I hate being a parent

[nixkid]

Disclaimer: I love my child and I don't intend to abandon it or anything.

Its cool to vent but did you just call your son "it"?

 

[Greta Thunberg]

I should have stopped reading when in the disclaimer you referred to your child as it.

I can't relate at all, from day one my two sons and I have been attached t the hip. I never
wanted children because I knew what type of commitment it meant I would have to make.
I don't think you thought that through. After being with my wife for many years I changed
my mind and made the leap. It was the best decision I ever made.

Having these boys has added a lot of meaning to my life. I can still do all the things that I
did before they were around but most of those things I have a partner with me now which
is awesome. Granted that took a while since I'm an outdoorsman and they had to grow up
a bit before they could join in.

It sounds like you need to spend more time being close to the boy, like one on one, face
to face time and bonding just you and him. You need to start doing this soon to build that
bond up. A great way to bond is to be there when they fall asleep and wake up. Maybe
consider taking naps with him.

All kids are different but it usually adds up to what you put in is what you get out of them.
Its really not rocket science, you just have to see the forest for the trees.

It might sound crazy, but maybe consider having another so he has a partner and isn't up
your ass for the next 17 years.

And to answer your question, yes you come off as a shitty parent and a egocentric. Being
a parent is more than just "taking care of the baby alright" and cleaning up after "it".

TLDR: Bootstraps son.



Edit:
I see your not responding to posts that don't agree with your position. So what you really
wanted was comforting responses to feed your ego, i.e. you confirmed my egocentric
comment.

Egocentrism refers to someone's inability to understand that another person's view or opinion
may be different than their own. It represents a cognitive bias, in that someone would assume
that others share the same perspective as they do, unable to imagine that other people would
have a perception of their own.

 

[Hotora86]

Sounds like your feeding the little Fucker sugar..
Did your wife breastfeed?
Don’t give that maniac any juice or sweetened drinks. Plenty of water and regular naps.. he’ll calm down.
Not sure what to say about the wife blowing up..

No sugar ever. Closest thing he can get is home made gingerbread cookies which we do with honey instead of sugar. Only a couple per day.
Wife stopped breastfeeding within 2 weeks from birth - just naturally stopped lactating and gave it a rest, we switched to formula to keep him well fed.
He naps once a day for 1-2 hrs.

 

[Damien Karras]

A lot of what you are going through is normal. The thyroid issue sucks, watching your wife blow up is horrible- sorry.

It will get easier in time. Life is no longer about you and that is a realization that hits and slowly levels off as the baby becomes a person.

Once the kid is out of diapers it gets easier and easier, and more rewarding each year.

Quite frankly, your folks comments and pressures shouldn’t have had anything to do with you having a kid. At the end of the day it’s always best to assume the only help you will have is you and the wife.

Posts like this remind me that even people with vastly different political opinions than mine are still good people.

 

[Hotora86]

war room?

Would fit mayberry better

I was afraid it's a taboo subject... mods can move it if they decide to, I'm fine with Mayberry.

 

[Hotora86]

I hate NOT being one, so

explain?

 

[brackis1]

Posts like this remind me that even people with vastly different political opinions than mine are still good people.

Or are at least capable of it

 

[brackis1]

I was afraid it's a taboo subject... mods can move it if they decide to, I'm fine with Mayberry.

I think the average composure level will be better in Mayberry in terms of mindset of replies.
I'm sure the mods will move once they're awake; all good.
Best of luck dude, just remember the world is a wild upsetting place for many people right now and to be in a similar state is not uncommon.

 

[Hotora86]

Your post is very well written

Your feelings are normal

Kids are hard

If you have the means can you pay for a nanny, house keeper to clean up

Continue with therapy, continue to talk it out

You seem like a logical guy, plan out some time for you and the wife

Things do get better

Thank you.

TBH we don't trust nannies... another one just got arrested for stealing from houses where she babysat - this is local news.

