Break up, life, and suicide

I know this is a necrothread, but if you read this TS, I've been there and all I have to say is that it might still take some time, but eventually you will find someone who makes you feel all the things you felt in your last relationship, with possibly even more intensity, and while being an even better match for you.

Trust me. I was in a situation like you where I was convinced the girl I lost was my one and only, and I'd never meet anyone who was so perfect for me and who made me feel the way she did ever again. I thought the chances of finding that kind of connection with that kind of girl again to be so unlikely that it was impossible. It took two years but it happened. And looking back on it now, if I had my choice between the two girls I'd pick my current gf without hesitation, even though we have our own issues.

I'm also like you in that I'm not interested in hook-ups and I'm very picky about women. Be patient and keep working on yourself. It will happen again.

Hopefully at this point you've started to realize that you can be happy on your own. That's the most important thing. When you are relying on getting your happiness from an external source, you risk losing that happiness. You have to find happiness within yourself and until you do, any relationship you find yourself in will have the potential to send you right back into a suicidal depression.

Sucks you had to go through this though bud, a broken heart is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, but with enough time you'll heal.

Cheers to toughing it out. No chick is worth giving up your life for. Remember, you'll never know what you missed out on if you punch your own ticket with healthy years ahead of you.
 
Didnt realize this was a necro thread until I read all of the OP and then skipped to the last page to see if TS is still alive. Man, it feltbadman reading that. I've been there....feeling like what you felt was genuine and what she claimed she felt was nothing more than a fabrication..even contemplating dumping an archive of nudes on the internet for revenge. but you quickly get over it.

Its funny how at times things can truly feel like they will NEVER get better. Ever. And the only thing to do is bounce on life. Then 2 months later, shes hardly a thought in your mind.

So many beautiful women out there...
 
I think a lot of mistakes that people make is trusting their love one to the point where they think they’ll never leave them or cheat on them and it makes it 10x as hard when the relationship does fail.

I think it’s ok to relax and put your trust in them more after marriages, put people need to stop putting their feelings on their shoulder so much beforehand.

I also thank that too many people are obsessed with love. Love is a great thing but it should never be an obsession.
 
Don Quixote said:
I think a lot of mistakes that people make is trusting their love one to the point where they think they’ll never leave them or cheat on them and it makes it 10x as hard when the relationship does fail.

I think it’s ok to relax and put your trust in them more after marriages, put people need to stop putting their feelings on their shoulder so much beforehand.

I also thank that too many people are obsessed with love. Love is a great thing but it should never be an obsession.
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I love you.
 
Peteyandjia said:
There's a reason Van Gogh cut his ear off and gave it to a chick, and not the other way around.
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That never actually happened. He lost his ear in a duel( to Paul Goglan)over a woman, she left him, he sent her the ear he lost for her.
 
Don Quixote said:
I think a lot of mistakes that people make is trusting their love one to the point where they think they’ll never leave them or cheat on them and it makes it 10x as hard when the relationship does fail.

I think it’s ok to relax and put your trust in them more after marriages, put people need to stop putting their feelings on their shoulder so much beforehand.

I also thank that too many people are obsessed with love. Love is a great thing but it should never be an obsession.
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i dont know that its a mistake. or maybe both sides are mistakes.

cause on the other side, you have people feeling regret over not giving all they could give to a relationship.


there's really no good answer to avoiding this kind of pain.
 
Don't kill yourself. You are in love with the "idea" of her. She obviously didn't feel the same, and women ALWAYS have a back up plan. I went through a bad breakup in my twenties, she cheated on me, and I thought of suicide. I went from 175 pounds to 135 in a matter of weeks. Not too long ago somebody asked me if I had ever had my heart broken, I said yes but I couldn't remember her name. Actually I cant remember the names of most of the women I've slept with! Time will heal this and you will grow from it.
 
At least stay alive long enough to watch Mcgregor return to the UFC.
 
Kardashians said:
Never love anybody more than they love you. It fucking blows ass every time.

Unless it’s a dog.
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I don't buy into the typical "mistrust everyone" advice Sherdog often gives as that to be sets you up to fail before you even start but yeah I think this is perhaps the most realistic advice, don't just assume that however much you love someone is going to be reflected back at you.
 
jamesmiller14 said:
In the last six years I've been traveling the country for work. In July 2015 while I was in Minnesota, I fell in love with the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She fell in love with me as well, and even though she had to go back to France for a job, we kept it alive via long distance.

I went to France twice, once in February 2016 and again in June. She came back here to see me in September for three weeks, and again on New Year's and stayed for 5 weeks.

