War Room Lounge v164: Exclusive gusseted carrot?! Looka you have a baby crotch!

[luckyshot]

 

[AgonyandIrony]

I bet I could take you














to some bars you'd enjoy, and we'd have a swell time.

Quite frankly I have a swell time with most everyone. Literally the thing I hate most in people is rudeness. The way I see it, everyone has a fascinating story to tell. Their hobbies, their taste in music, the things they grew up. Just fascinating. Bro You could tell me your dad owned a tractor factory and that shit would blow my mind. What a life that must be.

Everyone here is interesting in some way or the other. I really wish we as a forum talked about the anecdotal things that have influenced our beliefs instead of.. whatever the fuck this is.

I fucking hate this forum though, and it's because of the right wingers. I hate their arguments, they're all what abouts. They're all just bullshit. There isn't even any conservative ideology in anything, it's just bullshit reactionary.

I figured when I explained Antifa and shit people would actually listen to me because I mean... leader of an AFA chapter back in the day. But no. It's more fun to NOT EVEN BE IGNORANT BECAUSE THEY KNOW THE ANSWERS, it's more fun to just parrot bullshit because for them politics is a game of gotcha. Even fuckers like @The ScorpioN despite me sneering at most his posts is an intelligent person, but instead of actually discussing topics we all just go "well the other side did this so it's okay. Or it triggered the other side so it must be fine"

A shame really, Y'all asshole missed out on my last tour. I'm a fucking swell person to hang with, plus I'm a hell of a public speaker when it comes to politics.

Anyway... A ) What did you think of the writing for a book intro and B ) What are the bars you would take me to. What you dig?

I found the read to be entertaining. I don't really have any critiques about it. Tryna hang out and bang chubby broads with you.

Bruh straight up. Where you live again? I'll show you how the fuck it's done. I'm real fucking likable for about 6 days. That's why I'm never in a city for longer than 3 you dig?

Plus, I'm glad I made that post. I've been really torn up inside if I want to go back to stand up considering how long this break is, but @JDragon asked a question and that vomit on the page made me realize I'm pretty special at it.

 

[BEER]

Bruh straight up. Where you live again? I'll show you how the fuck it's done. I'm real fucking likable for about 6 days. That's why I'm never in a city for longer than 3 you dig?

Plus, I'm glad I made that post. I've been really torn up inside if I want to go back to stand up considering how long this break is, but @JDragon asked a question and that vomit on the page made me realize I'm pretty special at it.

I'm in SE Virginia. If you're ever this way, hit me up. I'll buy you a beer or three.

 

[Gutter Chris]

Quite frankly I have a swell time with most everyone. Literally the thing I hate most in people is rudeness. The way I see it, everyone has a fascinating story to tell. Their hobbies, their taste in music, the things they grew up. Just fascinating. Bro You could tell me your dad owned a tractor factory and that shit would blow my mind. What a life that must be.

Everyone here is interesting in some way or the other. I really wish we as a forum talked about the anecdotal things that have influenced our beliefs instead of.. whatever the fuck this is.

I fucking hate this forum though, and it's because of the right wingers. I hate their arguments, they're all what abouts. They're all just bullshit. There isn't even any conservative ideology in anything, it's just bullshit reactionary.

I figured when I explained Antifa and shit people would actually listen to me because I mean... leader of an AFA chapter back in the day. But no. It's more fun to NOT EVEN BE IGNORANT BECAUSE THEY KNOW THE ANSWERS, it's more fun to just parrot bullshit because for them politics is a game of gotcha. Even fuckers like @The ScorpioN despite me sneering at most his posts is an intelligent person, but instead of actually discussing topics we all just go "well the other side did this so it's okay. Or it triggered the other side so it must be fine"

A shame really, Y'all asshole missed out on my last tour. I'm a fucking swell person to hang with, plus I'm a hell of a public speaker when it comes to politics.

Anyway... A ) What did you think of the writing for a book intro and B ) What are the bars you would take me to. What you dig?


Bruh straight up. Where you live again? I'll show you how the fuck it's done. I'm real fucking likable for about 6 days. That's why I'm never in a city for longer than 3 you dig?

