Am I Just Thinking Too Much

[Wblueman1]

I am writing this in hopes of getting at least a few serious replies (along with the usual crap).

So my wife and I have been married for 6 years now and have a 2 year old son. Things have always been great and we have not had any major issues and what I considered a happy marriage.

So two nights ago, we were having our usual conversations in bed and I mentioned to my wife that I had dreamt about an ex girlfriend of mine dying and coming back to haunt me in my dreams and I went to look at her FB profile just to make sure my dream didn't mean anything more. Sure enough, it appears as though she is alive and well. Yesterday morning, my wife tells me she just decided to check up on her ex to see if he was married or not on FB since we had talked about my ex. No biggie, right?

So I'm on my laptop and it reboots so I grab my wife's iPad and her FB is on. I check her history (and it's the first time I've ever checked in the 6 years of marriage) and sure enough, she had searched for her ex. She already told me about it and we are both very honest with each other so I didn't care.

Then last night, I use the iPad while I'm doing my business and I go to log off her FB to log into mine, I noticed she deleted her search history of just her ex. Now if she already told me about her looking at her ex's profile, why would she go through the hassle to delete it? Nothing to hide, right? Especially since it had already been shared so why delete it? Then I looked into her search history and it's quite limited which left me a little confused. My search history is a mile long and her's is extremely short and the more I think about it, the fisher it gets.

Why did she feel the need to delete it? Has she deleted other searches or possibly more? For more clarification, we are, imo, in a great marriage. We both believe in the same things for the most part and we are very open with each other. She knows I ocassionally watch porn, as do most men, and I know once in a blue moon, she will sneak one in too.

Anyhow, am I just thinking too much fellas? Ladies?

Thanks ahead of time to all of you who have taken your time to read this and respond seriously.

 

[BisexualMMA]

Well, I don't know what you thought the upside would be of telling your wife about a dream of your ex-girlfriend.

You got the predicted result. Retaliatory looking up of an ex-boyfriend.

Benign enough, I suppose.

Deleting the search history? I dunno. I guess it's kind of odd, given that she had no qualms telling you she did the search in the first place. My guess...probably a benign exchange of messages between the two?

How often do you guys use each other's computers / iPads with the other person still logged into their accounts?

 

[FeloniousMonk]

You're chill dude.

But stop telling your wife about
dreams you have about ex girlfriends.
Especially while in bed. Get some
god damn friends. She probably
felt silly for even looking him up
& possibly guilty for whatever reason.

But that's her reason to know.
You opened this dumbass box.
Let it slip into some lost memory.

 

[Wblueman1]

Well, I don't know what you thought the upside would be of telling your wife about a dream of your ex-girlfriend.

You got the predicted result. Retaliatory looking up of an ex-boyfriend.

Benign enough, I suppose.

Deleting the search history? I dunno. I guess it's kind of odd, given that she had no qualms telling you she did the search in the first place. My guess...probably a benign exchange of messages between the two?

How often do you guys use each other's computers / iPads with the other person still logged into their accounts?

All the time. I don't log off my FB or emails on my laptos (two of them) and she never or rarely ever logs off of hers (1 laptop and iPad). We've never really hid anything and I've openly shared my dreams in the past. Heck, the first few months that we were married, I had weekly dreams of cheating on my wife with random women (I've never met before) and I shared it with her. She found it odd but knew I loved her and didn't think much of it. It went on for about 3 months and then those dreams just stopped.

Again, the only thing I found to be odd is that she deleted that particular search. Again, I've never questioned her love or faithfulness nor she questioned mine so I was never one to stalk or go through emails and other things like that.

 

[Wblueman1]

I

You're chill dude.

But stop telling your wife about
dreams you have about ex girlfriends.
Especially while in bed. Get some
god damn friends. She probably
felt silly for even looking him up
& possibly guilty for whatever reason.

But that's her reason to know.
You opened this dumbass box.
Let it slip into some lost memory.

Thats what I'm thinking. Just let it slip away and not even ask or should I ask?

