Why does every guy talk about how bad marriage is?

I believe that not every man will downplay marriage.

Only the married men will do that.
 
ThaiSexPills said:
I’ve been with the same woman for 5 years and she’s fantastic and I enjoy her company. We do a lot together and I think she’s earned it.
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The fact your perspective of marriage "is she earned it" is kinda bizzarre premise, sounds like you see it something done for the female side wich should already hint why on the long run male side live it as "bad" condition

But i'm not best guy to ask about it lol, been with my woman much longer time + we recently bought home together and still have no intention/plan to get married

If we have a son together i probably will because it's better for our family laws, but if we don't we are good as we are
 
I don't know if anybody mentioned this, but, any and all people considering marriage NEED to sit down and go over their financials beforehand. Lay it all out so to speak. Money and sex are the main reasons for divorce. Money can be figured out easily.


Income / Employment? - What is total income? Is there income inequality? Does it matter? How will you divide bills and finances? Who will carry medical and dental coverage?

Debt? - You have to know if you're marrying 80k in student loans plus 17k car loan plus 20k in credit cards. Did you foresee sharing nearly 120k in debt that your partner brings into the marriage? Did she foresee taking on your debt? What is the debt to income ratio?

Credit Score? - Will you qualify for a home loan at a decent rate together? Are you stuck renting until you can fix credit score(s)? Does she have a good track record of paying bills on time and do you?

Savings? - Do both parties have money set aside for a rainy day? Do you both have retirement savings and, are they anywhere near equal? Do you foresee you both retiring on the projected total savings?

Spending Habits? - Do either of you spend a large percentage of your earnings? Is one or both of you shopping addicted? Do you tend to eat at Restaurants often? What do current bills and expenses look like?
 
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20 years married next month, 21 years together already earlier this year. we are partners in crime and the blowjobs don't dry up. they shouldn't.

I wouldn't do it again if I found myself unmarried tomorrow though. I couldn't imagine taking the time to go through the ups and downs of a relationship to eek out another 25 years with someone else.
 
chardog said:
yes this is the common thought, you're shit out of luck, there is an imbalance of power.

you would think it's hopeless, however, it's not. In good times, you need to openly communicate with your wife and you need to come to an agreement, very early on in the relationship, that sex is not only necessary, but sex is literally on the calendar/phone alerts/sticky on fridge. No matter how busy life gets, wednesday and saturday evening (could be any days), we're going to do it, even if it's 2am, those are the days. Both agree on it, reminders all through the week, and get reinforced agreements all through the week (you'll need this eventually), and on those days, all the prep work is done, and the deed is going to be enforced, NO MATTER WHAT (99% of the time). If the partner makes excuses, you hold them responsible. It may take years of practice to enforce the schedule before it becomes second nature, and on certain nights, they'll just walk to bed naked and ready, you have to train your spouse. Once a blue moon, they'll huff and puff and you hold their word to the fire, they would rather do the work then be called out as a liar <lol>
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Works for some, not for others.

People tend to bitch and moan more than celebrate something.
 
Phlog said:
Yeah I can see that from a perspective of someone who hasn't been with a partner they've been exploring with for 20yrs.

Sure a 20yr olds body is more objectively attractive than our saggy, veiny stretch marks and yeah, I had great sex with younger women before my wife. But it wasn't as good as the whole package now.

But what makes sex really good, for me, is not about what I'm feeling, it's about what we are feeling. If you and your woman are fully realised aged 20 and understand each other on a deep level I'm sure it could be the same. It takes being honest with yourself and your partner to a level that isn't easily attainable.

For my wife and I nothing is off the table and we know what we want waaaay more than we did. Think of what Bruce lee said: "I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times." Well, my wife and I know how to do our kick pretty fucking well at this point. If I fucked a younger woman the sex would get better over time with them too.

The caveat is ever increasing and developing union.

And yes, there's the emotional bonding also!
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This 100%. I remember as a kid always hearing how sex was worse as you stayed together longer. Nearly all the sitcoms at the time would make jokes about the man barely having sex with his wife also.

The best sex I've ever had though was in the relationships that lasted 8+ years. The sex between me and my wife has substantially gotten better the last couple of years we've both noticed it.
 
Ichibanner said:
I don't know if anybody mentioned this, but, any and all people considering marriage NEED to sit down and go over their financials beforehand. Lay it all out so to speak. Money and sex are the main reasons for divorce. Money can be figured out easily.


Income / Employment? - What is total income? Is there income inequality? Does it matter? How will you divide bills and finances? Who will carry medical and dental coverage?

Debt? - You have to know if you're marrying 80k in student loans plus 17k car loan plus 20k in credit cards. Did you foresee sharing nearly 120k in debt that your partner brings into the marriage? Did she foresee taking on your debt? What is the debt to income ratio?

Credit Score? - Will you qualify for a home loan at a decent rate together? Are you stuck renting until you can fix credit score(s)? Does she have a good track record of paying bills on time and do you?

Savings? - Do both parties have money set aside for a rainy day? Do you both have retirement savings and, are they anywhere near equal? Do you foresee you both retiring on the projected total savings?

Spending Habits? - Do either of you spend a large percentage of your earnings? Is one or both of you shopping addicted? Do you tend to eat at Restaurants often? What do current bills and expenses look like?
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Exactly, catching STD's (Sexually Transmitted Debts) in a relationship can be brutal. Don't play captain save a ho and try and bail her out as she'll just fuck up your finances too.
 