Plus, I'm glad I made that post. I've been really torn up inside if I want to go back to stand up considering how long this break is, but @JDragon asked a question and that vomit on the page made me realize I'm pretty special at it.

Im with ya dude. I like when other posters talk about their stories and its makes these avatars into real relatable people.

I sometimes hate this place too and think their are quite a few bozos who need to come to grips with reality

 

[JDragon]

I'm going to subject this entire thing to y'all and (please critique it) because I'm working on a book about this stupid shit... but let me break down what being a comedian is like for you. Wall of fuckingg text incoming. (Try to read it like a chapter if you will, or a book topic. @JDragon suggested I write a book about my life almost a year ago and I've tried and given up a bunch of times)
So I present to you.... The life of a comedian.

That part is correct. The idea of stand up comedy is to make "this" mean something. It's the same as just about any other art form in that respect. A joke isn't just a joke, it's a window into who you are. It's you combining wordplay and wit and facial mannerisms all combined together. A true verbal matador. Time stops when you're killing, it's incredible.

Stand up is also one of the most shit on art forms there is, because it's talking and everyone thinks they're funny, they think they can do what I do. I've played in bands before, but it's not even a little comparable despite being a performance art.

There's nothing else to go off of like with a band, I usually sit in a green room for about an hour taking some shots, hyping myself up in front of the mirror lol. Then you hear those words "Alright guys, time for the guy you came to see, the one, the only"

This song starts playing, you're behind the curtain smiling. Checking the set list taped to the back of a beer bottle. once that "SOB get a drink kicks" you walk out, shot in one hand beer in the other. You raise your shot glass and the audience does too. You slam it back, toss the glass to the side and rip the mic out of the stand like you're in The Ramones. Always stand at the front of the stage, the audience senses weakness. You lean into your punchlines like Henry Rollins does the chorus of Rise Above. There' a smile that can only happen in that moment. You're free. A fucking verbal conductor. You close with your best closing joke, as you're telling that joke your left hand is extending for the mic stand. Close smooth now. That mic needs to move along with the "well I've never been to heaven" callback setting up the final punchline. Huge laugh
"Thank you so much, Denver, Atlanta, St Louis, etc etc. You've been a wonderful audience. Give it up for your and.. you sir with the ponytail you know EXACTLY what I was talking about! Goodnight y'all"
You literally walk off that stage on a fucking cloud. The newer comics rush you for advice and to thank you, the promoters didn't think you could pull that many people in Wichita Kansas, never seen anything like it.

The ponytail guy claps you first, "How did you know" he says. Slipping a bag of that White china into your hand, you coyly say "How could I not" The crowd around you laughs. You vanish to the bathroom. The look you give that mirror. Motherfucker does this mirror know who the fuck I am. You walk out of the bathroom, nose dripping a bit of course. To five or six shots waiting for you. People ask for autographs, you sit outside and spin tales of all the places you've been. Ever thankful for their town and the audience, because you are.

Eventually perhaps, the cocaine hits too hard. You've had maybe twelve shots (despite having to be in Nashville the next day) a jealous local who is copying you (This is happened to me in multiple states. Either dressing exactly how I do, or in one case literally telling the fucking closer I've done for four years) pops off. The opener for a fella like me never really drinks. I've had some INCREDIBLE openers on tour with me. ( I did a show in Lawrence once, good show... but a Kansas City comic almost literally threw hands at the sound guy for... adding sound effects to peoples jokes. My homie who is now an incredible Denver comic gets the mic before I go on and says "Listen here motherfucker If you mess with ANYTHING again I'm going to stomp your fucking teeth out!" but... he said it like a comedian so everyone was a bit curious....

