Just Been Handed Beneficiary Privileges From Dying Dad.

[Fuglee]

Respectfully I disagree.

While the general sentiment of considering someone's motives or hardships is valid, I don't believe that anything justifies an adult hurting a child or sexually abusing a child. That's no excuses territory for me.



you are absolutely allowed to feel that way.

I believe that everyone in this thread is generally coming from a place of a good heart, I don't agree with what appears to be a bit of a consensus that you are in any way OBLIGATED to be compassionate or that it is your duty to endure stress, work, drama, etc on behalf of someone who hurt you when you were too young to defend yourself or stick up for yourself.

if you CHOOSE to take the high road, then of course, that would be a kind act but given the circumstances you deacribed, I dont feel you owe that man a damn thing. Not that my opinion matters, but just my $0.02 that you could pass that task along to someone else, another relative, one of your aunts maybe and would not be in the wrong in doing so.




I was similarly blessed with a wonderful stepfather... and to me he is my REAL father. Love trumps blood and actions speak louder than words or blood relations.

I'm sorry to hear that you are in a tough situation. I don't know how I will feel when my biological father dies. I haven't spoke to him in 18 years. I do understand that this is a situation that will likely stir up a lot of emotions for you and I hope you have a strong support system of people in your life who can help you.


Anyways, I don't mean to be preachy, I understand this post is a bit contrary and by the nature of what I am saying, but it felt to me like it may be important for you to hear/read the flip side of the coin.
That man owed it to YOU to be a good father when he made your mother pregnant, he owed it to YOU to provide a safe, loving positive environment to grow and learn and thrive and he failed YOU and wronged you and your siblings, so as far as I am concerned for however little my opinion may mean in the grand scheme of things, I don't think you owe him a damn thing, and if that weight on your shoulders is negatively impacting you, drop that shit or pass it along, he harmed you enough already and you don't deserve ANY further duress imo.

So, look, I don't know if he explained all that in another thread but I wasn't aware of what his father did when I wrote my first post ITT.

If you read this thread in order that should be obvious to you. After finding out what happened, which I give great credit to @Dogpound2020 for sharing, because he absolutely did not have to, I made a second post in response to him.

No where in post am I excusing child abuse of any sort and I absolutely never would. He simply called him a prick, that is what I responded to. I had no idea the extent of what his father had done. I'm going to assume you misunderstood my post, that's fine it happens, but I have to ask that you edit or delete that comment you aimed at me.

 

[TKing]

If it's something you aren't up for and others can step in then be honest while you can or at least get very open dialogue if you have questions now which makes things a bit more clearer after. It's difficult to handle everything with someone you are very close with and most likely way tougher when it's someone you aren't close with as the emotions and overwhelming feeling push a person over when it comes to the range of things you will feel.

I lost my mom last month very unexpectedly and I was the primary on everything of hers. She was always open about what she wanted for years so it made those difficult decisions less difficult. Just speaking from experience and recent experience at that. Best of luck to you.

 

[StonedLemur]

My dad was 10x worse than yours, and even then, I regret not talking to him in his final days.

His father sexually abused his sister, and beat the rest of them...fuck that guy.
Why would/should he regret anything?

 

[StonedLemur]

So, look, I don't know if he explained all that in another thread but I wasn't aware of what his father did when I wrote my first post ITT.

If you read this thread in order that should be obvious to you. After finding out what happened, which I give great credit to @Dogpound2020 for sharing, because he absolutely did not have to, I made a second post in response to him.

No where in post am I excusing child abuse of any sort and I absolutely never would. He simply called him a prick, that is what I responded to. I had no idea the extent of what his father had done. I'm going to assume you misunderstood my post, that's fine it happens, but I have to ask that you edit or delete that comment you aimed at me.

He explained it in this thread sir.

 

[StonedLemur]

Good man or not — you can be a better man and show compassion. If you’re a dad, be the father you wish he was. Show your family what a good man can be.

Being kind to a sexual predator doesn't seem like the best idea sir.

No disrespect to you.

 

[Contempt]

We were never close. Very abusive to the family and everyone walked around on eggshells around him. Mom finally left him and let him take her youngest son with him to help out. Now twenty years later he’s been in the hospital for a year and a half.

I’m guessing this is his way of extending an olive branch even though it’s been that long since we’ve spoken really. Now it’s really up to me to determine all of the proceedings as far as how long to keep him in the hospital, before we let nature run it’s course. He’s 61 now. Weird past few days.

Jesus, 61 is so young by today's standards.

Can you live with yourself going forward by nit engaging with him?

Is he leaving you a bunch of money/insurance?

 

[Fuglee]

He explained it in this thread sir.

I see that, but unless I'm missing something it wasn't clarified before I wrote my first post. I was unaware of the details of his father's behavior when I wrote that. I just read the thread again to be sure. The usage of term "abusive" in the op is not clear (at least to me it wasn't).

