I hate being a parent

[Hotora86]

A lot of what you are saying seems pretty normal. The first three years with my oldest daughter were some of the hardest of my life. It's a tough and often thankless job. But it's probably the most important thing you'll do in your life. It's good you are questioning your performance, that shows that you haven't checked out. Be tough on yourself by forcing yourself to do the right thing, but also be easy on yourself by recognizing that what you are doing is difficult.

I'd also like to encourage you to think hard about your child's experience. If the next 5 years of your life are shit, it's not that big a deal. But if the next 5 years of your child's life are shit, it can ruin them. Whenever you shoulder a burden in support of your child, it pays dividends for the rest of their life.

Wow, that's deep.
Thanks, Old Man.

 

[Amerikuracana]

The guy you quoted probably doesn't even have kids.

Pretty sure not

 

[Amerikuracana]

That claim may very well be true(I dont know, so i wont argue it), but taking the behavior of a group of women in a specific socioeconomic situation, and conflating it with all womens behavior, is a huge leap.

Everything I've read on the subject(which was a fair bit, having just had my first kid) and anything I've heard anecdotally says that women(particularly with kids who are solely breast fed), bond far more easily than men.

The OP isn't weird for struggling with it, and his situation was clearly worsened by mental health issues.

I was harsh, but I’m losing patience with people who don’t have kindness and love towards children as a natural part of their person.

 

[Hotora86]

That’s normal for a 17 month old. Our daughter does all the same stuff. Man up and deal with it. For myself, I find all of it funny as hell. She makes me burst out laughing often with all the climbing and other shit she pulls.

The new parent/newborn stuff is also normal.....no sleep, feeling at a loss, like you’re a failure of a parent and nothing seems to be smooth about any of it, etc. All of what you’re going through with your kid is normal.

Here are a few pics of what she got into the other day:

View attachment 825043
View attachment 825044
View attachment 825045

Yes, that’s the wife’s makeup. Guess she wants in on the fun too. Little shit.

And just general bitchiness:
View attachment 825049

All of this shit is always hilarious to me. Maybe I’m weird.

Beautiful! Thanks so much for sharing, made me lol.

 

[Hotora86]

i am 49 and never wanted a kid,
so i never had one
and i know its the right decision for me

I support your decision.

 

[Mr Mojo Lane]

I think my sister and brother in law are really jealous of me b/c I'm single w/ no kids

 

[Hotora86]

Oh and TS: this will be harsher than my first post above, but I need to say it nevertheless: don't be a pussy.
My feelings, your feelings are irrelevant, now. We have a duty to our respective families and forfeited our right to be selfish the moment we conceived.
Now your priority is to give a good, warm childhood to your child. The rest is for the birds. Fuck your feelings, you are a father.

OK, harsh but warranted.
I will do my best!!

 

[KBE6EKCTAH_CCP]

This is an unhealthy outlook. Your life must have been either boring or shit before you had a kid. They aren't supposed to become your identity and this attitude can lead to the very resentment TS is feeling. There's a healthy balance.

No not even close. I had a pretty cool, carefree life before I had my daughter. But I know what priorities should be.

 

[Bubzeh]

Only on page 4 but you and the wife seem a lil OCD such as myself. As soon as the kid is old enough, get it cleaning and tidying up. Sorted.

Man up until then.

 

[KBE6EKCTAH_CCP]

OK, harsh but warranted.
I will do my best!!

I know you will.

 

[Hotora86]

Something everyone needs to ponder before parenthood is if they're ready to flush their lives as they know it down the drain and endure a period of unspeakable mental, physical, emotional and financial hardship.

I've done it twice, call me a masochist.

You're a masochist

 

[AnGrYcRoW]

The guy you quoted probably doesn't even have kids.

Tag me you spineless bitch , I have one twelve year old son and have been with my wife since 89 ,I also had a large hand in raising my wife's youngest brother from the age of 5, I can pretty much gaurantee I'm better at parenting and relationships than you can ever hope to be .

 

[AnGrYcRoW]

Pretty sure not

As with most things , you'd be wrong .

 

[SalvadorAllende]

I'm actually questioning if I want to have children or not and openly discussing with my girl.

BTW.. I would outsource everything I could in your place: cleaning, babysitting, etc. You and your wife are clearly overboarded and need all the help you can get.

 

[pakimahi]

Disclaimer: I love my child and I don't intend to abandon him or anything. That being said, I need to vent and if it you think complaining about your wife or kid is unacceptable - GTFO. Yes, #firstworldproblems but "it's still real to me, damn it!"

I never really thought through the idea of having kids. It seemed like something natural, something most people do, not really much of a dilemma. Generally, children have always liked me and would often flock to me ever since I reached my teens - especially kids aged 3 to 10. I'm a single child so perhaps I was unconsciously yearning for a sibling so I never minded hanging out with younger kids. What especially endeared them to me was the fact that I always treated them seriously, almost as equals - kids absolutely love that! Even now, in my 30s, whenever children approach me I never brush them off or ignore them, like some adults do. I listen with care and genuine interest, because sometimes kids really are interesting and smart and speak the simple truths that we, adults, keep forgetting...