And I did talk to my best friend about it and he's on the fence and conflicted. He knows my wife and I very well and he just said I could just let it be as its most likely nothing or I could ask her hence me asking here

 

[BisexualMMA]

All the time. I don't log off my FB or emails on my laptos (two of them) and she never or rarely ever logs off of hers (1 laptop and iPad). We've never really hid anything and I've openly shared my dreams in the past. Heck, the first few months that we were married, I had weekly dreams of cheating on my wife with random women (I've never met before) and I shared it with her. She found it odd but knew I loved her and didn't think much of it. It went on for about 3 months and then those dreams just stopped.

Again, the only thing I found to be odd is that she deleted that particular search. Again, I've never questioned her love or faithfulness nor she questioned mine so I was never one to stalk or go through emails and other things like that.

Well, different strokes for different folks. But to me, dreams about banging other chicks are stories for your bros, not your woman... But sounds like you guys can handle it. I just do a cost-benefit analysis and see no gain to sharing that kind of stuff with the lady.

If you're really curious about this. I'd just not mention it and see if she changes up her patterns on her iPad over the next little while. If she suddenly has changed to logging out and/or deleting her history regularly...you might have something to worry about.

Otherwise, I wouldn't assume the worst.

 

[FeloniousMonk]

I

Thats what I'm thinking. Just let it slip away and not even ask or should I ask?

Imo, it wouldn't make a difference.
She's probably already banging
her ex in your driveway right now.








jk Really, it's not going to make a
difference & if anything, it will
exacerbate an uncharacteristic
encounter & could potentially
persuade a new dynamic into what
seems to be an otherwise faithful,
unquestioning marriage. Let it go

If you're really curious about this. I'd just not mention it and see if she changes up her patterns on her iPad over the next little while. If she suddenly has changed to logging out and/or deleting her history regularly...you might have something to worry about.

Slippery slope @BisexualMMA imo...

 

[Kardashians]

eh, maybe she just didnt want him coming back up when she typed in a url. i know people have linked me to fb accounts in the past, and unless i didnt delete them, after id type in so much of a url theyd come up as suggested page.

could also just be something silly. maybe felt embarrassed. or just wants to keep her life completely clean of him? idk.
doesnt always have to be something bad.

 

[BisexualMMA]

Slippery slope @BisexualMMA imo...

How so?

 

[Gavster]

Well, different strokes for different folks. But to me, dreams about banging other chicks are stories for your bros, not your woman... But sounds like you guys can handle it. I just do a cost-benefit analysis and see no gain to sharing that kind of stuff with the lady.

If you're really curious about this. I'd just not mention it and see if she changes up her patterns on her iPad over the next little while. If she suddenly has changed to logging out and/or deleting her history regularly...you might have something to worry about.

Otherwise, I wouldn't assume the worst.

You always give top advice.

 

[BisexualMMA]

You always give top advice.

 

[Wblueman1]

Well, different strokes for different folks. But to me, dreams about banging other chicks are stories for your bros, not your woman... But sounds like you guys can handle it. I just do a cost-benefit analysis and see no gain to sharing that kind of stuff with the lady.

If you're really curious about this. I'd just not mention it and see if she changes up her patterns on her iPad over the next little while. If she suddenly has changed to logging out and/or deleting her history regularly...you might have something to worry about.

Otherwise, I wouldn't assume the worst.

I appreciate the honesty and candidness. My wife and I have always been open with each other from the get go. She knows who I've been with (I messed around a lot when I was younger) and she's shared her past. It's never been a big deal and we've both always lived by the "better to tell you everything now and accept me for me than to hear it from someone else later on". I know most men and most women don't have the same relationship or conversations my wife and I do.

I know my best friend and my crew that I hang out with can't do what I do but again, when I go to the strip club, which is rare, I have never felt the need to hide or lie. I've been honest, I've told my wife that me and the guys are going out for a drink and will be at the strip club for a few lap dances and then I'll come home. She's never minded this and I know most of my friends, they don't tell their wives or gfs anything other than "guys night out at the bar".

Anyhow, thanks for the respectful response and for understanding where I'm coming from.

Your probably right. We've never had any issues when it comes to trust or fidelity nor have we ever felt the need to lie to one another. I'll heed your advice, sometimes it's nice to hear it from someone else.

Also, outside of my best friend, I'm not talking to my guys about my marriage. It's not something they need to know let alone start to overthink and then come to feel or think my wife is someone she is not, hence asking anonymously online.