Often times people use the term "abusive" in that fashion to describe someone who is a mean, verbose, cunty asshole. No way would I assume that word being used ITT meant actual sexual abuse and child abuse, which is why I asked for clarity after he called him a prick in his response. Once he explained that, well.

You can't always make assumptions when reading stuff written by people that you don't know.

 

[StonedLemur]

I see that, but unless I'm missing something it wasn't clarified before I wrote my first post. I was unaware of the details of his father's behavior when I wrote that. I just read the thread again to be sure. The usage of term "abusive" in the op is not clear.

Often times people use the term "abusive" in that fashion to describe someone who is a mean, verbose, cunty asshole. No way would I assume that word being used ITT meant actual sexual abuse and child abuse, which is why I asked for clarity after he called him a prick in his response. Once he explained that, well.

You can't always make assumptions when reading stuff written by people that you don't know.

Fair point sir, you can't judge what you didn't know.

 

[Joshuaace]

Make sure you know what you are getting into before you agree to do it.

Agree 100%. Typically when we are talking about someone being a beneficiary, we are talking about benefitting from the will of a decedent. This sounds more like TS has Power of Attorney, which is a responsibilty TO a living person. You can be NAMED a beneficiary, you have AGREE to and SIGN POA, and can be held accountable to some degree for the decisions you make in that capacity. They are 2 different things. Legal Guardianship over someone holds you to an even higher level of accountability than having POA for the decisions you make for someone.

Going through this with my elderly Mom. Mom has a Medical POA (my Sister), but no Financial POA or Guardian. The perfect combination that allowed Sis to absorb Mom's estate and then neglect her to death. Mom is in hospice now starting her 13th day without hydration/nutrition, and I can't do a damn thing about it.

tldr; If pops was a pos BUT has assets..and TS is a pos...an MPOA is a great way to take his money while he is alive, while being empowered to make end of life decisions with no repurcussions..

 

[Fuglee]

Fair point sir, you can't judge what you didn't know.

You're the best, Sherbro.

 

[jeff7b9]

So, look, I don't know if he explained all that in another thread but I wasn't aware of what his father did when I wrote my first post ITT.

If you read this thread in order that should be obvious to you. After finding out what happened, which I give great credit to @Dogpound2020 for sharing, because he absolutely did not have to, I made a second post in response to him.

No where in post am I excusing child abuse of any sort and I absolutely never would. He simply called him a prick, that is what I responded to. I had no idea the extent of what his father had done. I'm going to assume you misunderstood my post, that's fine it happens, but I have to ask that you edit or delete that comment you aimed at me.

Lighten up bud. I ain't deleting shit, but feel free to report me if you still have such strong feelings and the mods are welcome to sort it out.

As far as apologies go:



He said the man was abusive right out of the gate, first or second sentence, then followed up that he hasn't spoken to the man in 20 years if my memory serves correct. How hard is it to work out the math on that?

I didn't aim anything at anyone, if you took exception to what I said, so be it, that's OK.

I made a comment which included your post directed at the notion that you among others conveyed, that effectively EVERYONE deserves a second chance or that anyone dying is owed some sort of level of compassion etc ... people love to express those sentiments because they feel good to say but they are not necessarily true.


that is the problem with making blanket sweeping statements. No, EVERYONE is not owed compassion or even respect or dignity. People that hurt children can get fucked, and anyone who has a problem with me saying that about people who hurt children, can also get fucked.

__________________________

I walked into a room of people with a seeming majority consensus that someone owes something to a man who abused them as a child. FUCK THAT.

As such I felt that TS deserved to hear from SOMEONE that it is OK if he doesn't feel compelled to go out of his way to accommodate this man and his far too little too late gesture. He can do with that what he wishes, but I stand by what I said.

 

[StonedLemur]

You're the best, Sherbro.

No sir, Im just a man trying to navigate the world around me brother.

 

[Fuglee]

Lighten up bud. I ain't deleting shit, but feel free to report me if you still have such strong feelings and the mods are welcome to sort it out.

As far as apologies go:



He said the man was abusive right out of the gate, first or second sentence, then followed up that he hasn't spoken to the man in 20 years if my memory serves correct. How hard is it to work out the math on that?

I didn't aim anything at anyone, if you took exception to what I said, so be it, that's OK.

I made a comment which included your post directed at the notion that you among others conveyed, that effectively EVERYONE deserves a second chance or that anyone dying is owed some sort of level of compassion etc ... people love to express those sentiments because they feel good to say but they are not necessarily true.


that is the problem with making blanket sweeping statements. No, EVERYONE is not owed compassion or even respect or dignity. People that hurt children can get fucked, and anyone who has a problem with me saying that about people who hurt children, can also get fucked.

__________________________

I walked into a room of people with a seeming majority consensus that someone owes something to a man who abused them as a child. FUCK THAT.

As such I felt that TS deserved to hear from SOMEONE that it is OK if he doesn't feel compelled to go out of his way to accommodate this man and his far too little too late gesture. He can do with that what he wishes, but I stand by what I said.

