How much does your high school experience affect you in adulthood?

Worst four years of my life but things did a 180 as soon as I graduated and my life got good. Still get disgusted when I think about those years but fuck it I did okay afterward.
 
All around bad.

I was shutting down over my mom melting down and my dad blaming me for it. He dragged me by my hair once so hard it started spitting the skin on my scalp. When I told my mom about this she said "well, if you tell the cops you'll just be sent to foster care". It was only later I realized that CPS would have just sent my dad off someplace but living with my mom would have been just as much of a joke. She had this thing of telling you that you "in the real world no one will like you" for not doing trivial things. If you didn't clean your room it was "you will never have a girlfriend if you are messy" and no one will love you if" or "you think this is bad, wait until you have kids". So much projection of my mom's own insecurities and mental illness. My dad then tried hard to convince me to go to boarding school like it would be good for me and when I would go to his business, he would in front of me tell the workers that I was dumb and "the emptiest drum makes the loudest noise". This was unprovoked by anything just me showing up to get my check for cleaning the office. He would shake me and say stupid shit like "you are temporary and me and your mother are forever" I didn't have any friends really after 10th grade and was basically shutting down. My dad just worked away on wearing me down to avoid me being vocal about how boundaries were being overstepped. I didn't realize what he was doing at the time. I understood some of what was going on and was vocal about that at the time, which made me the brunt of things, but never understood the full extent of how intentional it all was, to be treated like or lesser than an animal. For the longest time, I thought my mom was completely crazy and my dad was ok but after having my own kid I saw him as just straight-up cruel and manipulative. Does my kid say dumb stuff? Occasionally, but I don't know how anyone is supposed to take it personally when they are still an unfinished product that you are trying to mold into a healthy adult. I was one of the cooler kids (or I thought I was with how much fun things were) in 8th grade but after that, I just couldn't handle the nonsense. My parents are still in denial over what they did and how they did it. I only recently came to the conclusion in therapy that there will never be any resolution of any kind. At best, I just get "I don't remember that" whenever I bring anything up. The very core of having any relationship with them depends on me just forgetting what they did and who they are. I really never had a chance at anything and it was only a miracle that I made it through college and finished my degree. Everyone around town thinks my dad is an amazing person but my parents were extremely good at putting on fronts when in public or people were over. I have a hard time thinking of someone more despicable and lacking any sort of empathy as my dad. I am sure they are out there but I just don't know them. The only sort of empathetic response that you'll get from him is something that is tied to making him feel good, which in of itself is nothing more than liking your own ego being pumped. Anything else, forget about it whether it comes to reconciling failures in parenting, relations, or something less significant like tipping or paying for their half of something unprompted.

High school to me was just buying time until I could leave. I wish I could pepper it up with nice memories or whatever but it was just all bad, stressful, and full of neglect and manipulation. Someone could say at least there weren't tremendous amounts of physical or drug abuse but it doesn't change anything on my side. I suppose what I could say is that if you have kids, remember that it is your job to try to mold them into healthy and productive adults and nothing is personal. I get the feeling that a lot of adults fall back onto "well, it was their decision" or "I couldn't do anything else" or "they were difficult" or "well, they just fell into a bad group of friends or alcohol or whatever" as a reason for abdicating their role as an adult that is trying to mold another adult. When someone fails as a parent, and it is not a one-time thing, it is a hard and steady push all the way through, they are setting up someone to have difficulties with having healthy relationships with other people, making it very likely they underperform careerwise. and setting a poor example of how to raise kids. Just setting up a situation that makes it hard for that person to be as happy as they could have and raise their kids to be happy. Poor parenting is often a sin passed down for generations due to people just falling into bad habits they grew up with and not taking ownership of the results. How many people really sit down and think about what they are molding their kid into rather than just punishing bad behavior or this or that and calling it parenting?

Those years were in a sense stolen from me like someone convicted of a crime that they didn't do. I might as well have been in jail or foster care or boarding school or wherever because nothing was happening besides people watching a clock for when they could kick me out of the house without it being frowned upon. Even recognizing this, that it was all undeserved and unprompted, doesn't change the fact that like someone convicted of a crime, they didn't commit there still lingers the feeling that maybe they did something to deserve it because why would your parents or the world act so cruel? How is someone young and naive not supposed to internalize the tumult around them?

