Would you stay with a wife that cheated on you for the sake of the kids

Jimmy Jazz said:
I can attest to this. My ex left me and told me she cheated on me, then dated another guy and cheated on him, then came back to me and said she didnt cheat on me and wanted to get back together. She said she just lied to me so I would leave her. Her mother was a big whore who left her father multiple times to bang other dudes, she got introduced to her mothers new bf's all the time as a little kid. Then they got back together for a while until they split up when she turned 18. She knew her mother was banging another dude while her parents slept in the same bed. She changed after that. She was a good person before that. She definitely thought when she came back to me, at least on some unconscious level, that I would take her back after what she did because her father took her mother back.
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so how did round 2 go?
 
Jimmy Jazz said:
I can attest to this. My ex left me and told me she cheated on me, then dated another guy and cheated on him, then came back to me and said she didnt cheat on me and wanted to get back together. She said she just lied to me so I would leave her. Her mother was a big whore who left her father multiple times to bang other dudes, she got introduced to her mothers new bf's all the time as a little kid. Then they got back together for a while until they split up when she turned 18. She knew her mother was banging another dude while her parents slept in the same bed. She changed after that. She was a good person before that. She definitely thought when she came back to me, at least on some unconscious level, that I would take her back after what she did because her father took her mother back.
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Yea, there are some idealistic types that will argue that staying together (in this scenario) is somehow better for the kids. How, exactly? The house is already a mess, and forever will be. The man's nuts have been clipped. It's as obvious as when it happens to a dog.

Best let the cause for the mess be known than to pretend it doesn't exist.
 
What circumstance would require a woman to cheat on her husband for the sake of the kids?
 
Jack Stevonovich said:
so how did round 2 go?
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Well since I am spilling my guts.....I am ashamed to say I did try to make it work for a few months. She was really in love with me again and really wanted to be with me forever. Believe it or not it was when she told me that she lied about cheating on me, and admitting that she had always loved me that I lost the plot.

She let me believe something that tortured me for 3 years and changed me as person for a convenient lie. In her mind she never cheated and I should have felt good about that. In my mind she knew she loved me and that I loved her with all my soul, yet still gave herself to other men, which was even worse. She had even lost her best friend for revealing something very sensitive she was told in confidence, and still had no idea why their friendship dissolved.

The more I thought about her actions, the more disgusted I felt with her disloyalty,ingratitude and dishonesty.I truly loved her, but I could no longer ignore the truth after seeing who she really was. I could see myself in the future, living her father's life in the likelihood that she divorced me , or worse dying by each others side knowing I had given my entire pathetic life to someone who saw me as a second option. One night, consumed with rage and high on speed, I told her how I felt in a very ugly mean way, and that was the last time I ever heard from her.
 
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Jimmy Jazz said:
Well since I am spilling my guts.....I am ashamed to say I did try to make it work for a few months. She was really in love with me again and really wanted to be with me forever. Believe it or not it was when she told me that she lied about cheating on me, and admitting that she had always loved me that I lost the plot.

She let me believe something that tortured me for 3 years and changed me as person for a convenient lie. In her mind she never cheated and I should have felt good about that. In my mind she knew she loved me and that I loved her with all my soul, yet still gave herself to other men, which was even worse. She had even lost her best friend for revealing something very sensitive she was told in confidence, and still had no idea why their friendship dissolved.

The more I thought about her actions, the more disgusted I felt with her disloyalty,ingratitude and dishonesty.I truly loved her, but I could no longer ignore the truth after seeing who she really was. I could see myself in the future, living her father's life in the likelihood that she divorced me , or worse dying by each others side knowing I had given my entire pathetic life to someone who saw me as a second option. One night, consumed with rage and high on speed, I told her how I felt in a very ugly mean way, and that was the last time I ever heard from her.

<Goldie11>
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Sounds like she wasn't role modeled how to deal with certain anxieties that remained in the realm of the unspoken in her family and were instead expressed through infidelity. Even if she hated and detested her mothers actions it is as if she was doomed to repeat them because she didn't inherit a model of expressing those anxieties through a different sort of release.

People often like to make it all about the cheating when really the cheating is often a symptom of larger problems that people don't know how to quantify.
 
