Jujitsu advice for my daughter...

[DWAYNEAMERICA]

My daughter is 6 years old and excelling at BJJ. She has been in gymnastics since she was 18 months old so she's very strong and has been able to overpower older bigger sparring partners.

The problem I'm having is that she is timid. She is competitive but not aggressive by nature. If she would be a little more explosive from the get-go I know she could perform better. Instead she starts out slow and gives her opponents too much advantage from the start. She consistently allows herself to get in dangerous positions at the beginning, she's usually able to power her way out of it but that's not going to happen as she faces stronger more experienced opponents.

What can I say to her to help her understand this shortcoming and fix it? I don't want to come across as being overly critical or make her feel like she's somehow failing...but I just don't know how to go about instilling the idea that she's not performing to the best of her ability.

Advice from any coaches out there, or anyone who has experience with training kids, would be much appreciated.

 

[Russky]

The only problem that I see here is an obsessive parent who is trying to push little kid way too far.

 

[GODZILLA213]

This video may be for you.

 

[Deleted member 405583]

She’s 6. This is far from anything that sounds worrisome. If she were 15 and up and a serious competitor I would give competition advice but you know......SHES FUCKING 6! Just let her have fun. Let the coaches coach you be the supportive and loving parent, cuz that’s what she needs more than a speech.

 

[DWAYNEAMERICA]

This video may be for you.

Lol...I hear what your saying...and that's why I've kept my opinion to myself. And it's also why I'm asking for advice from those who know more than I do.

In my defence, I don't know of any parent who doesn't want to encourage their kids to be the best that they can be.

 

[DWAYNEAMERICA]

She’s 6. This is far from anything that sounds worrisome. If she were 15 and up and a serious competitor I would give competition advice but you know......SHES FUCKING 6! Just let her have fun. Let the coaches coach you be the supportive and loving parent, cuz that’s what she needs more than a speech.

I agree 100% with everything you've said. I just want to develop and encourage her confidence in an effective way.

What if I had said "my daughter is purposely writing incorrect answers on exams at school because she feels uncomfortable scoring higher than other kids"...would you think that my desire to correct that mindset/behavior is misguided of wrong?

 

[Deleted member 405583]

I agree 100% with everything you've said. I just want to develop and encourage her confidence in an effective way.

What if I had said "my daughter is purposely writing incorrect answers on test at school because she feels uncomfortable scoring higher than other kids"...would you think that my desire to correct that mindset/behavior is misguided of wrong?

Judo is not school. Just be positive and focus on the positives. I’ve coached kids wrestling on and off for 15 years. I’ve coached kids that have wrestled in college and some internationally and the most important piece of advice that I can give for that age group is to just take a step back and let them “play” judo and worry about comp when they get a bit older. You push too hard now they’ll burn out.

 

[DWAYNEAMERICA]

This video may be for you.

Okay, I just watched this video and realized that I have been/am being a douche about my daughter's bjj classes.

I don't yell out instructions while she's training or punish her for bad performances...but I am overly critical.

Thank you for posting this vid. I needed to hear the message this dude has for parents like me.

 

[kpoz12]

Get her on TRT and Horse Meat ASAP before she is passed her prime, bro.

 

[Was at Pride GP 2000]

Okay, I just watched this video and realized that I have been/am being a douche about my daughter's bjj classes.

I don't yell out instructions while she's training or punish her for bad performances...but I am overly critical.

Thank you for posting this vid. I needed to hear the message this dude has for parents like me.

For all the parents out there I would suggest you read The Growth Mindset and The Talent Code.

What we feel is encouraging is positioning our kids to be afraid to fail. These are excellent books and I know it has changed the way I support and encourage my kids.

 

[TheMood]

As others have said she is six. Let her have fun.

I think the book Was at Pride is talking about is called Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. It is worth checking out.

Amazon product ASIN 0345472322

 

[rickjamez]

This reminds me of Pedro Sauer talking about how different people have different personalities that translate into different styles of jiu jitsu on the mat.



As long as she's training and enjoys it enough to keep going at it, you're good.

