I have a 1 year old mutt a doodle, Lucy.
Sweet girl.
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11 year old daughter snuck some birthday party gift bag of a few mini chocolates and a lollipop to her bedroom.
Looks like the dog got a hersheys dark, a krackle and a lollipop.
Having watched Louis CKs bit on his dog eating chocolate, I knew what to do.
It was unfortunate to see how useless my wife is in a crisis. She just panics, freaks out, over reacts and makes bad decisions.
I love the woman.
But she sucks in a crisis.
Wife insisted on taking the dog to vet (which is fine, but I know I would have been a million times more calm handling the situation.)
Your wife sounds like mine at times. She can definitely lose the plot in a crisis. But my problem is I take some Machiavellian pleasure in making things worse by being excessively calm and sarcastic when she does.
I remember once she was proactively putting down some roach bait in the house on a Sunday evening after a really heavy rain. She put some right by our patio door- which I thought was an odd choice. Our dog immediately clawed through the plastic and ingested it. I was just lazily watching TV with the headphones on when my wife completely lost her shit.
She started screaming that we had to take the dog to an emergency vet right now. I didn't even get off the couch. I calmly asked, 'Did he eat all the plastic or did he just eat the bait?' She said he just ate the bait. I said he'll be fine, but probably don't feed him any more. She screamed "I didn't fucking feed it to him and we need to take him to the vet right now". I calmly said, 'What does the dog do when you put anything in this world that is edible on the ground that he can reach? You fed him. But he'll be fine". Put the rest of the traps in places roaches can get but dogs can't.
My wife is screaming epithets at me and looking for emergency vet locations on her cell phone. I'm trying to calm her down, and explain that our dog weighs 50 lbs and would probably have to eat the bait out of 50 roach traps before he even got seriously sick. I probably should not have said, 'You can feed him one more if you want but no more after that."
My wife was apoplectic at this point, She was trying to chase the dog down, who due to all the commotion, was now under the impression it was play time, went into his zoomie state and started running all over the house. Finally my wife manages to leash the dog and screams at me if I am going to get off my lazy ass and come with her or not.
I calmly got off the couch, walked over to my wife, took her cell phone out of her hand, and called her best friend, who has 6 dogs. When she answered, I said, 'Jen- can you talk some sense into my crazy wife, handed her the phone and went back to the couch.'
My wife talks to her friend for 5 minutes, unleashes the dog, calls me a dick, and storms off to the bedroom.
Glorious.
