Terrible Music Videos

Discussion in 'Music Discussion (BAM'S Bieberverse)' started by Thunderhead, Apr 13, 2018.

  1. Thunderhead Assman Extraordinaire

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    In this thread we'll post music videos that are deemed cringeworthy, are considered the worst ever, and/or have been lampooned by the media for its questionable content. Add a little commentary about the video(s) of your own if you want.

    Rock Me Tonite by Billy Squier



    This is the music video that purportedly killed Billy Squier's career with its ambiguously homoerotic imagery: scenes of Squier dancing and twirling alone in his bedroom in a pink t-shirt - topped off with a sleazy crawl on the floor followed by flailing of the arms like a toddler throwing a hissy fit - were more than enough to alienate his fans and MTV audience. As a result, his career went into a nosedive, and he, of mega-hit, The Strokes (America's favorite classic rock song about masturbation) fame, went from selling out arenas to being relegated to playing small venues at the drop of a hat. Perhaps The Buggle's prophetic one-hit-wonder, Video Killed The Radio Star, alluded to the demise of this sacrificial goat, whose only guilt was vastly underestimating the unholy powers of the newly invented, Satanic medium known as MTV. Interestingly enough, Rock Me Tonite, is Billy Squier's most successful single of his discography, having peaked at #1 on the US Billboard Rock Tracks chart. Irony.

    Dancing in the Street by David Bowie and Mick Jagger



    Now this here - just, what the fuck - is the music video to David Bowie's and Mick Jagger's campy, gratuitous rendition of Dancing in the Street, a Motown classic originally written by Marvin Gaye, et al. and made popular by the group, Martha and the Vandellas in the 1960's. In this video, you can see two of UK's biggest rock icons shake their rumps and get their mugs uncomfortably close and sharing each other's forehead grease that it makes you wonder if they were little more than just a professional songwriting duo. Indeed, rumors of their homosexual tryst were eventually confirmed by Bowie's ex-wife, Angela, who claimed to have walked in to see the two lovers in bed, on The Joan River's Show in 1990. Such revelations were made possible in part by the constant prodding by her fellow guest and shock jock radio personality, Howard Stern. Talk about good timing with the guest booking.

    According to Peter Griffin of Family Guy, "That (the music video) happened, and we let it happen." We? Certainly not me. I wasn't born until three years after this godforsaken video was released. Leave me out of this.

    On The Floor by IceJJFish



    Meet IceJJFish, Mother Nature's cruel joke to the music industry. With a reflective five-head that doubles as a mirror of an 18 wheeler truck and a protruding upper row of teeth that resemble dominoes that you want to knock down with a stream of piss, this man may be the very first product of a gene-splicing experiment with a camel's DNA gone awry. In this music video, you can see this bumbling dufus awkwardly gyrating like a man with Parkinson's and serenading his love interest with off-key singing that is so heinous that it would make William Hung himself cringe. The lyrics to this retarded attempt at an avant-garde love ballad appears to have been written by a pre-pubescent boy who flunked sex-ed and is perhaps destined for a life of eternal involuntary celibacy.

    How he was able to procure the talents of latina goddess, Karen Vi (Mamacita, ¿te casarías conmigo?) is beyond anybody's imagination. Adding to the awkwardness of the music video, the artist implores his troll-like audience to "Check out my New music video with a way hotter girl!" in the comment section. Classy. One can only speculate it was written in revenge after his pathetic attempt at an courtship with the lovely Ms. Vi was immediately spurned IRL. Unrequited love can be such a petty bitch.
     
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    Last edited: Apr 13, 2018
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  2. Thunderhead Assman Extraordinaire

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    Reserved for more stupid bullshit commentary.
     
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  3. ookii Brown Belt

    ookii
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    Probably the creepiest video. Read the funny comments too
     
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  4. judoka loca White Belt

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    Quack Like a Duck by Goat and your Mom

    or

    Big Bad Wolf by Duck Sauce
     
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  5. Thunderhead Assman Extraordinaire

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    Yech. Dude was 34 years old and he was singing about being in love with a 16 year old girl? This is ten times worse than Winger's She's Only Seventeen. At least Kip Winger had the prudence not to include a 17 year old in his music video.
     
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  6. ookii Brown Belt

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    And then in the video , he is peeping out the window of the girl's bedroom with a white van behind him. A lot of hilarity there
     
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  7. Thunderhead Assman Extraordinaire

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    I missed the white van. Good Jebus, it's the kind of subtlety that makes you wonder if the rumors about the pedophile rings in Hollywood and the music industry are indeed true.
     
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  8. Thunderhead Assman Extraordinaire

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    Third entry posted.
     
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  9. sh1tehawke Purple Belt

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    Yeah this one is a total head scratcher. I'm assuming it was the drugs which made this seem like a good idea.
     
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  10. sh1tehawke Purple Belt

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  11. Bobby Boulders My Lovin' Is Digi

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    This is the GOAT.

    Ok song, fucking cringe video.



    I can't get through this without cracking the fuck up.
     
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  12. TheGZA Excellent! But not good.

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  13. Thunderhead Assman Extraordinaire

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    Dude, I love this fucking song.

    Hey, @Ceez , remember I said I don't like listening to music while getting it on with a chick? I'll have to make a special exception for this one.
     
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  14. Ceez The Catalyst

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    Every man has that one song in their rolodex to be used for seduction purposes, you just forgot what yours was
     
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  15. Thunderhead Assman Extraordinaire

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    As a kid of the 90's, it's only fitting that I can only mack it on to New Jack Swing.
     
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  16. Ceez The Catalyst

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    No Bobby Brown, tender Roni?
     
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  17. Thunderhead Assman Extraordinaire

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    Nah, I can't listen to Bobby Brown. It seems like beating his wife, Whitney, was his prerogative.
     
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  18. Ceez The Catalyst

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    Rules out Ike Turner...
     
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  19. Ceez The Catalyst

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  20. Thunderhead Assman Extraordinaire

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    And his distant cousin, Chris Brown.
     
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