I got a good one.
Lemme hold this spot til I have time to write it out.
It's a doozy. I went out Half Baked style.
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TGIFriddays. Circa 2001 Long Island NY
I was a waiter for a few years in college and admittedly a shitty waiter, often stoned, sometimes coming in after overnights in NYC clubs on hard drugs.
I spilled hot soup on a baby's head once.
That's a different story, but it is context.
So I'm at my job as a shitty waiter and there is a blizzard. I had been working in my music studio recording with my band until 5am. I was shot. Exhausted.
We are there for 2 hours. I have zero tables. There is all of exactly ONE customer and this restaurant has a staff of 20-30+ people. If you know anything about restaurants you know this is when any manager who isn't a complete asshole cuts half the staff and sends them home. Better for 6 people to make decent money than for 25 people to sit around with their thumbs up their ass for $2.45/hr.
I ask manager to cut me. She is a total cunt about it and with major attitude informs me "No one is going home."
Hmm. We will see about that.
I gather up the 2-3 dudes I had become friendly with and told them to hang by the prep area.
This draws attention of more people since everyone has jack shit to do.
I wait for manager to come over and then wait for her to start fussing about. This didn't take long since she was an uppity cunt and her seeing people hanging around together got her perturbed as she was one of those "pretend you are working" types.
Right as she is about to start her lecture I cut her off:
"Hey manager lady. Its dead. I'm going home."
her face contorts in a bizarre fashion, as if overwhelmed by all of the cunty faces she attempts to make simultaneously.


"NO ONE...
... IS"

"Nah.. hold up. I don't think YOU get it.
(I start unbuttoning my stupid ass "Where's Waldo" looking TGIF shirt... and then say the following)
I slam my Where's Waldo shirt on the ground.

I throw my apron, little black waiter booklet credit card bill thingy, a few pens and various little scraps of paper in the air, causing them to rain down on and around my fellow employees.
and proceed to walk out of the restaurant in my wife beater tank top undershirt during a blizzard.