Taking all that into account I intended to become a school teacher but my friends and family talked me out of it because, truth be told, a teacher in Eastern Europe earns barely enough money to support himself and is usually sentenced to the job for life, with most of them ending up depressed, disgruntled or alcoholics. I've seen that in the schools I went to. Long story short, I chose finance and management instead and I've been climbing the corporate ladder for the last 10 years. It's not a dream job by any stretch of the imagination but the conditions are decent and so is the pay.

OK, enough background, on to parenting. Like I said, I never gave it much thought. I married a wonderful girl at age 30 and from that day my parents started nagging me about kids. My parents-in-law didn't (as much) but my wife's brother already had kids so we felt some pressure to "catch up". We gave it some time but when my wife's BFF got pregnant she decided it was time for her as well. Surprisingly to us both, pregnancy was a breeze, no issues whatsoever and 17 months ago a healthy and cute little boy was born. That's when shit hit the fan...

My wife was both mentally and physically scarred by the experience and somewhat mistreated by the hospital staff so she developed postpartum depression - and unfortunately so did I. (Yes, men can also get PPD, google it.) We felt like shit parents for the first few months. We couldn't handle the stress and the pressure of responsibility. We're both perfectionists and the chaos that ensued was probably too much for us. We took care of the baby alright, it was well fed and clean and dry etc but we'd just sulk and quarrel constantly. I openly regretted my decision (to have kids) and my wife would be furious whenever I'd mention it. Even worse, my wife loved the little one but I myself could not feel a thing. I was just robotically feeding, cleaning, taking care but feeling emotionally empty inside... I became suicidal at one point. I genuinely went to the top floor in the office building to see if the window could be opened and if there was a clear path for me to drop 10 stories to the ground... it was my wife's birthday and on that day I came home and told her that I contemplated suicide.

Luckily I never submitted to those urges, I abhorred them and did the right thing - went to therapy. The psychologist really helped me, she told me that some men don't develop feelings for their child from day one - and that it was OK. I needed time and help - and I got both. I climbed out of depression and even arranged therapy for my wife - which also helped her. We were able to go on.

Unfortunately this is not the "happy ending". The last 17 months in general has still been insanely hard for both of us. We were both very active before pregnancy - we'd go out, do sports, travel, read a lot, watch movies together etc. All of this vanished - no more dining, no sports, no travel, no time for movies, only audiobooks or podcasts give us some intellectual entertainment during the incessant cleaning. My wife ended up with Hashimoto's thyroiditis and turned into Jabba the Hut with constant mood swings, similar to permanent PMS. My bad back got worse, old injuries came back, even ones I never knew I had. I was always the calm and patient one in our duet but I find myself in fits of rage or depressed more and more often as time passes. And to cap it off, my parents (who were the ones so obsessed with getting a grandchild) were supposed to move countries to live closer to us but have postponed that indefinitely - first due to their oh-so-important day jobs and now due to the pandemic. They visited us TWICE in 17 months.

I'm happy to say that our son is healthy and quick-witted - but this surprisingly often becomes a problem for us. He is constantly reaching for stuff he isn't supposed to touch, getting through any blockade or obstruction we set up to keep him out of danger. He even climbs fucking furniture! Apart from that he is moody, gets annoyed quickly, is VERY loud (even the pediatrician says so) and makes a huge mess out of anything he can get his hands on. The cleaning, wiping, vacuuming, washing and sweeping NEVER ENDS, it's like 90% of what we do every day. Some parents just let their kids run amok and live in a pigsty but we just can't. And don't get me started on the lack of sleep...

Anyway, I woke up to the sound of screams today (as every day) and during my son's third change of clothes within 2 hrs I got really angry with him and with this whole deal. My wife noticed and, though very disgruntled by my behavior, took him out for a walk in the stroller. So I took the PC and went on Sherdog to vent. I guess I'm done now and I feel a bit calmer.

So, am I a shit parent or do you Sherdads have the same feelings sometimes?
Let me know and thanks for reading to the very end - I admire your attention span.

Disclaimer: I love my child and I don't intend to abandon him or anything. That being said, I need to vent and if it you think complaining about your wife or kid is unacceptable - GTFO. Yes, #firstworldproblems but "it's still real to me, damn it!"

I never really thought through the idea of having kids. It seemed like something natural, something most people do, not really much of a dilemma. Generally, children have always liked me and would often flock to me ever since I reached my teens - especially kids aged 3 to 10. I'm a single child so perhaps I was unconsciously yearning for a sibling so I never minded hanging out with younger kids. What especially endeared them to me was the fact that I always treated them seriously, almost as equals - kids absolutely love that! Even now, in my 30s, whenever children approach me I never brush them off or ignore them, like some adults do. I listen with care and genuine interest, because sometimes kids really are interesting and smart and speak the simple truths that we, adults, keep forgetting...