Jack Stevonovich said:
Sounds like she wasn't role modeled how to deal with certain anxieties that remained in the realm of the unspoken in her family and were instead expressed through infidelity. Even if she hated and detested her mothers actions it is as if she was doomed to repeat them because she didn't inherit a model of expressing those anxieties through a different sort of release.

People often like to make it all about the cheating when really the cheating is often a symptom of larger problems that people don't know how to quantify.
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that sounds interesting,bro. If you don't mind I'd like to talk to you more about it tomorrow. Are you a therapist or something?
 
Jimmy Jazz said:
that sounds interesting,bro. If you don't mind I'd like to talk to you more about it tomorrow. Are you a therapist or something?
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Sure, but I'm not a therapist although a therapist is probably the best way to dig through your end of the situation.
 
Jack Stevonovich said:
Sure, but I'm not a therapist although a therapist is probably the best way to dig through your end of the situation.
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Have you ever noticed that “therapist” split is “ the rapist”? Not someone I’d trust my psyche to.
 
Midnighter said:
If her son is @Vergilius
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Actually, my ma has been happily married for close to 25 years now to the same guy with no cheating I'm aware of. She left it behind when she turned 42, I think.

Also, when she was cheating, it was during hippie-times and she was a hippie. She and her various men believed in free love and she allowed her partners to have other lovers too. Different culture, hard to judge.

But otherwise, you are right. My mom was a looker, though, Sherdog would have been wallowing at her feet.
 
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F1980 said:
I personally know someone whose wife cheated on him and he stayed because of the kids.

If you’ve been together with your wife for a long time, several kids and all and she cheated on you, knowing that it would mess up the kids, would you try to work it out? You’ve already invested so much time into the family, only to start from scratch just because she had a one night stand.
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I suppose there's some odd scenario where it would be preferable, but in most cases, hell no. Better to be free. If you made an agreement and she broke it, fuck her. Having an open marriage or some shit like that is one thing, but if some cunt tricks you into a phony monogamous relationship where you're resisting temptation while getting cucked, fuck that.
 
I'd have to move out and rent a bachelor pad that was close to my house so I can be there for my boy.
What's the law like in America if the woman cheats? Does she still get half of the man's stuff?
 
I imagine a frosty loveless household would rub off on the kids so NO I wouldn't.
 
no my happiness comes first
 
I dunno, I'd have to go for a drive and mull that one over.
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Fedorgasm said:
It wouldn't mess up the kids if you stayed. It would be good for them.

The only way it would be bad would be if you fought all the time and screamed at her and called her a whore and whatnot. But if you swallowed your pride, and "forgave" her and was able to raise your kids right then it's all worth it.

Call me old fashioned but I believe that when you bring a kid into this world you owe them 18 years of your life. Some of us are lucky and our wives are pretty good for 10 of those years. Some wives are good for all 18 of them.

Others have wives that you can't get along with after 2 years. I feel sorry for those guys. Hell, I've been in that boat myself. But I didn't leave because I owed my kids another 16 years.

Surprisingly, we were able to work things out and we're in a decent place now. I still owe my daughter another 8 years. So we'll see.

When those 8 years are up, I have the option to ditch the wife or stay with her. Who knows? Maybe she'll be fantastic by then. Maybe she'll become a terrible person. Will be interesting to find out. Will also be interesting to have the freedom to leave if needed.
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Got a buddy with two kids about to break up with his girl. Their oldest is 8, but he's been aware they have issues since he was 4. Kids are very perceptive.
 
Fedorgasm said:
Let's say you get shared custody. Like you get the kids 3 days and mom gets them 4 days per week.

That's 4 days a week that you're not involved in their lives.

That's 57% of their lives that you're out of the picture.

Sure, you can still try to be a good dad with your 43% exposure. But don't pretend you'll be as effective as when you had 100% exposure to them.

I'm not willing to divorce my wife and give my kids half a father, when I can just put up with some shit from my wife and give them a whole father.

It's called sacrifice. More people should be willing to do it before they go flinging their sperm everywhere.
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You're sort of implying it's possible for two people to hate each other but keep up entirely normal appearances for the kids. I've watched a lot of people try to do that, and I've never seen it work once. And in every case it was super obvious to the kids that there were serious issues.
 
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