Best Simpsons' Line (Thread #2):

[Sanshou Kid]

From an episode where Lisa discovers Moe is quite the poet (last 3 seasons or so, I forget which) and she takes him to the Wordloaf festival. There's a panel of authors, including Michael Chabon and Jonathan Franzen.


Audience member #1: So who are your biggest influences?

Chabon: Well I guess i'd have to say my good friend, Jonathan Franzen. His book "The Corrections" needed none.

Random guy in audience: CHABOOOOONNNNNNNEEEE!!!

Franzen: Well I guess I would have to say....Albert Goldbarth!

Chabon: You were supposed to say me, I blurbed you!

Franzen: Yeah and it looks real good on my dust jacket. How do you like me now?

Random guy in audience: FRANZONNNNNEEEEEEE!!!

 

[Sanshou Kid]

[Lisa has a nightmare and wakes up her dad. Marge is away.]

Lisa: Well, I know it's absurd, but I dreamed the boogeyman was after me, and he was hiding under...

Homer: Ahhhhhhhhhh! Boogeyman! You nail the windows shut, I'll get the gun!

[Homer bursts into Bart's room]

Homer: Wake up Bart! I don't want to alarm you, but there may be a boogeyman or boogeymen in the house!

Bart: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Similar good parenting from Homer in Cape Feare (may well be the best episode)

5. Bart's Inner Child (Tramampoline episode)

I think the best part of that is Brad Goodman's Feel Bad Rainbow.

Let's look at the rainbow:
- Depression
- Insomnia
- Motor-Mouth
- Darting Eyes
- Indecisiveness
- Decisiveness
- Uncontrollable Falling Down
- Geriatric Profanity Disorder (GPD)
- Chronic Nagging (nagging, nagging, nagging, nagging, nagging)


and when Homer and Bart try and escape on the parade float.

Skinner: Damn...they're very slowly getting away!
Moe: They're heading for the old mill!
Homer: No we're not.
Moe: Well, let's go to the old mill anyway -- get some cider!

 

[bref]

The Japan episode where they all have seizures is a great one. And the toilet that says something like 'I am honored to accept your waste.'

 

[philth]

the best is when apu berates skinner for his Jurassic Park ripoff, and there's a jump-cut indicating he's been yelling at him for a while. Makes me lose it every time

HAHAHAHA YES. Billy and the Cloneasaurus!
[even found a clip!]

 

[bortt]

From one of the greatest episodes: "The Trouble with Trillions"

Homer: [doing his taxes] Ok Marge, if anyone asks: You require 24-hour nursing care, Lisa's a clergyman, Maggie is seven people, and Bart was wounded in Vietnam.

---

Mr. Burns: Well, if it's a crime to love one's country, then I'm guilty. And if it's a crime to steal a trillion dollars from our government and hand it over to communist Cuba, then I'm guilty of that too. And if it's a crime to bribe a jury, then so help me, I'll soon be guilty of that!

Homer: God bless America!

 

[Strychnine]

From: Homer The vigilante

Homer: "So I said listen pal! Your car was upside-down and on fire when we got here! And as for your Grandma, well she shouldn't have mouthed off like that!"

 

[Wrestler160]

Chief Wiggum: Put out an APB on a Ulesses R D-Woe, better start with Greek town

FBI Agent: That's Homer J Simpson Chief, you're reading it upside down

Chief Wiggum: Cancel that APB, but bring back some of them Gyro.

FBI Agent: Chief, you're talking to your wallet.

And another one

 

[fightingrabbit]

"Shake harder son!!!"

I quote that at ramdom times to my friends and they still laugh every time lol.

Yes! Eat our shirts! Eat all our shirts!

Snakes son riding a bike: Daddy! I'm stealing! I'm stealing!
Snake teary eyed: That's my little duude.

 

[fightingrabbit]

One of my favorites:

Flanders: Homer, i couldn't help but notice you picked just about all my posies.

Homer: Can't make a float without flowers.

Flanders: Yeah, but did you have to salt the earth so that nothing would ever grow again?

Homer: Heh heh...Yeah...

 

[Goonerview]

[Lisa has a nightmare and wakes up her dad. Marge is away.]