 

[Gavster]

I am writing this in hopes of getting at least a few serious replies (along with the usual crap).
Why did she feel the need to delete it? Has she deleted other searches or possibly more? For more clarification, we are, imo, in a great marriage. We both believe in the same things for the most part and we are very open with each other. She knows I ocassionally watch porn, as do most men, and I know once in a blue moon, she will sneak one in too.

Anyhow, am I just thinking too much fellas? Ladies?

Thanks ahead of time to all of you who have taken your time to read this and respond seriously.

Is she introverted? I delete search history of exes and sites I don't want to visit again just so it's out of sight out of mind.
I mean you can look at it deeper but it could just be a character trait of hers. Or she feels embarrassed about what she looks up.

 

[gigantalor]

So you borrowed her iPad?

Or she gave it to you?

Seriously though, doesn't seem like a big deal.

 

[FeloniousMonk]

How so?

If it's not what the foundations of
his relationship has been based upon;
if searching through private belongings
hasn't been part of the mechanisms of
trust built between them... then it could
potentially cascade into a new habit.

But apart from that... I highlight private,
because ultimately, it is her private
stuff. Which, I kinda feel like everyone
should be entitled to. Even in close
relationships. With that in mind, it also
just shows a general disregard for the
power structure in the relationship,
regarding disclosure & openness.

I think it's vital to maintain those sorts
of things...

 

[GSPSAKU]

Imo, it wouldn't make a difference.
She's probably already banging
her ex in your driveway right now.








jk Really, it's not going to make a
difference & if anything, it will
exacerbate an uncharacteristic
encounter & could potentially
persuade a new dynamic into what
seems to be an otherwise faithful,
unquestioning marriage. Let it go





Slippery slope @BisexualMMA imo...

Lol at the first paragraph.

I'm with Monk on this one. If your marriage is how you portrayed it, let it go and don't over think it. 6 years in, one child and you guys have never had issues? Don't let an insecurity become one.

If you can talk to her like one of your boys, have a relationship where you can truly share everything (banging broads in your dreams, going to strip clubs, watching porn and masturbating without it being an issue), you've got it good. The reason why I wouldn't worry much is because you guys are apparently an open book; you don't care to sign out of your accounts and she doesn't sign out of hers. If she was really doing something fishy, she could just sign out of her account.

I think it may be as Kardashian posted. I've searched things in Facebook and then deleted it because everything you type in a particular letter, past searches pop up so you don't want it popping up all the time.

I've been on here for a long time and honestly, the guys on Sherdog tend to be a great bunch especially those that reply back to these type of threads. If nothing changes and she continues to keep her emails and FB page logged in, you've got nothing to worry about.

 

[Wblueman1]

Is she introverted? I delete search history of exes and sites I don't want to visit again just so it's out of sight out of mind.
I mean you can look at it deeper but it could just be a character trait of hers. Or she feels embarrassed about what she looks up.

She's more shy and less outgoing than I am but not an introvert. I don't think embarrassed would be it. We've shared far too much for something as simple as looking at an ex's profile page to make her embarrassed. Again, she already shared it with me, that's nothing to me.

So you borrowed her iPad?

Or she gave it to you?

Seriously though, doesn't seem like a big deal.

Haha, no we've been married long enough to know each other's quirks and routines. I just said my laptop is rebooting and I'm going to use her iPad. When I went to use the bathroom, I told her I was going to use her iPad instead of my laptop.

You guys are probably right, it's probably nothing. Maybe deleting just so it doesn't keep popping up.

 

[GearSolidMetal]

TS, it doesn't seem like a big deal.

You trust her, she trusts you, and the deeper you dig into something like this the more she'd figure you don't trust her. That could cause a rift between you and her.

Let it lay.

 

[Harmonica]

Have you cheated on your girlfriends in the past?

 

[jabba the punk]

(((Serious response here)))

I don't think shes cheated on you, but I think she might be bored and looking for something to give her that butterfly in the stomach feeling. She might have just messaged him out of curiosity to see what might happen. She might or might not act upon it. Women get bored and do shit like this. I've seen it happen to many of my friends. If she deleted messages that means she has stuff to hide. No one deletes messages because there facebook inbox is full. I have never deleted any messages from facebook unless I was trying to cover tracks.

If I were you, I'd talk to your wife before it gets out of hand. They say communication is key in a relationship. Start talking.