I hate being a parent

[GoldenGlovez]

That's with makeup of course, you don't want to see her without it.

lol

 

[SheetsMMAfan]

Good Lord man, I wasn't going to read all that but sitting here watching Golden Girls with the wife and kids and a little bored, so I did...

Everyone is built differently. I am sorry you and your wife had problems all revolving around your child's birth. None of what you described sounds like a fun thing to go through, and I hope you guys can get your shit together and move past all of this.

We just had our third kid during all this COVID shit in April. Our daughter is 8, oldest boy is turning 4 next month, and our baby is about 10 months. Daughter had wife in labor all day on her birthday, and right before midnight she was out. Nice birthday present for the wife and easier for me to remember the date myself. She was colicky and unbearable for about the first 6-8 months and life was hell for us.

Our 3.9 year old boy was scheduled as a natural birth. The doctors didn't know he was so big, so she ended up being in labor and on an spinal epidural all day pushing, then rushed into the OR for an emergency C section. Her system was so fucked up by the epidural that even when they started dosing her, she could still feel everything when they started cutting. They had to put her out. Boy wasn't to bad as a baby, not after we went through with our fucking daughter who wouldn't ever stop crying....

Our newest arrival was a scheduled C section. We go in, we get ready for everything, go back, get the kid cut out, and boom, DONE! No, no, no, not yet. I could only stay overnight and then not come back since COVID shit. Once I left, I was out. I had to leave because we didn't have a sitter for 2 days for our kids, and things went well with everything, so I jetted the next day.

Got a call in the AM, wife was in tears. She was in excruciating pain all day and they weren't sure why. They tried to get her up, make her walk and shit, and she felt absolutely awful and constantly in tons of pain. Low and behold, they ran tests on her that night and found out they nicked her bladder during surgery and she had 2 liters of piss going throughout her innards. Nice feeling I am sure. I called and bitched out everyone in the hospital, the head of the hospital called me back and granted me access to come back. Stayed another night then prepped them to leave the next day. Mistakes happen, we get it, life goes on.

This little dude man. Third time is the charm. He is the best, happiest baby we have ever encountered. Just wants to watch music videos or listen to music, laugh and dance. He gets into stuff, sure, but that's a baby/kid for ya.

Point in all of that is, everyone has their story. Everyone that has kids go through shit. Some more than others, yeah, but shit none the less. Not everyone is cut out for it, but once you go through it and get through the other side, it will make you stronger.

I always wanted kids. My parents were shit, their parents were shit, and I know I could do a better job. After having shit parents and seeing what footsteps not to follow, I was super excited to get started with the wife. She is a natural nurturer, and loves kids, so she is a natural. She has rolled with every punch like a trooper, and even donated one of her kidneys and stalled trying for our third child just so her uncle could go without dialisis and shit. Woman is a saint.

Not everyone is built to have kids. But children are a blessing. There are people out there who can't have kids, who try for years and need to pay for intervention or adoption. Children are a treasure. They deserve love and attention no matter how shitty they are. They deserve time invested in molding them into credible, strong adults. Yes, it's tough, life is tough, but you are both in this shit together now. Make the best of it, for the child's sake.

If all else fails, you try everything and still aren't happy, or you feel you both can't give the kid what they need, then try adoption? The kid has every right to a full happy life. It's better the kid grow up with loving parents then to grow up with a woman who was driven crazy by having a kid and without a father who jumped out a window. The work you put into your children are rewarding, maybe you guys should set goals, easy goals, to nip everything in the butt and overcome your current situation. You guys seem like you could use a series of dozens/hundreds of small wins in your life to get your lives back on track, for everyone's health. You guys will get through this and over this in one way or another.

Get your shit in order for the child's sake and for your wives sake. Be there for both of them. If you don't feel like you love your child, then love your wife and be there for her. Be strong, persevere.

 

[rj144]

Imagine when your kid finds this thread in a few years.

 

[Goldentrophy]

Disclaimer: I love my child and I don't intend to abandon him or anything. That being said, I need to vent and if it you think complaining about your wife or kid is unacceptable - GTFO. Yes, #firstworldproblems but "it's still real to me, damn it!"

I never really thought through the idea of having kids. It seemed like something natural, something most people do, not really much of a dilemma. Generally, children have always liked me and would often flock to me ever since I reached my teens - especially kids aged 3 to 10. I'm a single child so perhaps I was unconsciously yearning for a sibling so I never minded hanging out with younger kids. What especially endeared them to me was the fact that I always treated them seriously, almost as equals - kids absolutely love that! Even now, in my 30s, whenever children approach me I never brush them off or ignore them, like some adults do. I listen with care and genuine interest, because sometimes kids really are interesting and smart and speak the simple truths that we, adults, keep forgetting...