Lisa: Well, I know it's absurd, but I dreamed the boogeyman was after me, and he was hiding under...

Homer: Ahhhhhhhhhh! Boogeyman! You nail the windows shut, I'll get the gun!

[Homer bursts into Bart's room]

Homer: Wake up Bart! I don't want to alarm you, but there may be a boogeyman or boogeymen in the house!

Bart: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

lol, classic

 

[dissolved]

One of my favorites:

Flanders: Homer, i couldn't help but notice you picked just about all my posies.

Homer: Can't make a float without flowers.

Flanders: Yeah, but did you have to salt the earth so that nothing would ever grow again?

Homer: Heh heh...Yeah...

Omg so funny !!!

 

[fightingrabbit]

Caretaker: Uh, Mr Simpson you weren't supposed to leave the home.

Grandpa Simpson: Thank you Ping Pong!

Caretaker: My name is Craig

Grandpa Simpson: Suuuuuure it is.

 

[Bebop]

The Sopranos homage when Fat Tony and his crew are driving through Springfield on their way to kill Homer.

And the Godfather homage with Fat Tony's son.

"Lisa, don't ever ask me about my business."

Don't the bodyguards dramatically close the door after that, then it swings back open and he's playing with toys? Gold.

 

[El Moose]

Bart: Hello Mr...Kerns, Me bad need money now, me sick
Homer: Oooh, he card reads good

 

[AllHailKrull**]

Bart: Hello Mr...Kerns, Me bad need money now, me sick
Homer: Oooh, he card reads good

Bart. so pick please, me, Mr. Burns.
Homer: It's Kerns stupid!!

 

[KnightTemplar]

Don't the bodyguards dramatically close the door after that, then it swings back open and he's playing with toys? Gold.

Yeah, exactly right.:icon_lol:

 

[DoUEvenLiftBro]

[Lisa has a nightmare and wakes up her dad. Marge is away.]

Lisa: Well, I know it's absurd, but I dreamed the boogeyman was after me, and he was hiding under...

Homer: Ahhhhhhhhhh! Boogeyman! You nail the windows shut, I'll get the gun!

[Homer bursts into Bart's room]

Homer: Wake up Bart! I don't want to alarm you, but there may be a boogeyman or boogeymen in the house!

Bart: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

http://www.gametrailers.com/videos/tlskli/homer-and-the-boogeyman

 

[AllHailKrull**]

From: Homer The vigilante

Homer: "So I said listen pal! Your car was upside-down and on fire when we got here! And as for your Grandma, well she shouldn't have mouthed off like that!"

One of favorite bits in that ep is when some guy is burning leaves.

Homer and his crew run up and start kicking it out

Homer: no burning leaves without a permit

Man: i Got One!

Homer: Too Late! *all scurry away*

 

[Higus]

Cheese-eating surrender monkeys is one of my favorite phrases.

 

[AllHailKrull**]

When Marge gets a job at the power plant.

"Now Marge, just remember, if something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English. Ah, Tibor, how many times have you saved my butt?"
―Homer Simpson

Smithers showing marge to her work station and the door is locked:

"sorry that idiot Tibor lost the key, but you can jimmy it open with a credit card"



Homer: Ohhhhh...
Marge: What?
Homer: I'm used to seeing people promoted ahead of me.
Friends, co-workers, Tibor...
I never thought it'd be my own wife.
Marge: Well, maybe you'd get promoted if you worked a little harder.
Homer: Are you kidding? I work like a Japanese beaver!
Marge: Oh, really? I came to see you three times today.
Twice you were sleeping, and once you were kicking that ball of
electrical tape around!
Homer: Well! I won't sleep in the same bed with a woman who thinks I'm lazy.
I'm going to go right downstairs, unfold the couch, unroll the
sleeping ba... Eh, good-night.[gets into bed]



The episode when Homer gets the crayons removed from his brain

Surgeon: if we remove the crayons, it could potentially increase your brain power or kill you.

Homer: increase my killing power eh?

Homer the vigilante episode.
Homer: soooo ... what a twist - the cat-burglar was caught ... by the very person ... who was trying to CATCH him!

Prinicpal Skinner: how ironic.

I say that whever i can when someone says something completely unironic but it's mostly met with awkward silences.