Why does every guy talk about how bad marriage is?

[Rob Battisti]

I just don’t care. I don’t think it changes anything at all. I don’t really wanna spend 30k or so on a ceremony but I just spent 30k on a snowmobile so whatever. I’ll do it. I guess I’m just nervous the great thing we have will lose something and I hope it doesn’t because I want to be with this woman forever

If you don’t believe it will enrich your relationship, don’t do it

 

[dirtypablo]

I don't quite understand how old couples become so bitter.

Lack of communication and an inability or unwillingness to acknowledge and work on one's faults, as well as taking the other person for granted. You bring up your concerns or things that are bothering you and the other person basically shrugs their shoulders (or you don't bring it up and silently grow more and more frustrated). Resentment builds up over time until you practically hate the person you're living with.

Guys love to throw out the, women initiate 80% of divorces, but I rarely see those guys asking what might the men be doing to drive that? Obviously its not always the mans fault, but one of the most common things I see women complaining about is that once they're married, the guy thinks the only contribution he needs to make to the household is bringing home a paycheck. The woman feels like she has to manage everything else 24/7, while the man has a 9-5 and then gets to relax and do whatever he wants the other 100 or so hours of the week.

I'm not married but the few good long term relationships I've been in have been wonderful, and in several cases I wish my stupidity hadn't screwed them up - going through life with your best friend is awesome.

 

[blaseblase]

“Love is blind”

That phrase exists for a reason. How can you tell if someone has good character? That can change over the span of a marriage, how can it be enforced?

The first thing you do is get to know her friends and family members. They know her better than you do. They've been in her life for years and will inform you of her character if you develop a relationship with them. There are far too many guys who don't do this.

 

[lowlife]

This thread kind of reads like OP just trying to justify his decision. You're going to do it, you know it and we know it. Best of luck to you OP, give us an update in 5 years.

 

[chardog]

The first thing you do is get to know her friends and family members. They know her better than you do. They've been in her life for years and will inform you of her character if you develop a relationship with them. There are far too many guys who don't do this.

You really don’t need to, they will always side with their buddy, and they will disappear after marriage except one or two. On top of that, marriage is a long time, your other half will literally become another person. You have to get along with parental decisions, finances, new relations, etc.

I don’t care how good of a character someone has, if sex dries up, the marriage is in danger and will fail.


I do say that looking at family, if they have parents that stayed married, close relatives that stay married, friends they keep, it greatly increases your chances of success.

 

[Prefect]

Everyone with good marriages doesn't talk about it. That said, I think that most guys are emotionally retarded and lack the practice to be introspective enough to think about things in their relationship and what their impacts are. I think that nearly everyone has the capability to have a healthy relationship with their wife, in most cases, but instead squanders it away by not doing a lot of little things. I don't think relationships are very complicated if you are naturally considerate. My wife treats me like a king and I enjoy spending all the time with her. It isn't like it was in the beginning where we would get in bed on Friday and not leave until Sunday but we do almost everything together and her company always makes everything more fun. I think most people start at a similar spot and let it slowly die by not watering the relationship. Like 60% of marriages end in divorce but I think that number would be around 20% if people practiced good marriage housekeeping.

 

[JoeyJoeJoeJr]

This is my girls engagement ring

 

[I Am Legion]

Marriage isn't bad if you marry the right person. It also helps to have a nice group of friends and families as supports systems and social circles. The being with the same person forever sexually part can be tough, but it is worth it.

 

[Joe Mama]

Marriage isn't bad if you marry the right person.

Say it louder for the people in the back please...

 

[blaseblase]

You really don’t need to, they will always side with their buddy, and they will disappear after marriage except one or two. On top of that, marriage is a long time, your other half will literally become another person. You have to get along with parental decisions, finances, new relations, etc.

I don’t care how good of a character someone has, if sex dries up, the marriage is in danger and will fail.


