anyone train with their GF, wife or significant other?

Discussion in 'Grappling Technique' started by Junglist, Sep 13, 2010.

  1. Junglist

    Junglist Green Belt

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    Well just found out that a girl im going to ask out trains in jiujitsu. and she is a 4 stripe yellow belt. where as me, im still gunning for my first stripe on my white belt.

    anyway, where we are at, in jiu jitsu doesnt matter.

    My question is, does anyone here train with their gf, wife or with their partner?

    does it have and positives what are they, what are the negatives to go along with it?
     
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2010
  2. gannas

    gannas Green Belt

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    positives = you always have a drill partner, its fun to roll with each other, sharing the journey together, common interests, they understand what you are going through and you understand what frustrations they have too, share in victory and support each other in defeat

    negatives = seeing some new meat head be overly rough with her during a roll (easily solved by rolling with them next and returning the roughness favor)

    Thats pretty much the only negative I have experienced. Some guys get jealous when their boyfriend/girlfriend roll with opposite sex partners.
     
  3. HardEight

    HardEight Blue Belt

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    How old are you?
    I'm not being a dick, but it is relevant and since you brought up the yellow belt thing it makes me think you guys are pretty young.

    The reason this makes a difference is because there is a world of disparity between a 30 year old person training with their spouse and a 15 year old training with their crush.

    Does this girl train at your academy?

    Common interests are great for relationships.
    It will give you guys something to talk about and do with each other.

    However, if things turn south, you don't want it to interfere with either persons training.
    Early teens breakups can be kind of brutal, and I would hate for either one of you to quit training BJJ because they don't want to run into the other at class or a tournament. The difference between a married couple is, the fact that most will get over their arguments and end up training the next day together. Younger people seem to react more irrationally and in permanent manners.
    "He's such a jerk, I never want to see him again and I am burning my gi." type thing.

    But in the end, these are problems you will face with any relationship until you find your mate.

    So take the advice for what its worth, but I would keep separate training agendas for the most part. Let her train at her gym (if it is a different gym than yours) and you stay at yours.

    Who knows, you guys could end up being soul mates, but I always try to hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst.
     
  4. ijustwannasurf

    ijustwannasurf Brown Belt

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    Story of my life
     
  5. Junglist

    Junglist Green Belt

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    i am 33 years young and she does not train at the same academy. i didnt get a chance to ask where she'd train but it was up in ottawa.

    shes 25 and is looking to train here. i understand where you are coming from, i just wanted to see if other practitioners train with their gfs or wives. I want to see how much it has enriched or played a negative part in their lives.
     
  6. curb1850

    curb1850 Green Belt

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    Yeah, an academy breakup sounds BAD BAD BAD!
     
  7. HardEight

    HardEight Blue Belt

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    OK, gotcha.
    The yellow belt comment threw me off.

    In your case, should be gravy. I can get my wife to train with me occasionally, but just more or less me showing her things.

    It's worked out good to a certain point. She is self conscious about training in front of other people so she doesn't come to class, plus she is 7 months pregnant right now.
    So it isn't like I get the opportunity to actually train with her.
    But the things she has picked up, she can now comment on when we are watching MMA or Jiu Jitsu matches.
    So that is pretty awesome.
     
  8. johnkreese

    johnkreese Brown Belt

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    A yellow belt? Is she 12?
     
  9. iheartthemount

    iheartthemount Blue Belt

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    i don't train specifically (bjj) but i do teach an adult self defense/cardio class and my girlfriend does it. it's not toooooo awkward, i mean we are both professionals but if i had my choice to do it over again, i would of told her no.

    you just always got to be careful how much attention you are showing other women and all that other crap. especially when you are holding/grappling with other attractive women, you never know what is going through their head.
     
  10. Newcastle

    Newcastle Brown Belt

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    My gf trained before I got started and took a break. She recently joined my academy and I'm quite a bit more advanced now. It's great because we both love training so it's not like dealing with an angry gf that wants more of your time when you want to be on the mat. I always have a drilling partner and can roll with zero ego every time. FWIW we are in our early 30s.
     