So, no. There is nothing about those years I look back with fondness. Just anger, regret, and confusion. If someone where to ask me about my parents a decade from now, I might be to the point to just simply say that "yes, they were the people that put a roof over my head and food in my belly" without a hint of anger or feeling, as if I was reporting to someone what the color of the sky was.
 
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In high school I changed a lot and it was not a good change. If I look back I was just pathetic.
 
For me personally, not a lot. I remember very few people from high school. Former classmates will recognize me back home, but I honestly have no idea who most of them are. They get a, "Hey, what's up man!" Because I'm very forgetful. Tried to put those 4 years out of my mind.

As far as the rest of high-school, it didn't shape me very much. Just something inconvenient I had to get through in order to get where I was going. I find it kind of sad when 30+ year olds look back on their high school time where they peaked, or talk about their athletic accomplishments from decades prior when they can't even run a mile in the present.
 
Its sad how the whole thing is run, if teachers tried to instill some comradery/patriotism/sense of fellowship and how this can be some of the best times , HS period could be awesome for every1 but instead teachers/staff add a lot to shaping various clicks and bullying groups, just as much as the differing student's characters and/or issues.
Very few teachers teach. So no wonder HS is usually such a cr4ppy time.
 
High School was a total blur, IMO. In fact, I have more memories from Junior High than with High School for some reason.

Anyway, I don't think I've seen/talked to a single person from my High School since I left my hometown 25'ish years ago.
 
Good or bad, those experiences shape you but HS weren't my peak years. For some guys it's all downhill after they finish high school. Think about that, 18 and and already on the downslide.

 
Mine was good.

Catching up with about 10 high school mates next month for our roughly twice yearly hunt for the best steaks in Sydney. 25 years after we finished.

I think that tells my high school story pretty well.
 
I've always been a weird, odd duck that tried to fit in but failed. This made elementary and junior high tough. But luckily my senior high had a few other schools consolidated and there were enough other weird, odd ducks that we could all just lean into it and fuck off with the rest.

College was much better though.
 
From what I recall it was fine. Was boring though. Was a stoner and into drinking and acid during those years. Always passed every subject on exams. Never did homework or assignments. Still passed. Rarely made it to school.

Decided couldn't even be bothered going to exam, quit school the next day. <Fedor23>
 
Mine had a huge impact on the person I became.

I went into high school as a miserable asshole that bullied other kids. But I outgrew that and learned to be a nice person.

I also had my heart broken a few times. Had my most humiliating moments. Missed a lot of chances to get laid. And for the most part figured out who I was.
 
Hated middle school for some reason.

High school was a great time though. Sports, girls, parties, drugs/alcohol, friends.

For some people it’s the worst time of their lives which really sucks, but for me it was great.

Then the first two years of college sucked hard for me. Transferred to a bigger school and had an amazing last 2 years of college.
 
Prefect said:
All around bad.

I was shutting down over my mom melting down and my dad blaming me for it. He dragged me by my hair once so hard it started spitting the skin on my scalp. When I told my mom about this she said "well, if you tell the cops you'll just be sent to foster care". It was only later I realized that CPS would have just sent my dad off someplace but living with my mom would have been just as much of a joke. She had this thing of telling you that you "in the real world no one will like you" for not doing trivial things. If you didn't clean your room it was "you will never have a girlfriend if you are messy" and no one will love you if" or "you think this is bad, wait until you have kids". So much projection of my mom's own insecurities and mental illness. My dad then tried hard to convince me to go to boarding school like it would be good for me and when I would go to his business, he would in front of me tell the workers that I was dumb and "the emptiest drum makes the loudest noise". This was unprovoked by anything just me showing up to get my check for cleaning the office. He would shake me and say stupid shit like "you are temporary and me and your mother are forever" I didn't have any friends really after 10th grade and was basically shutting down. My dad just worked away on wearing me down to avoid me being vocal about how boundaries were being overstepped. I didn't realize what he was doing at the time. I understood some of what was going on and was vocal about that at the time, which made me the brunt of things, but never understood the full extent of how intentional it all was, to be treated like or lesser than an animal. For the longest time, I thought my mom was completely crazy and my dad was ok but after having my own kid I saw him as just straight-up cruel and manipulative. Does my kid say dumb stuff? Occasionally, but I don't know how anyone is supposed to take it personally when they are still an unfinished product that you are trying to mold into a healthy adult. I was one of the cooler kids (or I thought I was with how much fun things were) in 8th grade but after that, I just couldn't handle the nonsense. My parents are still in denial over what they did and how they did it. I only recently came to the conclusion in therapy that there will never be any resolution of any kind. At best, I just get "I don't remember that" whenever I bring anything up. The very core of having any relationship with them depends on me just forgetting what they did and who they are. I really never had a chance at anything and it was only a miracle that I made it through college and finished my degree. Everyone around town thinks my dad is an amazing person but my parents were extremely good at putting on fronts when in public or people were over. I have a hard time thinking of someone more despicable and lacking any sort of empathy as my dad. I am sure they are out there but I just don't know them. The only sort of empathetic response that you'll get from him is something that is tied to making him feel good, which in of itself is nothing more than liking your own ego being pumped. Anything else, forget about it whether it comes to reconciling failures in parenting, relations, or something less significant like tipping or paying for their half of something unprompted.