Taking all that into account I intended to become a school teacher but my friends and family talked me out of it because, truth be told, a teacher in Eastern Europe earns barely enough money to support himself and is usually sentenced to the job for life, with most of them ending up depressed, disgruntled or alcoholics. I've seen that in the schools I went to. Long story short, I chose finance and management instead and I've been climbing the corporate ladder for the last 10 years. It's not a dream job by any stretch of the imagination but the conditions are decent and so is the pay.

OK, enough background, on to parenting. Like I said, I never gave it much thought. I married a wonderful girl at age 30 and from that day my parents started nagging me about kids. My parents-in-law didn't (as much) but my wife's brother already had kids so we felt some pressure to "catch up". We gave it some time but when my wife's BFF got pregnant she decided it was time for her as well. Surprisingly to us both, pregnancy was a breeze, no issues whatsoever and 17 months ago a healthy and cute little boy was born. That's when shit hit the fan...

My wife was both mentally and physically scarred by the experience and somewhat mistreated by the hospital staff so she developed postpartum depression - and unfortunately so did I. (Yes, men can also get PPD, google it.) We felt like shit parents for the first few months. We couldn't handle the stress and the pressure of responsibility. We're both perfectionists and the chaos that ensued was probably too much for us. We took care of the baby alright, it was well fed and clean and dry etc but we'd just sulk and quarrel constantly. I openly regretted my decision (to have kids) and my wife would be furious whenever I'd mention it. Even worse, my wife loved the little one but I myself could not feel a thing. I was just robotically feeding, cleaning, taking care but feeling emotionally empty inside... I became suicidal at one point. I genuinely went to the top floor in the office building to see if the window could be opened and if there was a clear path for me to drop 10 stories to the ground... it was my wife's birthday and on that day I came home and told her that I contemplated suicide.

Luckily I never submitted to those urges, I abhorred them and did the right thing - went to therapy. The psychologist really helped me, she told me that some men don't develop feelings for their child from day one - and that it was OK. I needed time and help - and I got both. I climbed out of depression and even arranged therapy for my wife - which also helped her. We were able to go on.

Unfortunately this is not the "happy ending". The last 17 months in general has still been insanely hard for both of us. We were both very active before pregnancy - we'd go out, do sports, travel, read a lot, watch movies together etc. All of this vanished - no more dining, no sports, no travel, no time for movies, only audiobooks or podcasts give us some intellectual entertainment during the incessant cleaning. My wife ended up with Hashimoto's thyroiditis and turned into Jabba the Hut with constant mood swings, similar to permanent PMS. My bad back got worse, old injuries came back, even ones I never knew I had. I was always the calm and patient one in our duet but I find myself in fits of rage or depressed more and more often as time passes. And to cap it off, my parents (who were the ones so obsessed with getting a grandchild) were supposed to move countries to live closer to us but have postponed that indefinitely - first due to their oh-so-important day jobs and now due to the pandemic. They visited us TWICE in 17 months.

I'm happy to say that our son is healthy and quick-witted - but this surprisingly often becomes a problem for us. He is constantly reaching for stuff he isn't supposed to touch, getting through any blockade or obstruction we set up to keep him out of danger. He even climbs fucking furniture! Apart from that he is moody, gets annoyed quickly, is VERY loud (even the pediatrician says so) and makes a huge mess out of anything he can get his hands on. The cleaning, wiping, vacuuming, washing and sweeping NEVER ENDS, it's like 90% of what we do every day. Some parents just let their kids run amok and live in a pigsty but we just can't. And don't get me started on the lack of sleep...

Anyway, I woke up to the sound of screams today (as every day) and during my son's third change of clothes within 2 hrs I got really angry with him and with this whole deal. My wife noticed and, though very disgruntled by my behavior, took him out for a walk in the stroller. So I took the PC and went on Sherdog to vent. I guess I'm done now and I feel a bit calmer.

So, am I a shit parent or do you Sherdads have the same feelings sometimes?
Let me know and thanks for reading to the very end - I admire your attention span.

Sounds like my life but just add another child with severe autism and then you have my life.

 

[RetiredSlave]

Read : Robert Munsch - Love You Forever.

Listen : Harry Chapin - Cats in the Cradle.

