Not having extensive knowledge on the subject, i can say i would probably enjoy it. Skrulls and shapeshifting will be a problem to show on the big screen but i've been waiting for Skrull/Kree movie for a very long time. The lack of Avengers characters is a good choice (well, i guess Maria Hill has to be shown, due to SHIELD connections). The personal journey and character development part is a good choice as well. Your cast seems solid, though Rick Jones is a bit youngish. I don't think every tech wizard has to be a toddler.
Some constructive criticism follows, if you don't mind. Again, just my personal opinion, affected by countless HISHE and cinemasins videos. Hope you don't take it personally.
Seems like Carol is mixing different PEDs. the 3, the serum, the 10 and the gene bomb seem a bit excessive. I had trouble following what exactly caused her to have all those powers.
Exo squad does sound a bit out there. Maybe have a word play from SWORD (TIP, GRIP)? Well, maybe those do sound a bit chauvinistic.
Having squad members die would have a good effect, if there is at least a single scene showing how the rest cope with that emotionally and psychologically. Not one friend dying, but actual colleagues dying on a regular basis.
The "capable of destroying a planet" thing is, at this point, getting stale. The audience knows it's not going to happen. As i said, i don't know anything about the character, so i don't know if it is necessary and I won't judge. Just saying that Civil war was praised (among other reasons) for having this villain who was not actually trying to cause a global catastrophe or cataclysmic event.
Carol dying and then coming back again two times is IMO a bit too much.
Maybe it would be good to show Carol's limitations in the "finding out the powers" scene. That way, the end scene can have an even bigger effect, implying her resolve/will/emotions amplify the powers. All that said, i felt that Kleiser's power levels are waaaay off the chart, just by drinking a single potion.
Besides Carol's tragic past, I feel that the loss of the Exo Squad members will be also heartbreaking. My plot summary doesn't show it but the members will be very likable and memorable.
Less Avengers is an improvement (I really like the first one, too).
Opening song is perfect for a scene like that.
The only critique I have is that the beginning seems a little rushed with the Skrulls/ Mar-Vell back to back. Perhaps the Badoon or another race could be taken down in the beginning? Then Danvers & Co. are ambushed by Skrulls so as to eliminate them before they're discovered.
Then pick up where you introduce Mar-Vell?
FOX has pretty much all the major alien races: Phalanx, Brood (someone Danvers has tangled with), Shi'ar, Badoon, Mojo & Super Skrull. As we've seen they've all been put to good use.
A couple of teenagers capture the battle in their phones. When asked by one of the teens what her superhero name is, a groggy Carol instinctively answers "Captain..." but stops midway. She thinks about Mar-Vell and his sacrifice. "…Marvel," she finishes.
When this started I thought it was going to be...
It's almost identical to 'The Calm Before the Storm' from Kick-Ass.
In my Ms Marvel write-up I had Carol and Karla learning to use their powers with Mar-Vell (also the scene where the SWORD scientists nickname her Ms Marvel because of her need for extra tutoring), it would be similar to Gohan teaching Videl and Goten to use energy. When Carol finally gets it I think this would work.
Not having extensive knowledge on the subject, i can say i would probably enjoy it. Skrulls and shapeshifting will be a problem to show on the big screen but i've been waiting for Skrull/Kree movie for a very long time. The lack of Avengers characters is a good choice (well, i guess Maria Hill has to be shown, due to SHIELD connections). The personal journey and character development part is a good choice as well. Your cast seems solid, though Rick Jones is a bit youngish. I don't think every tech wizard has to be a toddler.
Thanks. As for Rick Jones, he is portrayed as a young man during his sidekick days back in the 60s and 70s, so that is what I was going for. The actor Devon Bostick is 24 currently.
Some constructive criticism follows, if you don't mind. Again, just my personal opinion, affected by countless HISHE and cinemasins videos. Hope you don't take it personally.
Seems like Carol is mixing different PEDs. the 3, the serum, the 10 and the gene bomb seem a bit excessive. I had trouble following what exactly caused her to have all those powers.
There's a reason for why I chose a Gene Bomb or introduce the KRX3/KRX10 serum. You see, I find some of the superhero origins full of holes, like why can't they recreate the process and have multiple people with the same powers. That's why I wanted to make Carol's transformation unique and can't be recreated again. Hence her genetic compatibility with Mar-Vell, coupled with the KRX10 serum and the Gene Bomb.
The "capable of destroying a planet" thing is, at this point, getting stale. The audience knows it's not going to happen. As i said, i don't know anything about the character, so i don't know if it is necessary and I won't judge. Just saying that Civil war was praised (among other reasons) for having this villain who was not actually trying to cause a global catastrophe or cataclysmic event.
