After setting a new gym record on O soto Garis, Einarr decided that a celebration was in order. Einarr told his boy Lex to round up the crew, because they were going hunting for cardio bunnies. Lex called up their other training partner, Mongo. Mongo is a 6'8" 305 lb. Judo monster. To give you an idea, he takes in 5000 cals while cutting, and has an IV stuck into his arm with protein flowing in at all times to avoid going catabolic.
they headed out to the club, all dressed to the nines. Lex in sweatpants, an Affliction tshirt, and of course his trusty crowbar. Mongo was wearing leather pants, a white beater, with his Judo Belt around his waist. Einarr decided to try some peacocking, and wore a pink beater, complimented by a pink top hat and pink Chuck Taylor shoes.
they ran into a little trouble at the door, when the bouncer told them they weren't properly dressed for the establishment. Mongo stepped up to the plate. Bumping into him, Mongo screamed "You sure about that?" The bouncer, terrified, changed his mind but asked for the $20 cover charge. "Cover charge? Just be lucky you're still alive, punk. We ain't paying a cover charge." Lex and Einarr walked in, lats flaring, while Mongo entered the side door (too big to fit through the front door).
they scoped out the situation, and it looked pretty grim. A club packed with white belts and a bunch of 8 and 9's. Einarr shook his head. As you know, Einarr only porks 10's.
A few minutes later, a group of 8.5's approached them.
8.5: Hi...ummm... we heard you guys were alpha males and we wanted to know if we could hang out with you tonight?
Einarr fought off the urge to vomit (8.5's... gross!) and replied, "You know, you've got a lot of nerve coming over here. Don't you think I'm a little out of your league, cupcake? Now get out of here, you're threatening my alpha status."
<Einarr Seois one of the 8.5's over his shoulder>
<instant ippon>
Einarr was getting impatient. "Mongo, find me a 10 NOW!" he snarled at him. Mongo took out his binoculars and scanned the crowd.
Mongo: I see a 10 cardio bunny at the bar, drinking a martini.
Einarr: Any grappling activity in the area?
Mongo: I dont see any... just a white belt.
Einarr: I'm going in.
Einarr lat flared it over to this broac, and first approached the white belt who was hitting on her. He was wearing a Hawaiin Poke Bowl T-shirt "End of the road, White belt. Step aside and let me handle this cardio bunny."
White belt: Get lost.
Normally, Einarr would have stomped him into the ground, but with Mongo in the club I felt it unneccessary.
Einarr: <grabbing the white belt by the throat> Look, you f**kin cumbelt, you better get the f**k out of here before we have a problem. See that guy over there, that's a 6'8" 300 lb. Judo Player. If you don't leave this club now, and never come back, the cops are gonna have to call the boys down at Hawaiin Poke Bowl to ID your body.
The white belt ran away screaming and Einarr moved in on the cardio bunny. "Your lucky day, baby. You get to spend the evening with Doctor Swole. Wanna feel my pythons?"
Cardio Bunny: What do you think I am, some cheap slut just looking to get laid? I'm better than that.
Einarr: Oh I get it. You look at me and all you see is shredded quads, 18 inch pythons, and abs you could do laundry on. I'm more than a piece of meat here.
Einarr turned around to leave.
Cardio Bunny: I'm sorry, did you say 18 inch pythons? My name's Isabelle.
Einarr: Doctor Swole.
CB: Oh, a doctor? What kind?
Einarr: A uhhh... gynocologist.
CB: Really? How did you get into that?
Einarr: Well, I guess you can say I just love the pussy.
Lex approached Einarr with a look of concern on his face. "Mongo's IV is out of whey. We need to get him some protein before he goes catabolic and gets into a rage."
Einarr: F**k. How long do we have?
Lex: 15, 20 minutes tops.
CB: Do you have to go? Well here's my phone number, why dont you call me sometime and we can go to a museum or something.
Einarr looked at her phone number in disgust. "Look cupcake, I'm going on a gynocologist exposition in the Phillipines for the next year. Tonight may be our last night together. We should make the most of it."
CB: If you say so, Doctor Swole.
Einarr took her out to his BMW and they started going at it. Einarr hit it doggystyle and finished off by giving her a pearl necklace (the only jewelry Einarr will ever buy for a woman.)
Einarr lit up a joint and closed his eyes. Lex and Mongo approached the BMW. "We gotta go now, Doc, Mongo's gonna get catabolic."
Einarr told the cardio bunny to leave the car. "I had a great time, Doc. My gynocologist never treated me like that"
Lex and Mongo roared with laughter. "He's no gynocologist. This is Einarr, one of the most notorious Alpha Males on the planet!"
Cardio bunny had a look of denial on her face. "Tell me thats not true! Are you even a real doctor?"
Einarr: <taking a puff of the joint> I'm no doctor... but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.
Lex and Mongo roared with laughter. Einarr stepped on the gas and accelerated away from the cardio bunny. She coughed when inhaling his exhaust fumes, and by the time she stopped Einarr had turned the corner. He wondered if she had seen his ALPHA1 license plate, but it's inconsequential. he would never see her again. Einarr's speedometer hit 95 as he raced to Mongo's for whey shakes all around.
Lex: Going a little fast Einarr?
Einarr: <taking a drag from the joint> Those protein shakes ain't gonna mix themselves.