GL

 

[zuffazombee]

Is your son hitting all his development milestones? Have you considered that he may be on the autism spectrum?

 

[Ommadon]

i had a lot of pets growing up as a kid and remembered how much work they were...definitely wanted to avoid that in my adult life

i also would never bring another life into this world

 

[bandicoot]

Posts like this remind me that even people with vastly different political opinions than mine are still good people.

No offense, but it's really disturbing that you would need to be reminded that political ideology has no bearing on a person's values or compassion.

You might want to consider tuning out from politics for a while.

 

[deadshot138]

Sounds like my life but just add another child with severe autism and then you have my life.

Holy shit dude you're in my prayers. Some severe autistic kids end up in residential treatment facilities because they make life such hell for everyone at home

 

[deadshot138]

I hated parenting in the beginning despite having 2 beautiful, healthy, mostly well-behaved girls. Adjusting to a newborn when you're used to doing whatever you want is quite a shock. Throw in lack of sleep and things start to get dicey. Both of mine are over a year now and are tons of fun and a joy to hang out with. It was my own selfishness that made me despise parenting but honestly its something you just grow into.

 

[HeffDoesWant]

Kids are pretty boring the first year and a half.

A friend once talked about an idea called 100 days of darkness, which is am accurate description of the first few months.

 

[Hotora86]

I have no problem calling wives names but calling your kid “it” is F’d UP. Please for the love of god, don’t do anything stupid.

For fuck's sake, I only wrote "it" because that's how I was taught to refer to babies in English (i.e. IT'S A BABY). English is not my 1st language, I can make mistakes!!!

I am NOT dehumanizing my son!!! I even corrected the OP, would you ppl just get over it?!

 

[-Magua-]

I’d be in the same shoes feeling wise or worse TS. I knew in my early twenties, that having kids was not for me instinctually.

That said, I’m the favorite uncle to both my sisters and brothers kids (back in NY & Florida respectively) same goes for my 3 cousins sets of kids here in PH.

I’m not irresponsible or overtly self centered, but I do not believe I’d make a good father as my hearts not into that path.

 

[Nada.]

Disclaimer: I love my child and I don't intend to abandon him or anything. That being said, I need to vent and if it you think complaining about your wife or kid is unacceptable - GTFO. Yes, #firstworldproblems but "it's still real to me, damn it!"

I never really thought through the idea of having kids. It seemed like something natural, something most people do, not really much of a dilemma. Generally, children have always liked me and would often flock to me ever since I reached my teens - especially kids aged 3 to 10. I'm a single child so perhaps I was unconsciously yearning for a sibling so I never minded hanging out with younger kids. What especially endeared them to me was the fact that I always treated them seriously, almost as equals - kids absolutely love that! Even now, in my 30s, whenever children approach me I never brush them off or ignore them, like some adults do. I listen with care and genuine interest, because sometimes kids really are interesting and smart and speak the simple truths that we, adults, keep forgetting...

Taking all that into account I intended to become a school teacher but my friends and family talked me out of it because, truth be told, a teacher in Eastern Europe earns barely enough money to support himself and is usually sentenced to the job for life, with most of them ending up depressed, disgruntled or alcoholics. I've seen that in the schools I went to. Long story short, I chose finance and management instead and I've been climbing the corporate ladder for the last 10 years. It's not a dream job by any stretch of the imagination but the conditions are decent and so is the pay.

OK, enough background, on to parenting. Like I said, I never gave it much thought. I married a wonderful girl at age 30 and from that day my parents started nagging me about kids. My parents-in-law didn't (as much) but my wife's brother already had kids so we felt some pressure to "catch up". We gave it some time but when my wife's BFF got pregnant she decided it was time for her as well. Surprisingly to us both, pregnancy was a breeze, no issues whatsoever and 17 months ago a healthy and cute little boy was born. That's when shit hit the fan...

My wife was both mentally and physically scarred by the experience and somewhat mistreated by the hospital staff so she developed postpartum depression - and unfortunately so did I. (Yes, men can also get PPD, google it.) We felt like shit parents for the first few months. We couldn't handle the stress and the pressure of responsibility. We're both perfectionists and the chaos that ensued was probably too much for us. We took care of the baby alright, it was well fed and clean and dry etc but we'd just sulk and quarrel constantly. I openly regretted my decision (to have kids) and my wife would be furious whenever I'd mention it. Even worse, my wife loved the little one but I myself could not feel a thing. I was just robotically feeding, cleaning, taking care but feeling emotionally empty inside... I became suicidal at one point. I genuinely went to the top floor in the office building to see if the window could be opened and if there was a clear path for me to drop 10 stories to the ground... it was my wife's birthday and on that day I came home and told her that I contemplated suicide.

