A moral dillema

jeff7b9 said:
Why though?

The "right thing to do" for WHO?

The harmful act was the cheating.
That is the cardinal sin here.

The disclosure is to alleviate the guilt of the cheater.
It is not going to make the relationship better.
It is not going to build trust.
It does not undo the betrayal.

It just hurts the innocent party.

Exactly how is that better?
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It might. The person deserves to know. Obviously it will cause problems. If they never know, then they're not with you, they're with a perception of you.

Guilt is there to let us know we've done something wrong. It's not simply a selfish act to disclose a misdeed because that disclosure is going to lead to heartache/stress and may destroy a relationship the perpetrator would like to keep intact; confessing isn't simply assuaging a guilty conscience. On the other hand, if it's easy to hide and doesn't change the perpetrator's behavior in the relationship to live with what they've done, that also says something about them, about their character.

Behavior also doesn't tend to exist in a vacuum so if that single, very large "mistake" (I don't like that description, takes responsibility off the perp) can be swept under the rug with relative ease, then it follows that other things can be too.
 
owen_taggart said:
What world are you living in where only religious people get married?!
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I never said only religious people get married. I said marriage is a religious institution and it doesn't make any sense for a secular person to get married.
 
Spam On Rye said:
I never said only religious people get married. I said marriage is a religious institution and it doesn't make any sense for a secular person to get married.
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Whether it makes "sense" to you or not, it happens all the time so get used to it.
 
owen_taggart said:
YOU see marriage as a "religious institution".
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What are you trying to say here? You're just gonna play semantics instead of using logic? Aren't you the one arguing with me over Jordan Peterson the other day because you said he is a Christian because he talks about Christianity "a lot"? You're a sophist and a low-tier one at that.
 
Spam On Rye said:
What are you trying to say here?
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Obviously, I'm saying it's NOT a religious institution. It's a union between two consenting adults regardless of whether or not either of them believes in some god or other.
 
owen_taggart said:
What if you're not in any fucking church?!
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I think a lot of people would be surprised at just how many conservative atheists there are. I can't reconcile believing in a deity, but FFS that's no reason to go around acting like a douchebag.
 
Phlog said:
A ceremony in front of your tribe cementing a coupling and asking the tribe to support you in that endeavour is not a religious institution!
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It certainly wasn't for me. I was just in love with a girl that had openly expressed that she wanted me to marry her. For those of us raised more than five minutes ago, it's the primary way of expressing devotion and commitment to a partner.

There are people both male and female that will just leave no matter how happy they are, if you don't commit fully to them. Now of course times have changed and I don't fault younger people for adjusting to that.
 
AZ103 said:
I greatly enjoyed the other moral thread and youtube recently suggested me a 2.5 minute video where Jordan Peterson discusses the moral dilemma of infidelity in marriage.

The dilemma: you have cheated on your wife or husband some time ago (a week, month, whatever) and now you have stopped. So is it morally right to tell your spouse and be honest with them or is it morally right for you to bear that burden of shame and not destroy your family.

The answer as Jordan sees it:
You shouldn't tell them. It's your problem, not theirs to deal with. Take it to the grave. To tell them is to inflict suffering.

My reaction: fucking utter shock. I disagree with him. It's a short video so who knows if he addresses the issue of what if they find out later and the compounding harm that would cause. I mean you can not be certain they will never know and it will hurt even worse later, such a betrayal.

BUT then I wondered what my life would have been like... if my dad never told my mom. If they never split up when I was 9. Would my life be better? Would I be happier? Would I be struggling with the same emotional demons and problems? Fuck man... who knows.


What does sherdog think? About the dilemma not my therapy session with youtube.
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Remember what you said to me after my ex beating me for 3 years and cheating on me when I slept with his best friend?
 
dirtypablo said:
That's absurd. There are plenty of perfectly logical reasons to get married, namely the many legal and financial benefits.
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Those are perks, not a logical reason to get married. Marriage is sacred, not a business venture.
 
Spam On Rye said:
Those are perks, not a logical reason to get married. Marriage is sacred, not a business venture.
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I don't think you understand how logic works. Your opinion on meaning of marriage and the reasons to get married don't invalidate the concrete, existing benefits to marriage that have nothing to do with it being 'sacred'.
 
Morally correct is tell her
Of course you must shut the fuck up
 
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