 

[shockaholic12]

Good choice to vent. Definitely some red flags I see is you getting so angry at your 17th month old son for soiling his clothes that your spouse could pick up on the anger and felt it best to leave the house with the kid to get distance from you. That and choosing the wife’s b-day as the night you bring up a discussion on your personal darkest thoughts. Not trying to be a dick just honest, but a some of this comes off as kind of selfish.

like come on man, sorry but you need to toughen up when stuff like changing your kid can light your fuse. you have to deal with your emotions in the moment and not let anger spill out on the kid or wifey. You need to start asking yourself questions when you start to feel this anger building. The kid isn’t messing up his clothes or house because he wants to make your morning hard. He probably hates being changed 3x too and is having just as hard a time with things as you guys, he is just trying to figure out life.

I have a kid not much younger. When I’m feeling the frustration grow I ask myself, is anyone doing anything wrong to me? Is anything unfair occurring to me right now? Is this responsibility something I asked for? What am I a victim of that I’m justified being mad at?

And the answers are always no and nothing. You end up having to admit you’re mad you can’t be doing your own hobby or something instead of caring for the kid you brought into the world and it sounds petty in your own head and you get over it.

 

[Badger67]

Cant say i relate at all OP.

My daughter and i were close the moment she was born and in the nicu. She is 25 months old, smart as heck, she climbs furniture and does toddler stuff but thats normal dude. Especially the cleaning up after them or the house. I do laundry 4 times a week usually.

Every kid is different also. We got lots of sleep with ours but our friend who had their kid a few months prior is still waking 3 times a night and acts out in public. Kids arent perfect by any means and can be trying on the patience. This makes it hard for advice because although kids crave sctructure and attention, they all learn and process experiences at different rates.

Maybe you just need like a week vacay to yourself.

 

[Libero cane v2]

I have two very active and energetic little boys that drive me pretty crazy on a regular basis, but watching them grow and develop, to be there for them when they need comforting and to correct them when they don’t behave, is immensely rewarding.

Wife and I also lived a very active lifestyle pre-kids, travelling the world, eating at great restaurants, working out etc. We’ve had a lot less of that these past five years but we’re turning the corner now and look forward to all the great things we can do both as a couple and as a family in the years to come. When you kid hits four there are no real limitations to what you can bring them along on, long travels, activities etc- this takes some of the parenting claustrophobia away.

 

[Kid Quick]

I hate NOT being one, so

One day you might regret that statement.

 

[Renard]

I feel like this has more to do with depression than anything else. Even if you don't have much time, it's important to fit hobbies and some quality time as a couple in your lifestyle.

 

[Damien Karras]

Or are at least capable of it

The current toxic climate is dividing us. No idea on how to remedy this though ...

 

[scoopj]

Some things get easier and others get harder. All the best.

 

[Cole train]

I was afraid it's a taboo subject... mods can move it if they decide to, I'm fine with Mayberry.

Mayberry is generally for support and advice

War room is to discuss events and shit on other people

 

[Amerikuracana]

Disclaimer: I love my child and I don't intend to abandon it or anything. That being said, I need to vent and if it you think complaining about your wife or kid is unacceptable - GTFO. Yes, #firstworldproblems but "it's still real to me, damn it!"

I never really thought through the idea of having kids. It seemed like something natural, something most people do, not really much of a dilemma. Generally, children have always liked me and would often flock to me ever since I reached my teens - especially kids aged 3 to 10. I'm a single child so perhaps I was unconsciously yearning for a sibling so I never minded hanging out with younger kids. What especially endeared them to me was the fact that I always treated them seriously, almost as equals - kids absolutely love that! Even now, in my 30s, whenever children approach me I never brush them off or ignore them, like some adults do. I listen with care and genuine interest, because sometimes kids really are interesting and smart and speak the simple truths that we, adults, keep forgetting...

Taking all that into account I intended to become a school teacher but my friends and family talked me out of it because, truth be told, a teacher in Eastern Europe earns barely enough money to support himself and is usually sentenced to the job for life, with most of them ending up depressed, disgruntled or alcoholics. I've seen that in the schools I went to. Long story short, I chose finance and management instead and I've been climbing the corporate ladder for the last 10 years. It's not a dream job by any stretch of the imagination but the conditions are decent and so is the pay.

OK, enough background, on to parenting. Like I said, I never gave it much thought. I married a wonderful girl at age 30 and from that day my parents started nagging me about kids. My parents-in-law didn't (as much) but my wife's brother already had kids so we felt some pressure to "catch up". We gave it some time but when my wife's BFF got pregnant she decided it was time for her as well. Surprisingly to us both, pregnancy was a breeze, no issues whatsoever and 17 months ago a healthy and cute little boy was born. That's when shit hit the fan...