I wasn't though. I met this dude when I was grinding in Denver we both murdered a show, both smiling coyly. He had a solid miscarriage joke, I was opening with "Sorry Denver if my voice is rough... I've done 14 shows in 6 days, but honestly I'm just raspy from saying no I don't have a fucking cigarette every fifteen minutes... Oh damn.. is this a fucking library? Hot damn I wish I knew how to read but you want to know what's better than literacy? I just found out I don't have chlymydia. Yes ma'am in the front row not only is that surprising but! (sit next to her, over shoulder left right to the audiebnce) I also don't have Chlamydia! Is that your boyfriend or your brother sitting next to you? Your brother?! Fuckingg Gross! But... even grosser is looking downstairs and seeing something you don't quite remember there.!" but one time I was at a show describingg the types of women based off the alcohol they carried in their purse. It's a whole thing, but when I get to Fireball that's sort of the punch line. "Girls that carry fireball show up late to parties to make a stranger cry in the kitchen or ruin a relationship in the bedroom. Girls with fireball in their purses.. lets face it.. are fucking cunts" Girl yells at me "I have fireball in my purse but I'm not-a" "not a cunt? Maam that remains to be seen but so far you're acting like a cunt. Jesus you interrupt my dreams anymore I'll have some mommy issues"

I go into a joke about how I should be dead because I literally almost got kidnapped in Tijuana and ended up at a cockfight, then the whole time I was at a lowrider thing in San Diego before anything but flip phones and you fucking discover cholos talk WAY more cholo when they see a cholo they don't know. So you hear a bunch of gunshots and (like I said earlier.. climb out the bathroom window) and then ending with the whole doing cocaine and LSD with an Elvis impersonator in Nashville.

I say "I'm surprised I'm even alive" Across five tables, at a Calzone restaurant in Denver that said I could do 20 minutes AND get a meal this lady screams "Yeah well I hope you fucking die. Kill yourself tonight piece of shit. You ugly ginger fuck" Literally as I was leaning into my closer. I was straight up rattled, lost my train of thought. Just said "Oh shit guys I didn't know my dad was here catch me tomorrow at"

My Kansas City homie fucking chucked a drink at her. Yelling "You wannabe ass fucking open micer. Don't you ever heckle a head liner" Felt super good (he beat me in a contest the next day) But anyway... Lawrence Kansas right? Day after Baker Mayfield the God himself grabbed his dick at the Gayhawk fans. My buddy threatens to kick this dudes ass before I'm introduced...changes the entire mood of the show.

"One of the funniest guys I know. Nicholas O is coming up to the stage, he's toured nationally, opened for so and so and so, give a big round of applause for MY FAVORITE OKIE! Nicholas OOOOOSBORN"

Straight up fucking boos. I'm doing THIRTY MINUTES, and I was paid $150 and six free drinks for this show. So I have to do thirty minutes. I'm also watching my KC/Denver homie dragging the DJ who turns out was on both meth AND Heroin out of the booth. That swagger I talked about earlier? Yeah that shit was nonexistent. To quote Baker... I grabbed my dick at the audience and said "go back to watching Basketball" I moved some jokes around. My big Okie joke was right behind it, I end up getting them around the World Star Hip Hop and the Hella Hoes/Suicide note (my most proud joke) but I was legit booed for 20 minutes straight. Ended decent. My buddy is fuming, his shirt torn. We take our pictures, we get paid... all share a couple shots. If you're in the MO area look up this INCREDIBLE comedian Ryan Trickey. Straight up you're missing out on what will soon be a legend.

It. Gets. Worse. A manager of a pizzeria for KU indie kids says "I'll give you thirty mozzerella sticks if you stand up on the table in the restaurant and do five minutes. Now remember, I basically just got paid $150 and liquor for my homie/opener to drive three hours there and back. So OF COURSE I'm going to get free mozzarella sticks.

This long ass story is almost over I swear, but this is the important part. I bombed that show, but vibing because I made out with a pretty chunky girl who let me snort coke off her titties in the back of a suburu, pretty drunk, hung out with some of my favorite comics, made some money.. Frankly... it was the cocaine that did this.

