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- Jun 19, 2016
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Really glad the belts are back....it's been a rough week without them
I recently had started dating a girl....and although we hadn't yet gone on a date personally, we had been meeting at various chucky cheese's and indoor trampoline parks where I would watch her kids for the day while she took her shifts at the oriental themed strip club "east meets chest"
now i know what you're thinking, but just so you know she's been working there to put herself through college
She has a eight year plan for working there until graduation even though she's receiving a bachelor's degree.....but she says the courses for a liberal arts major with a minor in gender studies are so demanding that she needs semester long breaks
Anyways last Sunday after a night on the town with her children at cici's pizza and a showing of oceans 8(why are the numbers going backwards?) I was finally able to seduce her into having a Capri Sun and some teddy grahams with me when she came to pick up her children(i desperately searched for my half bottle of merlot and left over chorizo canapes but I think her bastard children finished them when I told them to find a snack, which could explain why they had fallen asleep in my kitchen)
As we sat in silence biting the heads off the teddy bear shaped Graham crackers , my mind raced for tales and accomplishments to regale her with.....I told her about my classic action figures collection(this only seemed to make her more apprehensive, and she told me she only wanted me to take her kids to public places that were very well lit and densely populated from now on)
And My story about being the cork master of my Google plus wine group only seemed to disinterest her more
Finally I remembered how her last boyfriend was some mma tough guy(she had told me before that he owned just about every shirt that tapout and affliction had made, so you knew he was legit)
So without much though I blurted out that I was a Brown belt without even saying in what martial art....but it was enough for her to start paying interest
Her eyes lit up and I had her full attention...."wow so you could like beat a bunch of guys up at the same time!?"
To which I responded "baby, I'd fill a room full of uppercuts just to touch you with teh jab"(i didn't know where this was coming from!)
Things took a uneasy turn next though when she asked to see my "belt"
Suddenly I was thinking on my feet again..."well it's not actually a tangible belt perse....it's like your school at devry...it's online but its still as real as it gets....so my dojo is basically this site called sherdog, named after its founding sensei Jeff sherwood who was excommunicated after internal conflicts with the other sher-masters
After I ran out of lies about sherdogs revised history(which was fairly quickly) I told her that I could simply show her the belt online
So I loaded up sherdog, where I was immediately taken aback by the New look(maybe this had something to do with those revised rules/ terms of use page I repeatedly had clicked yes on without reading for the past 2 weeks or so.......hmm never mind I thought as I logged my account in and went straight to my most recent post about cm punks valiant second outgoing in the octagon
There I saw my post, my username, my A/V and my exceptional posts to likes ratio...but no DAMN belt!
So I panicked and started lying again
"I'm not sure where my belt is lol...maybe the mods took my advice about belts being a form of a caste system"
She just stared at me with head slightly crooked and nodded somewhat dismissively before saying she had to go while she quickly gathered her kids and left
I havnt seen her since, but I must say that the return of belts are a welcome relief
I recently had started dating a girl....and although we hadn't yet gone on a date personally, we had been meeting at various chucky cheese's and indoor trampoline parks where I would watch her kids for the day while she took her shifts at the oriental themed strip club "east meets chest"
now i know what you're thinking, but just so you know she's been working there to put herself through college
She has a eight year plan for working there until graduation even though she's receiving a bachelor's degree.....but she says the courses for a liberal arts major with a minor in gender studies are so demanding that she needs semester long breaks
Anyways last Sunday after a night on the town with her children at cici's pizza and a showing of oceans 8(why are the numbers going backwards?) I was finally able to seduce her into having a Capri Sun and some teddy grahams with me when she came to pick up her children(i desperately searched for my half bottle of merlot and left over chorizo canapes but I think her bastard children finished them when I told them to find a snack, which could explain why they had fallen asleep in my kitchen)
As we sat in silence biting the heads off the teddy bear shaped Graham crackers , my mind raced for tales and accomplishments to regale her with.....I told her about my classic action figures collection(this only seemed to make her more apprehensive, and she told me she only wanted me to take her kids to public places that were very well lit and densely populated from now on)
And My story about being the cork master of my Google plus wine group only seemed to disinterest her more
Finally I remembered how her last boyfriend was some mma tough guy(she had told me before that he owned just about every shirt that tapout and affliction had made, so you knew he was legit)
So without much though I blurted out that I was a Brown belt without even saying in what martial art....but it was enough for her to start paying interest
Her eyes lit up and I had her full attention...."wow so you could like beat a bunch of guys up at the same time!?"
To which I responded "baby, I'd fill a room full of uppercuts just to touch you with teh jab"(i didn't know where this was coming from!)
Things took a uneasy turn next though when she asked to see my "belt"
Suddenly I was thinking on my feet again..."well it's not actually a tangible belt perse....it's like your school at devry...it's online but its still as real as it gets....so my dojo is basically this site called sherdog, named after its founding sensei Jeff sherwood who was excommunicated after internal conflicts with the other sher-masters
After I ran out of lies about sherdogs revised history(which was fairly quickly) I told her that I could simply show her the belt online
So I loaded up sherdog, where I was immediately taken aback by the New look(maybe this had something to do with those revised rules/ terms of use page I repeatedly had clicked yes on without reading for the past 2 weeks or so.......hmm never mind I thought as I logged my account in and went straight to my most recent post about cm punks valiant second outgoing in the octagon
There I saw my post, my username, my A/V and my exceptional posts to likes ratio...but no DAMN belt!
So I panicked and started lying again
"I'm not sure where my belt is lol...maybe the mods took my advice about belts being a form of a caste system"
She just stared at me with head slightly crooked and nodded somewhat dismissively before saying she had to go while she quickly gathered her kids and left
I havnt seen her since, but I must say that the return of belts are a welcome relief
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