  11. Junglist

    Junglist Green Belt

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    shes 25, maybe here instructor back in ottawa didnt use the regular belt grading system. I dont know, havent got into too much detail yet. gonna ask her out and get 1 on 1 time with her.

    I wouldnt ask her to come train at my school.
     
  12. Sliver

    Sliver White Belt

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    There's a lot of positivity that can come from training together like HardEight said it's a common interest.....It's great to know your BF/GF will not give you shit about going to the gym every night. My BF and I have been training together for going on 4 years now. I was blue by the time we went to the same school, but it took me until my purple to realize I took a lot of his constructive criticism on how I could be a better grappler too personally. As long as you have good communication in your relationship you should be straight. At 33 you don't have to worry about new relationship drama hopefully....just make sure to treat each other as training partners on the mat and be a couple outside of class. Good luck!
     
  13. Wandgun

    Wandgun Orange Belt

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    My wife is going to start training with me soon. She did an intro class and loved it. As others have said, atleast you don't have to worry about doing "too much ju-jitsu". Also, you know she'll be staying in shape. :)
     
  14. redaxe

    redaxe Silver Belt

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    She probably does JJJ (Japanese Ju-Jutsu) not BJJ
     
  15. Irishspirit

    Irishspirit White Belt

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    You shouldn't have to worry about helping other women at all. If you are being professional and helping the ladies with their technique then there is no cause for any worry. My boyfriend works with all kinds of women and even when they are hot or better than me, I don't care. He takes his jiu-jitsu seriously and expects everyone he helps to do so as well. It never even occured to me to be jealous of that.

    My boyfriend and I met when he was a new purple belt and I was a new blue belt. I met him at a tournament and then transfered to his academy because it had a better competitive team than mine and when he started his own academy, of course I went along.

    We are now 28 and 25 respectively and have been dating and training together for almost 4 years, the last 2 of which he has been my primary coach. Everything depends on expectations. When he wasn't my coach we rarely had problems, but then we didn't train together much because both of us had better training options than each other. When he first became my primary coach, things were very difficult. It took us a while to figure out how to interact in a healthy manner, but we don't have near as many issues as we used to. And I just quit my full-time job to help him with the academy.

    We have twice a week (soon to become three times a week) women-only BJJ program with 18 women in it and about half of the ladies have a husband or long-term boyfriend in our regular program. Most of the guys say having their wife involved, even if just in the women only program, has helped them because they can attend more BJJ classes without receiving any flak.

    So between my example and the even better example of the women in our program, I definitely think it's possible to have a healthy relationship and a healthy training relationship with your significant other. As long as she is training because she likes it and not just for you. And as long as she doesn't try to monopolize your training time. Go for it!
     
  16. Junglist

    Junglist Green Belt

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    this is why the grappling forum is my favourite forum on sherdog.

    thanks for the great responses guys.

    im gonna ask this little hottie out tomorrow.
     
  17. chino3

    chino3 Purple Belt

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    I wish my GF trained. A buddy of mine, he and his girl train. she pretty solid too! She took 2nd at worlds in her division this year. They train at different schools, but every now and then she drops in at our school. There arent any other girls that have rolled at our school lol, just a bunch of smelly dudes...
     
  18. jasond

    jasond Purple Belt

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    My wife and I train together. Our classes have been so big the past few months, that we only get to drill or roll together about once a week at best though. A few years ago, we trained together almost 6 days a week. It's great!
     
  19. Toxteth

    Toxteth Blue Belt

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    I am thinking of getting my gf to come along to BJJ, the only issue I have is she is quite fragile, rolling with me would be fine as I'm a very relaxed, technical person, but I'm worried about he rolling with guys who use their physical strength to submit people. This happens alot at my gym to as a lot of the guys are Olympic Judoka.

    If I wasn't in a relationship and I found a nice girl who was better than me at BJJ, I'd jump all over that! Free rolling with someone you really enjoy being close to, what could beat that?
     
  20. MMA_Fan

    MMA_Fan Brown Belt

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    My wife and I trained together for a time, and it went okay. I say okay, and not well, mostly because it was tough for her to not get as much of my attention. She is used to being my focus, but when I am in class, I spend a lot of time with the newbs, so she felt like I was not able to focus enough on her.
     

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