We get to this Pizzeria, I'm loud and obnoxious how I always am and I'm literally getting met with looks of disgust and hatred in a way I've never seen before. These are UNDER 21 college kids. The ones this forum is obsessed with. I try to bail, I can't even strike up a fucking conversation with these assholes... but the manager comes out and says "Hey man we got all the mozz sticks ready this is going to be hilarious. (Pretty sure he hated me looking back)

I get on the table, my opener/homie smiling because he knows I hate it.... with NO mic I shout " It has come to my attention that gingers are going extinct. Apparently we're the most unwanted fertilized egg since Jurassic Park. I get it, I swear I'm the only white guy booked for black shows because by God not even the other white people want me. So you know. I understand. I really tried to keep us gingers alive too (The good gingers right? This is strawberry blonde. You know that color of orange hair that I believe translated from Greek means Autistic? Nah we can lose them. But I've been doing my part. Dating the girls no one else will, poking holes in condoms, start dating Mormons and Catholics.. but fuck turns out... a week with me from pro life to pro choice pretty damn quickly. Fellas if your lady is about to leave you, send her my way for a week. She'll have a good time, but she'll come back with the thousand eyed stare of a homeless Vietnam vet"

I love that joke, I've changed it in the last few years but It's still a solid joke, I get off the table and I'm fucking accosted. Some 19 year old girl just starts screaming "SEXUAL ASSAULT! THIS WAS SEXUAL ASSAULT" To which I am VERY confused. Looked down, dick was in my pants. My non drinking opener/homie. Is pulling me to the door, box of mozzarella sticks under his arm. I'm confused, drunk, and just bombed. I said "excuse me bitch?" and she goes "Joking about poking holes in condoms is sexual assualt" I start laughing, and this ponytailed probably 20 year old... simp to b e fair says "YOU ASSAULTED HER BY SAYING THAT" I respond. "I'll fucking assault you kid I'll ri--" Opener homie shoved mozzarella sticks in my mouth. We ride back three hours laughing and listening to music and talking about how bad I bombed. I hung out the window of his Volkswagen drinking the bottle of Jameson we stole from the meth/heroin DJ and we laughed and stopped off at some random redneck bar in Kansas with four people in a town of four hundred and made friends.


So, like most of my dumbass posts here have a meaning, but we talk about stand up comedy here a lot. That my dear @BEER is the life of a stand up comedian. Sure, it's all about validation, but it's a good validation, and you know what outside of the REAL BAD BOMBS (I've had a lot of those too) even when you bomb it's okay. We really don't get the respect we deserve either. We are the last nomadic storytellers and perhaps, it is about validation, and perhaps @Fawlty Elizabeth was right when he said I have "Boutique Depression" (though fella will never know what it's like taking a greyhound 12 hours to do a show at a punk house for pizza liquor coke and sleeping on a floor in Colorado with no heat because that is what you HAVE to do.

But find me a more noble pursuit of validation there is. There is none. We're it, we're the last stand against this internet crazed meme format and cancel culture and fear of speech. @HereticBD has thrown jabs at me calling me a failed comedian but absolutely not. I have thousands of fans in the US. Thousands. (lotta chunky girls I'll give you that but it is what it is) My life went from a boy who was beaten every night for seven years to a motherfucker whose name commands something. That's not failure.

Anyway finished. If you read that let me know what to edit. I'm working on this series of essays and I think that might be a good opening essay for the book. I honestly hope you guys enjoyed that wall of text. I've said before this is really the only placeI can open up. If there's anything I should drop, expand on, make it something you'd be willing to read please let me know.

Timing of this could not have been better, drunk for the first time in months and I felt what you wrote. Only scratching the surface though, I think there is depth to those highs and lows worth exploring from a reagiert perspective.

 

[PolishHeadlock2]

The next door neighbors bought their house last summer and they just sold it for $70k more than they bought it for... it was in the market for 3 days...

Covid has not put a dent in the real estate market here

 

[The Diplomat]

Picture of Andy Kaufman, but when it didnt work, I left the img marker as a kind of private joke.

One of my favorites.

 

[senri]

The essence of humanity in this thread feels nice....

 

[BEER]

The next door neighbors bought their house last summer and they just sold it for $70k more than they bought it for... it was in the market for 3 days...

Covid has not put a dent in the real estate market here

The house next door got sold for over 200k in a neighborhood full of 90k post-war houses. The house was demolished and some shitty prefab is going to be put up, and probably flipped for 300+.

Meanwhile, my parents own their house, paid off, that they bought for 85k 18 years ago. They're in for quite a windfall when they retire and move to the mountains.

