Ye ol' Eat, Drink and be Married Vol 13 "the landscaping disappeared in 2000" edition

Discussion in 'Mayberry Lounge' started by equus, Dec 31, 2012.

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  1. equus

    equus Horse Belt Staff Member Senior Moderator

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    this is the 13th version....same premise. no flaming. no efights. good hearted laughs. Give us the good and bad in your married/engaged/longterm/kid filled life........

    NO SHIT STORIES PLEASE! THEY BRING THE HAMMER...
    and heres the first post from the first thread as an example as i was pmed by a new guy (who i think was scared to click the link for 1) who wasnt familiar with this thread and premise....

    i made a kid thread. that covers the funny shit we go through as parents. in this thread, i want to laugh at the stupid shitthatdrivesusnuts, makes us laugh,aswellastheredeeming thingsthatbeing married (or a longterm relationship)bringsto thetable. i could also name it the "marital exhaust thread" or the "fume and vent about marriage thread"..... lol...

    to clarify, i do love being married. and to beat all the guys that say "oh i'm NEVER getting fucking married." to that punch, yeah yeah. neither was i. and having kids and a family is the best thing that ever happened to me. my wife is a smoking hot, "10" Latina. (we all know who thats for) Love my married life and family. Just have to post some of the funny shit that occurs in the everyday life of a married schmuck.

    As alot of you on here that i consider friends know, we just had our 3rd (and fucking final) child. Shes almost 4 mos. My wifeworksSat,Sun and Mon overnightsfrom 6pm to 7am before getting home around 730am which means in turn, on those nights, Daddy plays with the kids, gets them ready for bed (fed, bathed, wound down) and put to bed before dealing with the up and down overnight sleep cycleof a teething 4 month oldbaby.generallythebaby will sleep a big time chunk in the evening from 6-10 or 11pm. in between all of this, i clean the house the best i can to help out the wife. (dishes, toys put away, rooms cleaned, laundry done. mr. mom type shit.) so after all of that, during the night im up and down at least 4 times for at least 30 to 45 minutes each time to feed her and then i wake up at 5-530am (if its been a mild nightforthebaby) and workout before taking off for work at 730am with an immaculate house in my rear view. every day my wife, if its an off day for work, wakes up around 7 am, comes down for the day and layson thecouch with the baby while trying to keep trackof a wild maniacal 2 year old tornado. Over the course of the day, she zombie shuffles (i would imagine) into the kitchen to put meals together for herself and the 2 year old. at the end of the day, every day, the house looks like dr.seuss or any of his incarnations ran through it dropping toys, halfeaten sandwiches and hand grenades in his wake... and thekitchen sink looks like, as i put it to Jmac yesterday, "shes playing a game of fucking jenga with dirty dishes"....... "first person to have a dish fall has to do the kitcheeeeeeen.."this is the part where the funny comes in for me....on my off days, i still get up and work out and do house stuff. on the off chance that i want to lounge and be lazy on a weekend, this would be the day that my wife has a flame under her ass to clean and run errands that she"wants me to go and help her with."and *** sayanything about me trying to get the same actions and assistance out of her on her off days, she is first to mention that on her off days shes to tired to do anything other than lay around and sleep. i get that you had a baby 4 months ago. i also get that if it was a workday, you worked 13 hours before coming home. not asking shit form you on those days buuuut i also see 5 hours of your DVR "stories" have been watched and your tablet is so hot we could cook eggs on it.......(dontbebuying me a fucking IPAD)....soyou had time to do somestuff.i gethomearound 530-630.spend some time with the kids, eat dinner and again do the nighttime prep for their bedtimes. and generally after they go to sleep, i try to take the baby so she can go to bed ASAP when i get home if she wants. half the time she wont take the offer but will instead bitch about how very exhausted she is for 4 hours before finally laying down and sleeping.

    this is all funny to me. you may not get it if you arent married but this is the marriage dynamic. post your funny scenarios if you have any. and if youre married, you do......

    cliffs: i love my wife. i like to bitch about her double standards.

    and like kevin said in the last one, we got away from our bitching roots and started talking about how awesome our wivesare. trying to do good shit for them..... thats fine too, but the complaining about them is definately appreciated...

    the first thread...
    http://www.sherdog.net/forums/f48/ye...89/?highlight=

    2nd thread...
    http://www.sherdog.net/forums/f48/ye...57/?highlight=

    3rd thread...
    http://www.sherdog.net/forums/f48/ye...59/?highlight=

    4th thread...
    http://www.sherdog.net/forums/f48/ye...21/?highlight=

    5th thread...
    ye old "eat, drink and be married thread" vol 5 "love is a battlefield. equus has c4.

