No More Mr Nice Guy (book)

[Goonerview]

Anyone ever read this book?

I have been reading it the past few days and I'm almost finished. Quite eye-opening stuff. I don't think the whole book applies to me, but there were definitely a few chapters and pages that resonated.

It's about "Nice Guy syndrome" and how to recover from it and be a more integral man and a man that can assertively get what he desires in love, life and sex.

Lessons I learned from reading:
- Focus on pleasuring yourself and knowing how to make your self happy and content. Don't be a pleaser. People will like you and respect you more if YOU know what YOU want and take it.

- Don't be too attached to perfection. Good enough is good enough.

- "whatever happens, I can handle it" have confidence to take risks knowing that whatever happens, that you will be able to maintain your frame and handle the situation.

- Work on your posture and stretch more.

- Get more rest and stop trying to impress/please people. Women want a man that knows how to please himself and can invite her along for the ride.

- Stop feeling guilty or shameful for wanting sex and having needs as a man.

- Let go of feeling fearful.

There are other things that I learned, but generally a good read, just a few pages to go.

The book from the title suggests that "you shouldn't be nice and should be a jerk", but really it just teaches you to be more like a respectable man and not a pleaser, push over.

The book reminded me of Tyler Durden/the narrator from fight club whilst reading it.

 

[KONG-D'SNT-TAP]

First thing he learned

"Focus on pleasuring yourself"




Such a "no more Mr nice guy" type of thing to say

 

[Goonerview]

First thing he learned

"Focus on pleasuring yourself"




Such a "no more Mr nice guy" type of thing to say

lol, that came out wrong ...

Basically, focus on what feels good for you, instead of pandering and pleasing other people. It only creates resentment.

For example, if you are in a situation with a woman, don't keep trying to please her and asking her what she wants to do. Just take the lead and do what you want to do and invite her a long.

Take more responsibility for your own happiness and stop putting it on the shoulders of others.

 

[Robocok]

This sounds like a philosophy I've adopted more and more in the last few years. I don't care what other people think unless I care about them or am trying to elicit a certain response from them. If I don't care about someone or want something from them then their opinion of me is irrelevant. I prefer to do what I want and enjoy rather than doing something I don't like or that stresses me out just because it's considered normal or socially acceptable. I've never been happier.

 

[Goonerview]

This sounds like a philosophy I've adopted more and more in the last few years. I don't care what other people think unless I care about them or am trying to elicit a certain response from them. If I don't care about someone or want something from them then their opinion of me is irrelevant. I prefer to do what I want and enjoy rather than doing something I don't like or that stresses me out just because it's considered normal or socially acceptable. I've never been happier.

That's good to hear.

I read another book recently, too. "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle.

I learned an interesting idea from that book. The idea that you shouldn't necessarily strive to be constantly, ecstatically happy all the time, but have "inner peace" and Acceptance of who you are. Good book, I recommend it.

Most women want a man that is just comfortable in his own skin.

 

[Winter-John]

shite

 

[Organic Damage]

The book reminded me of Tyler Durden/the narrator from fight club whilst reading it.

lol that's ironic considering the first thought I had upon reading OP was "Self-improvement is masturbation."

One thing to keep in mind is that most people who consider themselves nice guys aren't actually all that nice. They are passive-aggressive and entitled and fearful to offend but think that should get them ahead because they are not pushy. I was one of those guys. But over time I learned a lot of the things you mentioned.

To an extent, "niceness" is not a desirable quality (especially in men)... if you have to offend someone to do what your believe in or what is morally right, that shouldn't necessarily stop you.

 

[Goonerview]

lol that's ironic considering the first thought I had upon reading OP was "Self-improvement is masturbation."

One thing to keep in mind is that most people who consider themselves nice guys aren't actually all that nice. They are passive-aggressive and entitled and fearful to offend but think that should get them ahead because they are not pushy. I was one of those guys. But over time I learned a lot of the things you mentioned.

To an extent, "niceness" is not a desirable quality (especially in men)... if you have to offend someone to do what your believe in or what is morally right, that shouldn't necessarily stop you.

Your second paragraph is literally like a quote from the book.

Most nice guys are needy, resentful and dishonest according to the book

 

[Fire Belly]

nice guys finish last. I'm usually a prick to people but then will step in and help when someone actually needs it. That way they value it without coming to see it as an expectation.

Plus I have a bunch of bad karma to burn off

 

[Robocok]

That's good to hear.

I read another book recently, too. "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle.

I learned an interesting idea from that book. The idea that you shouldn't necessarily strive to be constantly, ecstatically happy all the time, but have "inner peace" and Acceptance of who you are. Good book, I recommend it.

Most women want a man that is just comfortable in his own skin.

Who cares what women want though?

 

[Goonerview]

Who cares what women want though?

Men who want to attract women into his life. Men who have aspirations of having a family. To name a few.

