Would you get counseling to salvage your marriage/relationship?

[MortalWombat]

Oooh, you just gave me a great idea. I'm going to become a Career Counselor. Not the usual kind; but someone who can help you stick it out at a job you hate. Think of how many people would get benefits and junk if they stayed with a job longer than 3 months to a year! Oh wait, their employers would probably just fire them to avoid having to pay benefits. Dang it. I thought I was on to something.

Making people stay in jobs they hate, eh? So, you wanna be a mortgage lender.

 

[XerxesXen]

Yeah, I would. You know how people talk about "working at" a relationship? Well, to me that means doggedly making sure that you clear up shit reasonably soon after it arises, even when everyone's tired and there's no time because of jobs, mortgages, babies, lack of sleep and when the last thing you want to do is listen to the people you blame most of it on - your partner and yourself.

Let it fester for too long, and suddenly trying to touch it is like poking a ball of snakes with a stick. This is where having a third person in the room helps. Even the sheer commitment to going through the process makes the two of you see that it's worth it. And then, once the smoke clears, you can go back to just the two of you.

EXACTLY!!! Though I think sometimes people (especially women) go into therapy for the wrong reasons. They think the therapists is going to say they are right and their spouse is wrong & the wrong one should listen to the one that is right. I think a lot of other people (especially men) fear it for the same reason but in reverse.
Doesn't quite work like that from what I have heard. Haven't been myself.

 

[Space]

I don't know, I think you can have a therapeutic experience any time you open up to someone and learn a new perspective.

Why does it have to be from a professional? Does the fact that they have a degree in psychology automatically make their opinions better than anyone else's? It also costs a ridiculous amount of money.

The idea only makes sense to me if you have gone through a traumatic experience

The education doesn't make their opinions better, it just helps them know what to look for, what questions to ask and when to ask them.

 

[Rusk]

No,

but having a third persons objective perspective in a relationship issues may help, but it doesnt have to be a therapist, you can ask a family member or a friend to do it for free

 

[Stargazer Rex]

yup, why not?

 

[weich]

a trip to your pastor or local priest for some talk saves a ton of money. If you're an atheist you probably have a high opinion of yourself so I don't think you'd even consider counseling.

What an ignorant statement.

It baffles me that people go to celibate priests who will never be married for advice on sex and marriage. It's an idiotic concept.

I went to counseling with my GF so that we could clear a few issues up before getting engaged. It was cheap and made an immediate and awesome difference. I don't know about all therapists but mine is awesome and I'd recommend her to anyone.

 

[weaselGRM]

I might. But a whip works better.

 

[weich]

No,

but having a third persons objective perspective in a relationship issues may help, but it doesnt have to be a therapist, you can ask a family member or a friend to do it for free

This negates two of the biggest benefits of counseling:

1) objectivity

2) A therapist is legally bound to protect your secrets.

Terrible suggestion, IMO.

 

[Viva]

Not only was OJ one of the NFL's greatest RB's but he also got away with murder and then wrote a book confessing said murder.

And that motherfucker was in Roots.

What a bold man.

 

[Rusk]

This negates two of the biggest benefits of counseling:

1) objectivity

2) A therapist is legally bound to protect your secrets.

Terrible suggestion, IMO.

yeah it was an example (maybe a bad one) but i did point it out importance of objectivety

and why the secrets is important? who he is gonna protect it from?

 

[Shawn91111]

I would. I'd feel I would owe it to myself and my marriage to try any means to save it.

 

[Viva]

I have a hard time paying someone top dollar to shell out supposedly 'objective' OPINIONS.

Its really not all that hard to view yourself objectively as well as others if you're a level headed individual who has a decent moral compass.

But some people are so enthralled with these feelings of entitlement, infallibility, or just plain delusion that it becomes damn near impossible to reach them. You could be spouting the same sentiments as the counselor but your significant other likely won't take your words seriously because they want to think there's some validity to said counseling.

 

[Po]

On the one hand, people these days don't have nearly the dedication in marriage that folks did back in the day. Nobody understands what perseverance means anymore. Persevere without even knowing you are trying hard. It was just what they did.
Real talk. My grandparents loved each other so much it would blow people's minds.

The problem is that people these days are selfish. "Oh I am not feeling my wife as much as I did." "My husband is not romantic anymore"..
People just want what they think is best for themselves in a have it your way manner.

On the other hand, yes it takes two to tango and if takes more than one committed partner these days to save a failing marriage.

So I would assess the situation. If you think it is worth salvaging, go for counseling. Do everything you can. If you are dealing with a nutjob you could never be happy with, let it go.

 

[Viva]

On the one hand, people these days don't have nearly the dedication in marriage that folks did back in the day. Nobody understands what perseverance means anymore. Persevere without even knowing you are trying hard. It was just what they did.
Real talk. My grandparents loved each other so much it would blow people's minds.

The problem is that people these days are selfish. "Oh I am not feeling my wife as much as I did." "My husband is not romantic anymore"..
People just want what they think is best for themselves in a have it your way manner.

On the other hand, yes it takes two to tango and if takes more than one committed partner these days to save a failing marriage.

So I would assess the situation. If you think it is worth salvaging, go for counseling. Do everything you can. If you are dealing with a nutjob you could never be happy with, let it go.

Wise words brother.

Resounding +1 from me.

 

[weich]

yeah it was an example (maybe a bad one) but i did point it out importance of objectivety

and why the secrets is important? who he is gonna protect it from?

Perhaps you want to talk about things that don't need to be told to your family and friends?

 

[weich]

I have a hard time paying someone top dollar to shell out supposedly 'objective' OPINIONS.

Its really not all that hard to view yourself objectively as well as others if you're a level headed individual who has a decent moral compass.

But some people are so enthralled with these feelings of entitlement, infallibility, or just plain delusion that it becomes damn near impossible to reach them. You could be spouting the same sentiments as the counselor but your significant other likely won't take your words seriously because they want to think there's some validity to said counseling.

I paid $60 an hour for my counselor. I wouldn't call that top dollar.

This statement:

Its really not all that hard to view yourself objectively as well as others if you're a level headed individual who has a decent moral compass.

is ridiculous. You honestly believe that you can view yourself as objectively as another person? You can't even physically view yourself as another person due to your own POV.

 

[Viva]

I paid $60 an hour for my counselor. I wouldn't call that top dollar.

This statement:

Its really not all that hard to view yourself objectively as well as others if you're a level headed individual who has a decent moral compass.

is ridiculous. You honestly believe that you can view yourself as objectively as another person? You can't even physically view yourself as another person due to your own POV.

Its not ridiculous, its called self awareness.

Pretty simple concept, though many fail to execute because of various emotion/psychological issues.

And I'm not going to spend $60 an hour hearing a third party's opinion. I'd rather save that money and use it on something worthwhile, rather than donating it to your shrinks Starbucks piggy bank.

 

[Plutoburn]

Just curious, anyone know of a case where counselling actually changed the course of a marriage rather than delaying the inevitable?

 

[Viva]

Just curious, anyone know of a case where counselling actually changed the course of a marriage rather than delaying the inevitable?

I second this notion.

I'm all ears.

 

[BRF]

As a last resort, I'd give it a shot ... hoping for the best, but not really expecting great results.

This is my thoughts as well.

If we can't tell each other what's on our minds after 13 years of marriage and 6 years of dating prior to that, I don't see where telling a 3rd party stranger about it to the tune of $100 an hour is going to be beneficial. I would give it a try if it was a last ditch effort as my family is the most important thing to me, but I almost feel like if it gets to point of thinking you need a therapist, is there any going back?