    6th thread...
    http://www.sherdog.net/forums/showth...365&highlight=

    7th thread...
    Ye old "Eat, drink and be married w kids" thread Vol. 7. the grass is greener edition
    http://www.sherdog.net/forums/f48/ye...77/?highlight=

    8th thread
    http://www.sherdog.net/forums/f48/ye...51/?highlight=

    9th thread

    http://www.sherdog.net/forums/showthread.php?t=2249217&highlight=

    10th thread

    11th thread
    http://www.sherdog.net/forums/showthread.php?t=2322425

    and the link to our old married guys joint fitness training log......

    http://www.sherdog.net/forums/showthread.php?t=2110513&highlight=
     
    Last edited: Dec 31, 2012
  2. KOCowboy

    KOCowboy ROLLING MUD TIRES ON EASY STREET

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    Funny thread title. Good job
     
  3. EZRA27

    EZRA27 Blue Belt

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    Hahahaha
     
  4. KOCowboy

    KOCowboy ROLLING MUD TIRES ON EASY STREET

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    Liquor store on new years eve. Fml

    Now that's a first world problem. I have to wait in line to buy booze.
     
  5. MMA since 1993

    MMA since 1993 ____________ Yellow Card

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    they closed down the bottle shop and like 3 others over here in ft worth off eastchase.

    only one left is majestic.

    you're right, 1st world problem.

    good thread title.
     
  6. KOCowboy

    KOCowboy ROLLING MUD TIRES ON EASY STREET

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    Had to go to a mom n pop in Roanoke everywhere else was bone dry
     
  7. KOCowboy

    KOCowboy ROLLING MUD TIRES ON EASY STREET

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    a poll made the thread much easier to find
     
  8. MMA since 1993

    MMA since 1993 ____________ Yellow Card

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    Have a happy new year eveybody.

    be safe out there.
     
  9. KOCowboy

    KOCowboy ROLLING MUD TIRES ON EASY STREET

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    If your bored come to my house. I don't have fancy beer. Only jello shooters ever clear, margaritas, whiskey, vodka, and rum. Of course normal domestic beers as well
     
  10. equus

    equus Horse Belt Staff Member Senior Moderator

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    And the possibility of a rousing game of "lights out. Who's in my mouth?!"
     
  11. Coach_Jason

    Coach_Jason Senior Moderator Staff Member Senior Moderator

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    Great minds think alike
     
  12. MMA since 1993

    MMA since 1993 ____________ Yellow Card

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    just got back from the store, nothing but empty lines.

    i didn't get any beer, so i'm just gonna drink the rest of the Absolut vanilla vodka with vanilla coke.

    it feels weird when the new year is on a tuesday, wish it was saturday or friday night.
     
  13. EZRA27

    EZRA27 Blue Belt

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    7 minutes in... A stranger.
     
  14. cjj008

    cjj008 Black Belt

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    That sounds like a lot of vanilla, and a headache in the morning. And I love the Tuesday New Years, I work for the g so that meant back to back 4 day weekends, hell yeah!
     
  15. tec87

    tec87 Who the F*** is Sean? Platinum Member

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    Chilling at home with the wife, finishing off a bottle of whipped cream vodka that has been in our fridge for a while which we are mixing into smoothie drinks, and watching movies. Some might call that boring but it sounds like a pretty nice and relaxing evening to me. lol.




    ...Then later ringing in the new year with a bang :cool:
     
  16. tec87

    tec87 Who the F*** is Sean? Platinum Member

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    My wife talked me into drinking vanilla vodka and cream soda while in college for halloween one year. She told me it tasted like cupcakes so I gave it a shot. It wasn't bad. For that halloween I was an Oktoberfest german. So I was mixing my drinks and drinking out of one thing the first part of the evening and then went to drinking out of my beer stein later in the evening. I was using the same measurements in the stein as I did for the the other thing earlier in the evening. The beer stein is smaller, thus I drank a lot more vodka. Long story short, after I downed the entire fifth myself that night, I can never drink anything vanilla vodka ever again without practically throwing up. lol.
     
  17. equus

    equus Horse Belt Staff Member Senior Moderator

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    Already had an, um, bang in the space shuttle/time machine..... Now we can go to bed. Talk to you bishes next year. Stay safe brothers.
     
  18. KOCowboy

    KOCowboy ROLLING MUD TIRES ON EASY STREET

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    Happy new year bros I'll be here






    Drunk
     
  19. Zookeeper Gabe

    Zookeeper Gabe Animal Feces Engineer

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    I hope to god to be asleep before midnight vim falling asleep on the toilet.
     
  20. MMA since 1993

    MMA since 1993 ____________ Yellow Card

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    couldn't get none if i wanted, the wife is on her .
     
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