and prostitution. She had been doing better the last few years: she went to nursing school, got a job, married her addiction counselor and had 2 kids with him. But something changed in her recently and her home life and work life started to sour and she was back to her old tricks and then not long after she was dead.

I only feel ok talking about this now but the last 3 months were grief stricken. Every time I think of her I can't help but remember her as that cute, sweet, innocent girl I met in high school. It's crazy how some memories never die they just get buried, waiting to resurface at the slightest provocation. I went through a box of stuff she had given me long ago and read some old letters, all those naive and innocent dreams were like salt in my wound. I wish I had been better. I wish I loved her more. I know it's crazy to blame myself for what happened to her, but in a way I do. Life can be really unfair sometimes and the sweetest and kindest people can get the worst of it.
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I'm sorry for your loss. May the young lady find some peace at last. My condolences to you and her family.

But don't blame yourself, man. Some people just can't be saved, no matter how much we want to.
 
Fedorgasm said:
Condolences, sherbro. Who initiated the breakup?
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We mutually agreed to split. I left the state for a job opportunity and we tried to maintain the relationship but after about 10 months of doing the long distance thing she said it was too hard for her and that we should split. I didn't want to split but I also knew I wasn't moving back home, so fearing that she would cheat on me (if she already wasn't) I agreed to the breakup. We kept in touch for a few years and I had hope we would reconnect, but then she just fell out of the picture completely.
 
Shaun K said:
Did you ever tell her you were still in love with her?
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We stayed in touch for a few years after the breakup and I'm sure she knew I had a hope that we would reconnect but alas it just didn't work out that way. Life and such🤷
 
Ogata said:
First thing first, sorry for your loss. Even after 15 years, grief for young love is serious business. When you are young, everything has a greater level of impact and that includes love. While when you get older, things lose their impact, be it good or bad. That being said, I am wondering few things:

How long were you guys together?
Did you guys plan to get married?


I ask because you mentioned that you wished you loved her more. Was there talk of marriage or serious relationship and disagreement?
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We were together a little more than 6 years, starting in sophomore year of high school. And yeah, we nade all these grand plans to get married, but a house, have kids etc ... We talked about these things from the very beginning and I think we both really believed in that dream, but alas life has a way of changing plans, no matter how sweet and well intentioned they are....
 
Seahawks Fan said:
My first GF/first love died back in June from a heroin overdose. I didn't find out about it until September when my mother called me and gave me the news. Apparently they found her in her car at a local park after searching for her for 2 days. She had 2 sons and had recently been divorced. I lost contact with her more than 15 years ago so I was surprised how emotionally impacted I was when my mother told me the news. My mom was very fond of her and so attended her wake and funeral. She spoke to some of her family and said that according to them E had been battling addiction for many years, in and out of rehab, and arrested many times for drug possession, petty theft, and prostitution. She had been doing better the last few years: she went to nursing school, got a job, married her addiction counselor and had 2 kids with him. But something changed in her recently and her home life and work life started to sour and she was back to her old tricks and then not long after she was dead.

I only feel ok talking about this now but the last 3 months were grief stricken. Every time I think of her I can't help but remember her as that cute, sweet, innocent girl I met in high school. It's crazy how some memories never die they just get buried, waiting to resurface at the slightest provocation. I went through a box of stuff she had given me long ago and read some old letters, all those naive and innocent dreams were like salt in my wound. I wish I had been better. I wish I loved her more. I know it's crazy to blame myself for what happened to her, but in a way I do. Life can be really unfair sometimes and the sweetest and kindest people can get the worst of it.
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I still have feelings for my X's when I was a young adult.

Not creepy stalker, but I still care about them and hope they're doing ok.

I totally understand how you're feeling
 
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