I think the ones that are bad at often created their own personal hell by not communicating effectively and having empathy for their partner. I think it is very easy to be bad at these two things if you grew up in a dysfunctional household. I honestly think that there should be class available to the public for free one two things: common habits of people in effective relationships and common good practices on how to raise kids.

That said, I have told my wife that if she passed away or something happened that it would take a long time to find someone to replace her. That is how my guy brain evaluated our relationship but I am lucky she took it as a compliment. She is a far better person ,in my opinion, in a lot of ways than myself.
 
-Magua- said:
Not married; I'm seeing someone, but it's pretty casual, atm.
Ended a near 1 year relationship this January.

I'm fairly happy in my overall situation at this point in my life.

While I don't want kids, settling down with the right one prolly be a better way to ease down the road with later: in my 50s onward.
We'll see.

Here's what 2 articles say research indicates in the US.

//////
The research seems clear that even if marriage benefits both men and women, there is more of an upside for men. Men derive greater health benefits from marriage than women. Married fathers receive an earnings boost while mothers receive a penalty. Women are disproportionately likely to end marriages.



The stereotype in our culture is that marriage is an institution that benefits women but costs men, so women try to entrap men into marriage, and men try to stay single for as long as possible, holding onto the freedom they believe women want to take from them.
https://www.americansurveycenter.org/newsletter/is-marriage-better-for-men/#:~:text=The research seems clear that,disproportionately likely to end marriages.

These cultural stereotypes persist despite evidence that marriage serves men much more than women in almost every way. Married men are better off than single men; they are healthier, wealthier, and happier. Single women, however, are better off than married women. Married men are happier than married women, and unmarried women are happier than unmarried men. Divorced men and married women have the highest rates of suicide.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...es-avoid-marriage-it-benefits-them-more-women
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Propaganda. Single women aren't better off than married women. They might earn a bigger paycheck if no man has knocked them up but that doesn't make them better off. Women are the ones who are wired to go baby crazy and want to get pregnant. That conflicts with the long working hours of climbing the corporate ladder and earning a bigger paycheck.

Those single women who are supposedly better off are being measured by a man's standards of success. Because we don't get pregnant and aren't wired to be homemakers. Those married women aren't taking a penanlty at all. If they are married, then they in fact benefit from whatever supposed financial boost the married father receives while also getting to experience motherhood. Something those single childless women don't get to do while they slave away working long hours for some corporation, often times not realizing that their financial success isn't what will attract a man or a husband.

As far as married men being healthier and wealthier? I'd suggest that it's the other way around and that women are more likely to hunt down healthier and potentially wealthier men to marry. What woman would want to wife up some sickly unhealthy guy anyway? He can't protect or provide.
 
dirtypablo said:
Lack of communication and an inability or unwillingness to acknowledge and work on one's faults, as well as taking the other person for granted. You bring up your concerns or things that are bothering you and the other person basically shrugs their shoulders (or you don't bring it up and silently grow more and more frustrated). Resentment builds up over time until you practically hate the person you're living with.

Guys love to throw out the, women initiate 80% of divorces, but I rarely see those guys asking what might the men be doing to drive that? Obviously its not always the mans fault, but one of the most common things I see women complaining about is that once they're married, the guy thinks the only contribution he needs to make to the household is bringing home a paycheck. The woman feels like she has to manage everything else 24/7, while the man has a 9-5 and then gets to relax and do whatever he wants the other 100 or so hours of the week.

I'm not married but the few good long term relationships I've been in have been wonderful, and in several cases I wish my stupidity hadn't screwed them up - going through life with your best friend is awesome.
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No man can make a woman choose not to keep her commitment. Statements like yours fail to make women accountable for their own decisions while assuming that the man is the only person with any faults. And those same women still usually want that paycheck during the divorce that supposedly wasn't enough to sustain the marriage.

The reason those women didn't keep their commitment of til death do us part and for better or for worse is because they didn't have to, making those commitments meaningless to begin with. All of those other reasons are just excuses to not be accountable for your words and choices.

Even now you've allowed yourself to be convinced that who you are as a human being is responsible for someone else's choice not to be with you. Instead of thinking that maybe everybody isn't for you.
 
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Strychnine said:
Been married 28 years and we love each other. We know that it's us against the world and we have each other no matter what.
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It's you and your wife against the world?! That's not a fight any couple can win. Why are you two going against the world?! As a Sherbro I think it's sad you don't think you have us too. Boohoo.
 
Being married and having a beautiful daughter is the single greatest thing that's ever happened to me in my life and I value it more than any other possible good. I think marriage is getting a bad rap and the deep profound value of it is being forgotten. I'm so grateful I got married and allowed mentors to teach me how to be married.
 
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TeTe said:
If my wife and I got divorced today, I could collect alimony from her since she makes $30k more a year than I do. But I would never ask that from her. I still make good money.


But maybe that's the difference between men and women and why it ends up being a raw deal for a lot of men. It's all in the attitude
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She said yes. Prenup is signed. Some may not hold in court but put it in writing anyways. I highly doubt it ever gets to that though. Assets clearly defined before and keeping finances separate except for a joint account. Furthermore, my new home is finished and we’re moving in the weekend of June 8. I caved and installed an in ground pool though.

I love this woman and seeing how happy it made her made me happy. I am looking forward to our wedding. She wants a small, simple ceremony and I just don’t want to have to decorate personally so it should go smoothly.

Do I get her name tattooed on my throat like the Undertaker did?
 

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