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The film begins with Donnie, a 12-year old who proclaims he is done with girls. His friend then says "I like dudes too." Donnie then replies "No f*****! I meant I want a women." Donnie goes on to sexually harass his female teacher using language highly inappropriate for a 12-year old. The teacher, Ms. Garricle, going through some sort of bout with psychosis decides to rape Donnie continually for the next few months. In fact, the relationship only ends when the two are caught by the entire school during an assembly. In a scene that can only be described as mortifying, those in attendance at the assembly give Donnie a standing ovation.
Ms. Garricle is charged and convicted with several counts of rape and child endangerment as well as abusing her position of power. She is sent to prison only to reveal she is pregnant. The court orders the child to be put in a foster home for the next 6 years (until Donnie is 18) and then be in Donnie's custody. Also Donnie names his kid Han Solo.
Donnie is now an unemployed alcoholic criminal played by the horribly unfunny Adam Sandler. He learns that he owns about $50,000 in back taxes so naturally he decides he should exploit his son and his relationship by agreeing to a prison family reunion for some sleazy tv show for $50,000, without of course consulting his son Todd (played by Andy Samberg). But before he does that, he makes an 8000-1 bet on a giant fat guy named Tubby Tuke to win the Boston Marathon.
(Actual Fat Guy From Movie)
Donnie tracks down Han, who now goes by Todd. Todd is planning his wedding and is horrified to see his father. Donnie gives Todd a heart to heart about how sorry he is and how he wishes he could have been a better father. Later, the stress of having his father back causes Todd to have a mental breakdown. Because of this breakdown he ends up assaulting a priest at a wedding rehearsal. Todd avoids trouble thanks to Donnie and his ability to lie. Todd then feels obligated to invite Donnie to his bachelor party.
Donnie joins Todd's bachelor party at the spa but decides it is too gay for him and guilts his son into ditching the spa and going to the strip club. Todd gets drunk at the strip club. Then Donnie convinces him to leave and the two of them meet up with Vanilla Ice, who says "my mom loved to fuck." Next the three of them go on a rampage. They rob a store (the clerk joins them on their rampage), fire shotguns in the street, pour beer on random people, and urinate on a diner where many people, plus an underage girl look on in horror. The rampage ends when the clerk realizes that a young frightened girl is watching him pee. He looks up at her, aims his shotgun, and fires. Dark shit in this movie. Watch the scene yourself, timestamped.
So in order for Donnie to get the $50,000, he needs to convince Todd to reunite with his mother in prison, whom he has never met (since birth). Todd again feels guilty (probably for being an accessory to murder) and agrees to visit her. All hell breaks loose at the prison as Todd realizes quickly that his dad was just using him. When Todd sees the sleazy reporter he goes ballistic on Donnie. Soon a prison guard demands Toddy control himself. Todd will not relent, so he is tazed and consequently evacuates his bowels. Donnie does not collect the $50,000.
Donnie snoops around Todd's place and catches his fiance having sex with her brother. She begs him not to tell and offers him $50,000. Donnie gleefully accepts and is soon on his way back home, and free and clear from the IRS.
Donnie decides to crash Todd's wedding and even does that old Budweiser Wazzup thing with the wedding guests. He tells everyone that Todd's fiance was fucking her brother. Todd is grossed out and they don't get married and Donnie doesn't get the $50,000.
Donnie takes Todd to his favorite bar to watch the Boston Marathon. Of course Tubby Tuke wins and Donnie's money problems are over. The End.
Movie was so bad and awful it really leaves a poor taste in your mouth. The movie is unfunny and has no redeeming qualities. Everyone who has watched this is dumber for having seen it. You get no points and may god have mercy on your soul. 0/5
Bonus: Here are some things adult Todd shares about growing up with Donnie as a father.
When young Han joins Donnie he is trust into a life of crime, violence and self destruction. Donnie puts his childs life in danger on numerous occasion. He forced Han to get an illegal back tattoo, had him pretend to drive to avoid a DUI, and allowed Han to become morbidly obese and develop diabetes.
Ms. Garricle is charged and convicted with several counts of rape and child endangerment as well as abusing her position of power. She is sent to prison only to reveal she is pregnant. The court orders the child to be put in a foster home for the next 6 years (until Donnie is 18) and then be in Donnie's custody. Also Donnie names his kid Han Solo.
Donnie is now an unemployed alcoholic criminal played by the horribly unfunny Adam Sandler. He learns that he owns about $50,000 in back taxes so naturally he decides he should exploit his son and his relationship by agreeing to a prison family reunion for some sleazy tv show for $50,000, without of course consulting his son Todd (played by Andy Samberg). But before he does that, he makes an 8000-1 bet on a giant fat guy named Tubby Tuke to win the Boston Marathon.
(Actual Fat Guy From Movie)
Donnie tracks down Han, who now goes by Todd. Todd is planning his wedding and is horrified to see his father. Donnie gives Todd a heart to heart about how sorry he is and how he wishes he could have been a better father. Later, the stress of having his father back causes Todd to have a mental breakdown. Because of this breakdown he ends up assaulting a priest at a wedding rehearsal. Todd avoids trouble thanks to Donnie and his ability to lie. Todd then feels obligated to invite Donnie to his bachelor party.
Donnie joins Todd's bachelor party at the spa but decides it is too gay for him and guilts his son into ditching the spa and going to the strip club. Todd gets drunk at the strip club. Then Donnie convinces him to leave and the two of them meet up with Vanilla Ice, who says "my mom loved to fuck." Next the three of them go on a rampage. They rob a store (the clerk joins them on their rampage), fire shotguns in the street, pour beer on random people, and urinate on a diner where many people, plus an underage girl look on in horror. The rampage ends when the clerk realizes that a young frightened girl is watching him pee. He looks up at her, aims his shotgun, and fires. Dark shit in this movie. Watch the scene yourself, timestamped.
So in order for Donnie to get the $50,000, he needs to convince Todd to reunite with his mother in prison, whom he has never met (since birth). Todd again feels guilty (probably for being an accessory to murder) and agrees to visit her. All hell breaks loose at the prison as Todd realizes quickly that his dad was just using him. When Todd sees the sleazy reporter he goes ballistic on Donnie. Soon a prison guard demands Toddy control himself. Todd will not relent, so he is tazed and consequently evacuates his bowels. Donnie does not collect the $50,000.
Donnie snoops around Todd's place and catches his fiance having sex with her brother. She begs him not to tell and offers him $50,000. Donnie gleefully accepts and is soon on his way back home, and free and clear from the IRS.
Donnie decides to crash Todd's wedding and even does that old Budweiser Wazzup thing with the wedding guests. He tells everyone that Todd's fiance was fucking her brother. Todd is grossed out and they don't get married and Donnie doesn't get the $50,000.
Donnie takes Todd to his favorite bar to watch the Boston Marathon. Of course Tubby Tuke wins and Donnie's money problems are over. The End.
Movie was so bad and awful it really leaves a poor taste in your mouth. The movie is unfunny and has no redeeming qualities. Everyone who has watched this is dumber for having seen it. You get no points and may god have mercy on your soul. 0/5
Bonus: Here are some things adult Todd shares about growing up with Donnie as a father.
When young Han joins Donnie he is trust into a life of crime, violence and self destruction. Donnie puts his childs life in danger on numerous occasion. He forced Han to get an illegal back tattoo, had him pretend to drive to avoid a DUI, and allowed Han to become morbidly obese and develop diabetes.
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