High school to me was just buying time until I could leave. I wish I could pepper it up with nice memories or whatever but it was just all bad, stressful, and full of neglect and manipulation. Someone could say at least there weren't tremendous amounts of physical or drug abuse but it doesn't change anything on my side. I suppose what I could say is that if you have kids, remember that it is your job to try to mold them into healthy and productive adults and nothing is personal. I get the feeling that a lot of adults fall back onto "well, it was their decision" or "I couldn't do anything else" or "they were difficult" or "well, they just fell into a bad group of friends or alcohol or whatever" as a reason for abdicating their role as an adult that is trying to mold another adult. When someone fails as a parent, and it is not a one-time thing, it is a hard and steady push all the way through, they are setting up someone to have difficulties with having healthy relationships with other people, making it very likely they underperform careerwise. and setting a poor example of how to raise kids. Just setting up a situation that makes it hard for that person to be as happy as they could have and raise their kids to be happy. Poor parenting is often a sin passed down for generations due to people just falling into bad habits they grew up with and not taking ownership of the results. How many people really sit down and think about what they are molding their kid into rather than just punishing bad behavior or this or that and calling it parenting?

Those years were in a sense stolen from me like someone convicted of a crime that they didn't do. I might as well have been in jail or foster care or boarding school or wherever because nothing was happening besides people watching a clock for when they could kick me out of the house without it being frowned upon. Even recognizing this, that it was all undeserved and unprompted, doesn't change the fact that like someone convicted of a crime, they didn't commit there still lingers the feeling that maybe they did something to deserve it because why would your parents or the world act so cruel? How is someone young and naive not supposed to internalize the tumult around them?

So, no. There is nothing about those years I look back with fondness. Just anger, regret, and confusion. If someone where to ask me about my parents a decade from now, I might be to the point to just simply say that "yes, they were the people that put a roof over my head and food in my belly" without a hint of anger or feeling, as if I was reporting to someone what the color of the sky was.
Click to expand...

That is a book sir. But I do sympathize with the part I did read regarding parental mistreatment. That sucks and there is no excuse. I am sorry you had to go through that. No child should, it is cruel and unfair.

It never once crossed my mind to use my own children as an emotional punching bag the way my evil cunt stepmother did to me.
 
pretty badly for me. Constant bullying, being picked on, insulted on a day to day basis, then digital harassing when I get home. Phone, msn messenger, etc al lblowing up constantly with people making fun.
Then going to uni and not having any of those queues to learn how to be social....really destroyed me socailly
 
jeff7b9 said:
That is a book sir. But I do sympathize with the part I did read regarding parental mistreatment. That sucks and there is no excuse. I am sorry you had to go through that. No child should, it is cruel and unfair.

It never once crossed my mind to use my own children as an emotional punching bag the way my evil cunt stepmother did to me.
Click to expand...

I could rationalize with a parent killing a thousand men to protect their child but will never come to terms with an abusive parent.
 
It depends if your picked on and bully that could motivate you to get in shape etc learn boxing or mma as some fighters have that background or you could end up being a loser and hating people. For me not much I was a joker had friends and wasn't bullied so I was just normal.
 
Prefect said:
I could rationalize with a parent killing a thousand men to protect their child but will never come to terms with an abusive parent.
Click to expand...
Agreed.

Does my kid say dumb stuff? Occasionally, but I don't know how anyone is supposed to take it personally when they are still an unfinished product that you are trying to mold into a healthy adult.

Am I correct in deducing from this statement that you are now a parent?

If so then you have an opportunity to break the cycle.

There is a lot we can learn from our parents and our childhood that can help us to be better parents, even if that lesson comes in the form of "What not to do."
 
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