The whole thing was love. The kind of love that can disgust someone that's not much of a believer in it(A description that would have fit me before) and originally our plan was to move to Portland Oregon. Her major is in Hospitality so we figured she would be able to find a hotel to work at wherever we chose to live and we were going to choose Portland.

We were not very educated on what it would take to make that move and last August we came to the realization that the Visa that at the time she had planned to apply for was no longer in existence. And it was not replaced with a similar Visa. We would have to get married to get her over here.

For a few days that was the plan, until it was shut down by her mother. She comes from an affluent family in France, I come from nothing in small town USA Indiana. So of course I was down to get it done, being in love and all. With her, I could tell she didn't want to completely disappoint her parents and get married just to achieve the goal of moving when really we weren't ready to be wed yet.

She went to a conference in Paris late last year to enter a lottery which would send French workers to Canada to live and work. The lottery came and went and her name was not drawn. So during her 5 weeks stay here this year we began looking all around the world trying to find a place where we could go and we could be together, and found that it was not going to be easy no matter what with my education and with the money I had.

Despite that, and despite the fact that we had no solid plan going forward to move together, or even to visit each other yet, everything was great. We were both sad to have to separate and when I returned there was love notes hidden all over the house, 30 in all, expressing her love and devotion.

30 days later I get the call and " she couldn't do it anymore".
I was heartbroken. I knew how she was, when she makes a decision and that's what it's going to be no matter what, so I went several days without reaching out to her to try to change her mind. But after a few days of darkness where suicide was contemplated, I finally made the call and began to battle with her as I tried to save the relationship.

And as I originally guessed, she wasn't having it.

I would not relent.

Two weeks later I see that she's already met and talking to some guy. I knew what was going to happen and confronted her about it. "Oh I want nothing with him". Right.

I started to take on more projects to try to keep it off of my mind. Nothing ever worked. I couldn't Envision a life without her, without her love. I guess I've never been in love before, because nothing compared to this. And it really made me start to take a hard look at everything.

I started to try and apply myself 110% to everything. Started to work on myself. I'm learning French faster than I ever was, I've been hitting the gym super hard with a personal trainer, been on a very clean diet, I even went indoor tanning to try to get a good tan for the summer.

None of this made me stop thinking of her.

I became suicidal last Sunday. I spent all of Saturday night drinking by myself, which I never do, trying to get her off of my mind and all I did was sit and cry by myself. I told myself then on Sunday when I go left, I'm going to work out until I vomit. And so I did, until I puked. I still struggled to hide the fact that I was sobbing between sets with my personal trainer there, a total embarrassment.

I train Jiu-Jitsu since 2006 so typically I find that physically exerting yourself usually takes that type of thing off of your mind, any problems. When I worked out until I puked and still couldn't, that's when I made my decision, I would end it all.

I'm not sure what would have happened that day. I was riding the momentum that I was on and I was sure that it was all over, that I would hang myself. I got on Facebook and group messaged a few of my friends to let them know that I loved them and to not search for answers because there really aren't any. I had to do this because I had to ride this momentum, which meant I had no time to write notes for everyone. All of these people live outside of my town and a lot of them were gone for the weekend holiday, so I thought. Instead a few of them were in town and quickly got to my house before anything took place.

So that's when I got to hear all of the cliche shit. Plenty of fish in the sea. Time Heals all wounds. You'll find another one like her. Find a way to be content.

I got through the day. The week wasn't so bad, I literally felt like I died that day and so I found myself not caring about a lot of the small stuff in life because I had already died. It gave me a new sense of freedom.

But still, she was on my mind. I reached out and told her that I want to talk to her, that I want to hit the reset button on this entire thing and completely understand just what the hell happened. We talked for a little bit on Friday but decided we would call on Sunday so we could have as much time as we wanted. The call went okay and I found myself in a decent mood, decent enough to go to a concert on Saturday night that I normally wouldn't be caught dead at. (Future, the rapper if you're wondering)

And it was there, looking at everything going on, that it really struck me. How the world is a giant petri dish and we are nothing more than organisms here to eat sleep and fuck. Guess he doesn't sand dozens and dozens of women that are the similar height similar frame similar body type to my girlfriend, maybe they're with their boyfriend or maybe bear in a group bouncing up and down and singing every single lyric to do songs that I fucking hate. You sit back and you look and you think, "wow all of these people are going to fuck tonight when I get home."

But I can't. I'm still not ready. I'm sure I would be able to eventually, but I've never been the type of guy that can go to a bar, go to a concert, and just pick up a chick for sex. And yet that is what makes the world go round. It really put me on a bad path in a bad mindset considering the phone call I would have the next day. Under the French girl was moving on without me and here I am, absolutely pathetic and judging everyone for being human beings because I can't seem to be.

