frustration with bad sparring partners

[sanshoufist]

Today i went to train, and I got paired up with one of the guys there that is known to always punch hard during sparring. So in the beginning of class we just do some focus mitt warm up drills and the regular stuff. Then after the instructor tells us were gonna do some light boxing sparring.

I havent sparred in a while since its winter season and there are no competitions going on during this time, so the school hasnt been really focusing much on sparring. Just more technique and drills... So I was pretty rusty.. Anyways the instructor said go LIGHT 50% dont hit your opponent hard focus on more of speed in your punches instead of hitting hard. So when we started, right off the bat, the dude jabs me hard! then all his combinations were the same strength.. like i got tageed so much, it was getting frusterating and i started to bleed from my mouth because he kept hitting me in my mouth. ( i had a mouthguard on too btw)

So i had to stop because i was bleeding too much and the instuctor even said to the guy your hitting too hard, go lighter but after i couldnt continue..

But pretty much i was frustrated for the rest of the class with this guy because he never listens to instructions when it comes to sparring... He doesnt know his own strength during sparring.. he just hits hard all the time. Sometimes i wish i could just KO him out because he's such an asshole... but I have more self control and dignity to myself to not do something stupid, which i could get kicked out of the school for..

But what i wanted to ask is how would you approach this situation? Have anyone else had this happen to them with an asshole sparring partner? Lemme know your opinions!

 

[Airdyne23]

These threads pop up all the time, and you know why? Because it's common. Your participating in an aggressive combat sport, this stuff happens at many (perhaps most) gyms from time to time.

Before everyone else jumps in and blasts the coach or the gym and tells you to quit and find a better one, let me ask you- what have YOU done about the situation?

Just talk to the guy man to man and tell him what the issue is. I'll bet he doesn't actually know he's sparring too hard. Just ask him and see what he says. You CAN convert these types of guys into useful training partners.

Most likely he'll probably be surprised to find you feel that way and he'll settle down.

If he doesn't, well you have 3 choices.

1. Keep sparring him and getting hurt and hating it

2. Fight back and hurt HIM (as most Sherdoggers would suggest). Then watch as your skills quickly plateau once you stop training intelligently and start having "gym wars" every night.

3. Leave the gym.

Talk it up with him mate, I bet the situation isn't as bad as you think.

And the important thing is you've learned from the situation, so if you ever become a trainer you'll be better for it too.

Hang in there.

 

[Rink]

This has got to stop. People are complaining that a guy is hitting them too hard in a sport that involves punching eachother? Man the fuck up, find a different gym, or find a different sport.

 

[thirteen]

So when we started, right off the bat, the dude jabs me hard! then all his combinations were the same strength.. like i got tageed so much, it was getting frusterating

Ok I can see how that would be frustrating.

But pretty much i was frustrated for the rest of the class with this guy because he never listens to instructions when it comes to sparring... He doesnt know his own strength during sparring.. he just hits hard all the time.

And how this can piss you off.

Try this: instead of being frustrated at this guy - think of it as an opportunity to get good at handling guys who hit hard. He jabs hard - you parry or slip the jab and think of each one that gets through as 'well I will do better next time'.

It's probably not the advice you were expecting but once you can handle this hard hitting/hard sparring guy - everything else will seem like a breeze. Believe it or not you can learn a lot working with guys like the one you mention.

Good luck.

 

[swamp_fist]

I agree with Denno that it is common. Having done karate, boxing, and Muay Thai in different phases of my life, I've encountered pricks in each and every one during drills or sparring that aren't supposed to be full force.

In my experience, talking to the guy rarely works but is ALWAYS a good first step just to make sure he's not actually a prick and is just unaware. It can happen, especially with newbies who don't realize how much adrenaline is slowing down time and amping their muscles.

If you talk to the guy and he still blasts you the next time, you're dealing with a prick. If your skills are measurably higher than his, you can tame him by stinging him back. This often puts pricks back in check, because pricks like to hurt more than they like to be hurt, and in my experience pricks misinterpret kindess as weakness. Once they know you're going light because you choose to, and not because you're weak prey, they miraculously find control.

But if your skills aren't considerably better, then escalation could just lead to brawling which is not good for anyone. You'll never grow while brawling, and both of you are in danger of getting needless injuries. If this is the case, then you have the right to outright refuse to train with him.

You can leave the gym, but you can never escape pricks in this world. That's my take.

 

[CollarTie]

This has got to stop. People are complaining that a guy is hitting them too hard in a sport that involves punching eachother? Man the fuck up, find a different gym, or find a different sport.

That attitude doesn't make you tough, it doesn't make you strong, and it certainty doesn't make you a better fighter.

Beating the piss out of each other every sparring session will get you nothing but a mediocre skill set, and a long list of injuries.

