Ye Old(balls) Eat, Drink, & Be Married Thread, Vol. 53 - Snail's Pace Edition

You know it, I know it, we all know it; it's the married thread.

We regularly chime in saying we'll bring the thread back up to normal speed then promptly forget what to say. Fwappy doesn't seem to ever lose a gif to post, though. Good thing Phlog, LC, and IT keep it going. And big shout outs to Sonny and Phlog on the childrens!

Heisenberg puts Erik Estrada to shame. MMA's working at a new place and got a bitching new car. Kev still loves Saturday. KO still doesn't complete a sentence properly. Swanson bought a house for just 200 (dollars?).


Obligatory yoga pants pics:







Here is the original thread.

 

YOED&BM MEMBERS (Past and Present) AND WHAT WE KNOW ABOUT THEM.


Blokey Bloke:
British transplant to Cali. Hung out for quite a while then left for the plat penthouse. The married guys are too mean to each other. It had nothing to do with fantasy football. really.

CarbonMMA:
a Mexican teacher who made it his lifes mission to fucking torture high school kids by making their honors English classes more impossible than a newborn trying to write a paper on Quantum Physics. He crafts many things from leather and he hates the BBM anytime before noon California time.

Chorizo Grease:
Chorizo shined bright like a diamond and burned out before we could truly unwrap the layers of what really made him tick. He made one post in the married threads that sums him up perfectly.

"Hey there. Been lurking for quite some time. My wife Lupita can be a real pain in my culo. She's always making love to my cousin Pepe. I know because I found his botas under my bed."

Goodnight sweet principe.


Coach Jason:
A mod who doesn't like chit chat in the p & m, hes a plat regular who will hogtie your ass and throw you down a well if you talk shit about the ponies on his ranch.


Dontbescaredhomie:
He WASNT scared homie, and he proved it. when he wasn't professing his love for the Democratic party or the Dodgers from his L.A. penthouse, he was battling shithooks in the war room. another dude who flew too close to the sun. and talked to much shit on dubbs.


Equus:
One of the founding members of the original married thread, Equus has often pissed others off with his inability to sugarcoat things. If he tells you stuff without watering it down, he just likes you. Makes more shitty threads than anyone. Has a wife who hates him and 3 kids who tolerate him. Hands down, works less than anyone on sherdog. won the inaugural YOEDBM Fantasy football championship with an undefeated record with a win in the title game over Jackie treehorn. also won the league points title. he also once scored 5 touchdowns in one game. in grade school.


EyetrainUFC:
One of the guys who works hard for a living, Eyetrain isn't around as much because hes usually installing granite countertops when he isn't killing warthogs for sport. I actually made the countertop part up.


Ezra27:
When Ezra isn't maintaining his gorgeous mane of luxurious black Aztecan hair (or his sons) hes also never posting on sherdog. hes one of those men that can be found outside of home depot, trying to drum up extra work to purchase another hair elixir or rare Indonesian pomade.


Fingercuffs/Skyler/Cuffs:
One of the only females on the internet, this broad from the UK is usually tormenting the shit out of dudes in the plats and the berry when she isn't talking about "carking donkeys" or "dizzy bints". most often when speaking with Cuffs, you feel like youre in the middle of translating for Brad Pitt in Snatch. She loves Equus but is eternally devoted on the internet to former mod playboy Cool Hand Luke.


FwappyEnding:
A former male on male adult film star, this explosive poster loves cats and rainbows. When he isn't endorsing and pushing for legislation to allow a third term for US presidents to allow Obama another 4 years, hes running his Pro Democratic Obama facebook page. He loves Obama pms.


Goatmeal:
Goat once ate his weight in pizza at Funtime pizza for a free snickers bar. A former mma fighter, Goat has been sleeping about 3 hours a night after the addition of Goatina jr within the last year. so when hes at work, hes primarily fueled by redbull, snickerdoodles, ritallin and crack cocaine. also goat isn't afraid to institute his 5 hour rule when it comes to a burrito hes found on the road in his St. Louis neighborhood. also a fan of garbage food. Most of this is factual.