I look decent, I take care of myself, I know I could be fully capable of playing that game and winning more than I Lose. I'm not interested.

I would rather make love to the same woman 1 million times that I love then fuck 1 million hos. I don't know where I became broken, how I became a defect, but I am this way and it's the way it is.

So I called her today and explain that part to her. We had a nice discussion but at the end she admitted to me that she did have sex with that guy multiple times.

It makes me fucking sick that she can be better now while I remain devastated. Makes me sick that I have to become one of those organisms in the petri dish to even get started again with women.

I just feel like I come at total defect in this world. Like I somehow came to the conclusion that I feel like I'm smarter than everyone else and I can see this, well they can't even see themselves what they're doing. Eating sleeping fucking. How is dressing and doing your hair and doing certain things a certain way to attract random members of the opposite sex for sex. It's a big fucking game.

I feel so disenchanted and disillusioned and dissatisfied with this world. What it has to offer me. It's not satisfactory to me.

I refuse to become something I don't like just to feel better for a few minutes. Or become that way permanently.

A part of me wants to get revenge on this woman, show my Venom and therefore spread the pain around and ruin her career and her life by dumping the 700 nude photos and some of the videos we made on the internet with her name phone number and everything and then killing myself.

Being dead. Not feeling. Hoping I'm reincarnated as someone that's normal and can just be blissfully ignorant like everyone else. Or maybe go relive the three weeks and Dallas that I had with her which was the best three weeks of my life, and three weeks that I will never replicate again.

Nothing tastes, nothing smells, nothing feels except painting now. Everything is dull.

I know it doesn't anyone's fault for being human, and I shouldn't punish her on my way out, but I'm going to. You can call it the world's largest temper tantrum.

But even still, I still don't know where I was broken. Why I couldn't be like my father who fucked around on my mom that's probably hadn't sex with 300 women period I don't know why I can't be that guy that a super social at a concert and pulls a bitch to come home with him. It's a game I don't even want to play, and yet it's the game of wife.

So I'm feeling like, game over. She is supposed to call me tomorrow and that's what I'm going to let her know that she is going to pay for being so callous ( as to not make this too long I looked out certain details on the OP) and after I'm finished dumping all the info on 4chan, I'm going to end it myself. The only thing being negotiable is what I do to her.

Does anyone have any idea what the fuck went wrong with me? This is beyond putting one pussy on a pedestal, this is my Outlook on the world. I was so happy to have my beautiful girlfriend that I loved and she loved me and that's all that fucking mattered. I'm 30 with a kid, I'll never find another woman without a bunch of baggage and a kid or two. I'll never raise Another Man's children, and I won't accept any bitches baggage, even though I have my own. It's selfish. It's hypocritical. Yep that's me.
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Can I uppercut you before you die. I really need an uppercut dummy
 
30 years old and still treating relationships like a love sick teenager. Is this the first woman you've had a relationship with?

And what's with all the people ITT saying the girl did him wrong? Am I missing something? He dated a girl from another country, they tried to make it work, she couldn't move to the US and decided to move on. Sounds normal on her end.
 
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IloveTHIS said:
Didnt realize this was a necro thread until I read all of the OP and then skipped to the last page to see if TS is still alive. Man, it feltbadman reading that. I've been there....feeling like what you felt was genuine and what she claimed she felt was nothing more than a fabrication..even contemplating dumping an archive of nudes on the internet for revenge. but you quickly get over it.

Its funny how at times things can truly feel like they will NEVER get better. Ever. And the only thing to do is bounce on life. Then 2 months later, shes hardly a thought in your mind.

So many beautiful women out there...
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I dunno man i lost a girl about 6 years ago and still think of her all the time, have intense dreams that we are still together.

The girl fucked me up.

Had countless since. None compare
 
At least she gave you closure and didn't ghost you.
 
I use to be alot like you guys and was madly in love with a chick for 6 years, that it broke me into depression when she friendzone me after I asked her out at church. Had some chemical imbalance where my body almost daily unexpectedly would freeze up and I would stutter during mid conversation. My problem was inexperienced (virgin at 25), and from a small town with 7 to 1 ratio of guys to women. I was treat as a loser from the majority but was never into suicide but more of "violence is the answer" if you get me.

How did I get over it? By starting to fight (boxing first) then I progressed to Thailand with Muay Thai where the ratio of woman is much more in my favour, and the people treat me as a stud. lol
I still fight to release pent up anger, and now I have a beautiful, intelligent, Thai-Chinese fiance from Bangkok.

All the best TS and get your hormones checked (estrogen and testosterone)
 
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