Relationship How can someone lose your trust?

[mozfonky]

I feel like the way trust is viewed and used by society has changed in 2 major ways over my lifetime.

In a time before online virtue signaling was a form of currency being loyal and trustworthy was seen as a good thing even if it carried some negative implications. E.G. a guy who could keep an ugly secret about a friends moral failing was trustworthy. Whereas today it seems like a guy who will turn on that friend and stand on his morals is trustworthy. Which sort of brings me to the second one.

Trust used to be a multi-faceted thing it was specific to a relationship and a personality. E.G. you may know your friend screws over every customer that walks into his car dealership, but you trust he'd never do that to you. Or you may trust your friend with your wallet and your wife, but you know not to trust him with a secret because that guy tells his wife everything. Now it seems like its supposed to be this perfect thing. I had "Friend A" ask me how I was still cool with "Friend B" after he cheated on his wife. Like that made him instantly unlikeable and untrustwothy. It made him a bad husband, but he's still a great friend. Just don't marry the guy.

That's kinda my take, if you raise your expectations too high no one will ever be good enough. Would I do what they do? I don't think so but I've never been married.

 

[SL1200]

How was/is the club scene in the Netherlands?
I get the impression from here that the access to drugs is much easier and more socially acceptable which I would think would play well into the club scene.

I always got the impression that Europe was much more embracing of dance music in the pop culture. I was DJing around the same time as you, at least in that picture, around 20 years ago.

The NYC scene at the time was popping... I think Exit held a few thousand people and it wouldn't be uncommon for there to be a line outside going around a city block. Back then at least, the clubs stayed open as late as they wanted, basically until the last people left. I walked out of clubs many times into sunlight.

I had a couple DJs look sideways at me for spinning CDs, but I could see the ways things were going, and there was a tremendous power in being able to customize what was on my tracks.
Ever have a record where you wish there was a part you could skip or remove?
I could do that. My tracks were never shifted out of key by the speed of the record changing, I could even match tracks to the same kick drum if i wanted so the "fullness" of the sound didn't waiver from track to track. I mastered all my tracks myself so everything was leveled out clean. So... a lot of upside for me at least. I just did all that work upfront ahead of time (but I could also do it in the dj booth when I needed to.)

I never got anything on wax. I should have pursued getting my music out with more vigor but my passion was in the creation of music, not the promotion, which probably is looked at as more important and an aspect I didn't thrive at, especially the older I got. I have a lot of down time coming up with 2 shoulder surgeries this year, one of my goals is to get my music on Pandora and hope that it pops into people's feed who listen to similar stuff. I have put absurd amounts of time and effort into crafting the songs and it seems a shame how few people have heard them.

Nobody was lining up to carry my heavy DJ coffin, but I did enjoy the perks of being "behind the curtain" in the club scene. Many employees overlapped from club to club so I could skip lines and no cover at a bunch of clubs. I got to hang out in back rooms no one gets to see and bypass security and shit. I did a line of coke off a record in the Limelight DJ booth.
(Limelight is a Club run in a Cathedral, absolutely beautiful, with stained glass and detailed carved marble everywhere and the DJ booth overlooks the dance floor which was where the church pews were.)
That place was a trip.

The club/housescene was and is indeed amazing! Regarding the drugs you're right. I come from a time where the security shouted over the line that you could just show what you had and not worry since they where looking for dealers and people carrying weapons (which was practically non existent) and not recreational users.

Ever have a record where you wish there was a part you could skip or remove?

Since it was never an option I never really thought about that. Offcourse in the last couple of years that's something that crossed my mind but I can't say that i have a clear example. If we wanted to fuck around like that we just bought the record twice and added another turntable so we could use samples from the same track. You get creative!

I have put absurd amounts of time and effort into crafting the songs and it seems a shame how few people have heard them.

I feel you man. I've had nights where I would tinker hours for maybe 2 seconds of music. Trying to make smooth transitions or whatever kind of effect you had in your head but just couldn't quite transform into reality. But it was fun. Rolling a big joint and just get in the zone.

Nobody was lining up to carry my heavy DJ coffin, but I did enjoy the perks of being "behind the curtain" in the club scene. Many employees overlapped from club to club so I could skip lines and no cover at a bunch of clubs. I got to hang out in back rooms no one gets to see and bypass security and shit. I did a line of coke off a record in the Limelight DJ booth.

Those are the moments that stay with you forever. I remember one time I lost my weed and the manager took me to a backroom where he opened a drawer and said "pick what you want". It was everything the bouncers confiscated.

I've heard of the Limelight. I like venues that used to be something else. I still sometimes go to raves and one of my favourites is PRSPCT at the Maassilo. It's a hundred year old grain silo. Underground as fuck and perfect for PRSPCT.

 

[Aegon Spengler]

The question should be how can someone gain my trust?

This seems smart?

I mostly keep everyone at a distance. Lately I have put faith in an old friend and a bunch of other people I don't really know in order to do this expensive thing and it's extremely nerve racking. I like my friends but trust is a pretty strong word. I mean I trust him and I trust them, but, I also know that they're human beings and that everyone is one bad day (or a really good day) away from becoming someone you don't recognize anymore. It could happen at any minute, and you just have to hope it doesn't.

 

[boingyman]

This seems smart?

I mostly keep everyone at a distance. Lately I have put faith in an old friend and a bunch of other people I don't really know in order to do this expensive thing and it's extremely nerve racking. I like my friends but trust is a pretty strong word. I mean I trust him and I trust them, but, I also know that they're human beings and that everyone is one bad day (or a really good day) away from becoming someone you don't recognize anymore. It could happen at any minute, and you just have to hope it doesn't.

