1. Bros before hoes.
PARADISA COROLLARY: Unless the bro is on a loss where said bro is, in fact, a ho, and therefore the ho still comes first.
2. A bro is always entitled to do something stupid as long as the rest of his bros are doing it.
PARADISA COROLLARY: Unless those bros are doing it due to a loss, in which case: sorry, bro, you're on your own.
3. If a bro gets a dog, it must be at least as tall as his knee when full grown.
PARADISA COROLLARY: Rainbow fish and other Weird Castle Pets are totally acceptable.
4. A bro never divulges the full Bro Code to a woman.
COROLLARY: Unless she is, of course, a Bro (see Definition of a Bro, and/or Article 22).
5. Whether he cares about sports or not, a bro cares about sports.
6. A bro shall not lollygag if he must get naked in front of other bros in a locker room.
7. A bro never sends a greeting card to another bro.
8. A bro never admits he can't drive stick - even after an accident.
9. Should a bro lose a body part, his fellow bros will not make lame jokes about it.
10. A bro will drop whatever he's doing and help his bro dump a chick.
11. A bro may ask another bro to help him move, but only if he estimates how long it'll take and says how heavy the furniture is.
PARADISA COROLLARY: Dude. Just have the ghosts do it for you.
12. Bros do not share dessert.
13. All bros shall dub one of their bros his wingman.
14. If a chick inquires about another bro's sexual history, another bro shall honor the Brode Of Silence and play dumb.
15. A bro never dances with his hands above his head.
16. A bro should be able to cite the following current champions: Super Bowl, World Series, and Playmate of the Year.
17. A bro shall be kind and courteous to his co-workers unless they are beneath him on the Pyramid of Screaming.
18. If a bro spearheads a beer run, he is entitled to any change left over.
19. A bro shall not sleep with another bro's sister - but is allowed to say she's hot.
20. A bro respects his bros in the military.
21. A bro never shares observations about another bro's hot girlfriend.
PARADISA COROLLARY: Unless they are under a very well-guarded filter and both communicating parties are sworn to secrecy.
22. There is no law that prohibits a woman from being a bro.
23. When flipping through channels, a bro is not allowed to skip past a program featuring boobs.
24. When wearing a baseball cap, a bro may position the brim at either 12 or 6 o'clock.
25. A bro doesn't let another bro get a tattoo, especially of a girl's name.
26. Unless he has children, a bro shall not wear his cellphone on a belt clip.
27. A bro never removes his shirt in front of other bros, unless at a pool or beach.
28. A bro will, in a timely manner, alert his bro to the existence of a girl fight.
29. If two bros decide to catch a movie, they may not attend a screening that begins after 4:40 PM, and may not share a tub of popcorn.
30. A bro doesn't comparison shop.
31. When on the prowl, a bro hits on the hottest chick first, because you just never know.
32. A bro doesn't allow another bro to get married until he's at least thirty.
33. When in a public restroom, a bro stares straight ahead when using the urinal.
34. Bros cannot make contact during a Devil's Threeway (two dudes).
35. A bro never rents a chick flick.
36. When questioned in the company of women, a bro always decries fake breasts.
37. A bro is under no obligation to open a door for anyone.
38. Even in a fight to the death, a bro never punches another bro in the groin.
39. When a bro gets a chick's number, he waits at least 96 hours before calling her.
40. Should a bro become stricken with engagement, the other bros shall stage an intervention. This is more commonly known as a bachelor party.
41. A Bro never cries. (Exceptions: Watching Ballpark of Reveries, OS: The Outer Space Guy, or upon the retirement of a sports legend.)
42. Upon greeting another bro, a bro may engage in a high five, fist bump, or bro hug, but never a full embrace.
43. A bro loves his country, unless that country isn't America.
PARADISA COROLLARY: Unless you're from another world, in which case .... Wait, no. No, that still stands. Sorry, guys. My country pwns.
44. A bro never applies sunscreen on another bro. (Exception: Unless they are within 7 degrees latitude of the equator.)
45. A bro never wears jeans to a strip club.
46. If a bro is seated next to some dude stuck in the middle seat of an airplane, he shall yield to him all of the use of their shared armrest.
47. A bro never wears pink. Not even in Europe.
48. A bro never publicly reveals how many chicks he's banged.
49. When asked "do you need some help", a bro shall automatically respond "I got it". (Exceptions: carrying an expensive TV, parking an expensive car, or loading an expensive TV into an expensive car.)
50. If a bro should accidentally strike another bro's undercarriage with his arm while walking, both bros silently agree to carry on as if it never happened.
51. A bro checks out another bro's blind date, and responds with either a thumbs-up or thumbs-down.
52. A bro is not required to remember another bro's birthday.
53. Even in a drought, a bro flushes twice.
54. A bro is required to go out with his bros on St. Patrick's Day and other official bro holidays, including: Halloween, New Year's Eve, and Desperation Day: February 13th.
PARADISA COROLLARY: The day after world-changes is also considered an official bro holiday. This should go without saying, but you never know.
55. Even in an emergency that requires a tourniquet, a bro never borrows from or lends clothes to another bro.
56. A bro is required to alert another bro if the bro/chick ratio at a party falls below 1:1.
57. A bro never reveals the score of a sporting event to another bro, unless another bro has thrice confirmed he wants to hear it.
58. A bro doesn't grow a moustache. (Exception: Tom Selleck)
59. A bro must always post bail for another bro, unless it's out of state, or like, crazy-expensive.