Grob:
Grob is one of a couple of our Canadian married members. He puts in a solid 8 hours of work, then comes home so that he can watch his wife watch her Asian soap operas for a solid 4 hour block as he starts taking care of his kids and cooks dinner. Grob also once ran off the internet for 3 days out of total fear, when one of our married threads included the word "grobber" in reference to him and the OT was invaded by Graverobber and Axhandle. Since hes Canadian he uses the Lou Doubins weiner pouch condom. its denim.


IFightInVegas:
Vegas once murdered his girlfriends cat after it attacked him and he threw a jack daniels bottle at it. the bottle didn't kill the cat. the cat just became an alcoholic. Vegas is also legit in Las Vegas and a bartender at one of the local watering holes that sometimes features fighters who come in for drinks as well as females who murder other females in knife fights. so if ever in Vegas, pm our resident bartender. good dude.

irish_thug:
He's rude. He's crude. He's tattooed. He's got a beard that grows its own beard. And despite the Irish name and being in a drunken stupor, he's not really Irish. He fooled us all. Irish has a neat collection of toys, and by toys I mean a crossbow that makes Rambo green with envy. One day it will come in handy for those elusive wolves/hyenas/Lone Coyote creeping on his territory.

JackieTreehorn8:
Jackie does objectify women, when he isn't busy running the streets of Chicago painted gold like the Heisman trophy, hes banging math teachers. Jackie has refused to go plat since he feels like it will jeopardize his chances of becoming the President of the University of Michigan. if its one thing Jackie loves, its gold and blue. GO BIG BLUE! Jackie also lost to Eq in the fantasy football league by 2 points. Jackie wasn't able to even make the playoffs in 2014 for the fantasy League. For shame.


Jesse Pinkman/Gabe:
Jesse is Heisenbergs part time work bitch. hell he even copied Heisey when he changed his sherdog name. when Heisey says "jump" Jesse goes home because hes tired. if Jesse was worshipped more on his facebook page, he'd have to change his name to "Allah".


Jmac98:
One of the original married members, Jmac is legit the nicest guy on all of the internet. When the U.S. found Sadaam in that spiderhole, Juanny mac sent a handful of emails to the U.N. pleading that they just used timeout on him because "Sadaam is just going through a tough couple decades." one time jmac offered help in the support thread when some poster said he needed some and the guy told jmac to fuck off because he was Canadian. that guy was never heard from again. im not saying jmac ghosted him, but jmac ghosted him. He is on Eq's fantasy hockey team that Eq has captained to #1 all by himself.


JonnyGee:
Jonny was an original and a kickass guy. my memory is hazy and I don't remember much about him other than the fact that hes gonna be turning 28 really soon and he liked poop stories.


KOCowboy:
Holy shit. where to start? KO is an original, likes bad bitches, and has a penchant for Toyota Tundras. when KO isn't auditioning for the next season of Football dads, hes busy making his sons run wind sprints or suicides for disobeying him or running chains for his sons football team. hes currently sleeping in the bed of his pickup to avoid sleeping at a buddies house that has a newborn while hes in a new city for a new job. Hes fearless and takes more punches to the dick in the OT than a Kongo opponent. loyal to a fault, KO is resilient and will shoot your ass for besmirchment. just let him bangs bro!


KoolinKunming:
an original who was a Canadian living in Asia, Kool went through a rough patch early on in the series and went through some personal stuff right after having a newborn baby. a kickass guy who hasn't been seen in ages.


KyleInAction:
one of the originals, Kyle is a buddy of Equus and has met him irl. they used to have hours long battlefield date nights but now kyles to good for him. Kyle moved to California for his dream job after being in Kansas for too long. Kyle is a boxing nut and enjoys a mans touch.

 

Linkuei:
Our only actual token black guy, Link is the mayor of Bootyville and one of the coolest mods on the interwebs. you don't believe me? SHUT YO MOUTH! if you want Link to love you, pm him pics of your womens fat ol asses.