I didn't really think Carol "died" when the Gene Bomb went off. She was just engulfed in flames. Think of the Fantastic Four (2015) scene where Johnny Storm's capsule was engulfed in flames. Nobody thought he died.
It was established that the Omegaship "has been rumored to have achieved a breakthrough in the evolution of the Skrull physiology." Kleiser knows this and it will be explained in a brief expository dialogue with his underling. Also the serum is experimental and hasn't been perfected. The Skrull recipient cannot maintain a form except for an ever-changing grotesque appearance and the recipient dies after a few days.
Unlike my Old Man Logan adaptation, it's not too late for this to happen since they haven't announced anything substantial yet for the Captain Marvel movie.
There's a reason for why I chose a Gene Bomb or introduce the KRX3/KRX10 serum. You see, I find some of the superhero origins full of holes, like why can't they recreate the process and have multiple people with the same powers. That's why I wanted to make Carol's transformation unique and can't be recreated again. Hence her genetic compatibility with Mar-Vell, coupled with the KRX10 serum and the Gene Bomb.
I didn't really think Carol "died" when the Gene Bomb went off. She was just engulfed in flames. Think of the Fantastic Four (2015) scene where Johnny Storm's capsule was engulfed in flames. Nobody thought he died.
My bad, i didn't mean when the gene bomb went off. I was referring to the part "Carol couldn’t get clear in time and was buried underneath the ship" and thought it was implied she was dead.
It was established that the Omegaship "has been rumored to have achieved a breakthrough in the evolution of the Skrull physiology." Kleiser knows this and it will be explained in a brief expository dialogue with his underling. Also the serum is experimental and hasn't been perfected. The Skrull recipient cannot maintain a form except for an ever-changing grotesque appearance and the recipient dies after a few days.
Duly noted. Hope this serum (or some alteration of it) is used in the creation of the Super Skrull, I don't care how ridiculous his transition to the big screen would look.
Damn good stuff @Dragonlordxxxxx. Loved the casting and the story. I'll give it more glances once I'm back from vacation. I loved it upon the initial read.
I'm not all that familiar with the Captain Marvel mythos but I think this would be a great adaptation. I like all the action beats and especially the fantasy casting (Brie Larson is cool too but Strahovski IMO nails the character)
One thing I would like is for the Skrulls' shapeshifting abilities to be played up more. Especially when Carol is on the run from Sword. Like anyone could be a Skrull, you don't know who to trust, etc... Like maybe instead of Kleiser always going in guns blazing he could send a few Skrull hitmen in covertly.
But then I'm a sucker for thrillers... every Marvel solo movie could be the Winter Soldier and I'd be OK with that.
Wow! What a read!
I know that people have touched on it before in the thread, but the big reveal with Captain Marvels' family is brilliant! Keep up the great work!
I tried it once in my first draft of Captain Marvel movie. I put the Inhumans Royal Family at the post-credits scene. This time, I just wanted it to be self-contained because I don't know what Marvel has plans for their other movies.
My bad, i didn't mean when the gene bomb went off. I was referring to the part "Carol couldn’t get clear in time and was buried underneath the ship" and thought it was implied she was dead.
Ah I see. I didn't mean to imply that she died underneath the ship. Just out of commission for a while. I needed to take her off the board 1.) to give the mutated Kleiser time for his rampage in the city and 2.) to set up Carol's heroic resurgence.
Duly noted. Hope this serum (or some alteration of it) is used in the creation of the Super Skrull, I don't care how ridiculous his transition to the big screen would look.
James Gunn Confirms Marvel Studios Co-Owns the Skrulls with Fox
As a well-documented social media enthusiast, it’s no surprise that James Gunn took to Twitter earlier today to answer a question that Marvel fans have been asking for awhile now: Who the heck owns the Skrulls?
When it comes to film rights, Marvel’s hefty catalog of characters are spread all across Hollywood with different studios owning various entities. During a Q&A, user @danfitzarsenal asked the following question about one of Marvel’s most famous alien races: “[W]hy are the Kree availible [sic] but the Skrulls are at Fox. Surely there are associated with each other?”
Not long after, James responded by writing, “Some specific Skrulls are at Fox. But the Skrulls as a whole are co-owned.” Now, fans are undoubtedly wondering if they’ll be seeing the diabolical shape-shifters in the MCU in the future. However, that wouldn’t be the first time some Skrulls made a cameo in Marvel’s blockbusting cinematic universe.