 

[Goonerview]

nice guys finish last. I'm usually a prick to people but then will step in and help when someone actually needs it. That way they value it without coming to see it as an expectation.

Plus I have a bunch of bad karma to burn off

Better to be a dick than a pussy ^^

 

[Robocok]

Men who want to attract women into his life. Men who have aspirations of having a family. To name a few.

Wouldn't trade my son for the world but I went through hell after breaking up with his mom just to see him and stay in his life. Most of the women I date want to know about my financial status, which indicates that they're not really interested in me but in how well I can provide for them.

I realized that trying to please my son's mom was a never ending game that made me miserable, hence why I broke up with her. It pissed her off good though and the courts definitely had her back but I'm past all that now and in a better place in many ways.

That's just my personal story though. Do what makes you happy. It just sounds like that for you being happy means trying to please women so that you can attract them which seems contrary to the message of the book you recommend. I'm not judging though. The desire to be loved by a woman can be very powerful. We all follow our own path.

 

[DaDamn]

There are other things that I learned, but generally a good read, just a few pages to go.

Spoiler

you end up gay

Spoiler

j/k

 

[Goonerview]

Wouldn't trade my son for the world but I went through hell after breaking up with his mom just to see him and stay in his life. Most of the women I date want to know about my financial status, which indicates that they're not really interested in me but in how well I can provide for them.

I realized that trying to please my son's mom was a never ending game that made me miserable, hence why I broke up with her. It pissed her off good though and the courts definitely had her back but I'm past all that now and in a better place in many ways.

That's just my personal story though. Do what makes you happy. It just sounds like that for you being happy means trying to please women so that you can attract them which seems contrary to the message of the book you recommend. I'm not judging though. The desire to be loved by a woman can be very powerful. We all follow our own path.

I don't hate women and not all women are interested in money. Most women I have been with were with me when I was broke, poor.

I live in Japan, this isn't some 3rd world country where women marry a westerner to "escape poverty".

I want to connect with people and share my life experiences with someone ... preferably someone with a vajayjay

Finding out what behaviors attract the kind of people I want to meet and what kind of behaviors repel them is a good start ...

 

[Robocok]

I don't hate women and not all women are interested in money. Most women I have been with were with me when I was broke, poor.

I live in Japan, this isn't some 3rd world country where women marry a westerner to "escape poverty".

I want to connect with people and share my life experiences with someone ... preferably someone with a vajayjay

I don't hate women either. I'm just wary of marriage and more kids. I live in the US and the courts are terrible for men. I imagine it's different in Japan but tbh I don't know a lot about the family court system there.

I heard in a documentary that many young Japanese people are opting out of marriage because there's too much pressure. Are you originally from Japan?

 

[Goonerview]

I don't hate women either. I'm just wary of marriage and more kids. I live in the US and the courts are terrible for men. I imagine it's different in Japan but tbh I don't know a lot about the family court system there.

I heard in a documentary that many young Japanese people are opting out of marriage because there's too much pressure. Are you originally from Japan?

I'm English. Not originally from Japan.

I can understand not wanting to be locked down. I haven't been in an "exclusive relationship" for years, been mainly f**king around. But, I think if I met a girl I was strongly attracted to and didn't f**k it up by being too needy, I would probably lock it down ...

So, I've been working on certain aspects of my character and facing my fears more. Talking to more people in public, training social skills and stuff ... It's still my ultimate goal to have a strong, relationship and get married to a girl I'm into.

 

[BEER]

So basically you learned some self-respect?

 

[Robocok]

I'm English. Not originally from Japan.

I can understand not wanting to be locked down. I haven't been in an "exclusive relationship" for years, been mainly f**king around. But, I think if I met a girl I was strongly attracted to and didn't f**k it up by being too needy, I would probably lock it down ...

So, I've been working on certain aspects of my character and facing my fears more. Talking to more people in public, training social skills and stuff ... It's still my ultimate goal to have a strong, relationship and get married to a girl I'm into.

I understand this desire and am not trying to bust your balls, but be careful to not let your happiness be dependent on another person. I say this because you use the term ultimate goal. It's good to have friends and relationships, but most don't last forever.

 

[Pugilistic]

- Focus on pleasuring yourself and knowing how to make your self happy and content. Don't be a pleaser. People will like you and respect you more if YOU know what YOU want and take it.

Another way of putting it would be knowing how to set boundaries. I've noticed a typical "nice guy" trait is not knowing how to set boundaries and then feeling walked all over. A lot of these guys are seething inside because of being stepped on and emasculated. Applies to women too.

- Work on your posture and stretch more.

I think this is one of my most basic things for a guy to get better with women because it conveys confidence and it's simply healthier. My no game having friend I talked about has horrible posture and his neck sticks forward so much it looks like he's getting in people's face all the time.