Would you rather be single or....

thetruth2709 said:
Love is something you should definitely feel especially the first years of marriage because its going to be hard to get used to each other so the feeling that love causes sometimes will be the only thing that will keep you pushing forward in trying to make things work... Sex is very important too in these first years and love is going to feel more like a passionate strong feeling

However after a while marriage turns into a relationship of complicity and being comfortable with each other. You just like to share your life with that person and it doesnt feel the same way with anybody else. Love is not associated with passion anymore, you still feel it but its a more peaceful feeling, it doesnt feel so strong it just feels very comfortable

Im not old enough to know what love feels like when you are very old but looking at old people I think love becomes something even more peaceful than in the other previous stages, I think it becomes more like a frienship, the most important friendship of your life. You really become life partners in every sense of the word.

With everything I wrote what I mean to say is YOU probably have an idea of what love is that will change throughout your live, in reality love is just a feeling that can feel for your parents, for your dog, for a good friend.... love is not these gigantic thing that you think it is. At this point in your life love is more associated with passion, and you should definitely feel that, but keep in mind that will change, you will change and so does she. Think if this person still makes for a good partner if you take the passion out as well, because if you are thinking of her long term, you will get there and the relationship has to work without passion as well.

Most people are not mature enough to understand what marriage is, thats why people are so fast to say is shit, it doesnt work and bla bla bla... marriage works but you are probably wrong about what it means and the idea that you associate with love when you are young will change, but you dont understand that yet. Only that idea of love as passion will not be enough to sustain a life relationship like marriage is.... good luck bud!
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I'm 31 and I started dating my wife when I was 17. We dated other people after HS but we've basically always been together. I'd say alot of what you said is correct. We still have passion cuz we're not quite old farts but it's not like the beginning either. Kids don't help that aspect but I think I'm more happy with our relationship now than I was when we were young, much less fighting.
 
It depends on their personality honestly, if they were very dominant or overly selfish (in my experience most people, especially women are) then no, for the first couple months and years I think it'd be fine, but in the future when their looks fade away and so does the sexual passion, I'd be highly unhappy.
 
elwani said:
I assume if you’re really in love, both of you are working at it all the time
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True, the only issue with that is that biblically speaking, love is a personal choice outside of others meaning the choice is up to nobody but yourself. Many marriages are brought back from the brink of divorce because one partner chooses to continue to work on their love for the other without reciprocation for a time. Ultimate personal sacrifice and act of humility if you ask me.
 
I think it would far more hellish to marry someone you love, but don't like.
Passion without compatibility leads to strife. Both is best, but if you can only have one of the two, I'd bet the spouse who just doesn't like their significant other is only ever going to be temporarily happy.
 
Texan6533 said:
True, the only issue with that is that biblically speaking, love is a personal choice outside of others meaning the choice is up to nobody but yourself. Many marriages are brought back from the brink of divorce because one partner chooses to continue to work on their love for the other without reciprocation for a time. Ultimate personal sacrifice and act of humility if you ask me.
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What do you mean they do it without reciprocation and only for a time?

I mean how do they think about it that they are willing to do this, and how do they decide when time is up?
 
LHWBelt said:
I'm 31 and I started dating my wife when I was 17. We dated other people after HS but we've basically always been together. I'd say alot of what you said is correct. We still have passion cuz we're not quite old farts but it's not like the beginning either. Kids don't help that aspect but I think I'm more happy with our relationship now than I was when we were young, much less fighting.
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Glad to hear that brother! Keep being happy and making your lady happy. Keep a good thing going!
 
elwani said:
What do you mean they do it without reciprocation and only for a time?

I mean how do they think about it that they are willing to do this, and how do they decide when time is up?
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when you say your vows, it’s for better or worse, not until I stop feeling like it. Marriage is a sacred bond, closer than any other. Too many people see it as “well if I’m not happy, I’m out”. I don’t know what that time frame is, but it’s as long as you are willing to try and save your marriage.
 
Single
 
Texan6533 said:
when you say your vows, it’s for better or worse, not until I stop feeling like it. Marriage is a sacred bond, closer than any other. Too many people see it as “well if I’m not happy, I’m out”. I don’t know what that time frame is, but it’s as long as you are willing to try and save your marriage.
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I’ve wondered in the past what the Christian perspective on this is. I mean if the other person stops trying, aren’t they breaking their vowels, then is the Christian perspective that you should continue to keep your’s? And if so, what exactly is the motivation here?
 
elwani said:
I’ve wondered in the past what the Christian perspective on this is. I mean if the other person stops trying, aren’t they breaking their vowels, then is the Christian perspective that you should continue to keep your’s? And if so, what exactly is the motivation here?
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From the Christian perspective, we are to treat our marriage as Christ treated the church which means regardless of what the church does, Christ sacrificed Himself for it. Now, Christ is perfect and we are not, but we are to strive to be that way. I feel that the way we treat our spouse is a mirror image of how Christ treats us. Unconditional love.
 
Nimrod said:
What is love?
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Thats the key..what is love?

Many things are not taught in schools and have to be self taught..love has no formula and as such is a relative rather than absolute truth

Meaning..its subjective rather than objective and has to be self defined..in my philosophical journey i defined romantic love to be simply attraction + friendship

Friendship is another self defined relative truth..for me its having and enjoying things in common without materialistic interest as well as having similar core values and outlook on life

I feel like regardless of your definition of love both elements have to be present..its just a matter of how much weight you put on attraction vs friendship

Some people weigh friendship more than looks and are more tolerant in temporal aeathetic deviations

Some like me who are freaks of nature value attraction as strongly and are more sensitive to physical changes

This should be communicated to partner early in the relationship tho..true love is unselfish and each party will work on keeping the other happy
 
Marriage is a legal or religious thing, if one isn't mentally "married" then there's no point, right?

If the person you are regularly around is a net negative on you then you find ways to alleviate that so why torture yourself or them by being with someone you don't love?
 
I no longer have any desire to date females from this century. In any kind of meaningful relationship.

Fuck these self absorbed whores. I have nothing left to give.

I’ll just go on occasional hook ups or visit amp’s occasionally for my needs.

I’m done
 
isn't all love turning to like after a few years?
 
Texan6533 said:
From the Christian perspective, we are to treat our marriage as Christ treated the church which means regardless of what the church does, Christ sacrificed Himself for it. Now, Christ is perfect and we are not, but we are to strive to be that way. I feel that the way we treat our spouse is a mirror image of how Christ treats us. Unconditional love.
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I have seen this description of the Christian conception of marriage, but here is the question it still left me with.

The church may be imperfect, but at least they earnestly believe in Christ. They will never be perfect but they are at least striving to be perfect. I can see how a leader can be moved to love and sacrifice for that.

But the parallel here to a partner who stops trying would be more like a bunch of people who renounce their faith or does not believe at all. Christ sacrificed his life for the church, but is he also sacrificing for the unbelievers?
 
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