I do say that looking at family, if they have parents that stayed married, close relatives that stay married, friends they keep, it greatly increases your chances of success.

I'm not talking about the sex drying up. That's on you to be spontaneous and keep the relationship interesting. If you don't know what freaky shit she's into that's your issue. I'm talking about a chick who turns psycho and has a bad character, which many people here have experienced. Make friends with her friends and family, they are the best way to uncover who she really is. And I mean actual friends, not perfunctory bullshit. I've had ex's family members apologize for her behavior. That's the kind of relationship you want.

 

[SalvadorAllende]

Pretty sure most people get married when they are still in love and they don't really know the other person.

I have been with my GF for almost 6 years and I have seen the good, the bad and the ugly.

I think at this point we can get married or don't (she wants to so we will probably do it) and it would not change much.

 

[AldoStillGoat]

I get you. I am but literally everybody tells me not to get married. All I read online and hear at work is how much guys regret marriage. I find it hard to believe I will because I’ve dated women before that could not compare and I think their problem is they had the wrong partner.

Still, yeah idk I guess I’ve just been programmed to believe marriage is bad but my brain tells me it won’t be and my father always said it was the best thing he ever did. He’s gone now but I know he’d tell me to. I guess I just wanted someone to tell me what I want to hear that it’ll ne fine and hear some positivity for once.

Don’t do it … don’t change the status quo or you will lose what you are getting now

 

[chardog]

I'm not talking about the sex drying up. That's on you to be spontaneous and keep the relationship interesting. If you don't know what freaky shit she's into that's your issue. I'm talking about a chick who turns psycho and has a bad character, which many people here have experienced. Make friends with her friends and family, they are the best way to uncover who she really is. And I mean actual friends, not perfunctory bullshit. I've had ex's family members apologize for her behavior. That's the kind of relationship you want.

being "spontaneous" about sex is about as sure of a thing to have it fail. Imagine if your income were spontaneous, mortgage payments spontaneous, retirement savings spontaneous........ I dont care how good the sex is, if it aint happening, it's over. You're literally banging someone for decades, you'll get to a point that you've done everything with them and vice versa..... psycho/psychotic is highly subjective, especially in the eyes of the law...

lol @ making friends, that's not for everyone. Some folks dont date very long until they get married, and I'm not sure how much that matters, nearly all my wife's friends from the past, hardly talk to her these days, you'll find out that relations between friends change very fast once you've got kids, and people do that after they get married. on top of that, even friends change, if you met your future wife at 19, she may have one set of friends, at 25 she may have another set of completely different people. Indian folk have extremely limited interactions with their future wives, and they make it work. They still do arrange marriages to this very day, and from what I can tell, they are happily married. No access to friends...

 

[tank666]

I’ve been with the same woman for 5 years and she’s fantastic and I enjoy her company. We do a lot together and I think she’s earned it. When our new house is finally finished, I’m going to propose. Can someone please explain what a ceremony changed in your common law partnership?

I’m going to get a prenup to clarify what’s legally mine before we do but besides that, I’m excited about it. Hiding this diamond is going to be difficult.

After you get married and have kids you will start losing your hair, freedom and money. Apart from that it's perfect!

 

[THEfightsAREfixed]

I know it’s taboo in some circles but I feel like a wife AN

Lack of communication and an inability or unwillingness to acknowledge and work on one's faults, as well as taking the other person for granted. You bring up your concerns or things that are bothering you and the other person basically shrugs their shoulders (or you don't bring it up and silently grow more and more frustrated). Resentment builds up over time until you practically hate the person you're living with.

Guys love to throw out the, women initiate 80% of divorces, but I rarely see those guys asking what might the men be doing to drive that? Obviously its not always the mans fault, but one of the most common things I see women complaining about is that once they're married, the guy thinks the only contribution he needs to make to the household is bringing home a paycheck. The woman feels like she has to manage everything else 24/7, while the man has a 9-5 and then gets to relax and do whatever he wants the other 100 or so hours of the week.