In fact, when it comes to the Skrulls, they’ve already appeared on-screen via the Chitauri when The Avengers was released in 2012. According to Marvel's Ultimate Universe, the Chitauri are considered part of the Skrull’s species, but the alien invaders were made into their own race for their MCU debut. The traditional depiction of Skrulls in all their green, pointed-ear glory is likely what Gunn is talking about with his comments though.
Damn good stuff @Dragonlordxxxxx. Loved the casting and the story. I'll give it more glances once I'm back from vacation. I loved it upon the initial read.
I'm not all that familiar with the Captain Marvel mythos but I think this would be a great adaptation. I like all the action beats and especially the fantasy casting (Brie Larson is cool too but Strahovski IMO nails the character)
One thing I would like is for the Skrulls' shapeshifting abilities to be played up more. Especially when Carol is on the run from Sword. Like anyone could be a Skrull, you don't know who to trust, etc... Like maybe instead of Kleiser always going in guns blazing he could send a few Skrull hitmen in covertly.
But then I'm a sucker for thrillers... every Marvel solo movie could be the Winter Soldier and I'd be OK with that.
Thanks. I like your suggestion about the Skrulls hunting Carol but I already timed the movie roughly around 120 to 125 minutes. Not sure if I could squeeze that in.
Wow! What a read!
I know that people have touched on it before in the thread, but the big reveal with Captain Marvels' family is brilliant! Keep up the great work!
Just out of random, I sent a link just now to this thread to Nicole Perlman & Meg LeFauve (the actual screenwriters for the Captain Marvel movie) via Facebook. It's a longshot but who knows...
Taurus, I tweaked the story a few weeks ago and removed the Black Hole device. That part was bothering me for months and I finally thought of an alternative reason for Kleiser for wanting to acquire the Omegaship. You can check out the revision Here (last paragraph).
Taurus, I tweaked the story a few weeks ago and removed the Black Hole device. That part was bothering me for months and I finally thought of an alternative reason for Kleiser for wanting to acquire the Omegaship. You can check out the revision Here (last paragraph).
EDIT: i like this alternative reason more With this in mind, maybe instead of a Kree after credit, a single specimen Super Skrull is seen, saying "There's far too much trash in the universe".
Started writing this back in 2012, when they announced Captain Marvel in 2013 I forgot about it for a while before doing a second story. After DL posted his I went back and have tried to combine the two, not focusing too much on the placement in the MCU since it is between two Avengers movies a year apart and I have no clue what they are doing. After this back to my Inhuman trilogy.
MS MARVEL
Starring...
Ronda Rousey as Carol Danvers/Ms Marvel/Cap Marvel
But for super cereal, Yvonne Strahovski of course
Miesha Tate as Karla Sofen/Moonstone/Ms Marvel
Real pick of Kelly Overton but that can be debated
LEO as Captain Mar-Vell (He has his Oscar, grab him for one comic book movie)
Unsure who should be Yon-Rogg (He'll be blue unlike Mar-Vell with his Earthling disguise)
Evangeline Lily as Hope Van Dyne/Wasp and Michael Douglas as Dr Pym
ACT 1
Kree Scientist Mar-Vell returns from Earth to a star cruiser orbiting near the moon to report to Commander Yon-Rogg. Informs him of no Skrull active and his study of the sector can continue on unimpeded. Yon-Rogg says there has been a change of plans, he has received an offer from the Sakarran’s to expand their empire and have selected this planet. Rogg will receive a large sum for razzing the planet to prepare it for them (since Carol is gonna be a Super Saiyan I'm using the Frieza/Saiyan plan for the villains). Ammunition will arrive for the planet clearing weapon (the Psyche-Magnetron, an immense energy releasing device) in a week. Mar-Vell says the Supreme Intelligence’s has plans for this planet; he tries to report it to Hala but Rogg’s troopers try to restrain him and block his transmission. Mar-Vell escapes these guards and boards a drop ship fleeing to Earth hoping to find a way to boost his signal, pursed by Rogg and his men.
On Earth at a training facility for SWORD, Carol Danvers and Karla Sofen are having bets placed on them as they prepare to run the obstacle course. A scoreboard will show Carol up 2 to 1 for today; this is a monthly tradition on the base. Karla will win this event by cutting corners, score tied up. Final event is swimming with each wearing what will be their Ms Marvel gear. Carol wins a very close race. In the locker room afterwards they exchange trash talk before heading back to the sleeping quarters.
