My day just took a hard left out of nowhere
No eggs in my house so I said fuck it I’m ordering Chinese
It shows up I open up my door and my giant dog Of course is right there
I have like a fucking metal screen door or some shit I don’t know what it’s made out of but it’s sturdy as fuck
Anyway he just pushes it open with his face and BAM. He’s in the guys shit immediately. The door wasn’t fucking shut all the way (Thanks gf).
The Little Chinaman is backing up so my hundred pound lab is all over him and jumps up and hits him in the chest with both front paws against the side of my house and is sniffing his face and shit. Retarded gentle giant.
Anyway I yell at the dog and get him inside, slam the screen door, and apologize to the chinaman. He’s pissed and just wants to leave. Alright man whatever, I get it.
I turn to go inside with my food and the fucking door is locked. My phone is inside. I’m barefoot. The chinaman is gone.
Everything is locked.
This is fucked.
I decide the door is my only chance besides breaking a window. I grab my leatherman out of my vehicle and create some separation between the frame and the door and eventually pry the screen door frame down far enough to have a chance at getting in.
This takes a long time because once again it’s a STURDY AS FUCK metal security door. Eventually I pry down the left corner.
I slide my arm down far enough to unlock the knob, scraping the shit out of it since I’m basically crushing it and the door immediately pops open and smashes me in the forehead due to the pressure of my arm being between the frame and the door
Now I’ve got a giant hematoma on my forehead watching masterchef and eating fucking General Tso’s and my dog has no idea why I’m so salty
This is how my first day back in California started
Fml