My wife was both mentally and physically scarred by the experience and somewhat mistreated by the hospital staff so she developed postpartum depression - and unfortunately so did I. (Yes, men can also get PPD, google it.) We felt like shit parents for the first few months. We couldn't handle the stress and the pressure of responsibility. We're both perfectionists and the chaos that ensued was probably too much for us. We took care of the baby alright, it was well fed and clean and dry etc but we'd just sulk and quarrel constantly. I openly regretted my decision (to have kids) and my wife would be furious whenever I'd mention it. Even worse, my wife loved the little one but I myself could not feel a thing. I was just robotically feeding, cleaning, taking care but feeling emotionally empty inside... I became suicidal at one point. I genuinely went to the top floor in the office building to see if the window could be opened and if there was a clear path for me to drop 10 stories to the ground... it was my wife's birthday and on that day I came home and told her that I contemplated suicide.

Luckily I never submitted to those urges, I abhorred them and did the right thing - went to therapy. The psychologist really helped me, she told me that some men don't develop feelings for their child from day one - and that it was OK. I needed time and help - and I got both. I climbed out of depression and even arranged therapy for my wife - which also helped her. We were able to go on.

Unfortunately this is not the "happy ending". The last 17 months in general has still been insanely hard for both of us. We were both very active before pregnancy - we'd go out, do sports, travel, read a lot, watch movies together etc. All of this vanished - no more dining, no sports, no travel, no time for movies, only audiobooks or podcasts give us some intellectual entertainment during the incessant cleaning. My wife ended up with Hashimoto's thyroiditis and turned into Jabba the Hut with constant mood swings, similar to permanent PMS. My bad back got worse, old injuries came back, even ones I never knew I had. I was always the calm and patient one in our duet but I find myself in fits of rage or depressed more and more often as time passes. And to cap it off, my parents (who were the ones so obsessed with getting a grandchild) were supposed to move countries to live closer to us but have postponed that indefinitely - first due to their oh-so-important day jobs and now due to the pandemic. They visited us TWICE in 17 months.

I'm happy to say that our son is healthy and quick-witted - but this surprisingly often becomes a problem for us. He is constantly reaching for stuff he isn't supposed to touch, getting through any blockade or obstruction we set up to keep him out of danger. He even climbs fucking furniture! Apart from that he is moody, gets annoyed quickly, is VERY loud (even the pediatrician says so) and makes a huge mess out of anything he can get his hands on. The cleaning, wiping, vacuuming, washing and sweeping NEVER ENDS, it's like 90% of what we do every day. Some parents just let their kids run amok and live in a pigsty but we just can't. And don't get me started on the lack of sleep...

Anyway, I woke up to the sound of screams today (as every day) and during my son's third change of clothes within 2 hrs I got really angry with him and with this whole deal. My wife noticed and, though very disgruntled by my behavior, took him out for a walk in the stroller. So I took the PC and went on Sherdog to vent. I guess I'm done now and I feel a bit calmer.

So, am I a shit parent or do you Sherdads have the same feelings sometimes?
Let me know and thanks for reading to the very end - I admire your attention span.

You guys sound weird. It feels about as good to nail a chubby chick, especially if you love them. After your kid comes out, you love them. It doesn’t matter.

Kids are fun. There are circumstances in the outside world that makes having them more difficult, which can be annoying, but normal humans just enjoy nearly everything with their own kids. You aren’t looking at it naturally, but materialistically, like they are a thing or something.

You shouldn’t feel this way. It’s like you want to to seem more modern. It’s lame.

 

[Bacco]

explain?

i think have a son and give him/her better chances than the ones you got, is one of greatest things you can do with your life

Woman due family issues does'nt seem to want one at the moment, but she's 34 and time is'nt infinite
As much i love my current life, i can see myself few years in future break the relationship if shit don't get fixed

 

[Hotora86]

As a man who hates kids I got a vasectomy. Life is good without having to spend money time and effort on some punk snot nosed kid's. No kids no problems.

Good for you!
The planet is overpopulated anyway so I support your choice.