Back to Mar-Vell being pursued by Yon-Rogg’s men; they damage his ship and send him crashing to Earth (in Jersey/Pennsylvania forested area). At a SWORD observation station they detect the damaged ship and contact the nearest base to send in troops to block off the area (Carol’s base, if you couldn’t guess).
Mar-Vell brings his ship down and switches from space suit into his combat gear with Nega-Bands. Yon-Rogg and his men drop down to finish him off as military forces arrive forming a perimeter. Once Kree blasts start going off Karla wants to take the glory and rushes forward, so Carol goes after her.
Yon-Rogg has brought along a shoulder mounted Psyche-Magnetron (a much smaller version of the planet clearing energy weapon) he prepares to take out Mar-Vell when Carol & Karla enter the clearing. They yell for him to place his weapon on the ground. Yon-Rogg turns to fire at them. Carol pushes Karla back trying to get her clear when Mar-Vell dives in front of them at the last moment using an energy field from his Nega-Bands to hold off the blast for a few moments (we see the energy from the blast and the Nega-Bands flying back into Carol and Karla behind her). Finally Mar-Vell fires the blast back at Yon-Rogg and his troops sending them flying. Everyone is down and out as we fade to black.
ACT 2
We hear mumbled talking over darkness as eyes open and Carol looks around, she wonders where she is before noticing that she is hovering above a hospital bed, she screams and falls down to the bed then bounces to the floor. A doctor enters with Karla (also in a hospital gown) and Mar-Vell; they are at the main SWORD base. Now that she has awakened Mar-Vell explains what happened and how his deeds for his people got him the Nega-Bands from his Supremor. Both Karla and Carol absorbed energy from the Psyche-Magnetron and the Nega-Bands. This has apparently fused the energy properties to each of them; they both want to know how to use it.
They both go through a training montage. They are brought gear from their lockers while more durable suits are being constructed for them. Due to her vicinity to Mar-Vell, Carol absorbed more energy and is having trouble focusing it. Karla with about 75% of Carol’s power is able to master it quicker and makes sure to taunt Carol (think Goten flying around Videl when he learns to fly). Carol is made the fool in this montage. Even some of the scientists tease her naming her Ms Marvel since she has to spend of extra time with Mar-Vell (Carol will see that clipboard and play some joke on the scientists). Mar-Vell wants these two to help him bring down Yon-Rogg.
Someone is brought in (it would be Wasp & Pym if she has her energy stings at this point) they would design gloves that help Carol focus her energy into blasts and boots to help her fly (like Stark’s gloves and boots), while they designed suits for them. Second part of this training montage has Carol blowing away some targets and Karla tries her best to look unimpressed. Big awesome flight scene with all three of them with score below. During this period Mar-Vell has been working with SWORD scientists to help amplify his signal to reach his homeworld.
While the training occurs Yon-Rogg and his crew are back on the cruiser prepping the weapon (the ammo is a day away) and coming up with a planet to draw out Mar-Vell so he can’t transmit the groups plan. One of the troopers suggests attacking a major populated area, there was one near the place Mar-Vell crashed. Rogg agrees but wants to have a way to quickly immobilize Mar-Vell so they head into Mar-Vell lab. One of the crew goes through files and finds that Mar-Vell was working on a gelatinous material that comes from the Moonstones of “enter wacky Marvel planet name here”. This material would be weaponized and sprayed on prisoners to make them more docile and easier to control. Rogg brings a canister of it as they attack.
Our heroes get word of the attack and quickly head out to battle in the training gear they are wearing. Wasp (who is helping make the final versions of the suits) tosses each of them masks she made since SWORD didn’t want people knowing who they were yet.
Rogg’s team is destroying a city in Jersey when they detect approaching targets. Rogg’s team is shocked to see that Mar-Vell is accompanied by two beings of equal power (he recognizes them as the ones he tried to kill). The Kree forces use every heel tactic in the book to keep the heroes off balance. Think Zod and his goof troop in Superman 2 tossing shit at civilians (Rogg has a powered suit) and the troops are firing on buildings. Rogg tosses a car at a group of civilians and Carol flies in front of them and catches it (right at the front of this group is a Muslim family with their 12 year old daughter looking on, it’s Kamala Khan. This is the only reason I set this in Jersey.) During this battle Carol finds out she can absorb energy when shot by one of the soldiers (even though it stings). Karla during the battle, just as before tries to take the glory by going after the leader herself. Rogg uses the Moonstone material to ensnare her; he takes her and leaves while the rest of his troopers are dealt with.
As the battle concludes reporters and civilians rush into the street and start questioning the two remaining heroes. Mar-Vell states his name; Carol starts to say hers but stops and says Ms Marvel. Everyone at the SWORD base sees this on the news.
