Your finest hour...while intoxicated?

Discussion in 'Mayberry Lounge' started by fbgn, Aug 15, 2015.

  1. fbgn

    fbgn sweeeet kosher transvestite Banned

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    Right.

    I don't want to hear about how you graduated top of your class from university or how you aced your final P.T. test in the military, I want to hear about the greatest, most humane, most noble thing you've done...while in some sort of state of intoxication.

    I'll go first. Perhaps not my finest intoxicated hour (I wouldn't remember anyway, right?), but it's the one that comes to the top of me mind the fastest because it involves a bird near and dear to my heart:

    Once I was getting screwy with vodka for a spell after having been dressed as a dame the evening and my roommate's dog keeled over and started breathing real labored like. My roommate (thin, petite lass) was a real sweetheart and loved her dogs more than anything, like children, so she started to get dramatic about it. She called her boyfriend and he gave her a bunch of bollocks as to why he couldn't show up to help the gal get the bloody dog to the vet in his Land Cruiser. She called others but they wouldn't help, the dog started heaving like some preggo, and everything started to go tits up for her and she didn't know what to do. I grew up around animals and didn't have a good feeling about it. Figured the best thing to do at that point was give it its last rites and a complimentary .357M round to the occipital.

    Long story short: I changed my attire, made a killer mixed one for the road in a large Nalgene bottle, and helped put her dog in the boot of the auto (picture a large Pit in a Mini-sized auto). Just wouldn't work, so's I held the dog in my arms in the co-pilot's seat as she drove what seemed like forever to the vet. Dog looked sad and frightful so I held its head real mumsy-like to my chest. Still remember it's expression. Poor bitch. Anyway, I ended up sitting with my roommate all the night in the vet's office, taking a swig now and then and just being there for her and the dog. Later they discharged the dog and we went home similar to how we went. I resumed my night of drinking and being a poof.

    Turns out the dog had been chewing on avocados from our avo tree and sorta poisoned itself from their skin. Then they also found out it had swallowed an avo seed. Dog was a goner.

    R.I.P. Bruce Jack the Pitbull. Was a genuinely playful and friendly dog, unlike many pits. Kinda looked like this dog from Google search:

    [​IMG]

    Any similar experience from you gents?
     
  2. KONG-D'SNT-TAP

    KONG-D'SNT-TAP Titanium Belt

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    one time I bought lots of black people hot dogs at Grays Papaya in the city after clubbing it up all night long.

    Actually I bought everyone in there 1 hot dog but it just so happened most of them were black.

    who doesn't love a free hot dog.
     
  3. Tuf_guy

    Tuf_guy Gold Belt

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    Once I did an impromtu therapy session with my friend's gf at the time. She got drunk as fuck on his birthday and started some shit. He was drunk as fuck, it being his bday party at his (family's) house and all. I helped keep some DV from happening as she tried to hit him and threw a glass candle holder against the fence when he ignored her. When everybody took him elsewhere, I stayed in the back yard with the crazy drunk gf. She started talking about their probs living with his family, probs with her family including losing custody of her kid, being suicidal, etc. I talked to her until she calmed down and made me confident she wouldn't go apeshit on my friend later after everybody left.
    I actually wanted to go hang out with my friends a little more, or go home as I was tired and had work the next morning.
    Of course they broke up shortly afterwards. Months - even a year later - my friend acted kind of suspicious "You were talking to her for a long time that night!"
    I didn't see the point in telling him I thought the ex wasn't hardly cute.

    Maximum No Way I'm Racist credits earned.
     
  4. Bobby Boulders

    Bobby Boulders My Lovin' Is Digi Platinum Member

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    I went to a Wal-Mart on multiple intoxicants, saw a milf knock over an entire Doritos display, looked over and saw several people gawking and snickering, flipped them off and went and helped the lady pick up the Doritos. All onlookers straightened up and went about their business.

    That's about as nice as I've ever been while fucked up. I'm usually pretty mean.
     
  5. Bobby Boulders

    Bobby Boulders My Lovin' Is Digi Platinum Member

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    I also gave half a blunt to a bum that slipped and busted his shit on the icy sidewalk in Denver. He asked for money (of course), but told him I didn't have money for him, but said I'd give him some weed for his back.

    He was gracious.
     
