Favorite "Seinfeld" show quotes

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Saw this scene the other night. I was dying.

The set up is that Jerry had a footrace with another kid when they were younger and he cheated to win. The other guy is now Jerry's gf's boss and he's been obsessed for years on this moment. George plans to run into them in the coffee shop and pretend they haven't seen each other in years. When he's asked about the race, he's supposed to confirm that Jerry won fair and square.
 
Higus said:
Saw this scene the other night. I was dying.

The set up is that Jerry had a footrace with another kid when they were younger and he cheated to win. The other guy is now Jerry's gf's boss and he's been obsessed for years on this moment. George plans to run into them in the coffee shop and pretend they haven't seen each other in years. When he's asked about the race, he's supposed to confirm that Jerry won fair and square.
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"Boy, you really went bald there."
 
Believe it or not, George isn't at home, / Please leave a message at the beep. / I must be out, or I'd pick up the phone, / Where could I be? / Believe it or not, I'm not home

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Higus said:
Saw this scene the other night. I was dying.

The set up is that Jerry had a footrace with another kid when they were younger and he cheated to win. The other guy is now Jerry's gf's boss and he's been obsessed for years on this moment. George plans to run into them in the coffee shop and pretend they haven't seen each other in years. When he's asked about the race, he's supposed to confirm that Jerry won fair and square.
Click to expand...


"That's when I lost my virginity to ms. stafford. I was in detention, clapping the erasers, when she came up from behind me.."
 
You tell that son of a bitch no Yankee is ever comin' to Houston. ... Not as long as you bastards are running things!"
 
George: You’re gonna over-dry your laundry.

Jerry: You can’t over-dry.

George: Why not?

Jerry: Same reason you can’t over-wet.
 
Jerry: A house in the Hamptons?

George: Yeah. I figured since I was lying about my income for a couple of years, I could afford a fake house in the Hamptons
 
Frank Costanza: Many Christmas’ ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon, I realized there had to be another way.

That must of been a nice doll

Oh, she was
 
George: Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I was personable, I was bright…oh, maybe not academically speaking, but I was perceptive. I always know when someone’s uncomfortable at a party. It all became very clear to me sitting out there today that every decision I’ve ever made in my entire life has been wrong. My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat – it’s all been wrong.
 
Kramer: You know you’re not supposed to brush your teeth for 24 hours before you go to the dentist.

Jerry: I think you’re thinking of ‘You’re not supposed to eat 24 hours before surgery’.

Kramer: Oh, you gotta eat before surgery. You need your strength.
 
Kirin said:
"That's when I lost my virginity to ms. stafford. I was in detention, clapping the erasers, when she came up from behind me.."
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Hahahaha. The new addition to the Guggenheim.
 
Sonny said:
Hahahaha. The new addition to the Guggenheim.
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"One can't help but wonder what you're doing in a crummy coffee shop like this...what are those, canvas sneakers? Looks like you've got a hole there..."
 
Jerry and george had the best banter:

 
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