LoneCoyote:
Lone Coyote is that guy who knows everything about everybody else but nobody knows anything about him. He's a fucking ghost, or maybe the NSA, or maybe a ghost NSA. He did slip once and told us he tried costco whiskey, and v.kev promptly busted a nut. The only thing that scares him is Irish Thug and his crossbow bolts with coyote written all over them. To be fair, Irish Thug's crossbow bolts would scare me even if they had puppies and flowers painted on them.

LongStoryShirt:
LSS was hilarious and he "was our life". he wasn't very good at rap battles but he was very good at getting banned by the mods.

MiCavalier / Cleamer:
Cavvy is a newly married guy who lives near the "Christmas Story" house. Hes often told he looks like a raper in his pictures and hes a notorious supporter of the University of Dayton and loves LeBron James. Cavvy is the main vbookie boxing creator and loves it when you bet $100 on his total rounds threads. He took a bigger beating in the YOEDBM fantasy football league than Robin Givens on date night in the late 80's. That's a Mike Tyson Reference so you understand Fwap.


The Mentalist:
One of the originals. he worked for his father in law at a little mom and pop hardware store. then it went out of business and he was looking for work for a while. he finally found it at the ship yards and he would on occasion come in and tell us how difficult it was and dip out right after his news. Sparky screamed at him one day for not engaging in conversation other than to dump his bad news and The Mentalist disappeared like one of Dexters victims.

MMAsince1993:
MMA is an original and anytime anyone has ever pissed him off he's invited them to come spar with him in the Dallas area. a great guy who looks out for his brochachos, he used to rock the Polamolu hairdo and smang the sistas. MMA is obsessed with safety razors as well. if you want to find your way to his heart, go antiquing with him for safety razors. safety razors. safety razors. safety razors. safety razors. safety razors. safety razors. safety razors. safety razors. he also likes safety razors.

NRFC:
I really don't know anything about NRFC either other than Kevin called him one of the FNG's and he hated that. a funny poster who maybe likes chocolate, fights and chicks? sounds ok to me!

OmegaBoy13:
A law enforcement guy whos in Montana and has a mile long driveway he has to shovel, hes been in and out a lot over the threads. a good dude whos reading comprehension sucks.

OSUDude:
Pete, oh sweet Pete. one of the best dudes on sherdog, OSU is a good family man/ banker by day, who has a hooker kill room in his basement by night. Pete once castrated a man for talking shit about MLB. He used a baseball and we're still unsure how he did it. Also don't say a bad word about IPA's or his super gay backsplash.

Philcam:
A regular in the early editions who has a Latina woman and was overly creepy with his questions about Mrs. Eq. a cornhuskers fan whos probably in jail now for stalking.

Phlog:
A fairly recent addition, when Phlog isn't carrying both of his new twin babies in his arms like dual footballs, hes sailing on a catamaran around the waters of Northern Africa hijacking Somali pirates ships. that's right, he is the captain now. I f you see him coming towards your ships, you best shove off and high tail it into deeper water because hes arming his torpedo tube and about to fire his mother in law in your direction.


Phreaxer:
Equus hated this guy when he came into the thread. he walked in, wiped his muddy feet on the rug and kicked his feet up on the couch like Rick James. But it quickly became apparent that Eq hated him because they were twins separated at birth. but like Arnold/ Danny DeVito twins where Phreax was the midget. He went through a period where his nutty wife made him quit the internet, asked for a self imposed ban and he was never heard from again.....

Sonny:
A bit of an OG in this world - Sonny is a long time member of the dog and recently entered the daddy hood. His son is likely to follow daddy's footsteps and become a powerlifter, and bench press nerds when in high school. Sonny is a member of the Canadian consortium in this group and he loves, loves, loves his Vancouver Maple Leafs. I mean Jets. I mean Oilers. One of those ice stick teams.