I'm not married but the few good long term relationships I've been in have been wonderful, and in several cases I wish my stupidity hadn't screwed them up - going through life with your best friend is awesome.

this guy gets it

 

[blaseblase]

being "spontaneous" about sex is about as sure of a thing to have it fail. Imagine if your income were spontaneous, mortgage payments spontaneous, retirement savings spontaneous........ I dont care how good the sex is, if it aint happening, it's over. You're literally banging someone for decades, you'll get to a point that you've done everything with them and vice versa.....

I think you can do more. Are you aware of every single kink she has? Have you tried to roleplay those specific scenarios that she has the hots for? Have you consulted a therapist about your lack of sex?

psycho/psychotic is highly subjective, especially in the eyes of the law...

Not really. Not sure what you're referring to here.

lol @ making friends, that's not for everyone. Some folks dont date very long until they get married, and I'm not sure how much that matters, nearly all my wife's friends from the past, hardly talk to her these days, you'll find out that relations between friends change very fast once you've got kids, and people do that after they get married. on top of that, even friends change, if you met your future wife at 19, she may have one set of friends, at 25 she may have another set of completely different people. Indian folk have extremely limited interactions with their future wives, and they make it work. They still do arrange marriages to this very day, and from what I can tell, they are happily married. No access to friends...

I'm not gonna force you to befriend your wife's friends and family. That's on you. I'm just offering advice that will help most guys in the U.S. succeed in their relationships. If the shit hits the fan in your relationship, just don't say I didn't warn you.

 

[Protectandserve]

Been married and divorced once.

Engaged again but not getting married for a while due to financial shit.

I get why dudes complain about marriage . A ton of women stop trying once they lock you down for marriage.

 

[Law Talkin’ Guy]

After marriage the blowjobs dry up and the nagging goes up

Ps best of luck up you Sherbro, and may your post marriage BJs be plenty

This is so true. In October I mentioned to my wife that she hadn’t given me a blowjob since March of 2016. She got upset for some reason, asked why I didn’t say anything earlier. I didn’t think she would somehow need reminding that she hadn’t had a penis in her mouth for seven and a half years at that point, but there you have it I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Spoiler

and for what it’s worth pointing it out didn’t really change anything, though she did give me one the day before New Year’s Eve. It’s my birthday in two weeks so I’m going to give her strong hints that another one for my birthday would be appreciated

 

[west42]

LMAO. "My girl's great. Gonna marry her.". Good luck, mang.

 

[Doughie99]

I like the "she's earned it" part, like you're getting married as a reward or a favor to her.

I don't know that every guy complains about it, but like the whole design of it is for the guy to give up some of his freedom for the woman to pursue her desire for motherhood in a stable environment, and for some strange reason, a lot of people don't seem to realize that in advance and thought you get married because it's the hottest chick that'll have sex with you.

This is basically it, more or less.


Sorry in advance if this offends anyone but the shorter & more blunt version is -- Most women want from men : Cock, Cash, Kids. Not necessarily in that order, but quite often in that order.

Personally if the TS gets on great with his girlfriend of 5years, why change it up? If it ain't broke don't fix it.
If you both want children and both want to have kids as an officially married couple, then ok. But this talk about "she earned it" sounds like she's been chipping away at persuading you to marry her and you have finally capitulated. Cue massively expensive chunk of crystallized carbon on her finger.
If I have got that wrong, my apologies. I hope it works out really well for you and your lady.

A biological study was once done, decades or so ago, and the bottom line they concluded was human beings are Serial Monogamists. Duration typically of a man-&-woman couple was 4years or so. (it varies of course). Men and women are not (biologically) usually destined to be together forever. They CAN be....but it's not generally the way it goes.
- Beyond 4 to 7 years it's often peer pressure and artificial societal structures like marriage which try to hold 2 people together.