  6. fbgn

    fbgn sweeeet kosher transvestite Banned

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    did you say, "i'll buy you people a hot dog?"

    wtf, what a c u n t e r, you defuse a life-altering disaster and that's your thanks? smh

    you probably had some instinct to help her and bone her, since you were both on the same level

    but good nonetheless. i've had drunk aunties (def not milfs tho) make similar mistakes at the market. good looking, mate
     
  7. lapollarecords

    lapollarecords Red Belt

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    3 nights ago me and my friends were on the way home when we found a lost, drunken german tourist who had lost his wallet and phone. we brought him home to have beer and food with us. he didn't want to sleep in the couch, so we gave him money for a taxi.
     
  8. hbdope

    hbdope Purple Belt

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    Never happened. Unless you call throwing money away at strip clubs charitable. The last time I was fucked I threw up in a black cab and had to pay a
     
  9. EliteHandSpeed

    EliteHandSpeed Purple Belt

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    I guess the most generous thing I've done while really drunk was buy a quarter of some dank for my bros and I to blaze after cashing a handle of Evan Williams

    Worst thing I ever did is a few of my bros and I ended up in the basement of some redneck frat all by ourselves (I still have no idea how we got there) and proceeded to snap all their frat paddles that were hung on the wall in half and then filled their washer with an entire bottle of dishsoap, turned it on fully cycle and then dipped...either that or threw a 40oz bottle through the front windshield of the car of a kid I had beef with at 3 am in the morn
     
  10. TRYHARD 2001

    TRYHARD 2001 Silver Belt

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    I once puked in a buddy's freezer. Nice guy, right?
     
  11. michal001

    michal001 Brown Belt

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    5. Got drunk with bro and his college buddies when I was in high school. Felt sick in the back seat of car and asked him to pull over. He refused. I puked all over the guy in the front passenger seat.

    4. Got drunk with Asian colleague. Made out and went back to my place. When done, walked her out and woke up sitting on the sidewalk surrounded by a bunch of strangers asking if I was ok.

    3. Vomited all over bathroom during my graduation ceremony.

    2. Got drunk, woke up next morning with stripper in bed.

    1. Got drunk, had a threesome. Fell asleep and vomited all over in bed. Blamed it on the chicks. All worked out. Had another three way with the chicks and railed each individually later.
     
  12. michal001

    michal001 Brown Belt

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    One time was having a conversation with some friends while drunk about "who got the drunkest".

    One of the girls said, she got drunk, came home and blew chunks in her bedroom, in her bathroom, and in the kitchen.

    I said I got so drunk I crashed my car into my own garage.

    Another girl said she got so drunk, she went into the wrong house, fell into bed and woke up making out with some random chick.

    First girl said, I don't think you understand, Chunks is my dog.

    Needless to say, the three of us ended up getting trashed and having a threesome. I threw up in bed afterwards. Didn't blow chunks.
     
  13. Michaelangelo

    Michaelangelo Okay USA Platinum Member

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    Managed not to vomit when I blacked out at my friend's wedding
     
  14. DoctorTaco

    DoctorTaco Breadhead

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    I got hammered in Seattle with half a dozen posters from the OT.

    Plenty of noble things happened, but I'm legally not allowed to speak about it for another 6 1/2 years.
     
  15. MMAdict

    MMAdict Brown Belt

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    I threw up in my sleep onto my roommates side of the dorm. It got on his desk/chair/floor. I cleaned it up so it wasnt a complete dick move, but still I know I would be pissed if my roommate did that.

    Threw up all over my friends living room. I didn't clean that shit up though.

    Besides throwing up in inconvenient places/times I haven't done a ton of horrible shit while drunk.
     
  16. fbgn

    fbgn sweeeet kosher transvestite Banned

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    well there's clean and there's drunk clean

    did you really clean it all up or did he notice something fishy later? i.e. smell or stains?
     
  17. NoGoodNamesLeft

    NoGoodNamesLeft Black Belt

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    i wish someone would give me free weed :(
    Colorado must be so nice.,
     
  18. Flemmy Stardust

    Flemmy Stardust King of Lea

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    I gave the dx shirt off my back to a mark at Summerslam.
     
  19. Anung Un Rama

    Anung Un Rama Idol of Millions Platinum Member

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    I boned a fatty once.
     
  20. Anung Un Rama

    Anung Un Rama Idol of Millions Platinum Member

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    A hero emerges
     

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