Trust depends on context as well. In the OP's context of borrowing money I wouldn't let any friend borrow money and the few that I would trust doesn't need to borrow money so it's a mute point. Same with family. I would let my parents, brother and sister borrow money, but they don't need it.

 

[MrShady]

I feel like the way trust is viewed and used by society has changed in 2 major ways over my lifetime.

In a time before online virtue signaling was a form of currency being loyal and trustworthy was seen as a good thing even if it carried some negative implications. E.G. a guy who could keep an ugly secret about a friends moral failing was trustworthy. Whereas today it seems like a guy who will turn on that friend and stand on his morals is trustworthy. Which sort of brings me to the second one.

Trust used to be a multi-faceted thing it was specific to a relationship and a personality. E.G. you may know your friend screws over every customer that walks into his car dealership, but you trust he'd never do that to you. Or you may trust your friend with your wallet and your wife, but you know not to trust him with a secret because that guy tells his wife everything. Now it seems like its supposed to be this perfect thing. I had "Friend A" ask me how I was still cool with "Friend B" after he cheated on his wife. Like that made him instantly unlikeable and untrustwothy. It made him a bad husband, but he's still a great friend. Just don't marry the guy.

I get this. I wouldnt cut him out of my life but also I wouldnt be afraid to call out my friend for his scumbag behavior. Hoping that he redeems himself.

Cheating is a scumbag move no matter how you excuse it.

 

[RichardHarrow]

Betrayal

edit - not really setting the bar high with that one.

 

[Ty lo]

Cheating.... even someone that I may know that does it I don't trust.

Cheating is only bad if you get caught.

 

[Cajun]

Cheating is only bad if you get caught.

Ha. I've never done it. Trust is key for me. Two things I remember growing up.
"A man that will lie for you will more than likely lie to you"
"Be the kind of man that another man can entrust you with his wife and not be worried"

In a relationship I naturally am not jealous at all because I'd never break that trust so I don't expect someone else to.

 

[Ty lo]

I believe that relationships of all kind are meaningless. We come here and go. Who cares if my best friend had sex with my girl when am dead?


Life has no meaning. The universe is chaos and God doesn't care.

 

[Ty lo]

Ha. I've never done it. Trust is key for me. Two things I remember growing up.
"A man that will lie for you will more than likely lie to you"
"Be the kind of man that another man can entrust you with his wife and not be worried"

In a relationship I naturally am not jealous at all because I'd never break that trust so I don't expect someone else to.

Am a lier and I cheat and am very loyal. I have been on positions of power but I never cross a friend.

I just like chicas lol.



Oh wait I guess am not loyal to my girlfriend.

 

[Ty lo]

Ha. I've never done it. Trust is key for me. Two things I remember growing up.
"A man that will lie for you will more than likely lie to you"
"Be the kind of man that another man can entrust you with his wife and not be worried"

In a relationship I naturally am not jealous at all because I'd never break that trust so I don't expect someone else to.

Yeah I dont think you can leave your wife alone with me. I can tell that she is beautiful. You sound like a good man!

Probably very boring in bed but a good man nevertheless.

 

[Bacco]

They should win my trust to begin with

 

[William Huggins]

Can't keep their word, that will do it...........

 

[aerius]

The question should be how can someone gain my trust?

This. There's countless ways to lose my trust and only one way to gain it. Which the vast majority of people never do.

 

[Ty lo]

This. There's countless ways to lose my trust and only one way to gain it. Which the vast majority of people never do.

Bit narcissistic mentally. Who are you? Who am I? People take themselves to seriously. I can predict your future right now. That's how irrelevant we are.

You are going to pay taxes and you are going to die. I can guarantee you those 2 things are gonna happen to you.

 

[aerius]

You are going to pay taxes and you are going to die. I can guarantee you those 2 things are gonna happen to you.

 

[Ty lo]

Can't keep their word, that will do it...........

Very primitive way of thinking. The universe doesn't care about your friends keeping their word to you. Who are you? What makes you so special?.... for example to keep my word to you? I don't even keep my word to God let alone you. I keep telling God that I will stop cheating and next day am with anogher chica. Is his fault for creating such a beautiful specimens.

 

[nostradumbass]

There's degrees of trust, and obviously different things to ruin the degree someone had it.

An uber driver doesn't have to build my trust that he'll take me where I'm going, but I wouldn't trust the same guy to watch my kids for the weekend.

Parents are the only people you start out absolutely trusting with your well being, and they have to really blow it and consistently harm you for that to go away.

Relationships with new people take years to build actual trust, meaning trust that the commitment is mutual. If a girlfriend/wife lies and says she ate a salad when she actually had a dozen donuts or says shoes were $80 when they were actually $150, that's just trying to avoid a petty argument. If she tells you she was at work when her car was at some dude's house, then you obviously can't trust the relationship. Likewise, if a guy goes to work everyday, then his wife finds out he doesn't even have a job, or says the dead hooker in his trunk is "just a friend", might be time to run.

 

[Cajun]

Probably very boring in bed but a good man nevertheless.

Hahahaha! Nice!

 

[William Huggins]

Very primitive way of thinking. The universe doesn't care about your friends keeping their word to you. Who are you? What makes you so special?.... for example to keep my word to you? I don't even keep my word to God let alone you. I keep telling God that I will stop cheating and next day am with anogher chica. Is his fault for creating such a beautiful specimens.

Delayed gratification, if you cannot control your impulses, it might be you that's primitive.

Your understanding of what you consider a friend might not be on the same level as mine, keeping your word about something isn't extended to cancelled arrangements to meet down the pub it's about boundaries in a relationship... That are agreed......