 

[SATW]

There is a thread where people defend iran and call them liberals
Maybe my memory is failing me but doesn't iran executing gays and women who betrayed their husband?
If this is the case then iran is intolerant, right?

Edit : i think that i made it too obvious to answer

 

[Fawlty]

I feel like the phrase "let's go" when used as a celebration has been abused beyond repair, and it's never going away. The worst is when something is clearly finished and there is no more reason to "go" but the "let's go!" shriek happens anyway. It's also a little too g-rated.

 

[The Diplomat]

I feel like the phrase "let's go" when used as a celebration has been abused beyond repair, and it's never going away. The worst is when something is clearly finished and there is no more reason to "go" but the "let's go!" shriek happens anyway. It's also a little too g-rated.

"Fuck yeah" ?

 

[Jack V Savage]

I feel like the phrase "let's go" when used as a celebration has been abused beyond repair, and it's never going away. The worst is when something is clearly finished and there is no more reason to "go" but the "let's go!" shriek happens anyway. It's also a little too g-rated.

Two things that still bother me are:

1. "I'm over it." So it doesn't bother you anymore? "No it permanently bothers me. I'm over it."
2. "I'm humbled by the response this work has gotten." Like, you thought it was good and were getting a little big for your britches until you saw it get panned? "No, it's gotten good reviews." Fuck off.

 

[Fawlty]

"Fuck yeah" ?

That's better, yes. And there's nothing wrong with "let's go" if there is somewhere to go or something to do. But otherwise, it's a bit like celebrating by yelling "Shall we proceed?!!!"

Which, honestly, would be pretty great.

 

[Fawlty]

Two things that still bother me are:

1. "I'm over it." So it doesn't bother you anymore? "No it permanently bothers me. I'm over it."
2. "I'm humbled by the response this work has gotten." Like, you thought it was good and were getting a little big for your britches until you saw it get panned? "No, it's gotten good reviews." Fuck off.

At least the first one is kind of pleasantly ironic in a surrendering sort of way. The second one is pretty douchey. I think there's room for it when a response is overwhelming, like when you feel alone in believing something and then find out that it's something that is important to a lot of people.

 

[AgonyandIrony]

I'm in SE Virginia. If you're ever this way, hit me up. I'll buy you a beer or three.

As long as @Social Distance Warrior doesn't murder me (attempt to. MY TURF SON. EVEN THE HIPSTERS HERE STAY STRAPPED lol bruh I went to the most awkward art show once and at the after party we were all on molly and this naked girl was only wearing a ski mask dancing with a fucking AK47. Then pulled a fuckin lollipop from her pussy and put it in another girls mouth. This place is fucking wild.) I might actually be through that way later this year. A friend and fan (bought me a motherfucking sammich yesterday) wants to go on a labor history road trip. So we're headed your way, then of course WV for the Blair Mountain Battleground, then Harpers Ferry and John Browns Cabin. If you know any other historical stuff let me know.

Or if you know anyone that runs a show. I'll send a type. I can do 30 minutes still even with the break. 45 minutes might be difficult but I'll be making my triumphant return soon enough.

Im with ya dude. I like when other posters talk about their stories and its makes these avatars into real relatable people.

I sometimes hate this place too and think their are quite a few bozos who need to come to grips with reality

Well, lets face it. Most of the right wingers here live in a very small bubble, and a lot of right wingers here tend to be rural and I make fun of the rural areas too much "You don't even matter compared to us city folk" That kind of shit. I really need to work on that, rural communities are being devastated by the worst parts of capitalism. (also funded by us city folk... just saying)

But there has to be something more. There's so many threads I'd like to comment on/in but I literally don't see the point. It's all the same bullshit, nothing I say there will matter and it's this fucking Trump cult shit. Bro these people can't be that dumb. It's absurd, frankly absurd. Biden is the most conservative Democrat there is, and he's well respected by other politicians. At least he would TRY to bring the country together. Even my molotov ass knows he's what the country needs. A Biden presidency hurts us leftists, but it would help America. These people don't understand the difference between a patriot and a nationalist and that line is very danggerous.