Sparky79/Heisenberg:
One of Eq's good friends IRL, Heisey is one of the resident electricians and ditch diggers. His son is being groomed to make daddy that NFL chedda and Spark hopes he one day plays for his favorite team, the Eagles. When he isn't filling his wifes wine glass with Nyquil severe for dat sleep sex, hes playing his playstation 4 supporting Santos Laguna. He recently got cable for the first time in years and can stop tormenting the shit out of Eq over it. His true passion in life is his new favorite program "The Wire" and his smartest move was to never date a woman of his own ethnicity.

Spoken:
Spoke recently moved from the Twin Cities to Waco to start his own bicycle riding cult. The recently married guy will school you on Jesus when he isn't busy jacking his body up trying to pick up a dumbbell in the gym. a bearded brother, he may be the single reason hipsters caught on so well in Portland.


Stoops:
Stoops is a cool guy who stopped by one slow afternoon to crack some jokes and diss Cav with praise of LeBron... and has apparently vanished. Jumped in for fantasy football and promptly jumped right out. Ask him what he thinks of unionistas with stickers on their hard hats.

Swansonm88:
Swanson is yet another Canadian poster. he gets really upset when you say anything disparaging about blackberry and gets even more pissed when you tell him denim and denim is called "a Canadian tuxedo". he loves to talk about free healthcare and rear endings. Even though hes in GSP country, his favorite fighter is Nick Diaz, which is odd. He also knows all the songs for the movie "Frozen" and his life was threatened yesterday by pete when he said baseball is boring.

Tec87:
Tec has been around for quite a while. hes a teacher who gets super pissed when you talk shit to him in fantasy football and hes easily manipulated to swap Tom Brady for Alex Smith when Smith is, well, still Smith. Tec teaches high school wrestling and also loves WWE wrestling. still not a bbm member, hes very much less cool than all the other married guys. if he got bbm, he would be much cooler.


Tomax/Josh:
Josh is tall as shit and hates it when someone insinuates that mountaineering isn't really a sport. he travels more than all professional sports teams combined over the course of the year and hes yet another Canadian member.


Ubertuna:
A tuna fisherman from Maine or somewhere out there, he posted about 5 times and Equus was an ahole who ran him off. Eq later learned that he was actually an I.T. guy in his own building who was pranking Eq. and if that I.T. guy is reading this, your wife and kids are UGLY.


V.Kevin:
Kev has been around for a LONG time. you may remember an old story about kev. back then his name was Lot and he lost his first wife when she turned to salt when they fled their home Sodom & Gomorra and she looked back. If you need to know anything about fantasy football and quarterbacks, just ask kev because he drafted 90% of them this season and he should know. he didn't use half of them though so maybe not. he was instrumental in choreographing some of Charlie Chaplins early movies. Kevin is also an expert at cooking briskets. and is obsessed with where that Malaysian plane is. GET OFF HIS LAWN!!!


WalkinDude:
Walkin is a diehard vbettor. He was the king for quite a bit before he learned that the struggle is in fact very real. walkin lives on the east coast and is a venomous supporter of the new York islanders, giants and Yankees. when he isn't posting parlays for mma he enjoys jamming out to 311 in his superman underoos. refuses to get the bbm. this is why I hath besmirched thee.

 

nice Poll. What did it take, 6 months to get through the last thread? I remember when we could get through a thread in a week.

 

At last, this one probably will last until 2016...

We are also missing the drawing of:

We're off to a good start

 

Not married but i had to vote.

 

Nah. What i hate is getting same amount you got in a legit fashion and then losing it even faster :icon_chee

 

Either way i am 2 hours 40 minutes away from a 4 day weekend!

 

Security guard.

But i might have a new job soon.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/...ipped-work-for-24-years-is-finally-fired.html

 

If i go on vacation to India, gotta apply to some goverment jobs incase they hire me. Then just go back home and let the money come in!

 

I feel totally dissed.

 

Well, maybe not totally.

Made my lunch break fly by reading that, denim condom indeed Hah.

 

*sniff* cheers bud.

 

Like every thread, total copy and paste job. Hence the compliment on my good work. I'm going back to bed now.