ACT 3
Rogg returns to the drop ship where he is told by his troops on the cruiser that the supplies are almost there. The Moonstone material has coated Karla’s gear and given her the look of her Moonstone suit. Rogg wants to know if she can absorb energy like the other female, she is unsure. Rogg questions her if she knows where Mar-Vell has been hiding, where he will try to get his signal out. Karla says yes. Rogg smiles as he picks up the shoulder mounted Psyche-Magnetron “then I believe it is time to visit them” and fires at her.
Carol is being checked on back at the base and everyone congratulating her when the front of the base explodes and in walks Rogg and Karla. The big battle commences, the super charged Karla is working over Carol to start. Carol knows she has to get that suit off Karla, she tries an energy blast but Karla absorbs it like the PM blast. Karla’s attacks start to damage the gloves and boots that help Carol focus her power. Realizing she needs to finish this quickly Carol fires off a huge energy beam, Karla is absorbing it but the blast is burning away the Moonstone material. The materials burns off (and most her suit underneath) but the energy is too much and Karla releases a big shockwave of energy knocking everyone down before collapsing from the overload.
Rogg (who was fighting with Mar-Vell during this) was able to use the shockwave to his advantage, perhaps holding Mar-Vell in front of himself so he took most the blast. Rogg uses this advantage to KILL CAPTAIN MAR-VELL! Perhaps stabbing him with some debris, something that Carol sees as she returns to her feet.
Carol is in shock and the rage begins the boil over. Rogg takes the Nega-Bands off Mar-Vell’s wrists ("The honor was mine") and puts them on. He now has both weapons that gave her the powers. Carol has a super saiyan scream at the sky moment as she rockets forward.
Her gloves and boots start to disintegrate away; her rage is keep her powers laser focused. Rogg is getting overwhelmed, so like Vegeta in his first fight with Goku he rockets up to take out the whole area. The PM and the Nega-Bands charge for one combined super blast. Raging Carol charges her return blast (kamehameha), they fire and the blasts collide, beam struggle! Carol is starting to fade her wild attacks earlier burned out a great deal of her energy. Slowly Yon-Rogg’s blast lowers toward her. “Don’t worry you’ll see Mar-Vell soon. Then the rest of your species will join you. Muhahaha!”
Carol falls to a knee all hope seems lost. Then a hand grabs her shoulder, she looks back to see Karla. “You look like you need some help”, Karla charges up and starts channeling her energy into Carol (Not taking the glory since she was humbled by her early defeat). Carol’s blast gains renewed vigor as it presses forward sending Yon-Rogg into space.
Aboard Yon-Rogg’s ship the materials for the giant Psyche-Magnetron arrive. “Let’s unload this stuff before Yon-Rogg gets back”, one officer is looking out the window as an orange glow starts forming on his face. “I think he is back, SHIELD’s U-” the blast tears through the cargo bay of the space detonating the energy cells taking the ship with it.
Carol collapses onto all fours as Karla crumples into a heap again. Carol crawls over to Mar-Vell and they share some final words, he tears off his Kree crest and hands it to her before dying. Carol limps back to Karla picking her up over her shoulder. “Can we go home now?” – Karla, “We are home.” – Carol, “Oh yea…you do realize this counts as a win for me don’t you” – Karla, “Of course it does” – Carol
Cut to a week later, Karla is sporting her new Ms Marvel gear. As she is talking to Carol (who we can’t see) inside a corridor, outside we can hear a big speech being made. They announce the heroes of SWORD, Captain and Ms Marvel. Carol (in her new Captain Marvel suit) and Karla walk out to a big ceremony held on the far side of the base; we can see the rubble being removed from the other half. We fade to black and conclude the movie pulling back from the base and seeing people outside cheering for them.
Karla
Carol
Credits scene #1: We see Yon-Rogg’s drop ship in a SWORD hangar and Carol stating that she was able to contact the Kree and relay a message, she is going out to meet the fleet so they hand them Mar-Vell’s body. She looks to Karla, “Keep everyone safe while I’m gone” “Will do Cap”.
Credits scene #2: Karla is at the base heading to the rec room during the evening when a voice calls out, it’s Norman Osborn (would’ve been shown as a wealthy business man getting into politics during Spider-Man) he wants to talk with her about a new government initiative. This will mirror the Stark/Fury scene since the government wants a new super team, would be shades of the Dark Avengers/Thunderbolts.
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With this in mind, maybe instead of a Kree after credit, a single specimen Super Skrull is seen, saying "There's far too much trash in the universe". 