Timing of this could not have been better, drunk for the first time in months and I felt what you wrote. Only scratching the surface though, I think there is depth to those highs and lows worth exploring from a reagiert perspective.

I'm glad you liked it, I sent a couple fans here to read it and most enjoyed it too.

Although one said about that post.

I feel like I'm on coke reading this. It's chaos and stream of consciousness. What will its final form be? An essay? A short story? A diary entry? An open letter to hecklers? What is your goal with this?

I feel like it could use some fleshing out, a little structure. Are you giving a lesson on what it's like to be a stand-up in general? Or what the pitfalls are? Or what hecklers are like? Or what it feels like to kill vs. destroy? it is all over the place.

She sort of hit what I was hoping you guys could help with. I've spoken with @Kaliph of Kush about the book I want to write. "A Millenial Manifesto" That's really just a collection of essays written in that style.

So I get that it's manic and the highs and lows are very pronounced and usually right after each other. But I actually really like my style in that regard, I think my run on sentence structure does a good job of drawing the reader in. Someone once said "Your writing breathes along with the reader" and I've rather liked that idea.

That said. Thanks for commenting homie glad you enjoyed it. It's not @Amerikuracana level good but I tried lol.

 

[Prokofievian]

I'm not sure what the fans of the swedish hockey club HV71 chant during their games, but it really sounds like ''FUCK YEAH HV!'' on repeat.

 

[AgonyandIrony]

I'm not sure what the fans of the swedish hockey club HV71 chant during their games, but it really sounds like ''FUCK YEAH HV!'' on repeat.

I'm not sure why you ain't commented on my writing when our discussion earlier lead to it but that's just me hooooomie.

 

[Social Distance Warrior]

As long as @Social Distance Warrior doesn't murder me (attempt to. MY TURF SON. EVEN THE HIPSTERS HERE STAY STRAPPED lol bruh I went to the most awkward art show once and at the after party we were all on molly and this naked girl was only wearing a ski mask dancing with a fucking AK47. Then pulled a fuckin lollipop from her pussy and put it in another girls mouth. This place is fucking wild.) I might actually be through that way later this year. A friend and fan (bought me a motherfucking sammich yesterday) wants to go on a labor history road trip. So we're headed your way, then of course WV for the Blair Mountain Battleground, then Harpers Ferry and John Browns Cabin. If you know any other historical stuff let me know.

Or if you know anyone that runs a show. I'll send a type. I can do 30 minutes still even with the break. 45 minutes might be difficult but I'll be making my triumphant return soon enough.


Well, lets face it. Most of the right wingers here live in a very small bubble, and a lot of right wingers here tend to be rural and I make fun of the rural areas too much "You don't even matter compared to us city folk" That kind of shit. I really need to work on that, rural communities are being devastated by the worst parts of capitalism. (also funded by us city folk... just saying)

But there has to be something more. There's so many threads I'd like to comment on/in but I literally don't see the point. It's all the same bullshit, nothing I say there will matter and it's this fucking Trump cult shit. Bro these people can't be that dumb. It's absurd, frankly absurd. Biden is the most conservative Democrat there is, and he's well respected by other politicians. At least he would TRY to bring the country together. Even my molotov ass knows he's what the country needs. A Biden presidency hurts us leftists, but it would help America. These people don't understand the difference between a patriot and a nationalist and that line is very danggerous.


I'm glad you liked it, I sent a couple fans here to read it and most enjoyed it too.

Although one said about that post.


She sort of hit what I was hoping you guys could help with. I've spoken with @Kaliph of Kush about the book I want to write. "A Millenial Manifesto" That's really just a collection of essays written in that style.

So I get that it's manic and the highs and lows are very pronounced and usually right after each other. But I actually really like my style in that regard, I think my run on sentence structure does a good job of drawing the reader in. Someone once said "Your writing breathes along with the reader" and I've rather liked that idea.

That said. Thanks for commenting homie glad you enjoyed it. It's not @Amerikuracana level good but I tried lol.

Pics of lolly pop girl or stfu

 

[Prokofievian]

I'm not sure why you ain't commented on my writing when our discussion earlier lead to it but that's just me hooooomie.

I didn't read it yet.