 

[Daveb]

As a person who teaches Bjj for a living and has a 6 year old daughter in my classes I say just relax. If she is having fun and being well behaved in class then eventually she will figure it all out. Ive seen too many kids start to resent sports because of obnoxious parents

 

[CFGroup]

So u want your daughter to grow up to be a "mean girl" good job!

Encourage her to do well in school not be a insecure competitive bully!

Former geeks run the world former bullies work at the muffler shop!

 

[Dogstarman]

My daughter is 6 years old and excelling at BJJ. She has been in gymnastics since she was 18 months old so she's very strong and has been able to overpower older bigger sparring partners.

The problem I'm having is that she is timid. She is competitive but not aggressive by nature. If she would be a little more explosive from the get-go I know she could perform better. Instead she starts out slow and gives her opponents too much advantage from the start. She consistently allows herself to get in dangerous positions at the beginning, she's usually able to power her way out of it but that's not going to happen as she faces stronger more experienced opponents.

What can I say to her to help her understand this shortcoming and fix it? I don't want to come across as being overly critical or make her feel like she's somehow failing...but I just don't know how to go about instilling the idea that she's not performing to the best of her ability.

Advice from any coaches out there, or anyone who has experience with training kids, would be much appreciated.

I have two children in jiu jitsu. I help teach the kids class. I have also been training bjj for 9 years. You can take or leave his advice, but leave her alone.
You need to let her develop on her own. Just keep it fun for her and don't worry about her being overly aggressive or whatever. One day she will either understand that she can dominate or not. Don't worry about it to much. She is a little girl. Let her be a little girl.

 

[wordspeaker]

Tell her to get better parents.

 

[jack36767]

For all the parents out there I would suggest you read The Growth Mindset and The Talent Code.

What we feel is encouraging is positioning our kids to be afraid to fail. These are excellent books and I know it has changed the way I support and encourage my kids.

You can get the The Growth Mindset for free online from my library system

 

[BJJ_Rage]

Jesus fucking Christ she’s 6... the fuck is wrong with you... keep her going to gymnastics that’s the best type of work out for a child, and Bjj... eventually by the time she’s like 8 or 9 you may be able to get some real talk... now she’s pretty much a baby...

 

[shunyata]

My daughter is 6 years old and excelling at BJJ. She has been in gymnastics since she was 18 months old so she's very strong and has been able to overpower older bigger sparring partners.

The problem I'm having is that she is timid. She is competitive but not aggressive by nature. If she would be a little more explosive from the get-go I know she could perform better. Instead she starts out slow and gives her opponents too much advantage from the start. She consistently allows herself to get in dangerous positions at the beginning, she's usually able to power her way out of it but that's not going to happen as she faces stronger more experienced opponents.

What can I say to her to help her understand this shortcoming and fix it? I don't want to come across as being overly critical or make her feel like she's somehow failing...but I just don't know how to go about instilling the idea that she's not performing to the best of her ability.

Advice from any coaches out there, or anyone who has experience with training kids, would be much appreciated.

Dude, she's 6.

If she has fun in class and not in tourneys, don't put her in tournaments yet.

Look I grew up in Judo in a sport/competition heavy club and we had a girl training regularly since 6 who was a beast but she didn't enjoy competition until she was 8-9+

At that point her parents put her in every tournament she asked to be in, and she stomped most of her divisions.

Just let time happen.





Edit: is this even real or did we all get trolled? Even if we did, some hyper competitive parent could google the title and read this one day and chill themselves out.

 

[Uchi Mata]

The only problem that I see here is an obsessive parent who is trying to push little kid way too far.

@DWAYNEAMERICA I don't want to be that harsh, but the truth is that she's really young, just starting, and the most important thing is for her to enjoy going to BJJ. Unless you think she's not enjoying rolling because of the way she approaches it, then just let her be. Especially if her coach hasn't said anything, you don't need to. Just let her do BJJ and have fun with it, if she ends up getting serious down the line she'll correct these problems anyway. And if not, it'll just be a fun hobby for however long she does it.

I have a three year old son and I struggle sometimes with not teaching him how to do things he's doing 'wrong', but the important thing is for him to enjoy banging on the drums or kicking a soccer ball, not doing it technically correct. Plenty of time that later on.