 

[Rink]

It actually does make you a better fighter. It's a huge wake up call when you get blasted flush for the first time. I'm sick of a thread being made every other day complaining how a sparring partner hit them too hard. It's boxing for christ's sake. When I got hit too hard, I didn't think the guy was an asshole, I thought I need to work on my defense and not get hit next time. If the guy really is an asshole, stop sparring him.

 

[swamp_fist]

It actually does make you a better fighter. It's a huge wake up call when you get blasted flush for the first time. I'm sick of a thread being made every other day complaining how a sparring partner hit them too hard. It's boxing for christ's sake. When I got hit too hard, I didn't think the guy was an asshole, I thought I need to work on my defense and not get hit next time. If the guy really is an asshole, stop sparring him.

There's a good distinction there between guys hitting you hard to make you better, and guys who really are assholes. Harder (but still controlled) hits are sometimes necessary if your sparring partner is not defending at all, just throwing out bunches of punches while ignoring yours. A stronger tap is a reality check to learn to defend and use strategy rather than throw out a volley of garbage. It's also used as a muscle memory type learning when partners have a tendancy to leave a particular opening.

From the outset, it may be difficult to tell the difference between those and the asshole who just likes to tool off on people. But if you're getting a bloody mouth while wearing a mouthguard in sparring that's not supposed to be a hard night (assuming healthy gums), then there's probably lack of control - and respect.

 

[Guestx]

This has got to stop. People are complaining that a guy is hitting them too hard in a sport that involves punching eachother? Man the fuck up, find a different gym, or find a different sport.

So you're saying that the guidelines of the sparring session should not apply?

A lot of sports involve punching each other. That doesn't mean it has to be 100% all the time.

 

[Jukai]

I'm with Rink. You have the right to refuse to box someone.

Ask the person to tone it down, say they're going too hard. If they don't, politely say that you don't want to bruise up/get hurt because of whatever and just bounce to another partner.

Or, beat the fuck out of him.

Or, take it as a challenge to become better against someone who is really going to hurt you.

Those are the only three options. You shouldn't leave a gym over an overly aggressive sparring partner. You should leave a gym because you're not learning anything. And those three options? No one can tell you which of those options are the best. That depends on you as a person. Hell, the option I choose would depend on the day. Feeling tough? I'll take the latter. Feeling angry? The middle. Do I have something to do which requires me NOT to be hurt? The former. It's that simple and doesn't require a thread asking for an indepth essay with a pro and con list.

 

[fightingrabbit]

Just don't spar with him then. Duh.

 

[MightySparrow]

I guess there is one in every boxing gym/dojo :icon_sad: My experience is that most of the time these guys actually don't want to hurt anyone, but they are more likely immature and insecure and try to compensate by playing rough. I think usually they "know their strength" fully well, but they don't realize they annoy people but rather think others will respect them more if they prove that they can hit hard.

In your case, I would probably have a chat with the guy. Don't just ask him casually to calm down, but have him sit down for a while after sparring, so he'll realize that you're actually serious about what you're telling him. If that doesn't help, I would ask the instructor to have a discussion with him. And of course, you should avoid sparring with the guy until he changes his ways. If everybody in the club does that to him, he should eventually realize that he does something wrong.

 

[gxdragon]

I agree with Denno that it is common. Having done karate, boxing, and Muay Thai in different phases of my life, I've encountered pricks in each and every one during drills or sparring that aren't supposed to be full force.

In my experience, talking to the guy rarely works but is ALWAYS a good first step just to make sure he's not actually a prick and is just unaware. It can happen, especially with newbies who don't realize how much adrenaline is slowing down time and amping their muscles.

If you talk to the guy and he still blasts you the next time, you're dealing with a prick. If your skills are measurably higher than his, you can tame him by stinging him back. This often puts pricks back in check, because pricks like to hurt more than they like to be hurt, and in my experience pricks misinterpret kindess as weakness. Once they know you're going light because you choose to, and not because you're weak prey, they miraculously find control.
But if your skills aren't considerably better, then escalation could just lead to brawling which is not good for anyone. You'll never grow while brawling, and both of you are in danger of getting needless injuries. If this is the case, then you have the right to outright refuse to train with him.

You can leave the gym, but you can never escape pricks in this world. That's my take.

This is how I've dealt with people going too hard.

I usually try to match the intensity of the person that I'm sparring with. I have found that some people (usually newbies) don't know how to go light. They're too worked up. Sometimes I reassure the person, look I'm not trying to hurt you, we're training. Sometimes that works and they calm down. If I see them getting excited again, I remind them, calm down. You can still move fast without using power. For beginners and even some experienced fighters, it's natural to get worked up.

Now I'll also agree that sometimes you need to go hard. If you're used to taking light punches/kicks all the time and then you suddenly get blasted, you're going to lose it. It will be like you never sparred before because it's something totally new to you.