You accused me of being sympathetic to a child abuser. I have not and never will be. If you read this thread you can see where you are wrong. I just exchanged messages with @StonedLemur a few moments which provide clarity and detail why I posted what I did. He's a decent person and capable of a discussion.

I asked for clarity from TS because describing someone as "abusive" and a "prick" isn't the same as saying that person literally sexually abused a child. Context matters, writing style matters, I don't know this guy, etc. I can't assume I understand what he is writing out unless he is direct and concise about it. This is a subject that will bring about high emotions and people use language differently.

If you were a decent person you'd be willing to amend that post. If you want to call out the people that are defending his father, go for it, I'm not one of them. In fact I have your back on that. However, making snap judgements and running your fingers online when you are loudly wrong doesn't make you look good. It simply proves you are a fucking rtard.

 

[Fuglee]

No sir, Im just a man trying to navigate the world around me brother.

And modest to boot

 

[StonedLemur]

You accused me of being sympathetic to a child abuser. I have not and never will be. If you read this thread you can see where you are wrong. I just exchanged messages with @StonedLemur a few moments which provide clarity and detail why I posted what I did. He's a decent person and capable of a discussion.

I asked for clarity because describing someone as "abusive" and a "prick" isn't the same as saying that person literally sexually abused a child. Context matters, writing style matters, I don't know this guy, etc. I can't assume I understand what he is writing out unless he is direct and concise about it. This is a subject that will bring about high emotions and people use language differently.

If you were a decent person you'd be willing to amend that post. If you want to call out the people that are defending his father, go for it, I'm not one of them. In fact I have your back on that. However, making snap judgements and running your fingers online when you are loudly wrong doesn't make you look good. It simply proves you are a fucking rtard.

I think @jeff7b9 is coming from a place of emotion with this thing sir.
He has kids that he loves very much, so I think he's just looking at it from that place.

I myself would set the man on fire for what he has done to those kids, so there's that.

Much love to both of you silly bastads

 

[StonedLemur]

And modest to boot

I have moments sir, some good some not so good...for we are all human.

 

[jeff7b9]

I just exchanged messages with @StonedLemur a few moments which provide clarity and detail why I posted what I did. He's a decent person and capable of a discussion.

At the next sherdog barbecue I am going to make t-shirts that say

"What would @StonedLemur do?


Alright. I dont pretend to know the inner workings of @StonedLemur 's mind.

so I just took a big ol toke of this lovely jar of hybrid/sativa fun, which I had received as a gift from a real estate client. Fucking, great gift.




Anyway. What were we fighting about?

It simply proves you are a fucking rtard.

I mean... maybe it does, maybe it doesn't.

But thats not very nice.
But im gonna let it slide.

I think @jeff7b9
He has kids that he loves very much,

Yes the fuck I do have kids that I love very much. My girls are fuckin crushing life.

-Straight As in school. Both of them.
E
- Starting center mid on the #1 club team in the country in her age
R
Getting lead rolls in theater.
She is In regional choir, she has a great voice (gets that from her mom) she can play piano, baritone ukulele, a little drums and bass too.

And both of them have NICE FRIENDS
My kids have manners, say please and thank you.

Fucking A right I love them kids.

 

[StonedLemur]

At the next sherdog barbecue I am going to make t-shirts that say

"What would @StonedLemur do?


Alright. I dont pretend to know the inner workings of @StonedLemuro's mind.

so I just took a big ol toke of this lovely of fun, which I had received as a gift from a real estate client. Fucking, great gift.

Anyway. What were we fighting about?




I mean... maybe it does, maybe it doesn't.

But thats not very nice.
But im gonna let it slide.




Yes the fuck I do have kids that I love very much. My girls are fuckin crushing life.

-Straight As in school. Both of them.
E
- Starting center mid on the #1 club team in the country in her age
R
Getting lead rolls in theater.
She is In regional choir, she has a great voice (gets that from her mom) she can play piano, baritone ukulele, a little drums and bass too.

And both of them have NICE FRIENDS
My kids have manners, say please and thank you.

Fucking A right I love them kids.

You're a good man sir, I can tell by the way you care about your kids and "big up" them.

As far as "What would StonedLemur do" goes...even I don't know until the situation arises brother lol.

 

[Mike]

Sexual and physical abuse? I'd leave him to rot. I tried over and over to make peace with my family as an adult. Thing was, just because they couldn't physically hurt me or emotionally manipulate me anymore didn't mean they were going to treat me well.

Eventually I had to come to terms with the fact that imo at least, they're bad people and I shouldn't feel obligated to have them in my life because we're related. Best of luck with your situation, sounds stressful.

 

[Shaun K]

I think here in a few years as you get older youre going to realize that he had life experiences that caused him to act a certain way, and youre going to regret acting like such a caullous individual lacking any empathy whatsoever.


Edit.

Im leaving my post up as an example of the replies you get when you leave very important information out of the OP only to elaborate on shit several replies down. Im guessing he called you a dumbass alot