Luckily I never submitted to those urges, I abhorred them and did the right thing - went to therapy. The psychologist really helped me, she told me that some men don't develop feelings for their child from day one - and that it was OK. I needed time and help - and I got both. I climbed out of depression and even arranged therapy for my wife - which also helped her. We were able to go on.

Unfortunately this is not the "happy ending". The last 17 months in general has still been insanely hard for both of us. We were both very active before pregnancy - we'd go out, do sports, travel, read a lot, watch movies together etc. All of this vanished - no more dining, no sports, no travel, no time for movies, only audiobooks or podcasts give us some intellectual entertainment during the incessant cleaning. My wife ended up with Hashimoto's thyroiditis and turned into Jabba the Hut with constant mood swings, similar to permanent PMS. My bad back got worse, old injuries came back, even ones I never knew I had. I was always the calm and patient one in our duet but I find myself in fits of rage or depressed more and more often as time passes. And to cap it off, my parents (who were the ones so obsessed with getting a grandchild) were supposed to move countries to live closer to us but have postponed that indefinitely - first due to their oh-so-important day jobs and now due to the pandemic. They visited us TWICE in 17 months.

I'm happy to say that our son is healthy and quick-witted - but this surprisingly often becomes a problem for us. He is constantly reaching for stuff he isn't supposed to touch, getting through any blockade or obstruction we set up to keep him out of danger. He even climbs fucking furniture! Apart from that he is moody, gets annoyed quickly, is VERY loud (even the pediatrician says so) and makes a huge mess out of anything he can get his hands on. The cleaning, wiping, vacuuming, washing and sweeping NEVER ENDS, it's like 90% of what we do every day. Some parents just let their kids run amok and live in a pigsty but we just can't. And don't get me started on the lack of sleep...

Anyway, I woke up to the sound of screams today (as every day) and during my son's third change of clothes within 2 hrs I got really angry with him and with this whole deal. My wife noticed and, though very disgruntled by my behavior, took him out for a walk in the stroller. So I took the PC and went on Sherdog to vent. I guess I'm done now and I feel a bit calmer.

So, am I a shit parent or do you Sherdads have the same feelings sometimes?
Let me know and thanks for reading to the very end - I admire your attention span.

Believe me, it will get better really soon. When I carried my freshly born son in a sling I regularly had thoughts of hanging myself on the next tree with him still attached and now, at 4 1/2 years I'm having the best time of my life with him.

Fathers need time to connect with their child.

Good luck and stay strong! If you think you can't take it anymore, get yourself a room and take two days off per week. You and your wife have to take care of yourselfs in order to take care for someone else.

 

[Hotora86]

Imagine when your kid finds this thread in a few years.

Mods, please delete the thread.

 

[Phlog]

Sounds like my life but just add another child with severe autism and then you have my life.

You never know how strong you are till your tested!

Severe is hard man, I can't imagine. My son's a treasure, only a little that way inclined.

Wife is disabled with Ehlers Danlos syndrome, at one point was on the verge of a life in a wheelchair but managed to pull for the better.

Having to hear my 6yr old tell me he feels 'life sick' or that he doesn't want to live or to not live is as bad as it's got. Cut me to the bone, but lockdown happened at the right time, school was too much for him and I've been able to give him a better quality of life and hopefully a better outlook.

Anyway, just to say I feel for you whilst talking about myself.

 

[SalvadorCollie]

If I have one God willing she let’s me know.

Never found a mother I wanted to raise my child, yet I always wanted a kid.

Shit happens.

Current gal is on an IUD and I don’t think a conservative/lib/pro religion/anti religion household is child worthy. We deserve to die old and alone rather than confuse the fuck out of a child.

 

[Dreaming Dead]

Holy shit dude you're in my prayers. Some severe autistic kids end up in residential treatment facilities because they make life such hell for everyone at home

My uncle has a kid with severe autism. His life is pretty much ruined, specially living in a third world country, and without a lot of resources. It's sad.

 

[IloveTHIS]

I can kind of relate. Sometimes when I get home from a long day at work and my cat immediately wants attention and food the second I walk through the door..man its challenging. Not to mention the never ending battle with furr everywhere. But hey this is a slight price to pay for the gift of our children.

 

[eternaldarkness]

Weigh it up against a meaningless life...
It might be fun being selfish for a while but then...