 

[Cannon_6]

I've seen some good advice above -- no need to repeat it. I have a problem with this, however:

...Sometimes i wish i could just KO him out because he's such an asshole... but I have more self control and dignity to myself to not do something stupid, which i could get kicked out of the school for..

You're lying to yourself, or at least to us. This is just an excuse not to take care of business.

You know that the guy always hits hard. You also know that he hasn't been kicked out of the gym for it, and neither will you.

So do something. Either throw down with him and show him what it feels like, talk to him and convince him to chill, or refuse to spar with him altogether.

 

[shera]

Once you join a muay thai or boxing gym you have to accept this as part of the sport. If you're afraid or unwilling to return fire, you're in the wrong place.

 

[sanshoufist]

I've seen some good advice above -- no need to repeat it. I have a problem with this, however:


You're lying to yourself, or at least to us. This is just an excuse not to take care of business.

You know that the guy always hits hard. You also know that he hasn't been kicked out of the gym for it, and neither will you.

So do something. Either throw down with him and show him what it feels like, talk to him and convince him to chill, or refuse to spar with him altogether.

K well maybe where i said I wanted to KO him is probably the wrong thing to say because I obviously wouldn't do that to him even though i may not like him. But i did try to get back at him for throwing hard punches. I never got to the point where i wanted to brawl. But i did try to throw harder punches at him.

 

[sanshoufist]

These threads pop up all the time, and you know why? Because it's common. Your participating in an aggressive combat sport, this stuff happens at many (perhaps most) gyms from time to time.

Before everyone else jumps in and blasts the coach or the gym and tells you to quit and find a better one, let me ask you- what have YOU done about the situation?

Just talk to the guy man to man and tell him what the issue is. I'll bet he doesn't actually know he's sparring too hard. Just ask him and see what he says. You CAN convert these types of guys into useful training partners.

Most likely he'll probably be surprised to find you feel that way and he'll settle down.

If he doesn't, well you have 3 choices.

1. Keep sparring him and getting hurt and hating it

2. Fight back and hurt HIM (as most Sherdoggers would suggest). Then watch as your skills quickly plateau once you stop training intelligently and start having "gym wars" every night.

3. Leave the gym.

Talk it up with him mate, I bet the situation isn't as bad as you think.

And the important thing is you've learned from the situation, so if you ever become a trainer you'll be better for it too.

Hang in there.

Thanks for the advice bud, appreciate it. But one thing for sure is that Im not going to quit the gym just because of this guy. Like im going to try to improve from this time and be better next time. I admit i was pretty rusty, from not sparring for awhile. So hopefully next time will be better. And yah next time ill try to communicate with the guy more.

 

[NAKMUAY18]

If you talk to the guy and he keeps going, speak to your coach. Don't whine at him that the other guys is hitting too hard, just calmly tell him that if he keeps it up next time your gonna lay in to him.
Next time you spar go as normal, if he gos for you again, smash him. That way everyone aware why, and you don't look like your in a hissy fit because the other guy is better than you.


As for always sparring hard, theres a time for going hard and there's a time for light sparring. Light sparring is for experimenting, trying new things out.
How will you get any better if everytime you try work on a weakness you get smashed in the face. If your bad at slipping punches, your not going to keep trying if you get rocked with every attempt

 

[sanshoufist]

There's a good distinction there between guys hitting you hard to make you better, and guys who really are assholes. Harder (but still controlled) hits are sometimes necessary if your sparring partner is not defending at all, just throwing out bunches of punches while ignoring yours. A stronger tap is a reality check to learn to defend and use strategy rather than throw out a volley of garbage. It's also used as a muscle memory type learning when partners have a tendancy to leave a particular opening.

From the outset, it may be difficult to tell the difference between those and the asshole who just likes to tool off on people. But if you're getting a bloody mouth while wearing a mouthguard in sparring that's not supposed to be a hard night (assuming healthy gums), then there's probably lack of control - and respect.

I completely understand and agree with you about the degree of strength you should be putting into your punches. And im not sure if the guy realizes that he punches that hard or he is purposely punching hard.. but next time ill tell him if he is. And yah it wasn't a hard training session either it was just during sparring the guy kept punching me in the mouth and I ended up with a bloddy lip, even with my mouthguard on... I really dont think he is learning for the art or sport for respect. It seems like he just wants to learn how to fight , be good, and compete and beat up others in competition. But that doesn't mean beating up on your partners...

 

[Keej613]

Once you join a muay thai or boxing gym you have to accept this as part of the sport. If you're afraid or unwilling to return fire, you're in the wrong place.

As my former Sanshou / Kung-Fu instructor liked to say in his Chinese accent: "If you can't handle getting punched and kicked then maybe this isn't for you. Go do folk dancing or try basket weaving."