Taking all that into account I intended to become a school teacher but my friends and family talked me out of it because, truth be told, a teacher in Eastern Europe earns barely enough money to support himself and is usually sentenced to the job for life, with most of them ending up depressed, disgruntled or alcoholics. I've seen that in the schools I went to. Long story short, I chose finance and management instead and I've been climbing the corporate ladder for the last 10 years. It's not a dream job by any stretch of the imagination but the conditions are decent and so is the pay.

OK, enough background, on to parenting. Like I said, I never gave it much thought. I married a wonderful girl at age 30 and from that day my parents started nagging me about kids. My parents-in-law didn't (as much) but my wife's brother already had kids so we felt some pressure to "catch up". We gave it some time but when my wife's BFF got pregnant she decided it was time for her as well. Surprisingly to us both, pregnancy was a breeze, no issues whatsoever and 17 months ago a healthy and cute little boy was born. That's when shit hit the fan...

My wife was both mentally and physically scarred by the experience and somewhat mistreated by the hospital staff so she developed postpartum depression - and unfortunately so did I. (Yes, men can also get PPD, google it.) We felt like shit parents for the first few months. We couldn't handle the stress and the pressure of responsibility. We're both perfectionists and the chaos that ensued was probably too much for us. We took care of the baby alright, it was well fed and clean and dry etc but we'd just sulk and quarrel constantly. I openly regretted my decision (to have kids) and my wife would be furious whenever I'd mention it. Even worse, my wife loved the little one but I myself could not feel a thing. I was just robotically feeding, cleaning, taking care but feeling emotionally empty inside... I became suicidal at one point. I genuinely went to the top floor in the office building to see if the window could be opened and if there was a clear path for me to drop 10 stories to the ground... it was my wife's birthday and on that day I came home and told her that I contemplated suicide.

Luckily I never submitted to those urges, I abhorred them and did the right thing - went to therapy. The psychologist really helped me, she told me that some men don't develop feelings for their child from day one - and that it was OK. I needed time and help - and I got both. I climbed out of depression and even arranged therapy for my wife - which also helped her. We were able to go on.

Unfortunately this is not the "happy ending". The last 17 months in general has still been insanely hard for both of us. We were both very active before pregnancy - we'd go out, do sports, travel, read a lot, watch movies together etc. All of this vanished - no more dining, no sports, no travel, no time for movies, only audiobooks or podcasts give us some intellectual entertainment during the incessant cleaning. My wife ended up with Hashimoto's thyroiditis and turned into Jabba the Hut with constant mood swings, similar to permanent PMS. My bad back got worse, old injuries came back, even ones I never knew I had. I was always the calm and patient one in our duet but I find myself in fits of rage or depressed more and more often as time passes. And to cap it off, my parents (who were the ones so obsessed with getting a grandchild) were supposed to move countries to live closer to us but have postponed that indefinitely - first due to their oh-so-important day jobs and now due to the pandemic. They visited us TWICE in 17 months.

I'm happy to say that our son is healthy and quick-witted - but this surprisingly often becomes a problem for us. He is constantly reaching for stuff he isn't supposed to touch, getting through any blockade or obstruction we set up to keep him out of danger. He even climbs fucking furniture! Apart from that he is moody, gets annoyed quickly, is VERY loud (even the pediatrician says so) and makes a huge mess out of anything he can get his hands on. The cleaning, wiping, vacuuming, washing and sweeping NEVER ENDS, it's like 90% of what we do every day. Some parents just let their kids run amok and live in a pigsty but we just can't. And don't get me started on the lack of sleep...

Anyway, I woke up to the sound of screams today (as every day) and during my son's third change of clothes within 2 hrs I got really angry with him and with this whole deal. My wife noticed and, though very disgruntled by my behavior, took him out for a walk in the stroller. So I took the PC and went on Sherdog to vent. I guess I'm done now and I feel a bit calmer.

So, am I a shit parent or do you Sherdads have the same feelings sometimes?
Let me know and thanks for reading to the very end - I admire your attention span.

The magic numer was 3 years, so you got another 19 months to get through before it most likely eases up

 

[Merlotte's]

Reading OP is like listening to your dad drunkenly apologize for something he did or forget to do. What an uncomfortable read.

 

[Cole train]

Reading OP is like listening to your dad drunkenly apologize for something he did or forget to do. What an uncomfortable read.

Be glad that dad apologized and not kicked your ass lmao

 

[Misanthropist]

I have no problem calling wives names but calling your kid “it” is F’d UP. Please for the love of god, don’t do anything stupid.

 

[Da Speeit]

I wrote something pretty mean forgetting that you've been in a poor mental state prior. That in mind, good job getting help.
Also, I say this sternly: Good luck, and please do not fuck this kid up by harming yourself in your VERY deep emotional narcicism. That's about the worst thing you could ever do to this child so I plead with you to set your selfish self-image aside and continue to get help and give this innocent child of the world a great life that too many miss out on.

God bless. If you need anything PM me.

 

[WaylonMercy5150]

Quit yer bitchin!